I’ve decided school is a lot like hell.

“Onew~,” I heard someone coo my name. I turned with a smile to face the speaker.

It was one of the girls from the lunch table I sat at for the last couple of days. I could tell she was pretty popular. I saw the way a lot of girls and guys looked at her. They gave her that longing look. The guys wanted to date her, talk to her, be near her. The girls wanted to act like her, look like her, be her.

“Hello Victoria,” I said happily. I spoke as kindly and sweetly as possible. After all, she had treated me kindly when I sat with her and her friends.

“Onew, I didn’t see you after class yesterday. Are you hiding from me?” She said… cutely. I supposed you could call it that. Her fists were balled up and tapping on my shoulder softly. Her bottom lip was pointing out. I didn’t know what to do. I’m sure to some guys this is cute, right?

“I’m sorry.  Did you miss me?” I couldn’t help but ask. It was just surprising that anyone noticed that I wasn’t present. It was even more surprising that it was girl like Victoria.

“Of course I missed you. Where were you?” That pout never left her lips. It was weird. I only thought pouts looked good on Jonghyun. Her lips were just too small and it looked weird.

“I was just hanging out with a friend,” I shrugged my shoulders. I couldn’t help but smile a little bit at the thought of it. I also couldn’t help but blush a little bit. Thinking of Jonghyun and how we kissed, just the fact that we kissed, made me feel sheepish and embarrassed.

I guess Victoria noticed my blush. The pout on her lips turn into a scowl. She looked considerably darker. Possibly even upset that I had other friends.

“Who?” Her tone was harsh. I suddenly felt a little scared.

“What?” I was a little surprised by her sudden change in attitude. I felt scared that we weren’t friends. We weren’t friends and she was going to call me names and yell at me. So, I took a step back.

“Who were you with instead of me?” Her tone was just as harsh the second time around. She spoke loud enough from passersby to hear. A few students gave us looks. I guess that’s what happens when you talk to pretty girls in school hallways.

“Kim Jonghyun,” I said softly. Girls are scary.

For a moment she looked stunned, and then she let out a small laugh. I didn’t really know what to do or how to respond, so I just didn’t do anything.

“I thought it was a girl. But, it was just him,” she somewhat mumbled to herself. The way she said him sounded disgusted, almost disgraced by the fact that she even had to reference Jonghyun.

For some reason, I felt a little bit of fiery heat in my core. I felt a little angered by her sudden disrespect to even the mention of him.

“I don’t want you to associate with the wrong people, Onew,” she said while she put her hand on my shoulder.

“What do you mean?”

“Kim Jonghyun is… not the type of guy you want to be seen with, Onew,” She said it slowly as if I was dumb. The whole time she was speaking, I was searching in my mind for an answer as to why.

“Oh…” I said dumbly. I simply lacked any other response.

“It’s forgivable though, you didn’t know about him,” she said with this sympathetic smile. I don’t know why, but that smile disgusted me. Then the bell rang.

Everyone ran off to class, but I felt weak. Victoria made me promise I would eat lunch with them. So, I did. But honestly, it was rather tasteless. They talked and laughed around me. I sometimes smiled. But, smiling didn’t feel good.

After school, I walked alone. I walked slowly and tiredly. Life is so draining.

“Hyung…” I heard a soft voice. It instantly made me smile.

“Jonghyun~” I said as I turned to face him. He gave me a small smile too. He started walking with me. We both silently continued on our way as if this was completely normal. If felt nice to be a part of normality. We both knew we were walking to my house and we both knew we would sit and talk and just be together.

It was nice firmly knowing how things are going to be like that. It was such a sweet feeling to be sure of something.

“Here,” he mumbled as he shoved something into my hands. I first looked at him in surprise and noticed the rosy blush on his cheeks. I smiled and looked at my hands to see a bento box with boyish hand writing on it.

“What’s this?” I said while reading the short note saying “Eat well Jinki hyung!”

“I told you I would make you kimchijeon. So, I did,” he said timidly. It was like he was waiting for acceptance. I smiled and ruffled his hair a bit, which earned me a smile.

“Thanks, Jjong<” I said while opening the box a bit to see the inside.

“I wanted to give it to you for lunch, but I didn’t know where you would be,” he said thoughtfully as if he was remembering the moment.

