They drove in silence. 

Absolute god-awful silence.

Amina couldn’t stand to see the pain and torment that lingered in Youngbae’s troubled eyes any longer.  She bit her bottom lip worriedly and forced herself to stare straight ahead as he drove back to the apartment with barely restrained control.  Just by the way he gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles pinched white, and the stressful frown lines around his mouth, Amina could tell what he was thinking inside.  Didn’t she predict that this day would come?  That he would afflict such agony and persecution upon himself once things settled down?  Neh, but it still hurt the same. 

He was blaming himself.

Blaming himself for the situation he’d put them through by being irresponsible and succumbing to a reckless night of emotions.  Blaming himself for obviously upsetting his parents with the unwanted news of an unborn grandchild on the way.  Blaming himself for turning all of their lives around.  She could hear him replay the words his mother yelled at him over the phone in his mind; could imagine him going over the words that Hanna uttered in her rant of outrage a few weeks ago.  She wished he would stop. 

Just stop.

But knowing him, he’d never stop thinking about it.  He’d go rounds and rounds over it, becoming restless with guilt until it ate him up inside.  There was nothing she could do except wait it out.  Wait for him.  The happy moment they shared at the hospital a few minutes ago now seemed like a distant faint memory.  The day was ruined.  She’d never be able to look back on the moment she first heard the sound of her child’s heartbeat without also remembering Youngbae’s anguish.

Bittersweet. 

It seemed like everything in their lives could no longer be enjoyed completely.  There always seemed to be a price to pay.  A sacrifice for a taste of happiness.  It made her wary inside.  If it was too good to be true, then it probably was.  Just like the scholarship she received to New York, or the opportunity to assist a high-profile patient back to health to build up her resume, or the chance to meet a secretly harbored idol crush…  Sometimes she just wished.  She wished…

She never met Youngbae.

“I hope you don’t mind if I don’t walk you up,” Youngbae’s voice broke through her thoughts.

Amina blinked and came to, jumping inwardly at the sound of his deep emotional-filled voice.  She glanced around briefly and noticed they were parked inside the condo’s parking garage before turning towards him.  She kept her eyes affixed on his chin.  “Um… ani, that’s fine.  I can walk up by myself.”

“Mianhae… it’s just that-“  He let out a heavy sigh.  “My parents want to see me now.”  He let out a bitter half-laugh under his breath.  “I guess they want to have a family meeting.”

He sounded so dejected.  She forced her eyes up until they met his haunted gaze.  “Do you want me to go with you?”  She finished and quickly glanced away.

Youngbae stared at her profile.  He couldn’t see her eyes but could tell by her mannerisms that something was off.  He didn’t want to force her.  “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.  I’ll...” He paused, searching for some excuse to let her off the hook.  “I’ll probably end up spending the night over there.  That’s what my umma would expect of me, especially this late in the day.”

She quietly faced him and nodded slowly.  “Okay.”

“Okay,” he repeated softly.  He pressed his lips together in a polite smile and waited for her to exit the car.

Silence.

“Let me grab an overnight bag and Boss-ah,” Amina continued, her fingers on the door handle.  “I’ll be back in about ten minutes.”  She turned to leave, missing the surprised expression on his face.

It took him another five seconds before he followed her out of the car.  He jogged up to where she waited for the elevator lift.  “I’ll grab Boss-ah,” he explained to her silent inquiring brow raise.

The drive to Youngbae’s parents’ house took just as long as she remembered.  Maybe more so, because the palpable tension and silence that started at the hospital continued for the entire duration of the trip.  It made her feel on edge.  She had no idea what to expect – didn’t ask.  If he wasn’t going to prepare her for his parents beforehand, then she’d fend for herself when the time came.

They kept driving out west, the Han River disappearing from her line of sight as he wound through different highway sections and exits.  It was near dusk when they finally pulled into the familiar driveway.  The lights inside the house were on and Amina could see the television set blaring in the living room, the faint cast of blue and red light coming through the blinds.  She Boss’s head in her lap for reassurance.

Youngbae started to unbuckle his seatbelt.

