Lu Han have never been inside an auditorium even once in his life. Whenever he will ask Ms. Park what will be found inside one, he never thought of blinding spotlights and echoing applause from the audience. He just thought of one thing in particular: him behind the piano, pressing accurate and well-known keys and chords, playing as if it’s the last time, thinking that he finally reached his childhood dream. Here in Chunnyeon, all of it will be a reality and he’s ready to seize every moment.

What met Lu Han in the auditorium is not what he really expected. As Baekhyun opened the door, Chanyeol following behind him, Lu Han can clearly hear an intricate pattern of beats that can make every single person dance, catching their attention. Lu Han is not sure if he already heard of the song in the radio back in the orphanage, but he was certainly sure that he likes it.

Lu Han can’t dance, that’s for sure. He had been by the piano all of his life, sitting comfortable and playing passionately. He was satisfied being stuck there, being just an accompaniment to complex melodies and symphonies. Ms. Park even petitioned to cancel all of his dance classes, both the classical and modern ones, for a blind man can never be dancing and pirouetting on stage. Lu Han is fine with this arrangement, happy even. The empty slots in his schedule where his dance classes were supposed to be will be allotted for extra credits on instrumental and vocal classes, which was a good thing in Lu Han’s case. Never once in his life that he will see himself enjoying the allure of Terpsichore, because he knows that his feet will just fail him.

But inside the auditorium, mindless of his surreal environment, Lu Han felt the same sensation when he’s playing the piano. He’s just sitting there, as Baekhyun assisted him and told him that he and Chanyeol will be practicing with EXO for a while. Lu Han was alright with that setting: him alone and wandering, not with his sight but with his hearing; while Baekhyun and Chanyeol will be dancing their pants off on the stage with EXO.

EXO. The name itself, upon escaping Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s lips in an almost practiced manner, struck Lu Han. He had never heard such a name before, in the orphanage or anywhere else. It stirs his imagination and thoughts like a whirlwind, coursing through his mind every now and then. He’s not even sure if it’s a school organization or some sort of a fraternity or what. For Lu Han, there’s something mysterious yet captivating with that nominative.

Lu Han can’t see anything, yet everything seems to be moving in accordance with the beauty of music. The music that he heard upon entering the auditorium had changed. Now, afar from the stage, staring at the direction of the sound, Lu Han can hear an orchestra playing a piece that an individual can associate with panic and longing. Then upon hearing singers chant a spell-like hymn, he’s sure that the music is not coming from a live orchestra but rather from a stereo speaker.

Careless
Careless
Shoot anonymous
Anonymous
Heartless
Mindless
No one who care about me…

His ears can’t fail him. Lu Han always knows if a music is authentic or fraud. Nevertheless, Lu Han felt all of the thin hair in his arms and at the back of his neck stand up as the orchestral music was mixed with a more modern and techno splinters. It’s a type of music to be matched with superb and mad dancing skills, he’s sure, even if Lu Han haven’t really seen a dance number even once. Yes, there are dance presentations of kids back in the orphanage during a birthday celebration or during Christmas Eve. Lu Han find it amusing, yet his eyes can’t convey anything, especially if he imagined the kids as butterflies fluttering with the harmony of dance.

Urin deo isang nuneul maju haji anheulkka
Sotonghaji anheulkka
Saranghaji anheulkka
Apeun hyeonsire dasi nunmuri heulleo
Bakkul su itdago bakkumyeon doendago malhaeyo

MAMA, MAMA

 

This is the chorus, Lu Han thought. It’s such a funny thing that a song can be titled MAMA, for Lu Han had never used that word, like how he never got the chance to see wonders. Lu Han was an orphan, and as days passed back in the orphanage, as he slowly got older day by day, year by year, he’s certainly sure now that he will not have anyone to call “Mama”. Ms. Park was like her mother, but it’s still not the same. She loves all of the kids in the orphanage, and Lu Han was thankful of that. But sometimes he thought, that maybe…if he had parents…

As the last chorus signalled the end of the song, Lu Han clearly heard the resonation of squeaking sneakers as it made contact with the floors of the wide stage of the auditorium, imagining the dancers in their charismatic last pose. A magic of friction, he though. Lu Han smiled as he thought how Baekhyun and Chanyeol danced, and now that they’re finished, they must have been panting from exhaustion and sweat.