“Oh, I sit with Victoria,” I said while smelling the food a bit. It smelt good and it looked good. Maybe Jonghyun was really good at cooking.

“Victoria?” Jonghyun said with his mouth slightly forming a little, round “O.”

“Yeah…” I said cautiously. It seems like everyone is getting shocked by whom I spend my time with.

“Like, Victoria and Minho and Sulli and Key? You sit at that table? I heard that you were popular but I really wasn’t expecting that….” He said. I almost couldn’t understand the look on his face. Jonghyun was a lot like an open book, so I could understand him easily. But right now, in this moment, I had no clue what he was thinking. His expression was blank.

“I guess I sit with them, But, we’re not really close or anything.” I mumbled. He nodded. But, he still didn’t look happy. Or rather, he didn’t look like he was feeling anything.

So, I felt this sudden need to comfort him or make him feel anything, something, I don’t know. So, with my free hand, I grabbed his. Just so maybe he would feel the warmth of my hand and just feel warm himself.

He did look surprised at first, but then, a slow blush and a smile spread across his cheeks. I smiled a little bit too.

“Jonghyun,  today, I heard some things about you,” I started cautiously. What Victoria had said really stuck with me. I couldn’t understand what she meant by Jonghyun being “the wrong person” to hang out with.

Upon hearing that things were being said about him, Jonghyun didn’t look shocked or surprised in any way. He only looked… ashamed. He looked like a dog that had gotten caught chewing on their owners shoes.

“What did you hear?” He said it like he was waiting for the inevitable truth. I squeezed his hand a little tighter as we walked.

“I dunno, Victoria was just saying that maybe I shouldn’t hang out with you,” I said in a weak voice. It was a hard thing for me to say. Jonghyun’s expression darkened and he looked… not sad… but like he was in utter turmoil. After a few moments of silence, he spoke softly.

“Are you going to listen to her?” His voice was broken, just a soft whisper of sounds that breezed by my ears.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that; I just was wondering why she would even say something like that.” I tried to patch up whatever was being left by my words. I tried to sew back the pieces that were being broken off his smile by the mention of us not seeing each other as much. But, the pieces weren’t fitting together quite as nicely.

“They really don’t like me hyung,” He said truthfully.

“Who?”

“All of them. Everyone at school,” his voice was weak, broken, ripped apart by the truth. Suddenly a feeling of disgusting nostalgia spread through me.

“I don’t like them either though,” He stated it toughly, sternly. His voice became as hard as stone and as cold at metal. His grip on my hand tightened but not in a comforting way, more like he was clenching his fists to prepare himself for a fight.

“But, if you like them hyung, I don’t want you to stop talking to them. If it makes you happy, you should still talk to them,” He said, his toughened hand and voice softening back to their normal feather soft tone.

I didn’t know how I felt. I didn’t know what to say. But, I wanted to make Jonghyun not feel so cold. I wanted him to not feel so empty or alone. The only way I knew how to make him feel at peace, was to simply hold him. SO, I did. I let go of his quivering hands. I stopped walking down the sidewalk and I held him in my arms. It was silent for a moment as I felt him breathing in my arms. I felt the warmth of his body and I hoped he would feel my warmth too.

The breeze blew by, and rustled our hair. I could feel him relax slowly and then his arms were around me tightly, clinging onto my shirt. I felt his shaking a bit, I wasn’t sure if he was crying or just shaking from all the feelings that I could feel radiating from him. But after a few moments, everything became even more still. Everything became even more quiet.

Everything seemed completely peaceful.

I have always lived the kind of life where I waited for things to change and be over. I always firmly believed that nothing can last forever. Most instances that were a positive trait I had. If I was being pulled or pushed around or made fun of, I always had the hope that this would all be over because it just couldn’t last forever. But, walking with Jonghyun and seeing the shy smile and soft blush on his cheeks, I wanted it to last forever or at least as long as it could.

So, in order to care for him as I wanted or should, I had to change myself. I had to take down all those protective, cold walls I built and let him in. But, I’m scared. I don’t want to break a single brick yet.

Even so, I wanted to let all those walls done so I could start tearing down Jonghyun’s steel plated walls myself, with my bear hands.