Amina glanced over and proceeded to do the same, catching his eyes in the rear-view mirror.  “Mwuh?  What is it?” she asked.

The lips of his mouth thinned and down-turned slightly, his eyes intense as he continued to stare into mirror.  “My hyung is here.”

Amina looked over her shoulder and could see an unmarked sedan parked on the edge of the road.  With night falling, she couldn’t make out too many details of the car.  She turned back slightly, catching his concerned eyes on hers.  His sudden interest in her well-being took her aback.  “Is that a bad thing?” she asked worriedly.

Youngbae leaned over the middle armrest, their faces mere inches apart.  “I just didn’t want you to see me deal with another reprimand tonight.  It’s already going to be bad enough to have my parents berate me in front of you,” he smiled depreciatively, his eyes sullen.

“Is that what you’ve been thinking of?” Her eyes caressed his face, seeing the shame he tried to hide from her.  She shook her head at him, pressing her lips together.  “Don’t oppa,” she softly spoke to him.  She reached up and laid a reassuring hand on his cheek.  “No matter how much they yell at you or condemn you, I know it’s because they do it out of love.  Nothing else.”

She gave him a small reassuring smile.  “I won’t think any less of them for scolding you.  I know its their duty as a parent and as your hyung.”

He lowered his head in her palm and let out a breathless sigh of agreement.  He nodded and when he looked up into her eyes, she could tell that her words had penetrated through.  His eyes were clearer and full of gratefulness.  “Ready?”

“Ani,” she breathlessly answered, her lips curving up in a wince.

He chuckled, finding humor for the first time tonight.  “C’mon… I’ll protect you.”

Amina smiled humorlessly, her lips twisting wryly.  She eased back into her seat and took in an uneasy breath.  “That’s easy for you to say.  You’re not the one that has to make a good first impression on two of the three people inside.  Maybe by some miracle, they’ll forget that I’m pregnant and give me a chance to prove myself,” she mumbled, lowering her head.

His heart ached.  “Baby…”

Amina glanced over dismally.

“They won’t think that of you.”

She didn’t say anything.

“They won’t,” he persisted.

Amina couldn’t acknowledge his words.  She didn’t want to make him a liar and she didn’t want to get her hopes up.  If his parents were anything like hers, they were old school which meant a certain stigma would be attached to her from the start.  And she so badly wanted to make a good impression.  Wanted them to know she deserved to be with their son… despite her heart feeling out of it lately.

She gave him a small smile and nodded, the smile not quite reaching her eyes.  They exited the car and slowly made their way to the front door.  Youngbae inserted his spare key and rapped on the door loudly as he opened it, signaling their arrival.  He called out a greeting, his tone more reserved than usual.

Boss took off like a banshee and headed straight towards Youngbae’s mom, his bark breaking the thick tension inside the home. 

“Annyeonghasaeyo? Annyeonghasaeyo? You still have the nerve to wish me good health after the news I found out today!?” his mother chided from the dining area.

Amina could see Youngbae’s ears turn red as he took off his shoes ahead of her.  She walked through the doorway behind him and stepped into the foyer, glancing down the living area towards an irate Mrs. Dong.  Amina could tell that her appearance took Youngbae’s mother by surprise.  She apologetically smiled and bowed deeply towards his mom.  “Annyeonghasaeyo,” Amina greeted lamely.

Youngbae quietly chuckled under his breath.

Upon hearing Amina’s voice, the gentlemen in the living room straightened, standing up.  They both looked at her with surprised expressions on their faces, taking in her appearance.  She suddenly wished she had worn something more impressive than a plain grey t-shirt and dark-wash skinny jeans. Amina greeted and bowed deeply, to whom she presumed were Youngbae’s father and older brother by the looks of it, and smiled politely as they returned the same.  She continued taking off her shoes and placed them neatly against Youngbae’s.

Youngbae stood watching his father and brother’s reaction quietly for a moment, a whisper of a smile on his lips.  Something must have pleased him.  It appeared his mood had taken a complete one-eighty since the car ride over.  Amina silently wondered how he did it.  He reached his hand out and she returned to his side.  He placed it gingerly on the small of her back, propelling her forward.  “This is Eun Amina,” he directed towards the men.  “Amina, this is my appa and my hyung, Hyeonbae.”

