“Jagi?”

Amina’s troubled eyes flickered away.

“What happened?” Youngbae repeated. 

She thought for a few seconds – how to quickly and succinctly explain.  There was no need to further drag the matter out.  What happened couldn’t be changed.  It was now or never.  “I was leaving my shift at the bar.  Saturday night.”  Amina her dry lips.  “Usually I left with a friend who worked with me, but she stayed behind to close shop.”

Youngbae narrowed his eyes in concentration.

“It was late.  Almost… two?”

The hairs on the back of his neck began to stand up.

“I’m usually more careful when I walk by myself.  But I guess I wasn’t paying attention that night,” Amina explained matter-of-factly.  “I took the back alley like we normally did to get to the bus station.”  She looked onto Youngbae’s intense gaze and shook her head.  “I didn’t hear him coming.”

The blood in his veins ran cold.

“Before I knew it, I had a hand cupped over my mouth and a knife pressed up against my neck.”  Amina watched as Youngbae’s pallor turned a sickening white.  She swallowed hard and rushed on.  “I couldn’t move.  I didn’t even scream.”  Her lashes fluttered rapidly.  “It all just happened so quickly.”

“D-did-” Youngbae stuttered incoherently, his heartbeat racing.  “W-were you hurt?”

Amina nodded shakily.  “After the initial shock wore off, I tried to defend myself.  He just kept saying he wanted my money.  He wanted my money.”  She huffed incredulously, appalled, before reality set in.  Her voice quieted, her eyes – faraway.  “I should’ve just given him my money...  Oh god,” Amina moaned, grievously upset at herself.  She slumped forward and cupped her face with both hands.

Youngbae grew alarmed.

She abruptly lifted her head, her face contorted in self-disgust.  “I was so stupid,” Amina bitterly professed.  “Instead of being scared, I became angry,” she sneered.  “Angry, because he was going to steal my money that I worked so hard to earn!”  Amina scoffed underneath her breath.  “So like an idiot, I fought him.  I struggled… and kicked him.” 

Her face closed up.

He held his breath.

“And then he cut me.”

Youngbae watched as Amina gingerly placed a hand along her upper left collarbone.  His eyes flew up to her face.  She appeared in shock and slightly dazed.

“I think we were both scared when it happened,” Amina continued slowly, trying to make sense of it all now.  “He dropped his knife and let go of me so fast, I nearly missed what he looked like.”  Her brows creased together while her voice rose in disbelief.  “He was a teenager.  Barely out of school.  I doubt he knew what he was doing.”

“He knew,” Youngbae swiftly interjected.  “He had a knife.  It was clear what his intentions were.  He just didn’t expect you to fight back.”

A weak smile formed on Amina’s lips.  “Neither did I,” she faintly replied.  “If Hanna ever found out, she would lay into me for sure.”  The unconscious mention of her older cousin conjured up sharp pangs of melancholy.  Amina’s mood dipped.  She uncomfortably shifted in her seat and continued.  “After a few seconds, the pain began to set in.  I started walking back to the bar as fast as I could without passing out.”

Youngbae knitted his brows hard, worry written all over his face.

“I must have looked a sight for someone screamed.”  Amina twisted her lips wryly.  “From neck down, I was covered in blood.  The blouse I wore was soaked.  The jacket and shoes you bought me – ruined.”  She lowered her eyes and blinked hard, attempting to clear the gruesome images away. 

He pressed his lips into a grim line.

“I told them to help keep pressure on the wound as I fell to the ground.”  Amina became lost in thought.  “I remember little of what happened next because I passed in and out.”  She looked up met her husband’s impenetrable hard gaze.  The silent fury that simmered beneath Youngbae’s calm surface nearly took her breath away.  “W-when I fully came to, I was at a local hospital.”  She tried to keep her tone light, forcefully brightening her eyes.  “Turned out, the hemorrhage wasn’t as bad as it seemed.  The laceration missed my carotid artery and the knife blade only sank half an inch deep.  I received a drip, a few stitches, and some pain medication before I was released later that week.”

“That’s it?”  Youngbae hissed, his voice hardening in disbelief.  “What about the kid?”

Amina pressed her lips together, wishing she could hold back the things she was about to reveal.  “As soon as I gained consciousness, I had to file a police report,” Amina quietly continued.  “I had to answer the usual questions.  What he looked like.  Describe how I was physically assaulted.  If I was .”  She watched as Youngbae flinched.  “Then because I was an international student, our Dean became involved.”

“They called him to the hospital.”  Amina’s eyes lost focus as her mind drifted back to that dark morning.  “He was still wearing his pajamas.”  Her lips curved up slightly at the humorous vision, the whites of her teeth peeking through.  “He wanted to phone my parents right away.  So to make it official, we had one of our school’s interpreters brought in.”

The light tone of her voice belied the seriousness of the situation.  Youngbae couldn’t help but feel more anxious as Amina continued to talk.  He bit down on his lip and worried away.

“So there we were – the four of us.  The Dean, the interpreter, the police officer, and me.”  Amina looked at Youngbae.  “I gave them my home phone number and the Dean dialed.”  A frown developed between her brows.  “It rang a couple of times before someone finally picked up.  It was someone new.  Someone’s voice I didn’t recognize.”  Amina’s face grew pinched.

