Warning:- There is the use of profanity in this chapter

The Emergence of Fears

Chapter V

Yesung stupidly burrowed into the covers, hiding from Kyuhyun’s gaze, hiding from his own weakness, pulling the comforter over his head and tucking it around his body, heaving as his heart thumped in his chest and his throat constricted, feeling frightened and panicked and just so goddamned tired.

 He did not know what he was doing anymore.

 He couldn’t bear to look at Kyuhyun and could not bear to have those sad eyes gazing upon him, fooling him once more. All he wanted to do in that moment was reach for Kyuhyun and pull him close, to tug him until he was in his arms and bury his head in Kyuhyun’s chest and smell apples, to fall asleep listening to the sound of his heart beat.

What he wouldn’t do to have Kyuhyun crawl into that bed with him and tell him that it was alright, that he was crazy and imagining things and all that was a crazy dream that wouldn’t end, that those three days never happened, that he never had to think about things. He wanted it so much that it hurt, so bad that he wanted to rip his heart out and burn it at the stake for still holding on to such foolish fantasies. Why did it always let Kyuhyun in so deep, so close that he was suffocating.

He was so close to begging Kyuhyun to make it all go way, begging him to promise that he only loved him and would never let go. He was just an idiot deluding himself and hoping for something pointless. Even if he did that, it would never change the fact of the matter. Kyuhyun was already exposed to perfect. He knew what Yesung was missing and it would only be a matter of time before he left him. He was supposed to be getting stronger, supposed to be able to let Kyuhyun go, to release his selfishness and be able to live when Kyuhyun left but he supposed if  he were a fail in everything, what right did he have to suppose that he would not be fool once more?

He had to learn to let Kyuhyun go, no matter how hard it was, but looking at Kyuhyun then only made it harder. It was much too easy to get lost in the sadness of his warm eyes, to think that the redness behind his angry eyes was love and worry, to hold on to him.

He was wrong.

He had to understand that, as well as accept that he was coward. All he was doing was putting off the inevitable. It would happen anyway, but he wasn’t strong enough then. He knew he wasn’t as he burrowed into the comforter, completely covered by the fabric that was to be his shield, the only thing that could protect him. Even if it was a little while, he wanted to just forget it all for a moment and just get lost in his own world.

“Stop being so ing childish” Kyuhyun spat, the anger and the pain burning his insides, his body going rigid when Yesung turned into the comforter, turning away from him, hiding from him. It was insulting in the highest regard.

There he was trying his hardest to get to the bottom it all and the bastard just had to be a freaking  child. Kyuhyun wished so hard, so hard that his eyes burned from the force when he shut them closed, trying to will the universe into making it stop, into sending back time and have it like it never happened. Kyuhyun’s patience was at an end and he did not know what to do.

He had never been particularly patient as a person, and it seems as if Yesung was intent on testing the little bit that he had. He had many amazing attributes he could boast of. He was talented and handsome and witty and charming and skilful and smart and so many other things, but he had never been patient. It was his one fatal flaw, one that Yesung knew he had, yet for some reason his insane beloved had decided that it would be appropriate to test every little bit that Kyuhyun had, intent on ripping it away from him with force and Kyuhyun was afraid.

He was already having a hard time washing the sadness away and pushing the anger down into the depths of his consciousness, the heartbreak pounding in his chest and every hurtful action all stored right in the centre of his heart, all bearing down on him and making his shoulders heavy, yet Yesung chose then to be an . He couldn’t continue much longer and he was afraid, so afraid that he would lose control and just strangle him, to jump on that bed and rip him for the comforter and shake sense into him, to hold him close and just sob, to just beg him to stop because he was at his end point.

For God’s sake he loved him so much, yet he was hell bent on being a childish jackass, on hurting him and there was nothing Kyuhyun could do. He let the anger run amuck, but it was only held back by his slim patience, the one that was keeping him from hurting Yesung, but it was slipping and Kyuhyun did not know what to do, feeling his face red and his chest tightening. He needed help and he needed it soon, sighing in pure frustration, the fear of hurting Yesung and losing control of the situation pulling at his insides, his eyes watering, but he refused to let tears fall.

 It was not over and he had to hold on.

“Leave Kyuhyun” Yesung screamed from the underneath the comforter, the sound thoroughly muffled and coming out bent, but the emotions were missing, lifeless and uncaring, Kyuhyun fuming on the other side, his heart shattering in his eardrums.

Yesung burying himself into the comforter, pulling the edges of his shield, holding it close to him, hoping it could protect him for his sadness, protect him from Kyuhyun’s sadness and his own weakness, wishing more than anything that he could just close his eyes and return to his icy haven. He wanted to return to a world where he could pretend that it was all a weird delusion and he could hold on to Kyuhyun and look into his eyes and see warmth rather than the sadness that was looking back at him now, feeling his heart sinking, his energy leaving him, wanting to just be alone, to return to his silence and his peacefulness, to be spared for one more night, burying his head into the sheets, the aroma of apples assaulting his nostrils, the left over from when Kyuhyun last slept there, something he was unaware of, stronger than it ought to have been, Yesung wanting to only cry as he shut his eyes and pushed his nose into the fabric, wanting to get lost in it all, refusing to think about the eyes of the person he loved that was glaring into his body, instead trying to remember the soft loving gazes Kyuhyun would hold as he rested in his arms or slept on his thighs, the only memories that Yesung wanted, not the anger and sadness that Kyuhyun seemed to have, making Yesung suffer with the uncertainty and the confusion

♥규 성♥

A/N:- I know its short *never thought you would hear me say that huh?...lol* but I will just double update tomorrow for it. I also know th angst is a little hard to bear but I promise you they both have a reason and this WILL have a happy mildly ty ending.

On a serioous note, I would like to apologize if anyone felt threatened yesterday. That is not my intention. I do not however apologize for expecting people to have a reaction. I post these stories as a way of evaluating my characters and my writing. I want to know if you think Kyuhyun has grown or if the issues running around the continuum are being addressed. Do you think Yesung is overreacting? Do you understand his insecurity? What about Kyuhyun?----> I don't expect praises, I just want people to help me go over this continuum...maybe like a book club?..lol...

The Silence is the same as it just being laptop...do you all understand?

Cheers :)