“I don’t know… I don’t know where she could’ve gone!”

The sound of Youngbae’s grief stricken voice vibrated from the other side of the door, causing Amina to pause.  Furrowing her eyebrows in slight confusion, she inserted the apartment key into the master lock and quietly allowed herself in.

“Neh!” Youngbae frantically shouted into the phone as he paced the length of the living room.  He peered out the window blinds and stared unseeingly at the metropolitan lights that lingered in the far distance.  “Look, I’ve been home for two hours… she should have been back by-”

The sound of ping in the foyer, along with rustling of plastic bags and spare keys being dropped on the hall table, immediately stopped him cold.  He swallowed hard and watched as the light in the kitchen came on.  “Never mind,” he curtly snapped into the phone.  “She’s back.”

Youngbae cut off the call before Jiyong could even respond and rounded the corner of the sectional, heading straight for the galley way kitchen. He spotted Amina in the middle of shrugging out of her black hoodie.  Her hair was pulled back in a low ponytail and she was dressed in dark skinny jeans and a plain white tee.  His plain white tee, from what he could discern from a distance. 

Amina tossed the hoodie on the foyer table and grabbed her parcel.  She turned around and froze as soon as he stepped into her line of vision, the plastic bag and its take-out container going unnoticed in her hands.

“Where were you?” Youngbae angrily bit out.  He eyed her up and down, checking for any physical signs that would offer him clues as to why her return was delayed.  “Do you know what time it is?” he spat.

She didn’t know why.  Perhaps it was the emotional hell she had endured all morning and afternoon with Hanna.  Or maybe it was because of the blatant worried look in his eyes.  Or the fact that he sounded so sickly overwrought when she walked in on his call.  Whatever it was, she could feel it again.  She could feel her resolve weakening.  Feel her heart softening towards him and the aching need to comfort and reassure him.  God, why did he do this to her? 

Every.

Single.

Time.

“What are you doing here?” Amina eyed him warily, placing the item on the kitchen counter nearby.  She immediately tensed up when he started making his way towards her. 

“Did you not hear my question?  I asked, ‘Where were you?’? he growled out again, his face mere inches from hers.  He towered over her slightly smaller frame, his face a mask of undeniable fury.

She looked up into his stormy dark eyes and silently prayed he wouldn’t touch her.  Because if he did… she knew she wouldn’t be able to hold back any longer.  She missed him too much today.

“I went for a walk,” Amina quietly replied, “because I couldn’t sleep.”  She watched his body visibly relax and something briefly flash across his features.  Was it shame?  Guilt?  No, it couldn’t be.  She nipped her lower lip with her teeth and self-consciously continued, already predicting how lame her excuse was going to sound to his ears.  “I… got hungry.”  She morosely eyed the plastic bag that she just laid on the counter.  “So I stopped for some food.  The lady who owns the tteokbokki shop has a daughter who is expecting as well, so I sat and chatted with her for a bit.  It just…” she looked up into his impatient eyes.  “…took longer than I expected.”

“Do you always go out late a night without taking your phone?” he continued, his voice still hard.

“I forgot.”

“Do you make it a habit of forgetting?  Or did you do it on purpose because you knew your husband might actually be looking for you?” he sneered.

Amina looked into his eyes and didn’t say a word.  She refused to.  She already gave an answer and his questions were becoming too absurd to warrant a response. 

She mentally began to shut down.

“Well?”

Her eyes roamed over his face, taking it all in.  Was this really the man that she married earlier this morning?  The very same one that she committed the rest of her life to?  She took in the arrogant slash of his eyebrows, the angry flush on his face, and the infuriated look in his eyes.  Her heart ached.

She had married a stranger.

“Answer me!” he snapped, leaning into her space.

She continued to search his eyes while the seconds of silence stretched on between them.

“Are you done?” Amina calmly asked, watching him flinch slightly at her reprimand.  When he didn’t say a word, she grabbed the food off the counter and maneuvered around him.

Youngbae’s guarded eyes followed Amina as she placed the bag inside the refrigerator.  He turned around and waited in the middle of the kitchen, further observing as she took the kettle off the stove and refilled it with water.  She placed it back on the stovetop and cranked the pilot, igniting the gas burner.  Another few seconds passed as she rifled for chamomile tea bags, plopping one inside a clean mug before shutting the overhead cabinet.  When Amina finished the small task, she started heading back.  Her intent was obvious but he didn’t care.  They weren’t finished talking yet.

