“Please?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“I said no already.”

“Please Hyung~”

“Do you know what no means!?”

“Really hyung, please?”

“We must be speaking different languages.”

“Hyung, just say yes already!”

“No.”

Then he pouted. I cursed him a million times silently.

After Jonghyun’s “confession” of sorts, I was too in shock to do much of anything. When he realized that I couldn’t talk or move or breathe for that matter, he relentlessly shook me until I came back from my zombified state. Apparently it really freaked him out because every few seconds he keeps turning to me and asking me if I can still breathe.

But, the question that is freaking me out the most now is his apparent need to hold my hand. Yes. Hold it. He wants to take my hand and hold it in his hand.

What type of blasphemy is this?!

I knew that as soon as I said that I would try to be his friend and at least attempt to like him, things like this would start to happen. Really, why is my life suddenly turning into a kdrama? I’m sure that now another guy is going to end up liking me, and him and Jonghyun will fight for my love but the whole time I’m going to like some other guy. Plus, it will turn out I’m a girl because I wanted to go to a nice school and I had to be a cross-dresser. Yeah. That’s it.

My life must be scripted.

“It’s okay, hyung. I’ll hold your hand one day.” He said, a cheeky grin on his face. It made me cringe.

“What do you mean by that?” What, is he going to force me? I bunch of creepy thoughts started going through my head. He chuckled a bit and shook his head. He just kept walking and I quickly caught up.

“Yah, what was that supposed to mean!”

“Don’t worry about it so much hyung.” He said, that everlasting cheeky grin plastered across his big old dinosaur face.

"Yah! At least answer when I ask you a question!" He makes me so irritated.

"But, you never give me answers I like, hyung~." He whined.

This is why I don't have friends. They're too much trouble. I sighed and started muttering to myself. 

"How much farther until we get to your house already?" Jonghyun whined again, pouting out his lip. My eye twitched in a fit of emotion.

He needs to jsut put that lip back up and make his voice a normal tone. He was killing me. Is this what having friends is like? It felt more like a lost puppy was following me home.

"It's just a few more blocks ahead. You were the one who didn't want to ride the bus!" I reminded him. He refused to ride the bus to my house because he apparently doesn't like public transportation.

"Oh, yeah.... you know how many germs are on those seats?" I sighed.

"I ride the bus all the time, it's not that bad." I said annoyedly.

"Yeah, it's just weird to think of! We can ride the bus next time." He said thoughtfully and finalized his thought with a nod. I was a little surprised. He seemed so agreeable. It was so easy for him to agree with me. I just shook it off and kept walking. We were pretty close to my house by now.

"We can walk again tomorrow. You don't just have to ride the bus because I want to." I felt kind of bad for making him feel obligated to take public transportation. He instantly brightened. It was like he ate a sunshine sandwhich for lunch and now he was burping it back up or something. I was kind of worried for his health. I guess that's something I needed to add to me "Google soon" list.

"So, I can come over again tomorrow?" He said, a bit of a skip in his step.

"That's not really what I meant.... I just meant-"

"But that's what you said hyung!" He interrupted before I could finish. I couldn't help but think it was a bit rude.

"I know that's what I said, but I just meant that next time, we can just walk again," I tried to clarify. I wasn't about to let this kid think he can come to my hosue everyday. My house is a sanctuary to get away from the general public and to me, Jonghyun was still apart of that avoided general public.

"Wow, I didn't know hyung was like that," He mumbled and he looked at the ground. A pout formed on his lips. Ew.

"What do you mean by that?" I said, a little annoyed.

"I thought you would be.... more open. But that's okay. It'll be more fun to get close to you this way, right?" He said while smiling up at me. When he smiled with that big, loop sided grin, I wanted to throw up. I had to swallow thickly and quickly look away. I tried to breathe like I wasn't suffocating death. By time my breathes came in normaly, we had reached my home.

Upon entering, I had to remind him to take off his shoes. I shook my head in annoyance and walked straight to my room. I could hear him scramble after me. I threw my bag onto the floor and fell upon my bed in relief.

The king was back in his castle. All was at peace in my kingdom until I remembered that a peasent was following after me.

"Wow, you have a nice room hyung!" He said in his chipper voice. I raised myself off my bed enough to look around my room.

