Jonghyun P.O.V.

I walked to the private room. The moment I opened the door, I saw a beautiful figure sat down there. When I saw her backs, my heart fluttered. I miss her. I sat down in front of her, but I can’t see her smile. I only saw coldness in her face. But her eyes can’t lie, she looks really sad. How hard she controlled her expression, still. Her eyes can’t lie. I want to hug her and ask what’s wrong, but I bear with it.

“How are you?” I smiled to her.

“We need to talk.” I hope to see her reply my smile, but she answered coldly.

“I’ll listen.” I still smiled.

“Why do you love me?” she asked with cold tone. Why she suddenly ask that question?

“From the first time I saw you, I like you. I think, it’ll be good if I could be her friend. When you smiled at me for the first time at Music Bank backstage, my heart fluttered. When you talked to me for the first time at Japan, I felt like my heart was stop beating. It’s the time when I realize that I’m already falling for you. I’m falling deeper everyday. After I confessed to you until now, I was afraid. This girl doesn’t like me, what do i do? I love you Im Yoona, and I don’t need a reason to love you. If you hold my hand even once, I’ll never let you go.”

“Jonghyun-shi. Please stop it. From now on, let’s not see each other again. Even we accidentally meet, let’s avoid each other. I’m done. Excuse me.” She stood up and walks to the door.  Her each words stabbed my heart like a knife. Did she really hate me? I stood up and hug her from behind. I’ll never let her go.

“Do you hate me?” I tried hard to hold back my tears.

“Stop it Jonghyun-shi.” She yelled while trying to release my hand from her waist.

 “No matter how meanly you treat me, you’re still pretty to me. Even if you get mad and yell, you’re cute. I really love you a lot. But if you truly hate me, I won’t call you anymore and I’ll give up. So tell me, do you really hate me?” I asked her while still hugging her.

“I.. I like someone else.” Once again, her words stabbed me. She likes someone else? Why she didn’t tell me from the start? I slowly released my hand from her waist. I stunned, still can’t believe what I heard. She walked away from me to the door.

She left me alone in this room. Dumbfounded.

It will be better if she said she hates me than said that she likes someone else. I can’t hold back my tears anymore. I leaned my head on the wall. Here I am, crying because a girl for the first time in my life.

End of P.O.V.

Yoona arrived at dorm. Her face is swollen because she was crying all the way home after she left Jonghyun.

“Looks who’s coming!” Yonghwa shouted and ran to her.

“Im Yoona! What did you give to my girlfriend? Fifty shades of grey book? You ert.” He said playfully and pinched Yoona’s cheek.

“Oppa!” SeoHyun slapped his arms.

“Yoona-ya, what’s wrong?” Yuri noticed Yoona’s swollen face.

“I’m just tired unnie. No need to worry.” Yoona answered weakly.

“Sorry, Yoongie. You’re not a ert. I should be thankful to you because you gave her that book. So she can be mature. Punch me to make you feel better.” Yonghwa grinned. He got slap on his arm from his girlfriend again.

“Ah, I’m okay oppa. I know I’m not a ert and I know you’ll thankful to me.” She smiled weakly.

“Mind to tell me what happened?” Tiffany asked her.

“Not now unnie. I need to be alone.” She smiled then walked to her room.

Yuri followed her behind but Tiffany and Taeyeon stopped Yuri.

“Give her time to be alone Yuri-ah.” Tiffany said.

“No. I should talk to her Fany-ah.” Yuri insisted.

“Yuri-ah...” Jessica tried to persuade her.

“Believe me. I really need to talk with her. You guys enjoy Hyoyeon performance.” Yuri smiled then walked to her room.

Yoona is crying alone in darkness at her room. Yuri approached her.

“Unnie. I’m a bad person.” She said while sobbing.

“No, you’re not.” Yuri hugged her.

“I’m a bad person unnie. I hurt him with my words. I could see his sadness in his eyes when I said those harsh words to him.”

“Don’t ever think you’re a bad person Yoona. You’re the kindest person I ever met.”

“I love him unnie. But it’s nothing compares to his loves for me. But still, I’m afraid Taec oppa will hurt him. Or our fans will bash and hurt him. Most of all, I’m afraid I’ll only hurt him.”

“You planned to dump him?” Yuri asked.

“Of course not!” Yoona slapped her unnie arms.

“So?”

“We have a tight schedule. You know, I easily get irritated if I’m tired. I don’t want him to be object of my bad mood. I’m afraid I’ll  only make him disappointed. I can’t promise him to give my time for him only. For me, SNSD is more important. Our career is more important than him. I’m afraid my love life will bother my performance. It’s impossible to not fight in a relationship. I’m not good at control my feeling like you or other members. If I something bothered me, everyone could see it clearly. I don’t want we get critized because of me.” Yoona cried harder.

“Yoona. It’ll hard first, but it’s worth it. Look, 8 of us are dating now. I’m dating Minho for almost 3 years now. When Minho confessed to me, we’re on the top of our career. At first I wavered a lot, but I realized that if I reject him it’ll be my bigger mistake in my life because I love him too. I gave this relationship a try and it work until now. Tell me you love him Yoona.” Yuri wiped Yoona’s tears.

“I was afraid when I saw you hug him. I was afraid he’ll do well without me. I was afraid he’ll stop loving me. If this person doesn’t love me anymore, what should I do? Those thoughts came to my mind. Maybe I sound selfish, but that time I really want him to only look at me, think of me, and love me for the rest of his life. When he asked me if I hate him, I can’t answer that question. Instead of said that I hate him and made him give up on me, I said I like someone else. I’m afraid he’ll really give up on me if I said I hate him. I don’t hate him, I just hate myself because I can’t love him as much as love he give to me.” Yoona looked down.

“Then tell him that you love him.” Yuri hold her hands.

“I can’t. He deserved someone better. Someone who’s willing to give her everything for him. Someone who loves him as much as he loves her. I’m not that someone. Yet. I’m not ready to put my career in danger for dating him. When I’m willing to give him my everything, I’ll tell him. Even if that day comes he didn’t love me anymore, I’ll still tell him and start a one-sided love. But for now, please tell him to forget me.” Yoona hold Yuri’s hand tighter.

“If that’s what you want, I’ll support you.” Yuri smiled.

 “We’ll support you to.” Taeyeon came from bath room with other members.

“Sorry, we can’t help it but listen your conversation from bathroom.” Sooyoung grinned.

“Gimme a group hug!” Yoona finally smile. None understand her better than her member. She knows she has her member who’ll always stay on her side. Forever. Yes, forever.

"Where's Yonghwa oppa?" Yoona asked them.

"We kicked him out after you went to your room." Maknae answered.

“YAH! How about Hyoyeon?” Yuri suddenly shouted.

“Oh God! I forget her.” Taeyeon flicked Sunny’s forehead.

"Hyoyeon JJANG!" They shouted while running to their living room.

They say if you fall, someone who loves you, will lend a hand for you, here I have 8 pairs of hands, always ready to hold me back up when I stumble backwards.

- Jessica Jung