“Lu Han!” Baekhyun shouted, and as soon as his voice echoed down the dome, Lu Han immediately heard steps running towards where he’s seated.

“You danced great!” Lu Han joked.

“Oh, thanks. I’m sure you have seen that last pose.” Baekhyun rode on.

As the two of them laughed, Lu Han heard another sets of footsteps. One… Two… Three… Nine of them. At that same moment, when the tracks stopped, Lu Han can’t help but to feel very minute and puny, for it’s his first time to be in front of other students, rather than Baekhyun and Chanyeol, of course.

He felt awkward as he felt chilled. He knew there are other sets of eyes staring through his soul at that moment, analyzing him. Sooner, that awkwardness turned into something close to a nervous breakdown, for Lu Han can’t handle that situation. It’s his first time to feel watched, and he doesn’t like it. He reached for Baekhyun’s hands, and was comforted that he found it, his friend’s comfort.

“No worries, Lu Han. They’re my friends, they won’t bite you. Meet Chunnyeon Arts Academy’s best dance group, EXO.” Baekhyun reassured him.

Within seconds, there are different pairs of fingers pinching his cheeks. “Oh! How cute! Are you a new student?” This one’s definitely a friend of Baekhyun. No doubt in the cheerfulness mixed in his voice.

“Kyungsoo, he’s not a stuffed toy. Stop pinching him!” Baekhyun scolded his friend, and Lu Han breathed a sigh of comfort, thanking Baekhyun in his mind.

“Hi! I’m Do Kyungsoo, Baekhyun’s best friend.” This Kyungsoo reached for Lu Han’s hand, just like how Chanyeol did when they first met, and this Lu Han didn’t notice.

All of them stared at Lu Han’s blank stare and awkward smile, then turned to Baekhyun for an explanation.

“Don’t tell me he’s the new blind student.” This one’s voice sounds like that of a teenager’s in his early adolescence.

Baekhyun nodded at Tao and everyone inside the auditorium, surrounding the blind prodigy of Chunnyeon. “Yes, he is. Isn’t it amazing? The Student Council even chose me to be his dorm mate and I’ll also be the one to assist him.”

Then another voice spoke, a hint of mischievousness in it, saying “Don’t be too proud, Baek. God knows that you volunteered for it.”

“Not really, Chen. You may even ask Suho about it.” Baekhyun countered.

Then an angel-like timbre spoke, catching Lu Han’s attention. “Yeah. Baek’s telling the truth. The SC chose him, I’m a witness!”

“I told you!” Baekhyun said, and continued arguing with that Chen, calling him names like troll.

“Are you really blind?” someone asked Lu Han, him feeling hands just about a certain centimetres from his face, waving. Lu Han nodded and smiled at this person’s curiosity about his case, not that it’s a big deal for him, to be honest.

Then another one spoke, uttering something with his raspy voice, as if he doesn’t talk too much. “He certainly is. If he can see you, he will certainly pinch your cheeks to death, Baozi.”

“My name’s not Baozi, Lay!”

“Lu Han, right?” this Lay asked him and touched his shoulder, “You wanna touch Baozi’s face?”

Lu Han brightened up by that, and eagerly nodded.

That person that Lay’s calling Baozi groaned in frustration, but walked closer to Lu Han nevertheless.

“Go ahead, blind student. This will be the last time that you’ll ever touch my face, if you’ll call me Baozi like how Lay does all the time.” He said as he guided Lu Han’s hands up to his cheeks, anticipating the hurt when Baekhyun and Kyungsoo pinch him.

But Lu Han was gentle in grabbing hold of Baozi’s cheeks, giggling as he found it really cottony soft. “What should I call you then?”

“Xiumin.”

The awkward atmosphere before evaporated as Lu Han eased up with EXO. Yes, he seems intimidated whenever they will suddenly talk about dancing in between their conversations (which was about Lu Han’s first impression of his new school and the life back in the orphanage), but still he’s glad that he now knows a lot of students besides his dorm mate. He discovered that EXO is also under the Special Class of Performing Arts just like him, meaning they really focus on dance like how he is expected to focus on vocals and instruments only. But he was rather thankful that Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Chen will be joining him in some of his vocal classes. In that way, the burden of being awkwardly seated with some stranger in his new classroom will be lifted from his weak shoulders.

