The glaring flash of headlights and sounds of honking cars rushed by Amina unnoticed, her mind still in a frozen state of sub-consciousness.  The hot June air had turned frigid, the temperature of the evening sky falling rapidly with each passing minute.  Amina was oblivious to it all as she continued to sit on the street bench, long after her confrontation with Yuri.

Her phone had started ringing when the sun began to set and had started buzzing incessantly when night fell.  She finally turned it off completely about an hour ago.  They were all from the same person… and she didn’t want to talk to Youngbae right now.  Funny how desperately she wanted to confess her feelings to him a couple of weeks ago.

She had spent the rest of the afternoon re-hashing her failures, her mistakes, and her regrets.  The thoughts just swam round and round, never changing… never going anywhere.  She knew it was pointless to obsess over something she could no longer do anything about.  All it did was serve to bring her down, make her feel small, make it hurt inside.

If she wasn’t pregnant, she probably would have drowned her sorrows.  Maybe even done something reckless or thoughtless with her life.  Perhaps that’s why Fate had other plans and gifted her with a child.  Given her someone to save her from herself.   

Just it up and move on!  She kept yelling the mantra inside her head, but it was easier said then done.  Her heart kept getting wounded with every attempt.  Her memories kept chipping holes into the shield that was guarding it.  Her fears and worries kept slicing away slivers and serving them back for her to consume.  Every time she put up a brave front, she could feel herself break down inside.  The effort to be strong was too exhausting to bear alone.

Her eyes idly roamed the crowded streets, ignoring the curious stares of store owners and walkers that trampled by.  Some were walking home with parcels in their hands.  Some were clutching little children in the arms.  Others were tugging on leashes as they walked their dogs.

“Boss-ah!”

Amina’s eyes widened with horror.  She grabbed her purse and took off at a dead run, eyeing the street signs as she headed towards the nearest subway station.

Youngbae stood quietly by, waiting for Boss to finish his business.  They were across the street from the condo complex, at the local small park.  It was late – nearly half past nine.  He had called Amina for the past several hours… all of which went straight to voicemail.  When his call didn’t even ring through, he knew she had turned the phone off.  He grew alarmed and drove over to check on her.

But that was almost an hour ago.  When she still didn’t show up, his worry turned to anger.  He couldn’t wait for her any longer and decided to take Boss out himself, his fury cooling down a little as they milled around the park in the dark for the past several minutes.  The faint sounds of running heels clacking against pavement caught his ear.  He glanced across the street, seeing the faint outline of someone familiar jogging from the bus station towards the condo.  Youngbae’s eyes searched behind Amina, seeking whatever demon was chasing her.

Youngbae tugged on the leash and issued a command in a low voice to grab Boss’s attention. His eyes scanned the street carefully as they crossed and followed a safe distance behind her.  He furrowed his eyebrows in concern.  He could see her frantically pacing in front of the elevator.  Amina caught the lift up before they could reach her.

Amina’s hands were shaking badly as she pulled out her set of keys to the apartment.  Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!  How could you be so stupid? she chastised herself.  She dropped the keys in her state of panic and bent down on wobbly knees to pick them up.  So upset, Amina didn’t even register the sound of the elevator ding or hear someone walking down the hall towards her.  Frantically, she shoved the key inside the lock and pulled herself up by the doorknob before dragging herself in.

She didn’t notice that the lights inside the apartment were already on.  Didn’t see the television set still blaring on low.  She just dropped her keys and purse in the foyer and went straight to the pen inside the living area, her eyes turning to confusion when she didn’t see Boss there.  She could have sworn she locked him before she left.  Her eyes wild with fear, she started calling his name and ran around the apartment searching for him.

“Boss-ah!” Her breathing hitched as she all the lights inside her bedroom.  Her closet.  She went to the small spare bedroom that offset the main, turning on the lights.  Nothing but a desk and keyboard stared back at her.  “Boss-ah…” she cried hopelessly.

