This isn't "Lie" but close enough : It's All Lies - B.A.P. 

“Kojimal might just be the hardest song I've ever written.”

Dumbfounded, Hana stared at Jiyong's earnest face. He swallowed loudly, blinking as he broke their eye contact. Laughing lamely, he ran his hands over his red hair.

Hana bit her lip, silent tears slowly glazing over her eyes. She had listened to “Kojimal” more than once and she had been inexplicably drawn to it. She remembered listening to it for the first time and wondered for a split second why it sounded so familiar. She never imagined it would be entirely about her. She felt her heart wrench. He suffered that much, too.

“Oh, Jiyong.” She wanted to engulf him in a hug.

Jiyong smiled, allowing their gazes to meet. He shifted his feet to face her and folded his legs in front of him, cradling his head on his knees. Hana blushed a furious red, surprised at his stare.

“Say that again,” he said softly.

“Say what?”

“My name.” Jiyong kept his gaze on hers even when he felt his cheeks redden at what he had asked for. Hana fidgeted but she knew he was dead serious about this request. If anything, Jiyong was and still is the most stubborn person she had ever met.

“Ji-jiyong.” It came out airy and almost inaudible but Jiyong grinned at her.

“You always say my name so perfectly.”

HANA

Saying that Jiyong broke my heart is an understatement. He broke, crushed, minced, and fed it to a thousand sharks. Saying that I hated him was also an understatement. I hated his face, those bloated cheeks and stern eyes. I hated all the girls that hover around him in class and outside of it. I hated how we still sat next to each other in class because I couldn't change seats in the middle of the year. I hated Youngbae for sticking with him even after knowing what happened. Most of all, I hated the fact that even with all the reasons for loathing him, I still couldn't bring myself to hate him completely.

My daily routine became easy. Wake up, go to school, avoid looking at Jiyong, go out for break time, eat alone for lunch, avoid him again in the afternoon classes, go home, study, force myself not to think of him, then finally, sleep. Sometimes I get nightmares. Most nights, I just end up staring at my ceiling until 3AM.

If there's one thing I'm proud of though, it's the fact that I never cried. That rainy night was the last time I allowed myself to break down. Even months later, I remained dry-eyed. Sure, I moped around but I never showed my friends that I was hurting. I thought I hid it well, too. But apparently, I could never fool Hyekyung.

It was a Saturday afternoon, the sun was up and Hyekyung had dragged me out of my room. We sat opposite each other at our favorite ice cream shop with me throwing her dark looks while sipping my strawberry milkshake.

“Oh, will you just stop it, Hana!” Hyekyung hissed at me, throwing her spoon on the half-eaten cup of raspberry ice cream in front of her. “You'd only be rolling around in bed all day if I hadn't taken you out.”

“I would have been studying.” I said, crossing my arms on my chest.

“Shut up.” Hyekyung rolled her eyes, her chaebol princess attitude surfacing. “We're graduating in a month. You've gotten really good scores on the college exam and you're going to a really good university.”

I sighed. Right. High school was finally going to be over. I could finally have a fresh start.

“Do you know how you look like right now, Hana?” My eyes locked with Hyekyung, registering the empathy in hers but it only infuriated me.

“I know what I look like.” I said slowly, already feeling the anger rise up in my throat. “I look pathetic.”

Hyekyung sighed angrily. “Yes, you are pathetic.” My head shot up, shocked at her reply even though I did say it first. “You look pathetic because you're being all depressed and blaming yourself for what happened. You're regretting the fact that you confessed and that you ran away the moment Jiyong rejected your feelings when every single nerve in your body screamed at you to stay and fight.” She stared at me with eyes blazing for a moment.

I turned away from my best friend because I hated hearing her put into concrete words the exact thoughts swimming in my head.

“Hana, you're strong willed and determined. You never back down on anything.” Hyekyung's voice softened, her hand holding on to mine. I tried to focus my attention on the table. “You've always been the strongest girl I know, but it hurts me to see you trying to hide your feelings like this. You won't even say his name out loud!”

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I pushed Hyekyung's hand away. I could feel the tears coming and I didn't want to make a scene in an ice cream shop. I picked up my bag and started to slip out of the booth when Hyekyung held onto my arm.

“I talked to Youngbae,” she said, making me stiffen. “There was a reason Jiyong rejected you.”

