Jessica's POV

What are you doing now? :) – Taeyeon

Can we talk? – Taeyeon

I’m excited to see you later.. Hehe. – Taeyeon

Hey, are you busy? o.O – Taeyeon

Why aren’t you replying? :( - Taeyeon

“Please,  stop it before you fall in deep.”

Victoria’s words ran over and over to my head before and after she left my place. I thought she would understand me. I thought she could accept me.. but she didn’t.

I have been staying in my room for hours now while sitting on the floor just beside my bed as I wrapped my arms around my feet.

 Beep*

- 1 new message –

Are you coming? – Taeyeon

And been ignoring Taeyeon’s messages for hours as well.

My mind is full of WHYs and I am totally feeling weak. I never thought that being gay is hard. I never thought that being real is wrong. I was just about ready to fight the battle. I was just about to face the consequences. I was just about starting to build my strength. But why does someone have to graunch everything?

After a while, Seohyun called me up and reminded me about her birthday party. I wanted not to attend anymore but then she called up so I had to.

After a good twenty minutes of bathing, I walked over to my closet and picked out a baby pink long sleeve dress since it’s cold and paired it with cream-colored flat shoes with black ribbon on top. I just let my hair down neatly and clipped one side of my hair with a white-ribbon-style hair pin. I put on a light make up and sprayed on a little of my favorite perfume. I left home.

I rode in a cab since it’s not a friendly hour to board the bus. I don’t want to look exhausted. After a few minutes, I arrived at Seohyun’s place. Their house was big and the lawn, where the party was being held on was incredibly awesome. Miley Cyrus’ Party in the USA was playing when I arrived. I entered the place and then Seohyun happily greeted me.

“Glad you came, Jessica!” 

I peck a kiss on her cheek as I greeted her. "Happy Birthday, Seo.."

There were so many people at the party. Mostly were Seohyun’s batch mates. I was feeling a little uncomfortable when I walked over to the table where Tiffany and the gang were seated on as there were people glancing at me. I know you know the reason why.

Before I sat down, I searched for Taeyeon first feeling a little nervous. She wasn’t there. I thought she’s not coming but then..

“Taeyeon-aaaaah!”

My eyes widened and my heart skipped a beat when I heard Hyoyeon called out Taeyeon’s name.

“Sorry.. I’m little late.” apologized Taeyeon.

I tried to avert my gaze elsewhere but there was some unknown force that pulled my gaze onto her. She looked at me and smiled. I wanted to ignore her and look away, but then again, there was something that pulled my lips to draw a weak smile.  

The party has started and some dragged their bodies and danced along with the music on the center aisle. I smiled and enjoyed the music too. I tried to keep my eyes away from Taeyeon who was seating just in front of me, but my eyes would always wander back to her. I looked at her surreptitiously when she wasn’t looking and my heart would race. I like her. But I shouldn’t.

“Hey Jessica. Let’s dance!” invited Hyoyeon. “Come on, Jessi!” added Tiffany. I just nodded like telling them to go on and smiled. I don’t feel like dancing.

After a few seconds. “Why are you so silent?” Taeyeon asked suddenly and that surprised me a little.

My head just couldn’t be relaxed and I didn’t know if I should reply or not when Taeyeon questioned me. ‘Please, don’t talk to me.’ I said in my head. I didn’t utter a word and just shook my head as I fixed my stare on the glass, placed on the table. Taeyeon was looking at me, I felt it.

“Is there.. something wrong?” she asked again in puzzlement. I heaved a sigh silently as Taeyeon’s making it hard for me. Can’t she feel that I’m avoiding her?

I shook my head again. After a few seconds, Sunny came over and dragged Taeyeon to the center aisle. I pushed out a sigh of relief.

I stood up and I walked over to the garden and gazed at stars. The night was beautiful. Despite everything that had happened earlier, I still found myself smiling. But I knew in my heart that the smile wouldn’t last long. The fact that I need to stop myself from liking Taeyeon hurt me. I never thought that liking someone would be this hard. It’s wrong..yet it feels so nice. Is love only between a boy and a girl? Why? Why can’t a girl love a girl, and a boy love a boy? I closed my eyes.

“Why are you here?”

I flinched and was frightened a little when I heard Taeyeon’s voice. I kept my gaze on the ground for seconds then I saw her moved a little closer to me and so I replied quickly.

“I-I..was just..looking around..” I looked down and made a few steps backwards.

“Hmm..” she said and nodded. “The night’s wonderful, isn’t it?” 

I didn’t utter a word. I just looked at the sky above us. I saw Taeyeon looking at it as well through the corner of my eye then I took away my gaze on it and put it on hers.

I don’t know why, but the moment you laid your eyes on me, saved me and held me, changed everything. I like you but it’s wrong. It’s wrong yet it feels so right. I tried my best to stop my heart from beating for you but I couldn’t. I know it’s so soon to say it, but I think.. I love you. What should I do.. Taeyeon?

Suddenly, a love song was played.

‘Click for the song “Can I Have This Dance” – HSM3 ‘

Taeyeon’s POV

Jessica seemed to be avoiding me and I wonder why. Maybe she still doesn't feel comfortable when I'm around. Maybe she still doesn't trust me.

I held her hand when she was about to walk away. She looked at me straight into the eyes then my heart raced and I felt shortness of breath. Her eyes were beautiful. She was beautiful. I tried to read her emotions through her eyes. I wanted to know if she feels the same way. I saw something, and that made me confused. I wrapped my arms on her waist and pulled her close to me. I held my gaze on her and this time, she didn’t look away.

“Can we.. dance?” I asked, almost breathlessly.

“But.... I don’t.. know.. how to dance.”

I tightened my grip around her when she tried to pull away. “Then, just let me hold you…”

 I hugged her.

I felt her arms wrapped around me too then she leaned her head on my shoulder. The contact sent a tingly sensation all over my body. My heart galloped wildly and my breathing went fast.

 Jessica, can you hear my heart beat? Can you feel what I feel for you? Don’t you know that my heart beats for you? I know this is crazy. I know this is weird. I know this is wrong, but if ever… if ever you’ll let me, I would make you feel that this is right… and the best feeling you could ever have. 

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