“You may say your vow, Shin Hyesung.” The official smiled warmly when he said that.

I took a deep breath and looked straight to your eyes. You playfully pouted to distract me. And with your abnormally big eyes, you teased my nervous self. So I glared at you and mouthed you to stop it. You restrained your sudden laughter by pressing your lips together and nodded apologetically. I took another deep breath and squeezed your fingers on my hand.

Okay, I can do this. I already practiced so many times.

“Let the bough break, let it come down crashing. Let the sun fade out to a dark sky. I can't say I'd even notice it was absent. Cause I could live by the light in your eyes.” I started.

Your teasing expression vanished, just to be replaced by your patent stupid expression. Your eyes widened in awe and you released the pressing of your lips so it hung half opened now. But still with a small trace of proud smile. You were as handsome as the first time we met.

It was when we bumped at each other on the subway door. I cursed at you as I fall backwards. And I cursed even more when you stupidly stood there doing nothing. Well, not really nothing. But you only stared and gawked at me who was sitting on the ground. I had to shout at you before you apologized and offered your hand to me. I remembered I slapped your hand. “I don’t need your help.” I said before entered the subway and left you.

So I never thought that you would wait for me on the exact spot and time the tomorrow afternoon.

You sincerely apologized and invited me to have dinner. “My treat.” You said. “As my apologize. You may pick the menu.” You added.

How I remembered your every word was beyond me. To think that it happened almost nine years ago.

So that night I practically robbed your allowance money to buy me those BBQ and other Korean foods I missed so much. No, even though I showed you apologetic face after we stepped out the restaurant, honestly I didn’t feel sorry at all. You should’ve had been careful when you invited me to dine with you. You had never thought that a skinny boy like I was, would eat that much, right? Or that shy young boy would shamelessly order numerous plates on our first dinner, right?

But that skinny young boy was not any better too. He had never thought that that night when he chuckled amusingly at your perplexed face, he started to fall in love with you.

I read the signs by my quickening heartbeat and my blushing cheeks and my eagerness when I was asking for your phone number. We parted our ways on the subway that night, with a promise to call each other.

We started as a friend – that was everyone said. Being two Koreans who were studying abroad and lived away from family, we soon being dependent to each other. And I only needed a month to be assured.

A month since our first meeting, I asked you to be my boyfriend. Which you gladly accepted.

I waited for a few seconds to admire your bright round eyes before continued my vow, “I'll unfold before you what I’ve strung together. The very first words of a lifelong love letter.”

Fortunately, at that time we lived in NY so we could spend our college years as a couple in relatively peaceful. We could walk hand in hand freely, and kissed in the park or New Year concert, and nobody complained when we actually rented a flat together. Our friends knew about us but not our family. It didn’t really matter. We were in love. We were happy.

But reality came crushing down when it was the time for us to come back to Korea. We were completely aware that we couldn’t be together the second we get there. I remembered how I cried on my graduation night, because of the fight we had the day before. But it was just the start. From that day, we were continuously fighting and hurting each other.

Because we couldn’t agree of one thing. You wanted to stay at NY so we could be together. But I wanted to go home.

We broke up. And I left you.

“There was a time when I would have believed them. If they told me that you could not come true. Just love's illusion.”

When I wrote this vow, that memory played again in my head. Memory of the day I desperately held my tears on the airport. You decided to stay and work there, and I decided to come home and left you. On the exact second when my plane was taking off, I finally cried.

We were over.

I walked out the plane as different person. I was brokenhearted and discouraged. And that was exactly how I lived my next five years. I tried to forget you, and in the process I forget all the things that used to make me happy. I no longer found any warmth on sunshine or the peace on the morning breeze. I lost any subtle signs on falling leaves or on the brisk of the grass. I didn’t even try to find your replacement.

And the worst part was when I was too afraid to ask you for a second chance. I was too afraid to get in the plane and knock your door. Because I knew really well that you were too much in pain from our break up, I couldn’t see the reason why you would take me back.

Honestly, I was prepared to live my life alone.

I gave you the small squeeze when I said my next words. “But then you found me and everything changed. And I believe in something again.”

You must be crazy Eric Mun, for coming all the way here. Five years after our break up, we didn’t even contact each other. But after the long hours of flight and not even take some rest whatsoever, you came knocking my apartment. I thought I saw a ghost standing in my front door that night. With one hand clutching your backpack and another hand scratching the back of your head, you said “I move to Korea. Now I need a place to stay.”

What kind of greeting was that?

I didn’t care about how you found my address, or how about my family reaction, or the fact that my apartment was too small if you want to stay there with me. All I ever cared on the moment I hugged you tight was I would never let you go ever again.

And you needed only a month to be assured.

A month after you moved in to my apartment and settled with your new job, you proposed me. Fully armed with couple simple golden band, you asked for me. Over the dinner you cooked for me and wine glasses on the table, I said yes.

So this day, we had our commitment ceremony with very little guests. Not many could understand us, but it didn’t hurt me that much anymore. Even though we needed to do this without our families’ consent, I was still happy. Even though we needed to do this not in Korea, I was still happy.

“My whole heart will be yours forever. This is a beautiful start to a lifelong love letter.” I smiled.

Our life together was our lifelong love letter, Eric.

“Tell the world that we finally got it all right. I choose you, Eric. I will become yours and you will become mine. I choose you.”

I’m not ashamed. I’m not ashamed of us. You could tell the world that you were my first choice.

Please listen carefully, Eric. “We are not perfect. We'll learn from our mistakes. And as long as it takes I will prove my love to you.”

That was my promise for you.

And I finally come to the end of my vow. “I am not scared of the elements. I am underprepared, but I am willing. And even better, I get to be the other half of you.”

That was my vow for you.

____________________________

A/N

The letter in italic (aka Hyesung's vow) was the lyric of Sara Bareilles' song title "I Choose You." These days I was obsessed with her album The Blessed Unrest.. ^^ So I guess, it was about the time to write based of one of her song..

If you have time, you may look for that song and give it a try.. It was a great song, I'm seriously thinking about playing that song when I actually marry someday, kekeke..

Hope you enjoy this..