They all traded nods once more.

Amina quietly compared Youngbae against the men before her.  She could tell that his older brother was of taller stature, his face wider; his eyebrows more spread out and sparse.  Even his nose appeared larger and less refined.  His eyes were slightly bigger but lacked the sweetness she preferred in Youngbae’s small eyes.  His hair was cut in a fashionably trendy manner, the jagged angles swept to the side of his head.  He wore conservative preppy clothing – polo button up short-sleeve striped top with khakis and corduroy jacket.  A relaxed but reserved smile was on his face.

His father was a mixture between the two, his graying hair and straight posture commanding respect and attention.  It looked like he had just come home from the office, his short sleeve dress shirt and neck tie still on, along with his black pressed slacks.  Amina couldn’t quite read the expression on his face, but did not find any malice there, just avid curiosity. 

“And, of course you remember my umma,” Youngbae glanced over and smiled as he watched his mother head over towards their direction.

Amina smiled and nodded, her eyes widening in surprise when she felt herself swept into Mrs. Dong’s embrace.  “Annyeong Amina-ah… it’s so good to see you again!”  Amina received a quick squeeze and was let go briefly, still within the circle of his mother’s embrace.  “How are you feeling?  Are you hungry?  Let me feed you.”

“Umma…”

“Shh!  I will deal with you in a little bit,” she sharply reprimanded, her eyes steely.

He clamped his mouth shut.

Amina glanced between the two, feeling out of sorts.  “Um… water will be fine for now, kamsahamnida.”

His mother nodded, the peppery flaked bob cut of her hair shaking up and down.  “Alright.  Young-ah, why don’t you grab us a couple bottles of water?” she called over her shoulder absentmindedly.

Amina didn’t miss the way Youngbae silently parted his lips as if to say something before he thought better of it.  He gave her a parting look before he left to the kitchen, leaving her alone with his family.  Amina smiled nervously at her surroundings.

“Come… come have a seat with us,”  Mrs. Dong ushered with the wave of her hand towards the living area.

Amina tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, bowed her thanks, and proceeded to follow Youngbae’s mother to a couch that separated the living area from the dining area.  She sat gingerly on the edge and watched as the other two gentlemen followed suit. Youngbae’s father sat on a couch adjacent to the one she sat in, while Hyeonbae chose a recliner in the corner next to the doorway.  They all quietly regarded each other, while his mother sat next to his father.

The living room hadn’t changed much since the last time she visited.  It was still as homey and cozy as she remembered.  The furniture was simple and understated.  The same family photos remained stacked on a book shelf nearby.  The news channel blared quietly on low, cutting into the awkward silence.

Youngbae returned with a few of bottles of water, handing one to Amina, and quietly surveyed the room. He sat the rest of the water bottles on the coffee table in front of them, breaking into one of the bottles himself, abiding his time.  His brother sent him an inquiring gaze over his father’s head.  Youngbae shook his head in silent answer.

Amina quietly wondered what the exchange was about.  But before she could formulate her thoughts, Youngbae’s father started speaking.

“Jwesonghamnida… It’s odd that we have to meet this way,” he regretfully bowed his head once. 

Amina lowered her face and nodded.

“It seems my wife knows a bit about you,” he continued.  “But I have not been privy to such information.  May I ask, how you two came to know of each other?”

“I think I told you,” his mother piped in.  “She took care of Young-ah’s injury when he had that leg accident back in November, almost two years ago?”

“Oh… oh.. neh,” Youngbae’s father nodded to himself.  “So you are a nurse?”

“Umm…”  Amina felt her cheeks flush.  “Aniyo.  I was a medical student at the time, working alongside my sunbaenim, Dr. Park, on special assignment.”

He nodded.  “You are still going to medical school?”

She felt shame engulf her.  “A-aniyo,” she stuttered, feeling Youngbae flinch beside her.  “Umm… I’m currently not attending school.”

“She’s not going to school right now, because she just came back from New York,” explained Youngbae curtly.