The door to the bedroom creaked open.

It didn’t take long before Youngbae made his way back to the room.  His footsteps were heavy, like he was bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders.  He found Amina, sitting in the middle of the bed with her back pressed against the wall, her knees drawn up near her chest. By the withdrawn look on her face, he could tell that she had heard every word that was said outside.

He closed the door behind him.

Amina eyed him warily.  Throughout their whole discussion, she had heard his parent’s persuasive demands expressed over and over and was initially thankful at least that Hyeonbae pointed out that it was possible to have a child out of wedlock.  But the more she listened, the more she could tell that his hyung was starting to side with his parents as well.  They went round and round over why it would benefit her and the baby that the marriage go through.  The only person that hadn’t voiced an opinion was sitting directly in front of her.

Youngbae’s eyes were carefully blank as he knelt on the edge of the mattress.  He sat down, folding one leg underneath him, while the other one remained poised above the hard floor below, as if to flee at a moment’s notice.  He was dreading this moment.  Dreaded it, because he already knew – he already knew that deep down in his heart, what her answer was going to be even before he asked.  He hated to be filled with such cynical doubt, but they had been down this road before.

They quietly stared at each other for a moment.

Amina lowered her head into her arms and bitterly sighed.  “Why does it always have to come to this?”

He didn’t know why.  Why was marriage a subject that always turned sour between them?  Was it because he proposed too early the first time around and didn’t think it through?  Was it because she had said ‘no’ and told him she wasn’t ready?  Was it because he knew how sensitive she was now about the topic, remembering the way she reacted when he joked about it weeks ago?  Or was it because of the feeling he got when he had asked her what was wrong with marrying him, and how she just brushed him off?

Neh.  It was that.

E)  All of the above.

Youngbae let out a heavy sigh and sat down fully on the bed, giving her his back.  He spread his legs apart and placed his elbows down on each knee and hunched over, lost in thought.  He stared down at the floor below.

A clinking of dishes could be heard from the kitchen area.

Someone opened the patio door to let Boss out.

After another heartbeat of silence, Amina finally spoke.  “Why did you tell your umma that we’ve been dating this entire time?”

Youngbae looked over his left shoulder, finding her direct gaze on him. 

“How come you didn’t tell her the truth?”

He looked away for a second before straightening.  He half-turned towards Amina, giving her his profile.  “Because I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the truth.  She would have asked too many questions… And,” He looked around the room.  “I wasn’t ready to answer any questions.”

Youngbae let out a bitter half-laugh.  “And contrary to what you may think, my umma really likes you,” he said to the open space in front of him.  “So she would have been crushed.  Which would have meant two people crying over you in Seoul,” he bitterly finished.

Her breath caught as a stab of pain shot through her veins.

“Bae-yah…” Amina pleaded, her brows puckering together.  She could see the tension radiating off his back, the way he held himself stiffly away from her.  She reached out and her fingers gently brushed his flank.  “Do you realize that if you told her the truth, she probably wouldn’t have suggested that we get married?”

“Look, I know you don’t want to marry me!” he shot heatedly, standing up.  He started pacing.

The sudden burst of anger that spewed from his mouth stunned her.  Amina narrowed her eyes and gaped at his outburst, finding her own ire rising.  She scooted off the bed and stepped into his path so he would stop.  He fisted his hands against his sides and turned his face away from her.

“Why are you being like this?” Amina asked, looking up into his face.  “Honestly.  Bae-yah.”  She reached up and touched his face, only to have him flinch against her touch.  She automatically caved into her own protective self and backed off, her eyes turning into liquid pools of hurt.

He realized his mistake too late.  He let his anger get the best of him again.  He started advancing towards her, the pain on her face dousing him awake.  “Baby…”

Amina stood her ground and felt indifferent when he tried to pull her into his arms.  “You’re doing it again,” she mumbled through clenched teeth.  Her eyes glistened with unshed tears.  “Where is this anger coming from?  I don’t understand.”

He bit his inner cheek and clasped her to him, her body unyielding under his touch.  “Baby, I’m sorry.  I’m just mad at myself,” he rushed out.

