YOUNGBAE

 

Something's wrong, I can feel it.

 

Ever since that weekend we spent at Hyekyung's, Jiyong and Hana had been at this silent feud for almost three weeks that no one knew about or understood. All I can remember was finding Jiyong in our room, huddled on the floor in his wet clothes. His eyes looked really red, too. I tried asking him what happened but he just stood up and went to the bathroom like a zombie. I never got the chance to ask him again.

 

The next day, Hyekyung looked pissed off at Jiyong and she refused to say why when I questioned her about it. Needless to say, the 2^nd day of our trip wasn't really as enjoyable as we expected. Then about a week after that, Jiyong came back to the dorm all drenched in the rain and looked like the whole world fell on him. He fell sick for two days after that.

 

Jiyong had been zoning off during training as well. It annoyed me because he choice the worst time to be all depressed and halfhearted. Hyunsuk hyung had announced that they were going to go through with eliminating 2 trainees to keep Bigbang in the original 4 members that they had planned. We needed a leader right now and Jiyong's mystery emotional sickness was not helping at all.

 

What more, I also noticed how he started flirting with the female trainees and even with the new dancers. Jiyong. Flirting. That is seriously a disaster.

 

Jiyong does not flirt. He's flirted with, but NEVER flirting.

 

I'm pretty sure something happened between him and Hana and I'm determined to find out what. I guess I should start with Hyekyung, then.

 

* * *

 

I waited outside the school gate for Hyekyung to show up after class. Looking at my watch, I realized that I only had less than an 2 hours before training. Jiyong had already left, saying that he was meeting up with someone. I saw him walking off with a girl a year older than us though, and no, they didn't look like they were just going to go on a friendly walk. He's starting to annoy me so much right now.

 

Rocking on my feet, I buried my hands in my jacket pocket and bit my lip. I really hoped Hyekyung and Hana wouldn't go home together today cause I really needed to end this madness that Jiyong is in. I bet Hana wouldn't me or Hyekyung butting in. Thankfully, I saw Hyekyung walking towards the gate alone.

 

“Hyekyung-ah!” I called out, waving my hands up above my head. She looked up, her lips automatically set into a disapproving line the moment he recognized me. Was it that bad? She sighed and finally walked towards me.

 

“Let's not talk here.” She said, the moment she was within hearing distance. “Hana's still in her classroom since she's the class monitor. I don't want her running in on us unexpectedly.”

 

I nodded, confused and worried at the same time. Does this mean something really bad happened between Jiyong and Hana? I am so going to murder Jiyong, I swear.

 

We walked to the nearby ice cream shop. After ordering, we settled into a booth. I could tell it was serious by the way Hyekyung pursed her lips. I haven't seen her this upset before.

 

“What happened?” I asked, not really in the mood for introductions right now. “I know something's going on. Hana and Jiyong aren't talking, Hansuk's looking depressed, and you're angry.”

 

“I'm not angry, Bae,” Hyekyung sighed. She put her arms on the table and looked up at me. “Didn't Jiyong talk to you?”

 

“Do you think I'd be asking you if he said anything?”

 

I was getting annoyed now.

 

“It's a sensitive issue and I really don't want to complicate things.” Hyekyung said, biting her inner cheeks. She often does this when she's confused, thinking, or both. It was one of the things I find endearing about her but right now, it was annoying me.

 

“Things are already complicated,” I was near screaming now. “Jiyong is on a flirting rampage for God's sake! He's distracted in training and he hasn't been sleeping lately. If we let this go on, something bad will happen!”

 

Hyekyung looked straight into my angry eyes and didn't flinch. She blew air between clamped lips and crossed her arms in front of her chest. She looked as angry as I felt.

 

“Knowing that Jiyong is purposely flirting with practically every girl who hit on him is just plain disgusting after what he did to Hana,” she said softly but the vehemence in her voice was louder than a gong. “He's my friend and all but what he did was just too much.”

 

I kept quiet for a moment, suddenly scared of knowing the truth. I swallowed the lump in my throat and lowered my eyes. When I looked up again, Hyekyung was tearing up.

 

“What happened, Hyekyung?” I said, softly.

 

Hyekyung fumed for a bit more and I just sat there, waiting for her to cool down. Finally, she let out a resigned sigh.

 

“Jiyong kissed her.”

 

Before all of this happened, we had wanted them to do that or at least something that would force them to admit their feelings for each other. If they did kiss then our plan was a success, but why was Hyekyung so angry now?