“Yeah, cause he was romancing all his ladies.” Even as the words came out of my mouth, I knew they weren't true. That it was a buoy for me to stop myself from sinking deeper into my self pity. Jiyong had become a flirt maniac and he rejected me so he could see and kiss as many girls as he wanted. The problem was, deep down, I knew that wasn't true. Next to Youngbae, I knew him the best and he would never use girls like that.

Hyekyung's shoulders fell as she looked at me with concerned eyes. I looked away, biting my lip to keep myself from revealing my real feelings.

“No,” she said, sighing. “Jiyong told Youngbae everything. He did it out of his idiotic code of honor about upholding a friendship.”

“Well, that didn't work out well, did it? Seeing as we're acting like strangers now.” I muttered, clenching my teeth.

Hyekyung let out a longer, more frustrated sigh this time. She closed her eyes for a minute before resting them on mine.

“I wasn't talking about your friendship, Hana,” This time, I sensed the seriousness and sincerity in her dark brown eyes. “He said that he rejected you for Hansuk but there's more.”

* * *

I walked in my room feeling dazed and confused with everything that Hyekyung said. Dropping my things on my study table, I let myself fall face first on my bed.

Jiyong rejected you for Hansuk.

Hansuk likes you and Jiyong promised to help him out.

He's scared and confused as well because he feels the same way you do.

I thrash on my bed, screaming into my pillow. My head hurt so much that I wanted to hit it on the wall. I settled on the bed instead.

What the hell is happening??

He feels the same way as me? He's scared and confused? About what? And Hansuk? He's stepping back because of Hansuk? Why didn't he just tell me straight up that he's doing this for his friend? For our friend?

“..stubborn, pain in the neck, immature, crazy bastard...” I muttered, biting my pillow in frustration. Who does he think he is deciding things for himself? What makes him think that I'd be better off with Hansuk than with him? Does he really think I'm that stupid?

But then again, it was me who had liked him first. It was me who held on to these feelings for more than a year. I was the one who hid it. I was the coward. Heck, I even needed Hyekyung and Youngbae's intervention just to have some sort of courage to confess to him.

Maybe Jiyong really was right. Maybe it should have been better if I hadn't messed things up by kissed him. We would have just went on our merry way, ignorant of each other's feelings.

I buried my face in my pillow, willing it to suffocate me. We're both afraid of our own feelings and used the “friendship” excuse to escape.

“You're causing yourselves to hurt. It's your stupid fear that's stopping you from seeing the happiness that your love has to offer.”

Hyekyung's words before we left floated in my mind and settled itself in the depths of my strained heart. I sighed. Fear, huh? She was right, I had plenty of that.

Pushing myself up from my bed, I turned and sat down on the edge of the bed. I stared at the table in front me, particularly at the drawer where my diary was. The diary that cradled all the love I had for my best friend.

I reached out to open the drawer and took out the brown leather-bound notebook. I haven't written in it for months, ever since that spectacle in the rain. I didn't have the heart to open this notebook again and read through my own feelings. I closed my eyes and held onto the closed journal. After what seemed like forever, I opened my eyes and ran my fingers over the cover.

Taking a deep, lingering breath, I opened the journal and started to read about Jiyong. I smiled at the memories — how he had made Danny piggyback me to the clinic when I fell sick cause he didn't have the muscles to lift me himself, how he faked a flu just to stay in the clinic with me until my mom picked me up, how he brought all kinds of fruits and a box of Pepero the next day to cheer me up, and how much Hyekyung had scolded him for trying to give me sweets which I wasn't allowed to eat yet. God, all those memories and it was only the first few days.

I read through every single one of my entries. Some were filled with fluff and amusing girlish gushing while others were rants of how stupid and stubborn Jiyong was. I smiled at some of the pranks he pulled on me, remembering the annoyance I had felt then. He would always end up appeasing me (with Pepero) by the end of the day.

Halfway through, tears were already dripping on the paper. They crept slyly from my heart up to my eyes. By the time I reached the last page, I was a crying mess. After months and months of denying myself the grieving period that I should have gone through, I finally allowed myself to let go of the ache that weighed my heart down.

I wasn't in pain because I saw Jiyong with another girl that day. It wasn't even because he rejected me. The heavy hurt in my heart was because I missed him. I wanted my best friend back so much.

“I miss you so much, Jiyong.” An overwhelming sadness washed over me as I finally said his name out loud over and over again.

JIYONG

I flipped open my phone, the light almost blinding me. I had settled at the darkest corner of the training room, sitting cross-legged on the floor after practicing by myself. I navigated to the photo gallery and started rummaging through my old photos. Most of them were the selcas I took alone or with friends. I scanned through most of them, knowing fully well what picture I wanted to see. Finally, I paused on a photo of me and Hana.