The front door of the apartment closed and the sound of Boss’s nails scrapping on the marble tile broke through her senses.  She came out of the room and rushed into the hallway, feeling her knees give way when she spotted the Boston terrier.  She let out a relieved sigh and pulled the pup into her arms, chanting nonsensical apologies as tears stung the back of her eyes.  Boss her face and shimmied further inside her embrace.  Still apologizing profusely, Amina picked him up and headed straight towards the pantry to grab his favorite bag of treats.

“Yah! Put him down!” Youngbae ordered, watching the pair.  He could see she was still visibly shaken, her voice mumbling in low tones.  He couldn’t even find it in himself to be upset at her anymore.  Seemed like she was doing enough for the both of them.

She wasn’t listening to him, her back turned away as she busied herself with holding Boss and pulling treats from the bag.  Youngbae bit his bottom lip in mild irritation and walked over, pulling Boss out of her grip.  She looked up, seeing him for the first time.  Her eyes were still glazed over with fear.  She tugged the terrier back into her arms.

“Baby, let him go.  He’s too heavy for you,”  he said calmly, looking softly into her eyes.

“Ani…” Amina shook her head, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. 

“I’ll hold him then,” Youngbae coaxed.  He gently pried Boss out of her steel grip and had to bite his inner cheek from smiling.  She was watching him with cautious eyes, like he was going to run away with the dog at any moment. 

After she was certain that he wasn’t going to run off, Amina dug her hand back inside the bag of treats and started to feed Boss out of her palm.  She felt herself become calm the more she watched the pup eat.  She placed her hand back inside the bag to grab for more.

“Yah… that’s enough.”

Amina jerked her head up, her eyes wounded with sorrow.  His eyes were serious and broke no argument.  But she mumbled her plea anyway.  “Just one more…”  She looked back down and gave Boss another beef stick, hearing Youngbae’s frustrated sigh from above.

She pressed her lips together and reluctantly sealed the bag closed, putting the rest of the treats back inside the pantry. Amina went to wash her hands, keeping her eye on Boss as Youngbae put him down.  “C’mon baby…” she called quietly down to Boss, much to Youngbae’s amusement.  For a second there, he thought she was talking to him.

They brushed past Youngbae on the way towards the living area.  The two ended up on the sectional, with Boss cuddled up inside Amina’s lap.  Youngbae leaned his shoulder against the wall, running his fingers through his hair, as he watched silently nearby.  She made a motion and slowly ped her boots off and but then resumed her original position, her knees drawn up towards her chest with half of Boss’s body on her stomach.  Her head was bent over, her hair enclosing them in their own world as she continued to the pup in her arms.

Youngbae pushed off the wall and walked around the leather sectional, sitting only a few meters away from the pair.  He waited a few seconds before breaking the silence. “Where were you?  I called.”

Amina glanced over, her eyes lingering on the y stubble that had grown on his chin.  It did odd things to her heart.  She looked away, unsure of how to explain.  She didn’t know exactly where she ended up; only that she had traveled further north of YG than she was normally used to.  “I was thinking…”   

“Thinking?”  Youngbae’s brow rose.  “Since this afternoon?”

She nodded her head quietly, unable to look at him in the eye. 

“What did you think about?”

Amina crossed her arms over her knees, cocooning Boss inside.  She bowed her head for a few seconds before looking up at Youngbae with defeated eyes.  “I was thinking… that I need to let go of the past.”

His eyes narrowed slightly.

“I keep dwelling on it… and it just keeps weighing me down.”  She broke eye contact with him and looked away.  “Like I can’t breathe…” she finished shakily, clenching her teeth. 

He didn’t know what to say… could only stare at her profile while she pulled herself together.  He waited for her to continue.

Amina took a deep breath, still haunted by her issues.  A myriad of thoughts swirled in her mind, but they were ones she had already replayed earlier that day.  They settled down and she blinked her eyes to clear them away.  She shot Youngbae a depreciative small smile and shrugged her shoulder lightly.  “I’m tired.  I’m going to go to bed.”

“That’s it?” he interrupted suddenly, halting her progress.

Amina sat back down on the couch, her eyes wide on his face. “Mwuh?  Were you expecting something else?”