 

“That should be good then, right?” I asked her, already so confused at the pained look on Hyekyung's face.

 

“That's not the only thing that happened, Bae,” she said, “Jiyong broke Hana's heart. Big time.”

 

 

JIYONG

 

“Aww come on, Ji...” I glanced at the girl wrapping her hands around my arm. She leaned in closer, giving me a full view of her cleavage. I smirked. “Let's leave. I really want to play with you.”

 

Even in the darkness I could tell that she was smiling. She rubbed the side of her on my arm and I flinched. I eased it away from her, grabbing a handful of popcorn. I leaned on the seat and looked up at the movie.

 

“The movie's not done yet, noona,” I say as softly as I could, even though the closest person was six rows down. “Besides, you were the one who asked me out for this.”

 

“Yeah, but it's getting boring,” she whispered, leaning close again. This time her foot ran up my left leg, as she very slowly moved to cross her legs. “Don't you want to do something much more...” Her warm breath gave me goosebumps on my neck as came close to my ear. “...active?”

 

I sighed inwardly. Why did I say yes to the movie again? Right, Hana had passed by us in the corridor today. I had been distracted, being too aware of Hana there that I ended up nodding to whatever request this noona was asking for.

 

I groaned softly, inching away from her hot breath. She clearly wanted something much more than just fun. I glanced at my watch and thanked God when I saw it was 6pm. I had originally planned to run late for practice today but with this situation, I'd be quite glad to be there on time.

 

“Oh, it's 6pm.” I whisper, starting to stand up. “I forgot I have training today. I have to go, noona. Mianheyo.”

 

Grabbing my backpack in one hand and the tub of popcorn in the other, I quickly stood up, not even bothering to hear her muffled protests. I dashed out of the cinema as fast as I could while reminding myself to avoid her in school.

 

Some time later, I walked up the stairs to our dorm. On my way in, I almost bumped into Daesung who seemed to have just finished cleaning the house. His confused expression matched mine.

 

“Aren't you supposed to be late today, hyung?” He asked me, clutching onto a black garbage back.

 

“Aren't you supposed to be coming from home?” I asked him back as I took off my shoes. I was placing them on the shoe rack when I noticed Daesung's grin. “Did you finally run away?”

 

“Huh? Ani, hyung!” he laughed, “Appa finally let me stay in the dorm. He said he was really moved by my performance the other week.”

 

Daesung's father had been disapproving of his son's dream to become a singer until about 2 weeks ago when Dae finally expressed his feelings and asked him to watch him sing. The usually stoic Mr. Kang was left in tears after Dae belted out all his feelings through his dad's favorite trot song.

 

This was the best news I've had for a while. I grinned and grabbed him in a tight hug. I was holding him in a headlock when Youngbae came in. He looked up at me and scowled. What did I do now?

 

“Ji, come out with me,” he said in a tone that brought chills up my spine. I felt scared all of a sudden but I still followed Youngbae outside.

 

“What is it?” I asked, leaning on the wall beside our door.

 

He bit his lip, digging his hands in his jacket pockets and huffed. Youngbae had always been very active. He could never stay still, always practicing a move or creating a new one, but today, he was fidgeting so much. He started pacing in front of me and I just knew at that moment that I was about to get an earful.

 

“I want you to tell me the truth right now, Kwon Jiyong,” he hissed at me. “What in God's name did you do to Hana?”

 

Wow, he finally blew up. I knew he'd been uneasy about what's happening between us but I assumed that he would be his normal self and wait until I approach him for advice. Looks like he couldn't take it anymore.

 

“Why won't you tell me about it?” he asked again, looking just like a frustrated mom.

 

I looked away from him and stood up straight. “I haven't been hiding it from you. I just didn't want to talk about it.” I said, carefully.

 

“Stop avoiding it.” Bae threw his hands up in annoyance. “You think by flirting with other girls you can get Hana to get angry and forget about you? You're only doing more damage!” Even in the dark, I could see the redness in Bae's face. He was really angry. “She's hurt and heartbroken Jiyong! You made out, she confessed to you, you reject her, and start hanging out with every single girl interested in you!”

 

I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. There was nothing that I could say to counter what Youngbae said. I felt like a total jerk now, even though I had originally planned to be one. It would have been fine if this whole thing ended with me walking out of the room that night. I would have brushed what happened off as a hormone-induced moment. But no, that strong-willed girl just had see me with another girl and confess her feelings to me.

 

“Don't say it was just a spur of the moment thing and that I'd regret it because I won't. I honestly don't want to forget it! It might have been a mistake for you but for me, it was perfect.”