“Excuse me,” Amina requested, eyeing the center of his chest.

He didn’t budge.

She felt mildly irritated but forced herself to look up at him.  “Excuse me,” she repeated.

“You not going to eat?” he haughtily asked.  “Isn’t that the reason you took so long?”

“I lost my appetite,” she shot back.  “Now excuse me.”

“Ani.”

Amina arched an eyebrow high and eyed him with disdain.  “What do you want?”

“I’m not done talking to you.”

“Then talk!” she fired heatedly back, much to his surprise.  “Because as you so inferred… it’s late!  And I’m tired.”  Her luminous brown eyes begged him to get it done and over with.  She turned away from him in aggravation and walked a few paces away while folding her arms across her chest.  She stared at the kettle on the stove, waiting for it to come to a boil.

This wasn’t going the way he expected.  Everything was wrong.  The momentum of happiness he felt when he initially arrived was no longer there.  Instead, all he felt was frustration and anger towards her for making him feel suddenly scared and alone.  And here she was – standing right in front of him, yet not there at all.  Because he could tell that she had already drawn her defensive walls up and around herself.  There was nothing he could say or do that would penetrate that shield. 

Not tonight.

“You know what?  Just forget it,” Youngbae tossed back, compressing his mouth into a thin line.  He turned around and walked into the foyer, reaching for his keys when the sight of the gift bag stopped him.  He stared hard at it for several long seconds before glancing back down the kitchen.  Amina was still standing there, next to the stove, hugging herself. 

The sight bothered him.  It cut him to the quick.  It made him wonder how many nights she had or would endure like this… alone in their apartment.  He needed to right this.  Now.  Before it became worse.

He laid his keys back down on the table.

With a heavy heart, Youngbae made his way over to her.  “Go change,” he quietly ordered.  “I’ll make the tea when it’s ready.”  He was almost afraid she didn't hear him; her eyes were unfocused on the kettle in front of her.  But before he could repeat himself, Amina nodded briefly and swept past him.

It took several minutes before she came back out to meet him in the living area.  Amina had changed into a pair of short pajama bottoms but kept his shirt on.  Her face was cleanly scrubbed and her teeth freshly brushed.  Initially she thought he might have already left because the apartment was so still.  But as she walked further out, she could see Youngbae seated on the sectional, the cup of tea cooling off in front of him.

He glanced up at her approach.

Amina hesitated, unsure of whether or not she would offend him if she sat on the other side of the couch or if he expected her to sit next to him.  But he soon took away those options when he scooted over in his seat, making room for her.  She lowered her head and walked carefully around the table before gingerly sitting down beside him.

Although only inches apart, the tension and silence between them felt enormous.

Youngbae glanced down briefly and noticed her bare legs.  He grabbed the soft white throw nearby, laying it over the lower half of her body.  Their eyes met and his hands stilled.  His face was so close to hers, he could see the faint smudges of tiredness that lingered beneath her still red rimmed eyes.  It made him remember that he had made her cry today.  Their day – of all days.

It made him feel like a jerk.

“Mianhae…” Youngbae started, watching the wariness creep back into her eyes.  “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.  I was just… worried.”

She lowered her lashes.

He reached out and tenderly cupped her cheek so she would look at him.  “Baby…”

Amina glanced up, her eyes filling up with unwanted tears.

The sight alarmed him.  “Mwuh?” he asked.

Amina rapidly blinked the tears away.  She shook her head and moved slightly away, enough to unlatch his meager grip on her face.  She kept her eyes glued to the cup of tea and concentrated on breathing normally.  Feeling more in control of her emotions, she finally spoke.  “I should have taken my phone,” Amina confessed quietly, her eyes downcast.  “I promise not to do it again.  I just… don’t know what’s wrong with me lately.”

His stomach muscles clenched in agony. 

“There’s nothing wrong with you!” Youngbae vehemently rebuked.

The anger in his voice forced her to jerk her head up.

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” he repeated again, his voice more in control this time.