“The interpreter was an older gentlemen but he recognized me by my family name right away.”  Amina bit her bottom lip.  “He was nervous explaining himself over the speaker phone I could tell.”

Youngbae listened intently.

“It took so long, the Dean finally took over and went ahead and introduced himself.”  The light in Amina’s eyes began to dim.  “He said, he was calling from New York University and needed to speak to the parents of Eun Amina.  That there had been an accident.  That I was at the hospital and that it was an emergency…”  Her voice trailed off.

He waited.

“There was a scuffle on the other line… I could hear my parents arguing in the background.  And then umma came on.”  Amina’s lips felt frozen on her stiff face.  She kept her gaze trained on the center of Youngbae’s chest.  “She spoke in Korean but I knew she understood what had been said.”

Youngbae furrowed his brows hard.

“She said we had the wrong number.”  Amina’s face crumbled slightly.  “That they didn’t have a daughter or know anyone by the name of Eun Amina.”  She recalled the sting of humiliation felt that day, the tips of her ears turning red. 

“And then she hung up.”

His jaw went slack.  An incredulous expression spread across Youngbae’s face.

The back of Amina’s eyes pricked with hot tears as she relived the memory in her mind.  In that moment, she knew the depth of her parent’s anger.  In that moment, she felt the isolation and condemnation in their purpose-filled response.  A hollow ache pierced her chest and slowly spread throughout the branches of her body, rendering her numb and useless.  Their message had been received loud and clear.  And the cloak of shame brought upon by their blatant spurn killed her more than any knife wound ever would. 

Speechless, Youngbae could only stare at his wife’s bent head. 

There are times, when I go to sleep at night… and pray I never wake up.  My parents… my own flesh and blood.  They don’t even care… 

I hate my life.

Youngbae flinched as the haunting memories resurfaced.  It was practically déjà vu.  He heard Amina’s lifeless voice then as he did now.  A jolt of apprehension coursed down his spine.  He could feel her slipping again.  Slipping back to the one place he knew he couldn’t reach.  Suddenly, Youngbae wished he had mentioned how her mother attempted to contact her.  For no matter how late the gesture was… Dear God, Youngbae quickly prayed, let it be something.

“Baby, come here,” Youngbae murmured, his voice gruff with emotion.  He reached for Amina, pulling her ample body into his lap before folding her inside his strong embrace.  She immediately wrapped her arms around his lower torso and planted her face against the side of his neck.  Amina shakily sighed, releasing all her pent up anguish and despair.  Like countless times before, they took solace in one another – their bodies melting and becoming one.

With the love of his life secured safely in his arms, Youngbae shut his eyes closed and allowed his composure to slip.  A ragged breath tore from his over-bitten red lips while pain openly slashed across his face.  Squeezing Amina tight, Youngbae buried his nose inside her warm fragrant hair.  The citrusy-vanilla scent filled his lungs while his cheeks grew flush and his eyes burned with guilt.  There were so many things that could’ve prevented this all. 

A simple call. 

New York.

Them.

But to regret their past would mean to dismiss their future.  They couldn’t go back and changed what had happened.  And he didn’t want to – not if it meant taking for granted what they had now.  There was so much more life ahead of them; so much more to look forward to together.  He just needed to come to grips with his and her mistakes and leave it at that.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  Take it for what it was and move on.  For as much as it hurt, they both needed to stop dwelling on their past transgressions.  It did nothing for the state of their relationship. 

Nothing, but cause more pain.

“I’m glad that you’re alive.”  Youngbae’s baritone voice shook as he his fingers through her silky long hair.  He inhaled hard.  “Every day, I thank God that you’re alive,” he declared reverently, before easing away.

He peered at her heartbroken face.

Youngbae gently cupped Amina’s cheek, slowly thumbing a wayward tear away.  “Every breath you take…” He stared profoundly into her destroyed eyes.  “…gives me another reason to live.  Don’t ever forget that, neh?”

She stared miserably back at him.

“Neh?” Youngbae prompted.  

“Neh,” Amina whispered.

Youngbae’s hand fell away as he hugged Amina to him once again.  Tenderly, he rubbed his chin against his wife’s temple and closed his eyes.  He sent a quick prayer of thanks – a solemn avowal of all the blessings in his life.  He had everything he needed right there in his arms.  His wife.  Their baby. 

He couldn’t ask for more.

She felt safe in his arms.

The heat from Youngbae penetrated the cold numbness Amina felt within.  She could feel her tense muscles relax.  Could feel her body yield and become pliant against his hard frame.  Just like his physical sense, Youngbae’s words of eternal devotion created a heady effect.  The protective walls around her mind and heart started tearing down.  She could feel herself opening up, thinking less.

Letting go.      

“Tell me what happened after that,” Youngbae softly commanded.  “What happened after your mother hung up?”

Amina opened her eyes.

“The Dean was confused,” came the quiet reply.  She stared off into the distance.  “So the interpreter explained again in English.”  Hints of shame tinged the apples of her cheeks.  She buried her nose against his chest.  “My shock must have shown for the Dean excused himself and took their conversation out in the hall.  I was called into his office the first day I came back on campus.”

She sighed unevenly into his shirt.

“I guess the inte