Posted on 30/03/10  

 

 

To tell you the truth, if I said that there was never a moment when I hated you
That would be a lie

Thanks to you, I learned of emotions that I would have never learned from anyone other than you
An unteachable emotion that no book or person could teach me.

When I came home, the first thing I did was look through all my poetry books.
And I took one out that I couldn't remember when and where I had bought it from.
The color of the book had already faded away and my hand suddenly stopped while turning the pages.



.
.
.




I tried to hate you. I thought that you were the ones wearing me out so much, and I needed to forget you
to get back to my normal life, the one before you appeared.

But that's when I thought..

What was my normal life like before I met you...?
... I couldn't remember it at all.

I had already forgotten it all.
A life without you ...



Whenever my body, that was drenched with weariness, would rest, you were like chocolate to me.
Your voices seemed to comfort me every time I felt like crying.
They told me that everyone in the world had a right to have a refuge where they could hide.

To me, you were my refuge.

A refuge that let me catch my breath in this world we live in.
That was your purpose, your presence, in my life.



My heart has ripped apart and it hurts, it hurts so much
There were many times when I whined because it felt like you had no idea how I felt
What returned then were my tears

When I decided to forget you, I began to think more about you.
Whatever I ate, whatever song I listened to, whatever I was talking about
I had to stop what I was doing because you would pop into my head.

You were a necessity to me.
I thought that you were my only refuge



I decided to stop thinking thoughts like 'If only I had never loved you...'

That was already the past, and in the present, I was loving you.
There were times when I thought 'Could anyone ever love someone else this much?
That was how 'unique' you were to me.



The hand that had stopped turning the pages of the poetry book took out an old letter from the pages and opened it.
I was surprised at the letter that did not exist in my memory, and I began to cautiously read it.

It was when