ONE

It has already been three months since I decided to find my happiness here in Seoul. California is a great place, but I wasn’t happy. I felt like I had just been fooling myself and telling everyone I was okay and enjoying, but genuinely I wasn’t.  Korea is my home. This is where I fit in. This is where I want to stay. And this is where I’m free. Free to enjoy. Free to love.

I’m Jessica Jung, 23. I had been hiding my true feelings all my life. I had been following and obeying my parents’ will since I was young. I felt like my life’s just running through my parents’ command. I felt like a puppy. And I had never enjoyed life. Not until I got the chance to free myself from my parents’ hands. And now, little by little, I’m filling up my life with all the things that I have been wishing and longing for back when I was helpless and gutless. 

“Hey Tiff, can you accompany me at the nearby mall? I’m going to buy some goods. Please?” I phone called Tiffany.

Tiffany is my best friend and my partner in crime. We grew up in California together. We were on the same high school too. We’re kind of famous in school because we’re pretty. Yes, WE ARE. Boys just go crazy for us.

One time, while Tiffany and I were walking along the school hallway, someone bumped on me. Little did I know that it was planned. Then, the guy that bumped me knelt down in front of me and confessed. It was sweet, and he was cute too. But being named as the ice princess, I said no. Then the guy ran hastily in embarrassment. We chuckled as soon as that.

“Why? Don’t tell me you’re still scared, Jess?” replied Tiffany and I heard her laugh over the phone.

“Sort of. Meet you at the bus stop later at 9am!  Mwaa!” I hung up and didn’t wait for Tiffany to reply back.

To be honest, I’m still not that comfortable going around places here in Seoul all by myself. I don’t know. But I just feel like someone would go near me and kill me any time. Funny right? Well, you can’t blame me for that. I always had someone with back in California.

I walked over to the window near my bed and stared at the beautiful scenery of Seoul. I in a lungful of breath and grinned happily.

Seoul is very different in California. Back then, I couldn’t just do the things that I want to without my parents’ permission. That’s why I always had someone with. I just couldn’t get along with my friends, shop all by myself, go party clubbing, etcetera etcetera without these body guard/s with me and that killed my precious life, like seriously. At school, these buttless-irritating-ugly-creature body guards would fetch me in and out of the campus and return me home, dead. I wanted to kick their butts off but I don’t want to get myself into further trouble so I didn’t.

My parents’ were over-controlling. They said it’s for our safety and for our sake but they just don’t know that they’re putting us into a greater risk and killing us (emotionally) little by little. If my mind’s not that strong and wide enough, I could have killed myself. You know, like suicide?

I was still deep in my thoughts when my phone rang.

“Are you free today?” asked Taecyeon.

“Maybe? Why?” I asked with no interest.

“Maybe we could go somewhere and you know.. talk?”

“We’re already talking, Taec. You can just say it over the phone. Go on, I’m listening.” I said coldly..

Taecyeon is someone I knew back in California. Well, we grew up almost together. My parents and his parents are business partners so.. yeah. When we graduated from high school, he confessed that he likes me and asked for.. you know, a chance? But I said no. A month after I came here in Korea, we met again, and so he started courting me again. This time, I let him court me. But I’m not showing any sign for a yes.

“Oooh. I mean, the other talk. Ha-Ha. You know what I mean. Come on! I have something for you…” said Taecyeon sounded a little sweet.

“Okay. Wait for my call. Bye!” I stomped my feet a little as soon as I cut the line. I should have said ‘no’ before! Eesh!

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“JESSICAAAAA!” I jumped up as soon as I heard the voice. It was Tiffany.

I gave her a hug as soon as she reached me. “Okay, that was loud Tiff.”

“Cause’ I missed you so much! So, where are we heading to?” she asked excitedly and showed off her eye-smile.

“Hmm.. before we go shopping, let’s go first to the nearby salon. My hair is killing my beauty!” I pouted my lips and stared at her then she smirked and gave me a that’s-a-good-idea look.

“Make it milk brown.” I said to the hair dresser.

