The apartment was silent.

Only the rays of dawn stealthily invaded the quiet bedroom and disturbed her sleep.  Drowsily, Amina cracked her eyelids open and reached for her phone.  She pressed the home button and blinked the blurry vision from her eyes away.

No messages. 

Amina slumped back against the pillows, her mind and body resigned.  Youngbae mentioned he would be working late at the studio.  She just didn’t think he would opt to stay out all night.  More than likely, he had crashed at the dorm.  It was the closer and safer option.  With all of his activities and yesterday’s flight from Shanghai, she knew he must have been tired.

She worried.

Even while out with her friends, she thought of him.  She hoped he wasn’t overdoing it again – hoped he was resting during this brief retreat while he could.  Based on their last conversation, she knew his schedule would be busy in the fall and winter months.  Along with his current Bigbang promotions and a potential side project with Jiyong, Youngbae had his own non-stop mini world tour planned on the side.  There would be a small break once the baby arrived, but he would be busy again thereafter – meeting and talking to key players in America.  As much as she was happy and proud of his upcoming opportunities, she worried.  They were both going to be new parents.  And they were both technically still newlyweds.  Both still getting to know each other. 

Both starting all over. 

She hoped they would be stronger this time around.  That she would be stronger.  She prayed the mistakes of their past were long gone and swept away.  That only wisdom and understanding remained.  Keeping a positive mindset was what she needed right now.  It was the only way she could see herself persevering through the long lonely stretches that lay ahead.  The journey would be difficult.  More difficult than the mess they had already endured because now they had another life to consider.  Stress and anxiety ballooned inside her chest whenever she thought of the mounting responsibilities up ahead.  It was daunting but doable.  She just needed to stay focus and remember that they were in this for the long haul.  

She received her first taste of distraction last night. 

While it was nostalgic to reminisce about the past and laugh at fond memories, her old friends weren’t hesitant to give her a piece of their mind.  It didn’t help that Hanna led the way – with her snarky side remarks and suggestive comments.  It didn’t bother her as much when they were younger, but now… the roundabout digs were starting to get a bit too personal.

“Can you stop?”

The soft command caused Hanna to look over. 

“Mwuh?” Hanna laughed.  “The things I’m saying aren’t something these two haven’t heard before.”  She picked up her mojito and gingerly sipped.  “It’s a known fact.  Most idols’ singing careers usually tank after so many years.  It’s just not a sustainable profession.”  She twirled the two stirrers around in her glass. 

“That’s not always the case.”

“Mmm… true,” Hanna sipped and nodded.  “The successful ones build their portfolios earlier on.  They don’t normally put all their eggs into one basket.”  She eyed Amina briefly up and down.  “They either branch out into acting or designing.  Maybe television or other areas of interests with more reliable sources of income.”

The group remained silent as they waited for a comeback.

Amina opened and closed .

Hanna raised a brow.

“N-not everyone is interested in overstretching their talents,” Amina hesitantly began.  “Income aside, I would much rather concentrate on something that I’m passionate about.  Money can always be found by different means.”

“Says the girl with the trust fund,” Miki smiled indulgently, as she raised her Tom Collins and took a long swallow.

“No, she’s right,” Hanna sarcastically inserted.  She delicately shrugged a shoulder and smugly dug in.  “One could always marry rich and never have to worry about money problems.”

David grinned but didn’t say a word as he sank back against the leather cushions.  He folded his arms across his chest and waited to see how the rest of the conversation would play out.

Amina slowly scanned the people before her.  These friends were supposed to understand her and yet… she felt an overwhelming need to set them all straight.  “Although I have a trust fund, I’ve never touched it.  Not even once.”  Amina set in a grim line.  “My parents paid for my tuition up until I left for New York.  That was it.  Everything else, I’ve had to pay for on my own.”

“And for your information,” Amina looked at Hanna directly.  “Youngbae-sshi has never asked me for money.  Nor does he have any interest in it.  In fact…”  She eyed the rest of her friends.  “When he met me, he didn’t even know who I was.” 

Hanna brooded over the news.

“Even after we broke up, he still showed up to appa’s funeral and helped out – day after day.”  Amina’s heart grew heavy as the memories came flooding back.  “He was the only person that stayed by my side the first night I came back home.  He took care of me during a time when my state of mind was too overcome with grief.”

Her eyebrows furrowed.

“Youngbae-sshi… is a good person” Amina earnestly continued.  “He offered me protection of his name and shelter of his home without the slightest bit of hesitation.  And he continues to be there for me the best way he knows how.”  Amina solemnly eyed her friends.  “I’m not the easiest person to love… but I know he loves me deeply.”

The group became quiet.

She let out a humorless half-laugh.  “I know he’s not the type of person you would’ve expected me to end up with…”  Amina pressed her lips together.  “But just give him a chance.”  She looked pointedly over at Hanna.  “Don’t let Hanna’s hatred cloud your judgment of him.”

“I don’t hate him.”

Amina’s eyes flickered with doubt.

“I just… dislike him,” Hanna forced out reluctantly.  “Very strongly.”  She tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear.

“He’s done nothing to you.”

Hanna arched a brow.

“Admit it,” Amina challenged.  She watched Hanna’s face close up before the older girl turned away.  “T-this whole time,” Amina’s voice shook while her eyes bored into Hanna’s side profile.  “He’s done nothing to you.”

“He’s hurt you.”

“And?”

