When I was younger, I always wanted a twin. Not because I wanted my life to be like those TV shows and for us to wear matching clothes to confuse people and switch places when it was convient or anything like that. I admit, that would be pretty cool. But, I really just want a twin because they would always be your best friend.

My mom always told me that twins were just one soul split into two bodies. So, with that in mind, twins had to think the same way and they would have to understand eachother unconditionally. i would have this person I would be instantly close to from birth and they could never leave me behind. I guess, since I don't have siblings, I might be over exagerating this and maybe twins or siblings in general aren't like that. But, the thought is so comforting.

All in all, I guess more than anything, I just want sometime that can understand me. I just want someone who won't judge me because they know how I feel and they just accept how I feel.

I never really thought I would meet someone like in my life. Mostly because I don't have a twin that shares my soul or anything crazy like that. But, sitting with Jonghyun in this coffee shop right now, I almost feel like he's my twin.

He might be really short and have bigger eyes and poutier lips than me, but on the inside, I feel like we look exactly the same.

We laughed at the same jokes and we ordered the same type of coffee and we listened to the same music. He wanted to be a singer, and deep down I want to be one too. He said he liked Yukio Mishima novels. When I told him that I used to go to the book store everyday and read a few chapters of "Confessions of a Mask," he didn't judge me. In fact, he told me he did the same thing but with "The Sound Of Waves."

He liked old movies and I liked big sweaters. He said he hated school and I couldn't have agreed more. He didn't even judge me when I told him about my deep love and admiration of fried chicken, and trust me, even my close family judged me when it came to that love. He just laughed and said it was cute.

Honestly, when he said things like that and smiled and I could see all of his teeth and his eyes squinted up, I almost felt sick. I almost felt like I wanted to throw up because my stomach joined the olympics and did a million back flips when he smiled like that. Deep down. I wanted to make him sick too. I wanted him to see my face and blush and get nervous. He seemed rather collected though, which oddly dissappointed me.

Maybe I'm a sadist. I think I need therapy. Isn't it a bit morbid to want to people to feel ill when they see you? I don't even know. I think I'll google it later on.

When we were walking back to the school, I couldn't help but to smile uncontrollably. I don't know the last time I was this happy. I don't even know why I'm happy now.

"Hyung, you're a Junior, right?" He asked while we continued our way down the sidewalk. I hummed in response.

"Yep yep yep~," I sing songed. Dear god, I was turning into a happy-go-lucky monster. Someone stop me, please.

"Do you have a nick name?" He asked, giving me a look that looked like it was searching for an answer. I almost stopped walking. I could only think of one nickname. Dubu. That was a really good way to stop me from being stupidly happy.

The way Jonghyun looked at me, it was like he knew. It made me feel like he was searching deep down for me to just tell him all these answer he already knew. It scared me to no end. It was like he needed a confirmation and a reason to just push me down on the sidewlak we were standing on and laugh. I choked when I tried to speak.

"No." I croaked out. I sounded like a dying frog.

I couldn't tell a princely, handsome boy that I was once severly overweight and beaten up for it. It wasn't because I thought he would judge me, it was because, I couldn't be proud with myself if he knew that. I didn't want him to think I was perfect. I just didn't want him to see me as this weak person who runs away. I wasn't ashamed of being "Dubu." I was ashamed of being the nerd that ran away.

As soon as I answered, Jonghyun looked to dissappointed. I couldn't much explain the look on his face. It was like someone had punched him in the stomach. He looked sick. I knew I said i wanted him to feel ill with nervousness when he saw me, but now he looked sick from dissappointment. It made me want to push myself on the sidewalk and beat myself up.

However, Jonghyun seemed to bounce back from his mysterious illness in a second. Suddenly a serious, ready-for-war like face spread across his features.

"You like to sing don't you, hyung?" He said seriously. Suddenly, I felt like I was being interrogated.

"I do," I said, feeling like another string of questions would soon follow.

"Have you ever thought of joining choir?" He asked with a smug look as if he had succeeded in an evil plot to take over the world.

I had a rather long history with Choir. I had been apart of the school choir since freshmen year. Even when I was relentlessly bullied, I made it a point to show up to all the concerts and try out for solos.

"I was in it in my old school, so I have given it thought to join againing this year," I replied.

"So you have done it before? Since what year?" He said, his question beginning to be more pressing and his eyes lighting up with excitment like a dog on a fox hunt. I sadly seemed to be the fox according to his large puppy dog eyes.

"I  was in choir since my freshmen year." I said simply, still waiting for this game to come to it's .

I suppose the game had ended there. Jonghyun nodded in confirmation and smiled to himself. It was like he had discovered a pot of gold or something. He was pretty happy by y anwsers to his questions.

"Hyung, you should really join again this year. I'm sure you have a great voice," He said with a shy smile. That smile made me want to cry. I am certain I've turned into a sadist.

"I'm not that great actually, but I think it would be fun," I said truthfully. I didn't really like my singing voice.

"No, you are the best hyung," Jonghyun said with a slightly angry look. It was odd for him to say that. It's not like he had ever heard me sing before. I furrowed my brows in confusion. He seemed to notice how odd his words were and he cleared his throat.