We had taken it at the beginning of the school year when we found out that we were classmates. I had on a huge grin that showed my crooked teeth and gums. My head leaned on Hana's head while she looked like she was trying to avoid me. Hana was scowling, her lips curled up in disgust as she side-eyed me. I held out a peace sign while she had her arms crossed over her chest. I remembered ruffling her hair that day, which explained its disheveled state in the photo.

The edges of my lips pulled up, though I know the smile wouldn't reach my eyes. Not once in the months that I had spent away from Hana had I smiled genuinely. Not even when Hyunsuk hyung announced that the five of us left in Bigbang were to begin working on our debut album. They all thought I was depressed because Hyeunseng was eliminated.

My thumb caressed the sides of Hana's face. It pained me to know that this was the only way I could be close to her again. I was left with caressing the cold screen of my phone. I felt my throat contract and I immediately blew air out through my mouth, scared that I would start crying in the training room.

“Jiyong,” I looked up and saw Seunghyun hyung who had come in. He stood by the entrance, holding the door open. “What are you doing here? I thought you were at the studio with Pil Kang hyung?”

I quickly closed my phone and stood up. I stretched, letting out a loud groan as I felt my joints crack. I really practiced hard today. I picked up the camera used to record my progress and my bag from the floor.

“I was just practicing my breakdancing.” I told hyung, flexing my neck as I walked towards him. “I lost track of time.”

“You seem to be losing track of time a lot lately.” Seunghyun hyung said, looking at me with a raised eyebrow. “Are you okay?”

“Don't worry about it, hyung.” I nodded, flashing him a reassuring smile but Seunhyun hyung only stared at me unconvinced.

“I saw you staring at a photo on your phone the other day.” He blurted out, leaning on the door frame. He crossed both arms in front of his chest and jutted out his long legs in front of him, blocking my way out. “Was that Hana?”

I lowered my head and let out a sigh. Of course, Seunghyun hyung would ask about it. He had been the most annoyed at my lack of responsiveness these past few months. I shouldn't have introduced him to Hana or to any of the guys for that matter.

“Don't concern yourself with this hyung. I'm fi—” I started to say but Seunghyun hyung slammed his open palm on the door. It wasn't a secret that his eyes looked scary but hyung had always tried to mellow his gaze down. Right now though, the full effect of his burdensome stare was directed at me.

“Look, Ji,” he said, as I shifted uneasily on my feet. “You're being an insecure, scared little punk. If you don't go and rectify things with her, you'll end up being a huge coward until the day you die.” He shook his head, letting air out through his nose slowly. “When you're unfocused like this, the whole group suffers. You're the leader. Don't you dare bring the team down.”

Geez, always the tactful hyung.

“I can't be with her, hyung. I'll just hu—” I tried again, my excuses already laid out in my mind. I've been thinking about it over and over in my head for so long that those words had already etched itself into my brain. Seunghyun hyung didn't want to hear it though.

“Oh for God's sake, don't give me that 'I'll just hurt her and I don't want to lose this friendship' crap!” he shouted, making me step back in shock. It's very rare to see Choi Seunghyun angry. I was already fearing for my life when he stepped towards me and gave my forehead a flick. “In case you were too stupid to notice, your friendship had crashed and burned already!”

He stomped out of the room huffing, leaving me with a painful forehead. I blinked after him, unsure of what to do. The things he said were still trying to sink into my brain. I was just straightening up when Seunghyun hyung came charging in again, still steaming.

“WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?! GO TO THE STUDIO NOW!” He was practically spitting in my face. “THEN GO HOME AND RETHINK EVERY STUPID THING YOU'VE DONE!”

He walked out again, questioning no one in particular about how he had to take care of us just because he's the hyung and muttering about how much he hated this responsibility. I watched him leave, still processing everything he said. Slowly, I shook my head, laughing bitterly at my predicament.

UPDATE: I added the flashback with Jiyong coz I thought they can't be separated. LOL Enjoy!

Yosh, heartache again. The next chapter will (hopefully) have the last flashback so we can settle on the real time story.

Heeee. I'll miss high school Jiyong. 

What did you think about the song btw? I've been addicted to it while writing this chap TBH. :)) 

BTW, HUGE THANK YOU  to your comments, wall posts, and stalking (?) haha Every comment made me happy. :))