I had the mentality that I just wanted to shout to him, “Let me be that person that always makes you smile. Don’t let anyone else make you laugh. Don’t let anyone else make you cry. But, if they do, let me be that person that can wipe those tears. I want to be that aspirin you take when you have a head ache. I want to be the naps you take on your day off. I want to be the song you listen to when you feel like dancing. I want to be the t-shirt you wear when you want to be comfortable. I want to be something that gives you everything you need. That way you won’t need anyone else.”

At the same time, as we stood there in the windy spring sunlight, holding each other tightly, I simply wanted to whisper in his ear,

“I love you.”

(A/N): Okay.

So, I might not update until next Tuesday guys. I know most of the time I update like every couple of days, but a very special occassion has come up.

Me and my Kenny's anniversary is on Friday and we're going on a trip. Which is just us going like an hour away to another city and staying in a hotel to celebrate.

We all know what that means.

Celebrate. Hotel. Celebrate. Hotel.

Ohohohoho~. Scandalous~.

So, what are you guys looking forward to? I'm pretty excited about our mini vacation. But what exciting things are happening in your life?

But, let me tell you a bit of a tragic story. Yes. I know you love these, don't you?

Once upon a time, Marcus and Kenny, Marcus' boyfriend, had to go to the store. Upon entering this fine establishment known as "Target", Marcus and Kenny looked upon the list of items they needed to purchase to appease their all mighty female room mate that scares them so much.

So, we were going around getting stuff. Being all happy and riding around in the cart.

Everything was fine, until we read the back of the list. At first it was just Eggs. Milk. Bread. Rice. but then. Tampons.

Tampons.

Tampons.

TAMPONS.

Now, it was not only that tampons were on the list. Their was a variety of types of tampons that were on the list. Now, Marcus and Kenny are both males. Therefore, they did not even know where to find such.... items... So they had to ask. A person. At the store. For tampons.

Multiple boxes of tampons.

Now, they searched for a worker. But, all they could find was some guy working in the dog food area. So, these two wonderful customers asked the fine worker where they can find... the unmetionable items.

The worker gave this unexplainable look between horror and "Oh god don't make me answer this let me go home."

Then, Kenny felt the need to explain the that "Look, we don't use tampons. We just need Tampons. So, just tell us where they are."

The worker looked at us like,

After being shown where these wonderful little boxes of tampons were, Marcus and Kenny made a pact that Kenny was no longer allowed to talk to worker to save them both from further embarrassment.

Kenny and I also did not understand the EXTENT of how many types of tampons there are. There was... walls of tampons. There is this whole areas of stores dedicated to tampons. However, in case you were wondering, next to the tampons were also adult diapers. That was equally as shocking for me to see. There were pictures of old people in diapers smiling on the box.

ANYWAY, Back to the tampons. There were all these types and we had to get like "super" and "deluxe" and "regular" and "thin." Now. I am unsure what this means. But, A super tampon is a scary thought by itself. So, we grabbed as many boxes as we could, and ran. Ran as far away as possible from this horrible area.

But, we were still not safe. Next came the WORSE PART. WE HAD TO PURCHASE THEM. YES. PURCHASE THEM. We had to go up to the little cashier person and give them our stuff. So, we tried to nonchalantly put these tampons in the middle so no on e would notice. But we had like 6 boxes of tampons and we only had like 4 other things we were buying.

They noticed. THEY NOTICED OUR TAMPONS.

And in the end, we bought the wrong kind of our angry rom mate yelled at us.

My anger is unending. UN FREAKING ENDING.

This . THIS A LOT.

But thanks for all the really sweet and beautiful comments bby. You are jsut so sweet and cute. Can I just marry you or something? I will try really hard to just make you happy. Wow. I just love you.

Okay. So I love you. You're hawt. I like you. Marry me.

Thanks for subscribing. And commenting. and loving me. Don't forget I love you too. You're just oh so kawaii desu.

Okay.

so.

Excuse me while I go and prepare myself for a wonderful weekend.

TWERK TWERK TWERK EVERYBODY TWERK.

Omg. Like, you guys, we should start a twerk team! Oh god. Okay. I'm done. Wow. I just. Wow. Okay. bai then.