"I mean, you just seem to have a good voice. I can just tell. It's singer's intuition," he said quickly, correcting his odd statment. It still didn't make sense, but I decided to let it go.

"Well, only good singers can have singer intuition!" I said brightly. It was really great when Jonghyun gave me that big grin and I could she that blush tinge his cheeks. It made me feel all warm and tingly in my stomach. Is it supposed to feel like that? I guess, I could be hungry.

We reached the school shortly after that. Jonghyun sighed and rested his head to the side. I could help but sigh too. I didn't really want to have to go to class. I just wanted to hang out with Jonghyun for a couple more hours and then go home and sleep and then wake up and then hang out with him again. It sounds kind of creepy, but I could like with being creepy at this point.

I entered the school hesitantly. I didn't want to be there. But, Jonghyun and I didn't immediantly part ways. We still had maybe 15 more minutes before the bell rang. So, we walked around aimlessly down the halls. About 5 minutes before the bell rangs, Jonghyun looked up at more while biting his lip. I made me nervous and I swallowed thickly.

"Hyung, We'll hang out again, right?" He said, his large puppy eyes staring up at me. I nodded hesitantly. The way he said it sounded so weak. I didn't know how to react.

He smiled a bit at this. But, the bell rang around us and students began filing out of the classroom doors. A few said were from lunch and they said Hi. I smiled and said Hi awkwardly back. A few gave looked at Jonghyun and me and gave us a odd look of confusion. I just smiled trying to be friendly. It was odd for them to give us an odd look. Maybe it was just because it was odd for a new kid to be walking with an extremely good looking guy on his first day.

When I looked down at Jonghyun, he looked uncomfortable, scared and worried all at the same time. I furrowed my brows in confusion. Maybe he really didn't want to be seen with me. My thoughts were confirmed when he said a quick, "I have to go" and walked away.

I felt my heart sink.

My class seemed too long. It was probably because the  whole time I was just sitting thinking about how Jonghyun walked away so quickly. I kust sat thinking, "wow, it must ahve been really embarrassing to walk with me." I felt a little ashamed to think that a good looking guy would want to be seen with someone like me. Jonghyun was really too good for people with me. Nerdy new kids and good looking guys have never mixed well. We might as well be oil and water.

When class ended and I was free to go, I walked out of the classroom tiredly. I dragged my fet a bit and sighed. When I reached the school parking lot, I walked distractedly. I didn't pay much attention to other students. I was jusxt focused on going home on such a tiring day. Suddenly, I heard Jonghyun's voice call my name. It was unmistakenly Jonghyun's deep, velvetly voice. But, it didn't sound normal. It sounded paniced and scared.

I quickly towards the sound of his voice in confusion. THen I heard a crash, thick and sudden. I instinctively slammed my hands around my ears to protect me from the noise and whatever caused. I heard a few dqueals and screams. Then everything just seemed choatic. I opened my squeezed shut eyes and saw everyone crowded around me. I turned to look behind me and saw a car that had crashed with another parked dar, and there I was standing almost in the middle of them.

Everyone was asking if I was okay or if I got hurt. I told them I was fine. But, my mind felt so fuzzy. On the out skirts of the crowd I could see Jonghyun looking over. I tried to let out a shakey smile, but it came out as a weird baring of my teeth.

Now, my mind was becoming clearer. Realization hit me like a car. Ironic. My eyes widened a bit and I couldn't help but stare in confusion at Jonghyun's worried face.

Maybe I was mistaken, but in this moment, I was completly sure that when Jonghyun called my name, he didn't call me "Onew."

He had called me Jinki.

(A/N): Aye y lady.

Let me just tell you a tragic story of my life. I was updating and writing this all out happily.

When, out of nowhere, I reached to get my green tea and I see this large black fuzzy disgusting evil CREATURE upon the can. I froze. I was in complete fear.

Upon further investigation, it was realized that this MONSTERLY BEAST was a spider. Now, I know I am a relatively small man, but this spider was the size of my face. I am sure it could have eaten my entire arm in a few seconds.

This EVIL MUTANT SPIDER sat upon my can of green tea with no cares in the world. I was the only one home, my boyfriend and room mate both being at work.

So, I had to face this evil beast. I knew in that moment it must be slain.

So, like the mighty man I am, I grabbed the closest shoe I could find and tried to kill this beast. However, I only ended up spilling green tea everywhere. In my fear, I did not realize the consequence of killing a spider that is on a beverage can.

Now, there is a gigantic beast of death and horror roaming free in my room and green tea everywhere.

I am now currently hiding out in the bathroom in fear of this monster devouring me.

Nonetheless, I have continued updating. Please, appreciate this. Now, if I don't update soon, it is because I was killed by a giant spider.

or my boyfriend becaue I have ruined our matress with green tea.

Please try not to miss me too much. Remember me as someone who fought to the end!

Either way, please know I am thankful for you reading and comment and subscribing and commenting and I love you~.

You're just so beautiful. I really hope you ahve a good day. Okay. bai. you're cute.

okay.

thanks.

bye.

awkward ending is awkward.