“Ani…”  Amina shook her head.  She blinked back the tears and looked miserably into his eyes.  “You’ve been like this.  A couple of times before.  What’s going on?”

Youngbae let go of her and turned away, sitting back down on the bed.  He ran his fingers through his hair and let out a heavy sigh.  “I think I’m just stressed out, that’s all.  I just…”  He reached for her hand as Amina walked up to him.  He looked up into her face, seeing her waiting expression.  He hoped she would understand.

“Jagi… you changed me.”

Amina flinched.  She tried to pull her hand away.

He held on.

“Listen.”

Her lips trembled.

“Neh, I get angry,” he explained.  “I find myself getting frustrated easily and I lose patience with people often now.  And when it comes to you… it becomes worse.”  He hung his head in shame.

“When?” she prompted shakily.  “When did this start?”

He stared at their clasped hands, his mood brooding.  “When you didn’t come back,” he reluctantly bit out.

She stiffened.

Youngbae glanced up, catching Amina right as she wiped a wayward tear from her eyes with her other free hand.  Her chin was trembling as she bit down on her bottom lip.  “Mianhae…” he offered, knowing it was pointless.

Amina shook her head and raised her eyes towards the ceiling to stop the rest of her tears from falling.  She blinked them back and took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself.  She could feel the warm clasp of his palm inside her hand as she stood in-between his knees. Of all the things he could have said… Now she could never be mad at him for doing something uncharacteristic like lashing out at her.  Because the only person she could ever be mad at… was herself.  

“Come here.”

Youngbae gently tugged on her hand so she would sit on his lap.  She was still processing what he just said, her eyes still watery.  But he pressed forward.  “Look, I know you don’t want to marry me,” he repeated again, this time in a calmer tone.

Amina looked away, shaking her head in denial.

He ignored her.  “But my parents are right.  It would eat me up inside if people started to think ill of you.”

“Since when do you care what people think?” Amina tearfully interrupted, her eyebrow raised in defiance.

“Since I have a child to think about now!” he gritted out.  His eyes burned intensely into hers. “I don’t want them to grow up hearing rumors about their mother.”

Amina clamped and stared into the distance.  She could feel herself becoming more upset, the blood rushing to her face.

“And you and our baby will have my protection.  You won’t have to worry for naught.  I’ll make sure you have a roof over your heads and food to eat.  If you need anything, all you have to do is ask.”

She bit her inner cheek to quell the angry tears that threatened to pour out.

Youngbae noticed how quiet she was, but kept going.  “And I’ll pay for your school next year when you’re ready to start going again.  We’ll figure out a nanny for the baby or work something out with my umma so you can concentrate on finishing.”  He trailed off.  The support and advice his family had given him moments ago, gave him strength to speak his thoughts out loud.  Sensing their approval only made him realize how much he wanted this marriage more than ever.  But Amina’s lack of reaction left him feeling uncertain.  He eyed her stubborn chin.

“Talk to me.”

Amina turned to face him, her eyes full of unshed tears.  He looked so sure of himself, like he had it all planned out before he walked in.  She numbly blurted the first thing that came to her mind. 

“You’re so stupid.”

Youngbae felt his cheeks sting upon hearing the soft reprimand.  His confidence began to waver.

“You think that’s all it takes for a marriage to work?” Amina’s voice quavered as she narrowed her eyes on him, a tear slipping down her cheek.  “Did you forget something?”  Her lips started to tremble as waves of emotion burst forth.  “Like love?  Commitment?  And trust?”  Her eyes accused him of some unknown misdeed.

That rocked him.  He couldn’t speak.  Couldn’t form any words as he continued to stare at her in a daze.  Youngbae watched as Amina took in a shaky breath.  He could see her resolve hardening, her eyes glowing intense with some inner fire.  Something snapped inside. 

“Why don’t you,” Amina said heatedly as she clenched her teeth, “…talk to me?”