“You know, Taecyeon asked me out today. And it made my day a little bad…” I looked over at Tiffany to the right who had her eyes shut. “..should I tell him to stop now?”

Tiffany opened her eyes and looked at me. “If you think you will say ‘no’ in the end, then better tell him now.”

I looked away and frowned, “Don’t you think it’s a bit.. harsh? Am I going to look like a bad person or something?”

Tiffany chuckled a little and said, “You would. Of course.”

I pouted and thought deeper. Taecyeon has been a good friend to me even before he confessed his feelings. Though I’m cold to him sometimes or should I say most of the time?, he doesn’t mind and continued showing his care and love to me. To be honest, I appreciate his efforts and all. It’s sweet. But I just don’t think that I could be with him. I like him. I love him. But only as a friend. Nothing more.

After an hour or so, we stepped out of the salon and walked over to the bus stop. As we were waiting for the bus, someone bumped onto my shoulder and that caused my bag to fall off the ground.

“Ouch!” I squealed in pain and irritation.

“Sorry miss! Sorry!” she bowed her head umpteen times and looked at me apologetically as she handed me my bag.

I gave her an expressionless look then I rolled my eyes. As soon as she handed me my bag, I took it and looked away. The girl then continued running. ‘How could someone be this clumsy?’ I asked myself irritably.

“Are you okay, Jess?” asked Tiffany worriedly.

“I’m fine! That girl made my day worse!” I shouted a little and stomped my feet. Tiffany laughed at my reaction.

“Some people are just too careless. I hate it.” I said flatly and rolled my eyes. Tiffany continued laughing, this time, she supported her abdomen.

The bus arrived and we hurriedly boarded the bus. Thank god! We managed to find a seat or else we might be torturing our gorgeous legs all throughout the ride.

After a few minutes, the bus halted at the intersection and we alighted from the bus. We stepped in to the mall and started shopping.

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“Look! This one goes well on me, right?” shouted Tiffany happily.

“Nah-ah! You look big in that.” I shook my head and wiggled my finger in front of her face.

She hissed and pouted her lips. “Really? How about this?” she asked and raised her eyebrow up.

“Hmmm…” I scrutinized the dress from its color down to its inner-inner part. “You often go shopping, don’t you? Drop it down. I’ll do it for you.”

I searched for a dress that suits Tiffany well. After half an hour or so, “This goes we-“ I turned my head to the side while grinning happily and found Tiffany missing. Wow! Like seriously? I rolled my eyes and find something for myself as well.

As I was searching something for myself, someone bumped onto me, again. How many clumsy people are there in the country. Can somebody tell me? Ugh!

“Are you blind or something?!” I shouted a little in complete irritation since that was the second time. “Eesh!” I stomped my feet.

“Sorry miss. I-I didn’t mean it. S-sorry. I didn’t notice y-you.” she stuttered a little and sounded apologetic.

I gave her my cold stare and I chuckled silently at her frightened reaction.

“A-Are y-you o-okay?” she asked again and seemed really frightened. I saw her shuddered a little.

I looked at her blankly and tilted my head. Somehow, the girl seemed familiar. ‘Have I seen her before?’ I asked myself curiously. I took away the thought and uttered, “Careful next time.” I walked away as soon as that.

I felt a little guilty on what I did just now. The girl seemed really frightened. She seemed apologetic, anyway.  Okay, that was a little..harsh, Jessica.

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“Where are you Tiffany?” I phone called Tiffany since she was nowhere to be found in the place.

“Oh, I’m at the third level. The shoes are gorgeous here. Go up!” Tiffany exclaimed happily.

“How could you go without even telling me? I’ve found you a dress. I’m going up.”

Just when I hang up, I heard someone called out my name. “Jessica!”

I turned around to search for person who called me. The mall was a bit crowded so I had to carry my body up to look for the person since I’m not that tall enough.

“Gotcha!”

“Yah!” I shouted.

“You seemed surprised! Are you alone?” asked Taecyeon.

“I’m with Tiffany. What are you doing here?” I asked and gave her a cold stare.

Just when Taec was about to reply, Tiffany came. “Oh Taec, you’re here!” exclaimed Tiffany in surprise.

