I Want To Break Free
Heartbreaker
after all that happened yesterday, this morning all of the host wait in the room. this is their job, they didnt know what was going to happen. Yixing hasnt appear since yesterday. and the chaos broke lose. Tao stands next to me, as we hear other host wanting to go on a protest. everything they knew about life, came from this walls.
and they didnt want to let go. Jonghyun was using words like, "unite" and "power" in his speech, moving every host "what do you think is going to happen?" Tao shrugs "i dont know, this is big deal" i nod, and whos going to take care of the underworld? is Yixing father coming back? or is Yixing going to take Jongdae's spot. one that always belong to him.
and if he does, what does it mean for us? everything that could have being, is gone? "Luhan" Baekhyun whispers in my hear "Yixing is back, he wants to see you in his office" his office..Yixing is going to take care of the underworld. sadness runs in my veins, and my brain builts impossible things. but i push everything back, not wanting to show my sadness to anyone.
i enter the office, and Yixing was already busy "sit, please" Yixing orders me without seen me. Baekhyun takes his original spot, but this time his behind Yixing. and i have to say, i feel weird seen this "i going to free you from your contract" he looks at me "what? what about the 3 million?" Baekhyun gives the contract to Yixing "we can just forget it"
i bite my lip, wanting to say 'what about us? are we going to forget this too'. but i stay quiet "can i say something?" Baekhyun asks, Yixing nods "you cant break the contract" "and why is that? Jongdae is dead" i didnt like how those words sound coming from Yixing "i know, but look at this" Baekhyun leads down and tries to find an important piece in the contrat "because in the contract it says that he has to pay you, not Jongdae"
even when Jongdae wasnt here anymore, he knew how to ruin things. but i have to be honest, im glad he did this. this way i can stay here "Baekhyun take note" Baekhyun takes his notebook and a pen out, waiting for Yixing's words "Luhan, would not be for rent or for sell" "what?" Baekhyun and me say at the same time "if you want Luhan, you...you can just stay here...by my side"
by my side, words that ring in my ears "eh?" "i mean you dont have to pay me, i dont care what the contract says. you can just stay here...like a normal person. only you be with me...if you want" can he see my smile? can he notice how much my muscles from my lips hurt? im smiling and i dont care if Baekhyun things im weird.
im smiling because..Yixing ask me to stay with him. by his side. is it possible that im entering Yixing's heart? is there space for me? "yes, Yixing! yes!" Yixing chuckles and i know Baekhyun roll his eyes. but i dont care. Yixing comes by my side and grabs my hand. Baekhyun opens his mouth, and Yixing nor me care. he takes me outside the office, and we go to the room where the rest of the host are.
still holding my hand, he opens the door and the host made way. the room is quiet, and im afraid their going to jump Yixing or something "everyone listen" Yixing and me stand in the middle of the room "dont worry, the underworld is going to be open" the host start to clap "but!" everyone stands quiet, theres always a but "for today, the underworld is going to be close"
everyone whispers to each other, but the tone of their voices sound like they were against it "listen, for the first time. you guys are going to have fun. be the kids you guys couldnt be" i smile, as i hear the new Yixing "okay? but tomorrow. back to work" the host scream with excitement, Yixing takes me out of the room.
i didnt ask anything, i didnt ask where we going. i didnt ask why he was acting like a crazy person (which i love), i didnt ask how he was coping with Jongdae death. because the only things that matter to me, even when it sounds alittle selfish. but the only thing that i was paying attention to, was him. him holding my hand. his soft hands, feeling so smooth with mine.
i was allow to be selfish...right?
"so why are we driving outside the city?"
"horses"
"eh?"
"theres a farm about 10 miles outside the city, and they have horses, thats where we going" Yixing says, giving me a smile. but still looking at the window, trees reflecting from the window into his eyes "do...do you like horses that much?"
Yixing doesnt turn to look at me, he continues to look at the window. a feeling of sadness surround him "when i was younger...my mother and i moved to Seoul. leaving my hometown. she had three jobs, and i wasnt allow to help her. she wanted me to continue with school" Yixing bites his lips "so one day, i prayed for the first time. i prayed for my mother to find happiness"
"and one day she comes from work and she tells me shes in love" in love with Jongdae's father "they went on dates, and on vacations. into finally we moved into his house, the one you know" i keep looking at him, hoping he would look at me or for him to put his head on my shoulder "thats when i met Jongdae, it was hard at first. i think he thought he need it to compete with me for his father's love"
Yixing moves his hand slowly to his chest, remembering the pain but not quiet feeling it, he chuckles "we are here" its a lovely farm, people were working, feeding the animals. it looks like a whole new world. Yixing opens the door first and takes a big breath. it seems like he need it, after what he was saying to me "come Luhan" i follow Yixing, to the far area of the farm.
and thats when i see five strong beautiful brown horses. running around the whole field, free, happy "arent they beautiful?" Yixing whispers, i turn to look at him "yeah" there was a silence arounds us, it was the type of silence that had alot to say, but it would mean open old wounds. so we continue to look at the horses.
and the lovely sunset.
"is a shame we couldnt stay longer" i say looking at a pale Yixing "yeah..maybe next time we could stay longer" Yixing rest his hand in top of the door handle "when did you begin to be friends with Jongdae?" i say between a small chuckle, and he copy me "because of a dream" a dream..? "we used to share rooms, so one night, he wakes me up shaking. almost crying"
"he said that he was in a field, and he was trying to look for us. so he runs and runs but he couldnt move. he would always come back to the same place. he was freaking out so much, i have never seen him like that. so i lie to him" Yixing smiles, and his eyes begin to tear up "i told him....that i had the same dream" he smiles alittle, as the tears fall "but in mine, i was looking for him as i ride a horse, and the reason why i didnt find him was because he woke up"
"half of me knew that Jongdae realize i was lying, and the othe half wanted Jongdae to stop crying" i hold Yixing hand, and he puts his head in my shoulder. and i feel his tears landing on my shirt "he said, thank you brother"
the car, was quiet the whole way back. in was ones in awhile when i could hear Yixing sobbing.
i put my head intop of his, and i also cry in silent.
the next day, i woke up early. it was lonely sleeping in my room, but i know Yixing need it time for his own. and i dont really know if he feels embarrass because he cried infront of me. im in the seconf floor looking down at the first floor. the host had a big party. beer cans, food, clothes, cigarette were all on the floor. host really know how to have a party.
i hear a door open, and it belong to Yixing's room. i turn to look at him, and he does the same. i didnt want him to be embarrass around me, so i decided to go downstairs or any place far away from him. but he was walking towards me, i look down. i dont want him to think he has to talk to me, after what happened yesterday. we were about to pass by each other
but he puts his arm around my waist and pulls me towards him "Yixing..what are you doing?" he comes close to me, thinking im going to push him away. and thats when he smiles and presses his lips towards mine. Yixing kisses me gentle, like his afraid to break me. he presses me more towards him, not wanting space between us. the way his lips go against mine, the way he bites my lips.
the way he doesnt want to let me go, and the taste he gives me. it was this little things, that im beginning to love in him.
and his lips.
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