“And that hurts me!” Hanna snapped back, her eyes glistening angrily.  “Look, I’ve tried to be as open-minded about him as I can, but I just can’t.”  She clenched her teeth.  “If it wasn’t for him, you’d be finished with school by now.  If it wasn’t for him, you’d be at home – with your umma.  Like you’re supposed to be.”

Amina stubbornly shook her head.

“If it wasn’t for him, you’d would’ve been here… when your appa passed away.  Instead of halfway across the globe, like I told you not to go!”

Hanna was getting too loud.  Miki placed a concerned hand on her friend’s upper arm and shared a worried look with David.

“I chose to leave!” Amina gritted out.

“Neh,” Hanna sneered, her tone low and seething.  “You chose to leave.  Just like you chose him over us.  Just like you’ll always continue to choose him over us.”  Amina narrowed her eyes while Hanna’s face openly slashed with pain.  “When did we become so insignificant?  When did our opinions no longer matter?”

Months of hurt and anger were written all over Hanna’s face.  The heartbroken questions made Amina’s eyes fill up with remorse and caused her heart to ache.  She could tell Hanna had kept this inside for a long time.  Could tell that it had bothered her cousin dearly. 

“Mianhaeyo,” Amina softly apologized.  “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you asked me not to go.”  Her eyes begged for forgiveness.  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when appa passed away.  And I’m sorry if it seems like I continue to choose Bae-yah over family.”

Hanna dropped her gaze.

“But don’t blame him,” Amina fiercely pleaded, eyeing her cousin’s downcast face.  “Don’t blame Bae-yah when we both know the person you’re really mad at is me.”  A breadth of silence passed.  “You know why I left.  And you know more than anyone how unfair and harsh our family can be.”  The corners of Amina’s mouth turned down.  “Please don’t be like them, unnie.”

The soft plea pricked at Hanna’s conscience.

“Please.”

Hanna bit her inner cheek and silently stewed.  If Jiyong had been there, she would’ve bummed off a cigarette or asked for a medicated lollipop.  Anything that would keep busy so she wouldn’t be tempted to berate Amina once more.  She just needed to release her frustrations once and for all.  Things had built up for far too long.

“I need air!” Hanna snapped to no one in particular before standing up.  She grabbed her Chanel clutch off the table and stormed out of the bar. 

Miki stood up, intent on following her friend.

“Just let her go,” Amina resolutely finished.  She looked up and met Miki’s concerned gaze.  “It’s been a long time coming.”

Quietly, Miki sat back down.

Amina reached for her glass of water and drank.  Her mood dipped as the cold water pierced her tongue and throat. 

No one said a word.

“What’s he doing here?”

Jiyong’s incredulous tone caused Teddy to swivel around in his chair.  He glanced around the edge of his pulled up hoodie and looked towards the back of the studio.  Youngbae lay sprawled out on the black leather lounge, fast asleep.  Nothing appeared out of the ordinary to him.  His dongsaeng had crashed there many times before back in the days.  And he was sure there was a reason for Youngbae doing so now.  But he didn’t know…  He didn’t get a chance to ask.

“He’s sleeping,” Teddy stated the obvious and turned back to his computer monitor.  He double-clicked on the mouse, cutting and pasting a drop to another section on a track.

Jiyong ambled over and peered into Youngbae’s face.  Based on the deep, even breathing and slightly parted mouth, the guy appeared completely knocked out.  “How long has he been sleeping?”

“I don’t know,” Teddy muttered.  He finished cutting up another chord and leaned back in his seat.  The office chair nearly toppled back on itself.  “When I got here this afternoon, he was like that.”

Jiyong stuck his tongue against his inner cheek and scanned his best friend from head to toe.  Youngbae was still in yesterday’s attire and the scruff around his lower jaw line and mouth had grown thick.  Fine, my !  Jiyong was certain the whole hugging incident at the airport was the reason for Youngbae’s impromptu sleepover.  There was no new group song in the works or anything else that was ready to be sampled yet.  At least not from him!  The guys knew he was still working on their new music from last week.

Torn between wanting to shake Youngbae awake to demand answers and concern for his friend’s welfare, Jiyong restrained himself and allowed the matter to rest for now.  With a disgruntled air, he headed over to the empty seat next to Teddy and sat down, moving the mouse around to power up the computer.  Surprise lit his eyes.  It appeared someone had been working at the station earlier.  The lines and different bars on screen took him aback.

“You working on this, hyung?”

Teddy looked over and did a double take.  “No.”  He narrowed his eyes and scooted his chair over, peering close at the screen.  It looked as if someone had taken time to go through all the stacks with great care.  He could see different layers added to a track, several intricate loops and fades placed throughout. 

“Play that .”

Jiyong moved the mouse over and clicked on a button.

The sound of piano keys tinkled softly before the bass drop kicked in.  It was a smoky R&B vibe with a nostalgic hint of regret.  As the pair listened, they could feel their hearts grow heavy.  It wasn’t just another love ballad.

It was an apology.

The song cut off, unfinished.

Jiyong looked over his shoulder at the suspected composer and found his friend still completely wiped out.  He looked back and met Teddy’s accusing brown eyes.

“What the happened?”

Jiyong flushed.  He scratched the back of his neck and avoided eye contact.  “You don’t want to know, hyung.”

Teddy shook his head and scooted his chair back over.  “Don’t tell me we’re going through this again.”

Jiyong sighed as he saved Youngbae’s work to a designated folder and pulled up his own music sheet.  He knew exactly what Teddy was referring to.  The perfectionist in Youngbae was a pain to work with, but the heartbroken lover in Youngbae?  Pure agony!  “I thought it was over.  But it seems like we might be going through another hundred rounds of lyric work