Youngbae scoffed lightly, shaking his head to the left and right before he could even look at her.  “Neh,” he eyed her incredulously.  His voice came off a little strong. “Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?  Or do I have to ask?”

She didn’t know where this anger of his was coming from.  But it took her off guard.  “Ani… just don’t ask.”  She shot an annoyed look his way and started to stand up again.

His ire rose.  He grabbed a piece of paper from his back pocket and unfolded it.  “Are you going to tell me at least what this is?”

Amina swung around, her eyes narrowing on the familiar NYU gold and purple embossed letterhead.  She immediately recognized the academic probation letter.  Her cheeks flamed up with shame.  “W-where’d you get that?” she shakily asked, her eyes filling up with angry tears.

“Boss got into your bag when I let him out,” he replied, feeling a little guilty for confronting her now when he could see how upset she was becoming.  His anger died a little under her wrath.

“That’s private!” She lashed out.  “Give it back!”  She held out her arm, her hand shaking badly.

“Tell me first,” he stood his ground, pulling back the paper from her range of reach.

“I said ‘Give it back’.”  She bit out slowly, her teeth clenched with effort.

He remained stubborn, not moving.

Amina shook her head in indignation before turning around to leave.

“Why’d you quit the program?”

“I DIDN’T QUIT!” she yelled at him, tears rolling down her face unaware.  “I got kicked out!  Okay?  Does that make you feel better?” She bitterly spat the words out, becoming more upset and humiliated.

His head snapped back.

“Neh!”  She goaded him.  “I was so stupid, I got myself kicked out.”

Youngbae floundered for a bit, unable to say anything.  His eyes wildly skimmed the piece of paper noticing the date:  March 25, 2013.  It was well before they broke up.  “But you said you were doing fine…”  He saw her face close up, the unwillingness to look at him in the eye.  “You lied to me?” he accused, the pain settling in.

Amina fisted her hands to her side, biting down on her lip hard.  She couldn’t face him.

Youngbae took the few steps that separated them and grabbed her arm, shaking her lightly.  “You lied to me?” he repeated.  “Wae!” he barked out sharply in her face.  “Look at me!”

Her head fell back as she met his angry filled eyes.  This was wrong.  It was all wrong.  He wouldn’t understand even if she told him the truth.  “I guess I didn’t want you to know how stupid I was.”

“Stop saying that!”  He shook her hard.

“Wae?”  She smiled sickly into his face.  “Does it bother you?  That the mother of your unborn child is a college drop-out?  That she’s so stupid that she can’t even hold down a job?  That she’s so stupid that she came back home and the first thing she did was get pregnant by her ex-boyfriend?”

He dropped her arms, eyeing her incredulously.

“Don’t worry… maybe you’ll get lucky and the baby won’t take after me.”

“What is wrong with you?” he sneered.

Amina pressed her lips together, curving into a bitter smile. “Everything!  Can’t you tell?” she cried sarcastically, her eyes burning with unshed tears.  “Or maybe not.  Because you’re so busy that you don’t even notice me anymore.”

“You know I’m busy with my album!  You know I have promotions and meetings to attend!  You knew this when you met me.”

“Neh,” she jerked her head at him.  “I know how busy you are.  I see how busy you are when I stop by and see you and Nara reading comic books in the morning.  Or when I see you two spending an afternoon chatting side by side.”  Her eyes narrowed on his face.  “Neh… I see how busy you are.”

He let out a huff of disbelief, his eyes roaming her face wildly. “Are you jealous?  I told you she was just a friend!”

“I’m not jealous!’  Amina bit out, her eyes shooting daggers at him.  “I’m angry!  I just want to know… where am I on your list of priorities?”  Amina took in the red hue that crept up the sides of his face.  “You tell me that you’re busy with work… that you can’t come see me until next week. And then I find that you’ve been in town this entire time.  What the hell am I supposed to think?”

“I have meetings that run back to back… if I get breaks, there isn’t enough time to run here and back…” he rambled quickly.

Amina nodded mockingly in agreement.  “Fine,” she replied tiredly.  “That’s fine.”

He was at his wits end.  “What do you want me to do?  Clear my whole schedule for you?!”

Sh