He left his suitcase by the door.

With quiet resolve etched on his face, Youngbae secured the locks and followed his wife into the apartment.  He kept pace – half afraid that she would flee or disappear at any moment.  As was their wont, he had expected some sort of fight, a blatant refusal, or denial of his request.  Instead, Amina merely nodded and gave her assent. 

It set him on edge.

Rather than be grateful that his wife was opening up, he found himself becoming wrought with worry and stress.  During the elevator ride, thoughts of varying degrees entered and left Youngbae’s mind.  Was she assaulted?  Kidnapped?  Drugged?  What happened to his girl?  What traumatized and took Amina’s life from her?  He remembered the fright in her eyes, the way she gripped the mace tightly in her hand.  His mind raced back to when he first witnessed her behavior.  The way she kept her head to the ground as they walked through the streets of Itaewon.  Her brisk pace.  The backpack she lugged wherever she went. 

Amina was afraid. 

From bad to worse, Youngbae grew more anxious with each floor climbed until…  Did it really matter? Youngbae asked himself.  She was with him now.  He was going to keep her safe and sound. 

He mentally chastised himself.

Although it was foolish to think so arrogantly, Youngbae selfishly took solace in whatever false sense of security he could.  He needed comforting right now.  He needed everything to be alright.

By the time they exited the lift, he shut out his earlier outlandish assumptions and told himself to maintain a clear head.  Be calm.  Be collected.  He could handle whatever she was about to say.  He needed to show Amina that it was okay – that she could depend upon him to share her burdens and ease her pains.  This was the moment he’d been waiting for. 

And he had to be ready… even if he wasn’t.

Amina unhooked the backpack straps from her shoulders and set the belongings on the floor near the sectional.  It landed with a soft thud, reminding her exactly of the contents she carried on her body all along.  Items that had become a lifeline to her survival since she’d arrived home.  She began ping the black hoodie and looked up as Youngbae passed by.

He barely spared a glance before sitting down.

Her palms began to sweat.

Her husband had been so quiet and pensive on their walk back that she left him alone to his thoughts.  Other than a few parting words to his manager, Youngbae had yet to speak to her.  He was waiting on her, Amina knew.  He was waiting for her to begin, only… she didn’t know where to start.

The leather cushions crinkled under her weight as Amina sat down beside Youngbae.  She fiddled with the metal zipper on her light jacket but then stopped – anxiously aware that Youngbae might sense her apprehension.  But he appeared lost in thought, his eyes growing stormier by the second as he focused straight ahead.  He was thinking hard again, she could tell.  Thinking and worrying, like always.

“Hey.”

The sound of Amina’s soft voice caused Youngbae to glance over.

“I didn’t know you were going to be back in town,” Amina stated lamely.  When he continued appraising her silently, Amina’s cheeks grew red.  She knew she was babbling like an idiot.  But she just wanted the awkward tension to go away.  It would be a lot easier for her to explain if his mood was more receptive.  “I-I wish you would’ve said something, I would’ve-”

“Where were you going?” Youngbae interrupted.

“I got hungry,” she automatically responded.  The hue on Amina’s cheeks deepened and she self-consciously back-tracked as another faint thought occurred to her.  “I know you don’t like me going out late, but I…” Amina lowered her guilt-ridden gaze, “…ran out of ice-cream.”  Her voice trailed off to a whisper as she replayed how stupid she sounded at that exact moment.

“Do you always carry mace?”

She looked up and peered at Youngbae’s face.  He wasn’t worried about her reason for being out.  He didn’t care that she didn’t do as he had asked.  There was deeper concern in his eyes.  The realization made her suddenly aware of how little credit she had given him this entire time.  “Neh,” Amina hesitantly replied, testing the waters.  Other than a slight flicker in his eyes, Youngbae’s guarded expression remained unchanged.  “Neh,” she emphasized again with a nod of her head.  “I always carry mace when I go out.”

He swallowed hard. 

“Since when?”  The hollow sound of his own voice took Youngbae by surprise.  He his fears aside and braced himself for what was to come.

Amina met him steadily on, gaze for gaze.  “Since October of last year.  Shortly after I quit my second job.”