 

I cringed at the memory. She had looked so sincere and... hurt. I could still remember the way my heart ached. I so wanted to grab her in an embrace and kiss her senseless again. When she kissed me in the rain that night, it took all of my strength to pry her away from me. I didn't want to let her go but I knew I was doing all the wrong things as a friend.

 

“I know you've had a girlfriend before.” Youngbae seemed to have mellowed down, probably because of the silence I was keeping. “You somehow know how to deal with this but Hana, she's never been through this. She's confused and hurt, Ji. Most of all, she thinks all of this is her fault.”

 

I looked up at Youngbae and felt my heart ache. “What? No! It's not!” I felt my stomach tighten.

 

“What we did wasn't right. We're best friends for God's sake! We don't have feelings for each other!”

 

“I like you, Kwon Jiyong.”

 

“No, you don't. You mistook our closeness as feelings for me.”

 

“You stubborn . I'm telling you I'm in love with you!”

 

“And I'm telling you that I don't, so stop it.”

 

I let out a frustrated sigh and gritted my teeth. “When she told me she liked me, I felt happy and sad at the same time.” I whispered, the images of her tear-and-rain drenched face assaulting my mind. “I so wanted to tell her that I felt the exact same way but I had to stay away for Hansuk. He likes her, Bae.” I breathed out, making Youngbae step back in shock.

 

“What? Hansuk likes Hana?” he asked, brows scrunched up. “Since when? Why didn't you tell me about this?”

 

“I promised him I'd help him.” I said, softly. “I promised I'd help him get close to her but I went on and made out with her. I'm such a great friend.”

 

“If you really do like her that much then you should have just been honest.” he said, “You guys have mutual feelings but you're the one who's mucking things up. You didn't have to hurt her like that, Ji.”

 

“She's not the only one who's hurting Bae.” I felt a sting in my eyes that I could only assume as tears threatening to come out. “Do you know why I'm flirting with those girls? Do you know why go out on dates with them and let them kiss me?” I felt my throat close up and I knew right then that I was about to cry. “I'm doing all these things because this is what I deserve! Hana can't be with me. She'll only get hurt with all these girls trying to ride in our popularity and it's going to get worse once we debut. She won't be able to handle all the girls that will surround us.”

 

My heavy breathing was the only sound in the heavy silence that followed my outburst. I leaned back on the wall and lowered my head. Covering my face with my hands, I let the tears flow.

 

“Hana's the purest most lovable girl I know and she doesn't need me to ruin her life.” I said, my voice breaking with all the sobbing. “She deserves someone safe like Hansuk.”

 

Youngbae kept quiet the whole time. He just looked at me with sympathetic but frustrated eyes, letting me cry in silence. We stayed that way for a minute—me sobbing and him just standing there, waiting for me to get a grip on my self.

 

“Jiyong, you have always been a worrywart,” Youngbae said after a while. “Sometimes, it becomes too much.”

 

“You don't understand, Bae.” I murmured but he just put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

 

“I understand you better than you know, Ji,” he said, drawing me in to a side hug. “This isn't about Hansuk's feelings for Hana nor about your promise with him. I'm pretty sure if he found out that you like Hana so much then he would gladly step back. You're just using that promise as an excuse.”

 

Youngbae put both his hands on my shoulder and made me face him. Looking steadily into my eyes, he smiled sadly.

 

“You're scared of the overwhelming feelings you have when Hana is around. That if you let yourself get into a relationship with her, you'll hurt her and she'll stop being your best friend. You're scared that you would be risking too much if you cross that line.” The way his eyes looked at me with sympathy spoke volumes of how much he understood me. “You're scared that you won't be able to make her happy.”

 

It's amazing how Youngbae knows me inside and out. He had always been able to say out loud the feelings that I didn't even know yet. He was right of course. Every single thing he said was a direct hit on my heart. I was scared. I was worried. But that it was too late. It's better to hurt her now than give her even worse pain in the future.

 

I bit my lip and shook my head. I wiped my tears away, slowly easing off Youngbae's hold on my shoulders.

 

“We're late for practice. Go get ready.” I said, walking to the door. Youngbae's defeated sigh was the last thing I heard before I let myself in our dorm.

 

---

 

Long chapter again. AND he admitted his feelings! HUL

But he's still stubborn. DOUBLE HUL

And I think you'll hate Jiyong's idiotic self denial even more here. But I need it for the story line, sort of, so yeah, haha.

Let me know what you think, yeah?