I still don’t know what’s different between want and need ?

After the strange wedding of Ji Yong and Seungri, everything almost is back to normal again. Almost… because I can’t understand myself anymore. I wanted to have Seungri, very much. When I met him, I felt like maybe I could have a new thing in my life. I have never met anyone like him in my life. I thought if I had him, I wouldn’t be bored at all. Call that emotion is what ?? I don’t know, just I really cared for him.

But, in that accident, when I saw D-light in danger, I couldn’t think about anything more. Just the thought of losing him, make my heart nearly stopped. I didn’t see Seungri, I just wanted to save D-light and I did it. D-light…that boy, doesn’t have anything specially. Beauty ? He’s cute, but I have seen almost all the beauty in this world. Personality ? That boy is just so shy, and a normal person, like all the person in this world, nothing less, nothing more. If Seungri attracts me with the wild personality of him, like a panther,D-light is just like a house’s cat.  He’s normal, very normal to say. However, D-light has something that once you see him, you will never forget him. His smile..like a sun. When I’m down or when I feel tired, just think about his smile, it makes me smile, too. Warm and comfortable, stay beside him, like the one who have lost,now finds the way back to home !!

D-light loves me. I know that. This light in his eyes, I used to see in my ex-girlfriends or ex boyfriends. The hopeless love… I just can’t love anybody with all my heart. I’m tired with them very soon. I’m tired to see that hopeless in their eyes. I thought, a part that I wanted Seungri, because he doesn’t have that like in his eyes, not at all. Still, the light in D-light somehow different from all the rest… It doesn’t have the want to possess me, it’s simply love, and love.  It’s so pure…and it makes me confused so much. He doesn’t need anything to me ? And yes, it’s right. D-light just silently stays by my side, he won’t tell me the word “ love” even once. When I look back to him, he just smiles to me, smiles with all his heart…

I… I don’t feel anything when Seungri’s with Ji Yong anymore. When D-light gentle held my hand in his hand, and tighten it little bit to comfort me… I don’t feel uneasy more… Eventually, what’s my feeling for D-light ? Just like Seungri, or is it more than this ?? I don’t want to break D-light with my personality, I can’t. If my feeling for him is not love, then I won’t go near to him. I’m so confused, very confused… Finally, I choose to avoid D-light for a while. It will give time for me and him to think…What are we to each other ?

Easier to say than do, I just haven’t gone home for two days, and already I miss him so much. What can I do ? I can’t go back to him without knowing my feeling for him. It’ll be so cruel for him… But, can’t see his smile, can’t hold him, can’t feel his warm…I almost feel like I’m going crazy!!

-         Seunghyun, are you there ? Can I go in ?

That is the voice of my secretary, and my bed-mate. Just another and money relationship of mine. D-light, if he knows me like that, will he feel disgusted?? Ah, think of him again…Oh my !!

-         This is the report that you want !

-         Thank you, leave it there for me, I will look it late.

-         Seunghyun…It’s too long that you have come to me. What’s wrong ? Are you tired of me ??

-         This is company and it’s work time. Don’t t