His eyes fell down to her hands, watching as Amina thumbed and fiddled with the zipper on her jacket.  She kept her hands underneath her bellybutton, protectively cradling her protruding abdomen.  “Your second job,” Youngbae repeated monotonously.  “Doing what?”

Amina jerkily looked away so he wouldn’t see the embarrassment that filled her eyes.  parted and closed.  “Bartending,” she softly replied.

He gazed at her side profile for several long seconds, taking note of everything.  “And your other job?”

She dipped her chin town towards her chest.  “Cleaning.”  Amina cautiously looked back at him.  “I cleaned office buildings at night.  Usually for a few hours.”  She could see the confusion on his face.  “They fit my schedule,” Amina went on to explain.  “The jobs were always after my tutoring sessions and I… I needed the money.”

Money?  Eyebrows knitted with disapproval, Youngbae grew livid.  “You should’ve called me!”

Amina flinched under the bark of Youngbae’s reprimand as the heated words left his mouth without little heed.  He immediately regretted his outburst.  “Jagi, I-”  He broke off at the sight of her trembling hand.  Amina ran shaky fingers through her tumbling sable locks and turned away.  But not before he caught the look of longing and despair in her lost eyes

His heart lurched. 

Sorrow and remorse filled Amina’s entire being.  Yes, she probably should’ve called.  So many times, she wished she had simply called.  But there was nothing she could do now.  Nothing she could do to stop the familiar pangs of regret from bursting forth.  She was going to open old wounds and let them all bleed out.

“New York…” Amina quietly spoke to thin air, “…didn’t turn out the way I thought it would be.”  She turned and stared into his eyes.  “It was hard.”  Her voice grew heavy and her brows furrowed.  “It was so hard… missing you.” 

His eyes darkened.

“I thought it would pass as the weeks wore on.”  Amina tugged the corner of into a weak smile.  “You know, once I got into my studies and started my internship at the hospital.”  She let out a bitter scoff underneath her breath.  “But it only got worse.”  Her eyes swam in open misery.

“Baby, you should’ve called me-“

“I couldn’t,” Amina dismissed with a soft shake of her head.

Youngbae reached for his wife’s hands, hating how cold and clammy they felt against his skin.  “I would’ve visited you.  Flown to see you-“

“And I would’ve begged you to take me back with you because I would’ve wanted to come home,” Amina stressed, her eyes glistening.  Her chest heaved in and out.  “You don’t understand how much I wanted to quit after those first weeks!”  She could feel her emotions rising, could feel blood rush to her face.  “I cried myself to sleep every night, hating myself, because I felt like I had made a mistake!”

“Then you should’ve came home,” Youngbae strongly urged, his heart rate quickening.  “You should’ve came back to me!”

Her body slumped in defeat.  “I couldn’t.  Not after everything I had already put you through.”  Pure agony slashed across Amina’s face.  “Not after everything that already happened.”

Confusion swamped his features.

“I know the guilt and burden you felt the day we went to speak to my parents,” Amina quietly continued.  “I should’ve never let you come with me.”

He squeezed her fingers tightly.  “I wanted to go,” Youngbae spoke the words deep from his heart.  “I wanted to be there for you.”

Her eyes lovingly swept his face.  “I know… And that’s why I stayed.”

His nostrils flared.

“I didn’t want everything we had been through to be for naught.”  Amina looked into Youngbae’s eyes and hoped he would understand.  “I wanted to do the best that I could and finish s-strong.”  Her voice started trembling.  “I-I d-didn’t want to come back home a f-failure like they said I would be.”

They.  He already knew who “they” she was referring to.

“I wanted to prove them wrong about us,” Amina continued rambling.  “That they were wrong about you.  That they were wrong about me.”  Her lips quivered under duress.  “So I made myself stay because I didn’t want everything they said or thought about us to be true.”  She looked at him helplessly.

Youngbae furrowed his brows, his dark orbs mirroring the torment he could see in his wife’s own eyes.  He began shaking his head.  “Baby it doesn’t matter what they say-”

Amina closed her eyes an