Jessica’s POV

“Can I.. get you number, Jessica?”

My body froze and my heart almost leaped out when Taeyeon asked for my number. My lungs cried out for air and my feet needed force. I tried my best to stop myself from feeling all these but I couldn’t just continue hating her if everything she does is kindness. I couldn’t just hate her for showing me she cares. I couldn’t just.. hate her.

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It has been a week now since we got each other’s phone number and a week since I started to be nice to her. We always text, like every day. We talk about things at random like how was her day, or how was mine. Or ask if I’ve already eaten and such. I got to know her better too. She’s always the one who initiates the conversation though, so I wonder if she thinks that I don’t want to talk to her, sometimes.

We are going to attend at Seohyun’s birthday party later at night, so I’m preparing the dress I’m going to wear for later. I have had just my hair straightened yesterday and so I’m feeling a little, new.

Nevertheless, I’m still pretty. I feel a bit excited for tonight as I am going to see Taeyeon again after a week. Our paths didn’t meet the past week, so I was a little disappointed. Was it because we already become nice to each other? So, should I treat her cold again so that our paths would always meet? Silly.

Are you up now? I’m cooking pancakes. :) – Taeyeon

Yes I am. Really? I love pancakes. :) – Jessica

I would cook you some soon then. ^^ - Taeyeon

I grinned widely when I read her reply. Then I happily replied back.

Really? I will delightfully eat them. Hehe. – Jessica

I threw my phone on my bed and went in the toilet to take a bath. My cousin is coming over to my place in a while and I need to prepare food for her. She arrived in Korea two days ago from California. She said she will be staying here in Seoul for two weeks, so yeah.

After a good 30 minutes of bathing, I picked out my favorite shorts and shirt and put on my hoodie. I grab my phone to see Taeyeon’s reply.

I’m excited to see you later. :) – Taeyeon

The next thing I knew is that I was grinning happily like an idiot and squealing happily.

:) – Jessica

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“Are you and Taec together now?” I was surprised when my cousin asked me and almost choked.

“W-what?”

“Oh, so you’re not together yet? When are you planning to give him a ‘yes’, anyway? she questioned again and arches an eyebrow.

I threw a never-ever look at Victoria while stuffing a piece of bread in my mouth. “I turned him down, Vicky.” I said nonchalantly and looked away. I saw how Victoria's eyes widened, almost fell out and placed her hand over in shock.

“You w-what!? Gosh! Jessi, you’ve let the nicest man on earth slipped away. You’re not thinking!” nagged Victoria.

“I don’t need a nice man.” I said flatly and placed my plate in the sink.

I don’t understand why some people push things on me. Like telling me to do this because it’s good for me, do that because they said so. I mean, can’t I just choose on my own? 

“You’re impossible!” She hissed and shook her head.

I walked over to the sofa and slouched my body. I stared elsewhere blankly, then I found myself grinning unconsciously and my heart raced again at the thought of Taeyeon.

The night when she carried me and brought me in the clinic, is magic. The moment she helped me up and held my waist and my hand, gave a tingly sensation all over my body. All the madness that I felt when our paths first met has turned into something I can’t explain, yet.

Is this what they call love? Or is it just out of appreciation because she saved me that night? Then, why does it have to feel so nice? Why does my heart beat wildly? Why does I always think of her? Why am I taking all these a big deal, after all? Why?

“You’re hiding something from me, aren’t you?”

I flinched when Vic spoke. She stared at me like telling me to open up but I just looked away and avoided her gaze. I know Vic well, she can tell if I’m hiding something or not.

“Jessi, I know you too well.” She stood up and sat beside me. She patted my thigh a few times and threw a smile.

I heaved a sigh. “I.. think.. I like.. someone.” I said hesitantly.

Victoria looked at me with her eyes asking who-is-the-guy and I just frowned. Am I going to tell her that I like a girl and not a guy? Would she understand? Would it disgust her? 

Again, I heaved a sigh and I spoke. “Can I trust you?” I said in a serious tone and I looked straight into her eyes.

She gave me a questionable look and nodded.

“I don’t need a nod for an answer, Vicky.” I said and held my stare at her. I was trembling a little.

“Your secret is safe with me. Tell me quick.”

I pushed out a strong sigh to release the tension all over my body, blinked my eyes a few times, and stayed quiet for a moment before I spoke.

“I…I..like..a girl.” I mumbled the last word and looked down.

My heart was beating so fast and I felt like fainting any time. I felt like my blood were gushing up to my head and my breathing went hard. My hands were shaking terribly and my body was trembling. I closed my eyes tightly and pursed my lips as I’m scared to know how Victoria would react after she heard what I said.

“Oh.. my.. god.. are you..serious, Jessica?!” asked Victoria and she sounded like oh-you’re-in-trouble.

I nodded weakly with my head bowed down.

“W-wwait! T-this...t-that...can’t be!” She said in panic and stood up. My eyes widened and my breathing went fast after I heard Victoria’s reaction. “You are not gay! Of course you’re not!” she fanned herself as she walked back and forth.

She doesn’t believe I’m gay. She can’t believe it.

I looked at her with my eyes welling up a little. “I am gay. I like a girl. I know I like her. I know it now.” I told her with my shaky voice. 

With that, she was able to recompose herself. She sat down beside me and put her hand on top of mine. She looked at me in the eyes and I knew already what she was about to say, so I closed my eyes slowly.

“Jessica.. what you’re feeling right now is wrong and.. will never be right. I’m not saying this because I don’t want you to be happy, but because I love you.. and I care for you. I don’t want you to be hated. I don’t want you to be discriminated. I don’t want you to be disgusted. I want you to be respected.  Please, stop it before you fall in deep..”

I tried to hold back my tears and keep myself composed after I heard that. I couldn’t utter a word. I couldn’t speak. I felt like dead for a moment. Then, everything Vic said slowly processed into my mind. My vision dimmed a little, and I felt like my blood didn't run for seconds.  My heart started to drop, my body started to weaken and my lungs pleaded for air, then tears started to fall down on my cheeks. 

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Please, don't cry Jessica. :'(