“You girls seem to have your pinky-shopping today huh? Wanna go see a movie? My treat.” Taecyeon asked and grinned.

 “N-“

Yeah. Sure!” Tiffany answered before I said no. I grumbled silently and followed afterwards.

We walked towards the movie house and I kept myself a little distant from Taecyeon which he seemed to understand. He knows that I don’t want to stay close to a guy in public.

“What do you want to watch?” asked Taecyeon and looked at me. I just heaved a sigh and stayed quiet. Tiffany noticed that I was so silent and gave me a quick glance like telling me to speak up but I just rolled my eyes.

“I think this ‘Only You’ is nice. What do you think, Taec?” Tiffany turned and looked at Taecyeon who seemed to be a little bothered by my silence.

“I think it’s cool.” Said Taecyeon and walked towards the ticket booth. “Three for ‘Only You’.”

Taecyeon and Tiffany bought popcorns and drinks while me on the other hand, stayed silent and waited for them. I should tell Taecyeon to stop already. Later.

We stepped in to the movie theater and took our seat farther back in. I sat next to Tiffany and Taecyeon next to me. I rolled my eyes.

The movie was all about love, as always. The girl loves the boy, but he loves another and later on, the boy would learn to love the girl and so on. Oh well, a very common one.

Love me and I’ll give you my time. Love me and I’ll give you my body. Love me and I’ll give you everything.  Just.. love me.

What?? This girl is so desperate! How could she offer her body just for the love of the boy she loves but doesn’t even give a damn to love her back? That’s pathetic! You can never buy love.

“Stupid!” I shouted and stomped my feet unconsciously as I was carried away by the scenes while gritting my teeth.

“Hey Jessica! Calm down.” Whispered Tiffany while giggling a little.

I realized what I’ve done and I felt my cheeks heated up. I heard some people giggling and that was because of what I did, I suppose.

-----

“We had a great time. Thanks Taec.” Tiffany put her right arm around my waist and pulled me close to her. “Jessica enjoyed it a LOT.” She said teasingly and I rolled my eyes at her.

“Great you did. Let’s hang out again next time?” asked Taecyeon.

No more next time, Taec. 

Tiffany took a quick glance on me like asking me what should she say. I showed her a straight face and looked away.

“Ohh.. That’s… a g-good idea.” She stuttered a little. Okay Tiff. I think I’m gonna give you a hard knock on head later.

“That’s cool! Anyway, I’m gonna go first. You two careful, okay?”

Just when Taecyeon was about to wave goodbye, I spoke. “I thought you have something to talk about, Taec?” I gave him a questionable look.

Tiffany was a little surprised and so as Taecyeon . Well, because I stayed silent for the whole time. Tiffany knew already what my plan was so she went home first.

Taecyeon and I stepped in to a fine dine restaurant and ordered some light meal. Taecyeon remained silent and observed me as I was looking blankly away.

“I thought you have something to say?” He jumped up a little and the utensils clanked.

“Oh… yeah. I-I was thinking if we c-could be official n-now?” he asked shyly.

I heaved a sigh and looked directly into his eyes. “Please st-“ I wasn’t able to finish my words as I was surprised at his sudden grip on my hand.

“Look, Jessica. I love you and I’m willing to do anything just for you to love me back. Please, let’s just try.” He said earnestly.

I gulped hard as I felt the eagerness in him. He was holding on my hand tightly and his eyes were pleading. But what can I do? My heart doesn’t beat for him. I can’t just say ‘yes’ leaving him the only one showing love. That is unfair.

“Taec, you’re a good friend. And I admire you for that. But.. I can only offer friendship. Please.. stop now.” I said seriously as I withdraw my hand from his grip. I looked down for a few seconds, stood up and left.

‘I’m sorry Taec. You deserve someone else.’ I said to myself while walking out of the place. I felt a little guilty, but at some point, it made my breathing a little easier now. Atleast, I’ve been true. ‘Love is not negotiable.’ I said to myself.

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PS: A kind of long chapter. Sorry! >.< Still not that good at this so.. bare with it a little. Enjoy!