Have Alittle Faith In Me
Heartbreaker
"how rude of me, im Suho" he streatches his hand, but i dont shake it. he puts his hand down
"im Yixing future husband"
"what?" i whisper, but still showing my hurtful tone "you didnt tell him?" Suho ask Yixing, as he turns to see him. but Yixing cant stop looking at me, and neither can i. i was waiting for him to smile, or laugh and say it was just a stupid joke. but as time passes and he doesnt say those words. i begin to believe Suho. getting myself hurt.
"our parents, made this arrange marriage.." Yixing stops Suho "i think is best if is me who should tell Luhan the story" his about to grab my hand but i give a step back. if he tells me the story, im going to believe in him. and i dont want that, because evertyime i believe in his words i end up getting hurt "no, Suho continue" Yixing doesnt take his place next to Suho.
i look down, i didnt want to see Yixing eyes, but i can still feel them looking at me "i think i should go" Kris finally speaks, i dont move. i only move my hand grabbing his arm. i didnt say anything, because i was starting to cry. but he could feel what i was trying to beg him. for him not to go, if i need someone to hold me when i fall, i would like him to be there to catch me.
Suho coughs, feeling the awkwardness "my...parents told me ones i finish my career i can go back to Seoul and marry Yixing" im still holding Kris, but i begin to hold him tighter. as i clean my tears only for them to start again "im going to take Luhan home" Kris grabs me but Yixing stops him "no, im going to take him" i push Yixing away "Luhan.."
i try to look up at him, but i couldnt. so i just follow Kris to his car. he opens the door for me, and i get in. i can still feel Yixing eyes on me, so i turn away as i clean my tears. Kris enters the car, and drives away. i put my head on the window, and there was silence. Kris didnt ask anything, even when i know he wants to. i wish there was another sound apart from my thoughts.
the scene keeps repeating and repeating. like an old movie thats stuck in my brain. making me hurt, making me see how people really are. after all, love wasnt so great at all.
Kris leaves me infront of the underworld, i open the door and he didnt say anything. he wants to talk, but it wasnt something i wanted to do anymore. i close the door, and Kris just drives away. i was starting to be afraid of the world, what Yixing did to me was the final point. life wasnt so good, love wasnt so good. the colors were gone. and now black and white is all i see.
i open the doors, and Tao runs after me "hey" he says happy but after seen me fully, he looks at me surprise "Luhan whats wrong?" i walk by him, but he stops me "Luhan, talk to me" my eyes begin to cry again "why couldnt you be there when i was looking for you!?!" i push him and i run to my room. like a little kid thats trying to hide.
the little kid thats afraid of the dark, thats what iam now. i open the door, and i soon as i get in a lock it. i lay down in my bed, looking at the clock. now time was the only friend that i got. as i look at the clock, i notice that i was wishing for time to go fast, but it wasnt. now time was taking his time, and time is not something that i can wait for.
i hear a low knock, two thoughts came to mind. one it was Tao and two it could be Yixing. and both of them i couldnt see right now. but the knock doesnt stop,and i dont want to get up "im coming in" i sit up when i recognize the voice "hi" it was Kyungsoo, the person that i need it right now. so i didnt waste any time and i run to his arms.
"is okay Luhan" he says as he hugs me tighter "lets go home" "Kyu.." Kyungsoo stops me "he call me Luhan, he said i should take you home" i nod, he didnt have time for someone like anyways. now he need it to plan his wedding. i take my things, which they werent alot. just a small suitcase. Kyungsoo leaves the room first, i was about to close the door, but i stop.
i look around the room, this was the last time i was going to see this room. it was part of me, even if it was a small part. it was still mine. i turn the lights off, and i slowly close the door. saying goodbye to this part of me.
drawings of a face that i cant finish, paints the wall. i been in this room for two weeks now, and for the first time i feel safe. he wasnt around me, to lie to me anymore. i dont cry in the middle of the night like i used to. but that doesnt mean i talk, even to Kyungsoo or Jongin. i only nod, or say "okay" "dont worry" "i dont love him anymore" thats all my mouth can form.
i push every memory down of him, even when sometimes i get the feeling of remembering his face. and thats when i begin to draw him, but that feeling fades away. so i cover this four walls with his half of face, to a reminder not to think of him. to stop trying to draw him. sometimes it works, when im not looking at the window.
sometimes when i try not have to much things in my mind, i look at the window. and i see people passing by, i start to make up stories. a background of that person, but it seems like they always end up in sadness. i low knock makes me look at the door, the way it sounds, it was Kyungsoo. he knows that when i dont answer he just opens the door.
"here is your food" Kyungsoo cleans the desk alittle before he puts the food, seen drawing of a person he knows to well. but not even him cant stop saying his name "Yixing again?" "i dont love him anymore" he doesnt say anything else about that topic "Jongin and i, are going to study at the library if you need anything just text me okay?" i nod, he puts his hand in my shoulder, and gives me a half smile.
i look at the food that Kyungsoo brought me, and i see how i dont like the same things anymore. i had to change. but even ones in awhile Kyungsoo would bring me something, that would remind me of him. like black coffee, and i couldnt eat for two days. it was the memory, of that day thats still fresh in my head. hunting, until i feel numb again.
i sit down, as i was going to begin to eat, when i hear someone knocking on the door. and i know it wasnt Kyungsoo or Jongin by the way the knocks sound. i look at the door, waiting for that person to go away. who let them in? was this some kind of plan by Jongin?
the knocks dont stop and i was getting tired of it, so i get up and i open the door "Luhan" thats all he said before i close the door in his face "Luhan i need to talk to you" i couldnt hear him talk, cause i know im going to believe in his words again "Luhan listen, i didnt know he was going to come back" i sit in the floor leading against the door
"he doesnt matter to me, you do. please Luhan open the door" slowly i move my hands towards my ears. i cover them, blocking his voice. opening the scar, making me cry. his words are poison to my heart. i can still feel the door vibrating, he was still there. knocking. i close my eyes, trying to think of something else. taking my brain to a far away land, where me and him never met.
i dont know how long actually pass, when i slowly put my hands down. the knocking had stop. i put my legs to my chest, and i couldnt move "his gone Luhan" Kris says "how...long ago?" i feel Kris sitting in the floor, as he leads again the door in the other side "i dont know..." i nod, is better not to know
"what happen to you Luhan?"
i dont know
"i went back the same day, i took you back..and Tao told me you left"
i had to, he told me to leave
"can you come out from your room?"
no
"i want to talk to you Luhan"
i dont have any words to say, speaking less makes less scars
"i just want the old Luhan..."
me too
"if you ever need someone Luhan, im here. i know is hard for you to trust someone again i wouldnt blame you, but it doesnt mean that im the same as him"
i know you are not
"someone ones told me, to forget someone that hurt you the only thing you can do is to continue to live" i hear Kris standing up, i slowly grab the door knob and i open the door. Kris looks at me, and i look at him. he sits down in the floor again to be at the same height.
"hi"
-
happy valentines day ^^
Comments