I still had boxes piled up in my corner from the move, but other than that, it was all unpacked. I had a large book case lining one wall. I watched as Jonghyun looked through the novels and pulled some from the shelf and leafed through their pages.

"I read this book before!" He said it like it was the greatest discovery in the world. FOr some reason, his simple joy made me smile a little. I don't know what was so great about it that made me smile.

Next he moved on to my desk. He started spinning in my spinning chair and laughing. His laughter was so.... nice. I just liked the sound of it. After a few more spins and bubbles of laughter, he got up and came over to my bed. I didn't really know what to do. I started scooting over to make room for him to sit. I kind of just wanted him to sit on my desk chair.

He sat down comfortably next to me like he had done so a million times. He acted like we had been best friends for years. He relaxed and slouched against my pillows. Yeah. The pillows I put my head on every night like he had done that every day.

"Hey, hyung?" He said a bit nervously. Him being nervous made ME nervous. I did not appreciate that.

"Yeah?" I said looking anywhere by his face. This was already so awkward.

"Let's cuddle." He said seriously. I choked on my own spit and started coughing uncontrollably. Smooth, Jinki. Real Smooth.

"Hyung! Are you okay!" He worriedly tried to pat my back but he hit it too hard and sent me into another fit of coughs.

"I'm fine," I wheezed out hoarsley. He didn't look very convinced.

"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have asked so nonchalantly!" He apologized. His eyes looked more like a puppy's when he looked sad like that. It made me feel guilty for choking myself to death. But, it was relaly all his fault anyway. So, I didn't waste much time feeling guilty.

"It's okay. It's fine," I had regained my ability to breathe.

"Great!" He said and wrapped his arms around my shoulders fondly.

"What are you doing!?" I asked as I pushed his arms away. He cocked his head to the side and pouted.

"You said it was okay!" he whined in confusion.

"I meant it was finet hat you almost killed me! I didn't mean, Fine! Try to kill me again by doing something else that was unexpected!" i said hysterically. I can't handle this. I can't handle a guy like this!

"I keep messing up," he said it so sadly. I almost didn't recognize his voice. Suddenly, I felt maybe I had been to harsh. He was just trying to be nice to me. I really wasn't good with things like this. I don't know to act when people do things like this to me. I didn't want to tell him, hey, I have never even hugged someone before so when you try to hold my hand, I want to throw up.

I think that might kill the romantic mood he's aiming for.

But, maybe choking on my own spit and pushing him away ruins the mood too. I don't know. It's all a possibility.

I sighed and decided to give up. I always do this to myself. I always take things too seriously. I said I would give him a chance, but I keep rejecting him before he can even be nice to me. I took a deep breath and leaned into him.

"You can hold my hand if you want."

I don't know why I'm so nervous. I my lips because suddenly they just felt so dry. I could feel his hand touch mine slowly. Each one of his fingers moved between mine. Soon, he was grasping my hand tightly. His skin was warm against mine. His skin was really soft. The only other person that I let hold my hand was my mom.

I honestly liked holding Jonghyun's hand better.

"Thanks, hyung," he said softly. When I looked at him, his cheeks were all red and he was grinning. It made me smile too. I knew that my cheeks were probably just as red.

"Don't say thanks. That makes it weird!" I whined. I kind of was shocked that a whine had even left my lips. My cheeks got redder. He laughed a little bit.

I thought I was going to freak out when he started tracing his thumb up and down the side of my hand, but for some reason it was oddly comforting. After a few minutes of silence, I started feeling really tired. I slumped against him and he didn't move. He just let me lean against him. We stayed like that for a while, but my neck started hurting. I tried to sit back up, but I had to push myself up with my head against his shoulder. It was awkward and weird.

"Sorry," I mumbled while I tried to sit up.

"It's okay. Just keep your head there," he used his free hand to push my head back against his shoulder.

"Okay..." I just stayed like that. My eyes started feeling heavier and heavier. His steady breathing and his warmth didn't really help either.

Jonghyun really was different than everyone else. He was so warm. I don't know if I sound crazy, but when I'm near other people, I always feel so cold and numb. Sitting here like this, I just felt so undeniably warm.

"I can't wait until we fall in love hyung." He said softly. I think he was falling asleep too.

