I stayed in the whole day. I didn't go to work. It crossed my mind but I'd rather stay here and cry on my own than let my boss see me break down. That would be, like, worse. And receiving that text from JongIn just...broke me. It broke me more than I was ever broken. I'd just make up some exuse and say that I wasn't feeling very well or something. 

I don't know. I really don't. I'm not even getting myself. What I'm thinking about is how easy it was to replace me. And as I've said, what if he found another girl instead of Yunhwa? Wouldn't that be, like, bad?

I popped open my laptop and searched through my group's updates. It turns out, we--well they won another award. 

"They just got the award cause the judges sympathizez with them. With Yui disappearing and everything."

"I KNEW IT! They'd win again! ^0^"

"How could this kind of music win?"

"Psh...rookies"

Some of the people's comments. I was used to the haters. Of course, I loved the fans. I loved the haters too. They were fans too, just giving us more attention than the others. 

Back to the topic. We've-- They've really made it far. But I wasn't affected. Nope. Nope I wasn't. 

I watched the new video they did. The one without me. I don't care. It's not like I wanted to be there, anyway. And I could do better than them *scoffs* I could even dance better than our wannabe leader. Somehow, this does not upset me at all. Nope. 

By now, it was night. I spent the whole afternoon staring at JongIn's pictures through the internet. And watching some of his videos that were taken by the fans. I smiled everytime I saw the awkward JongIn I got used to. Even if we were used to each other, there was still that hint of awkwardness. But with Yunhwa, nope. No awkwardness at all. 

I know that I control what Yunhwa does since...well...she's me. But I don't know what I did that made him so comfortable. And why I didn't do that before. Yunhwa wasn't even famous. Shinae was. I was! What did JongIn see? Why am I talking about myself like this?

Alright, fine, I was kind of upset that tmy group did well even without me. It made me think that maybe I wasn't that special as I thought I was. Maybe I was just this arrogant, self-centered little girl that could dance, and sing. Maybe people just liked me because of my appearance. Maybe JongIn liked me because I was famous. There are so many "Maybe's" running through my mind. Seeing the video made me think about them in a different aspect, without me in it.

So, it's my bed time now. I guess I'll just sleep. But no more crying. No more sobbing like a big baby. I need to move on. If my group is happier without me then so be it. It won't be my fault when someone finds out that they're not really proper and cute little Idols. Someone is bound to see through their little facade. 

I closed my laptop then went to bed. Something told me that tomorrow was something special. I just don't know why. I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and go to work. I don't even care if I see JongIn again. Tomorrow, I won't be Shinae inside. I'll fully be Yunhwa. I'll act as if I am a fangirl and be cute and innocent. asdfghjkl You bet I'll show JongIn that he doesn't really like Yunhwa. I'll show him! 

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

It was a short crappy chappie OTL. I promise  you this. The next chapter will be somehow better. considering JongIn will say something that will clarify things between them. So yeah. I'm seriously going to make it better. Plus, I didn't have time to write more cause I updated my three stories. So, I'll make up for it tomorrow. I'm sorry for my typos. I love you guys :) Thanks for putting up with me.