But as they continued talking, Baekhyun and Chen still arguing and Suho being the judicial one, Kyungsoo and Lay teasing Xiumin about his baozi cheeks, Tao and Chanyeol talking about dance moves and wushu, Lu Han can still feel a set of cold eyes staring as if boring a big hole through him.

With his instinct, he looked back to where he was seated; telling him that there was really someone behind him, even though he can’t see…

“I thought you were blind. How did you sense that I was here?” a manly voice without a hint of frivolity sarcastically asked.

Lu Han hesitated to answer back, but he did nonetheless, hoping that his voice would not show his uneasiness and would not crack, “A blind person has his ways of knowing things.”

“Is that so?” the man behind him retorted, his sarcastic tone and a foreign accent still there (Canadian, Lu Han thought), and Lu Han nodded his way.

“I’m Kris, by the way. Nice to meet you. Shake hands?” Kris reached for Lu Han’s hands.

Lu Han, the awkward introvert that he is, knows how to shake hands and is comfortable with this gesture of formality even if he never sees who he’s talking to, but this Kris has something that Lu Han is not quite sure of, unlike everyone else in Baekhyun’s group of friends who are easy to read by just hearing their voices.

It was March in South Korea, and the spring air inside the auditorium is humid. Lu Han shook Kris’ hand, and as he did, he felt icy cold that he can’t help but shiver inside. Kris’ grip was not that tight, but Lu Han’s chest felt heavy. And something odd happened, a first in Lu Han’s existence. For a split of a second, his eyes saw light for the first time, a bright light that was not supposed to let him see things but rather would make someone staring at it go blind as a black hole. Lu Han wavered for a second, but gathered his sanity as he assured himself that what happened was just a result of stress and being away from the orphanage. He’s not sure if Kris felt the same odd thing for Lu Han also felt that he seemed to be shilly-shallied a little. He put it to be a simple misconception between them.

As Lu Han and Kris’ hands let go of their grasp, a booming sound of what seems like a rattling machine filled the Chunnyeon auditorium, silencing everyone and earning everyone’s courtesy. Everyone, including Lu Han, stared at the stage.

A wide-eyed Lu Han asked them, “Who’s that?”

Kyungsoo answered back, snickering, still staring at the epitome of dance brought to life. “That’s another EXO member. One of the best dancers that Chunnyeon ever had: Kim Jongin. Some students call him Kai.”

EXO watched Jongin’s precise and complex dance moves. Even as above-average dancers themselves, they really look up to Jongin’s dance abilities and mad passion for his craft. Now is a proof of that, him dancing alone on the stage, right after they practiced as a group. Perfecting his skills as the whole song touched and fiddled with the strings connected to his limbs and his entire body, this Jongin amazed Lu Han so much even if he can’t see him dance. Just the sounds of his shrilling sneakers against the stage and the soft grunts as he moves are enough to fascinate a blind man who never had the chance to see what mystic can be made with the combined grace and fierceness of a performer. This, among any other instances in Lu Han’s life, is one where he regrets being blind.

As the electrifying dance performance ended, the members of EXO were left with amusement in their eyes and gaping mouths for Jongin had just perfected the dance number that they’ve been practicing for months now. After a while, they were cheering for Jongin, and Lu Han can even hear some jealousy in some of the members, but on top of that is the bewilderment of what they had just witnessed from Jongin.

The living dance machine, Jongin, hopped off the stage and ran towards them, meeting the high-fives and bro-fists of the other EXO members. In the midst of the little celebration, he can’t help but notice the new kid that has been staring at his direction, seated at the center of the group, blank eyes filled with something that he can’t read.

“By the way, Jongin. This is Lu Han and…” Baekhyun introduced but was cut off by Jongin.

To Lu Han’s surprise, a proud yet shy, deep but mellow voice gently spoke, as if it’s the only sound that he can hear in the not-so-quiet auditorium.

“Lu Han. The blind student, I know.”