Some Nights
Heartbreaker
the house has a smell of dust, and loneliness. with only one big sofa, for three people. it didnt look clean, but it look really comfy "let me see if we have some food" Yixing walks straight ahead towards the kitchen. i enter the big livingroom, and i can imagine Yixing laying down on the sofa reading, or at least studying. knowing how much he loved school.
there was not a single picture, but they did left some plastic bags and boxes. it look like they were in hurry to get out "we dont have food" i stand infront of a fire place, i wonder if it works "is there a place were we can buy food?" Yixing throws his jacket to the dirty sofa "yes, but we dont have any money" i nod "dont worry i have a plan" he winks at me.
he runs to the stairs like a little kid, he puts his feet to the first step of the stairs. he looks at me like im the weird one "arent you coming?" i run to him, and he laughs. i guess he found out that when im nervous, i tend to run funny.
we get upstairs, and the first room i think it used to belong to Yixing's parents. he was walking so slow, so careful. like if he was a thief, walking in his tip of toes. slowly he opens what i think is his room. the light from the window made it shy in his face. and he was smiling.
he walks towards the closet, i get the feeling that he doesnt want to open it. afraid that his answers are going to be wrong. he sighs, erasing everything. but forming another smile when he finds out clothes inside the closet "ha" "did you forgot to pack them when you left?" he shakes his head "no" he throws me a shirt and some blue jeans "my mother put them here, she knew i was coming" he chuckles "she knew i was coming"
words that sound hopeful, words that i dont understand. but im dying to know his past "you can change here, i change outside" Yixing closes the door behind him, and i begin to take my shirt off. i put a white t-shirt that Yixing gave me. the softness was so warm against my skin. i turn to look at the door, to see if the door was fully close, before i take my pants off.
i was alittle paranoid, or nervous knowing im alone in a house with Yixing. i sigh frustrated, as i take my pants off. i cant lose my cool around Yixing. we are both adults. i put my shoes back on, and i open the door just to see Yixing without pants. he doesnt look surprise, or tells me to look away. he just stands there, waiting for me to react.
he comes close to me, and i dont know what to do. should i just go back inside the room and lock the door? he raises his hand, and i wonder if his going to pull me close to him. but he doesnt, he covers my eyes "go inside, i tell you when to come out" i nod, he doesnt take his hand off, into i close the door. i didnt know what to do. after this, i dont think i know how to act around him.
but wasnt he covering my eyes, the sweetest thing ever? - i ask myself as i begin to blush.
Yixing passes by the supermarket aisles with the shopping cart. im behind him, just looking "oh we need cereal" he puts a small box of cereal inside the cart "what would you like Luhan?" i dont answer him, making him turn around "stop being so shy" he plays with my hair "now what do you want?" i sighs, i seen him having , this is nothing.
"soup" he snaps his fingers "right!" we walk to the microwave food aisle. he grabs five different kinds of soups "lets try them all" i nod "something else you want?" i look around, i wasnt really hungry "no, just that" "your not fun to shop with" he chuckles, and i do the same.
"okay, now lets rest" he takes two pillows from the sofa and puts it on the middle "what are you doing?" he lays down, barely fitting "im protecting you" "from what?" i lay down on my side. he fit better than me "from me" i sit up as i look at him, whats that suppose to mean? "here you can have the blanket" i cover myself with small blanket.
it was dark, but i wasnt sleepy. im not going to have another chance to be this close with Yixing. so why waste time "you said your mom put the clothes in your closet, what do you mean by that?" "i told her i was going to escape from Jongdae, she knew my first stop was going to be this house" we both lay down, i wasnt looking at him, and he wasnt looking at me.
"but you never did"
he chuckles, at the obvious answer "it got harder and harder for me to leave"
"how did you end up in there, in the first place?"
"by a mistake"
"and your parents?" Yixing stays quiet, for a moment. i hear his mouth open, not knowing how to tell me his past "my mother, got the chance to run away. i used to send her letters, and she would tell me she was okay back in China. then the letters stop" "why?"
"my father wanted me to focus at work, at being a host"
"at thought you said it was a mistake?"
"it was a mistake from my part, for believing i could have dreams" i was getting sad at hearing Yixing past. his mother left, his father made him work as a host and he couldnt refuse. what kind of life was that? "and your brother?"
"my brother....my brother was always on my dad side. so when my father pass him the family business, he was so happy"
"family business?"
"yeah, the underworld is the family business" i sit up, my eyes look at Yixing. but he didnt look at me. knowing that i had figure it out, knowing why Yixing wanted his father dead. his own father was making him be a host. making him sell himself.
"my brother, is Jongdae"
"Yixin..." "goodnight Luhan" he interrupts me, i continue to look at him as he has his eyes close. no words on earth was going to make him happy, there were not going to erase his past. or the things he did. my words werent going to make his life easy. so i keep them inside. instead i stand up, and put him the blanket and i kiss him on his cheek.
"good night Yixing"
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