Amina wordlessly looked at him, delving into the depths of his dark brown eyes.  She could see the determination there, the lingering need for her to believe every word he said.  He was either in complete denial or completely optimistic.  Either way, she quietly gave in and nodded her assent.

Youngbae could see the hesitation in Amina’s eyes even as she nodded her head in agreement with him.  It broke his heart to see the confidence inside her waver.  For how was she ever to overcome whatever afflicted her if she couldn’t even picture herself at end of the finish line?  He let out a sigh of despair and turned away.

They sat for a few moments in silence.

“The reason I came over here tonight,” he started, his voice deep with emotion, “was to apologize for earlier this morning.”  He shifted his gaze towards her, noticing her sudden change of demeanor.

“Which part?” Amina forced out, a sparkle of humor in her eyes.

He knew what she was trying to do.  It was what they always did when the topic became too heavy to discuss.  They always ended up joking or teasing each other out of their own misery.  But he couldn’t indulge her this time.  Not when their relationship was on the line.

“Don’t joke,” he reprimanded in a serious tone.

The life in her eyes died, turning them a dull brown.

“I know what you’re trying to do,” Youngbae continued.  “But I’m not going to forgive myself so easily this time around.  And you shouldn’t either.”

Amina glanced down at her hands, silently picking at the blanket.

“I’m not going to apologize for marrying you,” Youngbae inserted.  “You know that’s not what I meant.”  He continued to eye her hands, watching them worry away.  “I just… had envisioned our day to end differently, but instead…”  He broke off, feeling irritated with himself.

He clasped the back of his neck with one hand and started to massage the kinks away.

“Mianhae…”

At the sound of Amina’s monotone voice, Youngbae stilled his actions and glanced her way.  “I shouldn’t have been late.  And I should have dressed more appropriately.”  Her eyes wandered off in the distance.  “I know you’re tired of my excuses…” she continued in a lifeless voice.  “But it wasn’t intentional.”

“I shouldn’t have brought B-boss-ah,” Amina continued, her eyebrows furrowing with evident hurt.  The thought of the small hound made her lips start to tremble.  She blinked back another sudden onset of tears.  “And I should have paid more attention…”  She looked pathetically over at him, her brown eyes imploring.  “I’m sorry if I made you look like a fool.”

Youngbae stared at her face, his eyes constricting in acute disbelief.  He started to shake his head slowly.   “Why do you do this?”

She stared at him in confusion.

“Every time I try to apologize for something, you brush me off.”  His eyes narrowed on her face.  “You always end up shouldering the blame, when we both know I played a part too.”  His jaw tensed up while he watched guilt creep into her eyes.  “Stop protecting me.”

Amina’s lips parted, a quick denial on the tip of her tongue.

“I know what you’re doing… and it infuriates me like no other,” Youngbae continued, his voice hard as steel.  “Don’t think I don’t know.” 

He inhaled a deep shaky breath, feeling his heated emotions skim close to the surface.  He stared into her wary brown eyes, wanting desperately to believe that this was the same girl he had fallen in love with.  But it hurt so badly this time around… not just because of the events that had taken place since they had first broken up, but also because of the way she made him feel inside. 

Because a small part of him hated her for making it so hard between them. 

He scoffed under his breath in disgust and glanced away, silently brooding.  “If anyone asked me, they would think that I’m crazy.”  He turned to look at her guilt ridden face.  “But I actually prefer it when you’re yelling and screaming at me.”  He twisted his lips bitterly.  “At least then, I know you’re being honest with me.”

A deep hurt slashed across her eyes.

“True?”  He cocked his eyebrow at her and ground his teeth in silence.

Amina closed her eyes and felt the telling hot tears escape her lashes.  They rolled heedlessly down her heated flushed cheeks and onto the blanket below.  She nodded her head dismally.

He bit his inner cheek to still the sharp pain inside.  “I don’t know when… or how we became this way.”  The poignant tone of his voice tore through her heart.  “I always imagined myself being in a fair relationship where we would equally share our lives with one another.  The good with the bad.  Our dreams… our burdens.”  He studied her downturned face.  “Do you think your love is better than mine?”

“Ani!” she vehemently breathed.  Her glistening, shocked eyes flew up to meet his.  How could he ask her such a thing?

“Then why?” he gritted.   

Amina floundered, staring at him helplessly.  The words stuck inside her thro