"Don't say weird stuff." I mumbled.

In reality, I was excited too. I just didn't want to say it out loud.

(A/N):  Hello dazzling girl. Hello dazzling world.

AI AI AI.

Anyway.

It has been a hard past few days for me. Really. Everyone. I won that battle against the evil spider, but it seems a new evil has entered my life.

My health has been bad. My doctor and boyfriend think my addiction love for drinking is making my lupus a lot worse. So... they have started the "LET'S MAKE MARCUS UPSET AND CRY EVERYDAY" project.

I am upset and I do cry everyday now. I have not even held a single cup of coffee in FIVE WHOLE DAYS. PLEASE. PLEASE HELP ME.

I AM WASTING AWAY. HELP ME.

Every time I seem my boyfriend in the morning, he drinks some coffee before work.  I get so happy. I really just want to give him a hug TO SHOW HIM MY LOVE AND APPRECIATION OF HIM WORKING SO HARD AT WORK EVERYDAY!

But he MEANLY TELLS ME TO GO AWAY BECAUSE HE IS A JERK. I HATE EVERYTHING. WHY. WAE. WHY. WHY. I JUST WANNA BEAT HIM UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPppppPPPPPpppPPPPPP.

My anger is UNENDING. IT IS INFINITE.

The saddest part is that my room mate made hot chocolate. It kind of looked like coffee. I really hate sweets and chocolate, but it looked like coffee. So, I drank it. I drank it and I cried a little bit. My tears landed in my mug. I hate hot chocolate. But, it's the closest thing I've got guys.

Coffee, baby, come back to me. I need you. Life is just not worth it without you! BABY COME BACK. YOU CAN BLAME IT ALL ON ME.

Just kidding, Coffee. You can blame it all on Kenny. Blame it all on him because he STINKS.

Life is just so hard.

But you make my life a lot easier.♥ Your comments really made me so happy. Really, I feel like we're really friends. You said some pretty funny stuff and it really just made my bad week a lot better! So, thank you for making me smile even when I'm sick and I don't feel that good. You really motivate me!

So, let's continue to be friends, okay?

So, I was wondering, since I'm really addicted to coffee.,,, as you see from my previous rant... But, what are YOU addicted? What would you just go crazy without?

You should tell me, so I don't feel as crazy. Please, just let me know that I'm not the only person that needs rehab for their addictions.♥

Also, what is your favorite song? When I'm sick I love listening to music and just laying around! So, what are your favorite songs and why!? It will help me heal!

My favorite song right now is "You're Different" by Busker Busker because it's different and calming and beautiful. Plus is inspired this story actually. YEah. PRETTYYYY cool.

Okay,

So, well thanks for reading. I worked hard for you.<3

Did you even like this chapter? WAS IT BAD? DO YOU HATE ME?

NOoOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOooo.

Just! I love you! JUST LOVE ME! WE CAN LOVE EACHOTHER!

Anyway... I just love you. Thanks for your beautiful support. So, let's support each other.♥

I reached 50 subscribers. Which is cool since this is only my 4th chapter for this story! So thank you CheonsaLove for being my 51st subscriber and thank you to paradoxed for being my 50th! WELCOME ABOARD THE SOUL TRAIN BBY.

Bai bby.♥♥♥3

PS. OKAY THAT IS THE CUTEST GIF OF ONEW EVER. JUST LOOK AT IT. KMS. OTL. I CANNOT EVEN.

LET'S LOOK AT IT AGAIN. OMG WOW.

CAN WE LOOK AT IT AGAIN PLS? ONE MORE TIME. MY ONEW FEELS. AH. KILL ME.

PSS. I actually am having a lot of health problems lately, so I might not update for a few days. I'm really sorry bby. I just have bad health in general, but lately my lupus has been really bad and my skin is just getting really raw and horrible. So, I think I'm just going to sleep for a few days. But, I'll update soon! I'm really sorry! So, please wait for me~. It will take maybe... 4 or 5 days instead of the usual 2 or 3. I hope that's okay? Please keep me motivated and continue to support me! Yes! If that isn't too much to ask... Sorry. I ask a lot. ANYWAY OKAY.

UGH. I SOMETIMES. Anyway, I love you~.