Youngbae’s eyes flickered over her face.  He took in the defiant posture, her eyes that seared through his soul and demanded answers.  Even in her fury, he marveled at her composure and pent up restraint.  He could tell that she was angry at him… for whatever reason, he didn’t quite yet know.  He swallowed hard but refused to recoil under her questions.

“Mwuh?” He bit out, feeling his own anger funneling back up.  “You think I don’t love you?”  He furrowed his eyebrows, his lips turning red with emotion.

“Do you?” Amina asked, her face mere inches away from his. 

He felt a stab of pain in the pit of his stomach.

“Do you really love me?”

“How can you ask me that?” He grounded out, his fingers digging into her waist.  “After everything…”

“Then answer me then,” Amina shook her head marginally back and forth across his face, her eyes locked on his.  “It should be easy, right?” she taunted.  “Tell me you love me.  Tell me you’re in love with me.”

“Me,” she gritted out. “The person in front of you… and not the girl you met two years ago.”  Amina’s voice started shaking and her eyes started filling up with more tears.  “Tell me you love me for who I am now.  With all my flaws and mistakes…because you know me so well.  Because you know all the difficulties and challenges I continue to face when I’m awake and the fears that haunt me when I go to sleep at night.”

She inhaled brokenly and begged.  “Tell me.”

He couldn’t breathe. 

Youngbae stared into her face and found himself frozen under her desperate gaze.  The words and anger that poured out of were new revelation to him.  He felt himself drowning in the sea of her turbulent thoughts, felt his panic crest over in waves.  He needed more time to process this.  Needed a chance to prove to her that he knew all the things she was asking of him.  Because right now… right now, he was at a loss for words.

Amina closed her eyes and turned slightly away.  She glanced back at him with a heavy heart.  “You don’t even know who I am.”

He parted his mouth as if to speak, but no sounds came out.

“I’m not blaming you,” Amina continued.  “There just hasn’t been enough time for us.  Don’t you see?”  She bitterly twisted her lips.  “Ever since I came back, we’ve been on this roller coaster ride of ups and downs.  When we’re together, it’s always intense.  We’re either fighting or making up.”

She looked away.  “Then there are these long stretches of time where we don’t even see each other.”  Amina bowed her head dejectedly, remembering the frequent moments of solitude where she kept to herself.  It gave her too much time to dwell on the past.  Too much time to second guess their relationship.  “Those times seem to be the worst for me.”

“Baby, you know I’m busy with work and my album-“

“It’s not that,” she interrupted.  “I know what I got myself into when we got involved.  I know how demanding your work is.  It’s not you.”  She trailed off and gazed somewhere near the corner of the bed, her eyes unfocused.

“Jagi.”

He shook her lightly to gain her attention.  He repeated the endearment and gazed intensely into her lost eyes.  “I love you.  Please know that.”

The desperation in his voice did nothing but further aggravate and frustrate her.  Amina got off his lap and moved away.  “You’re not listening to me!”  She walked away, hugging herself.  “You haven’t even heard a word I’ve said.”

“Neh, I have,” he cajoled, standing up after her.  Youngbae his lips nervously and stepped up to her.  Why did it feel like he was losing her again?  Why did it always feel this way?  He tampered down the insecurities and concentrated on her. 

“I know we haven’t had time to ourselves.”  He reached out placed his hands on her upper arms.  “And I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend…”

She let out a humorless scoff and eyed him sarcastically.  “Listen to yourself.  You haven’t been the best boyfriend and now you’re asking to be ‘not the best husband.’  You don’t have time for me, but now you’re asking me for a lifetime commitment.”  She shook her head in exasperation.  “A ring on the finger won’t mean anything to me, Bae-yah.  Not when we continue to have issues like this.”

His face started turning red as realization set in.  She wasn’t going to marry him.  Not now.  And maybe… not ever.

A knock on the door.

He dropped his hands right as the door opened.  He couldn’t bear to face his umma.

“When you are finished, come outside and tell your appa and me your arrangements.  Then we’ll eat dinner afterwards.”

Amina looked over at Youngbae’s mother as she stood by.  Her moo