Chapter 39

-hope-

-EUNHYUK’S POV-

As we enter the hospital running holding kyuhyun’s hand tightly I look at him as pain painted on his beautiful face with his eyes close and motionless body..

“please wait outside” the nurse said

And that was the time slowly his hand slips away and leeteuk hyung hold me so I won’t fall on the cold floor that was waiting for me.

“stay strong hyuk” leeteukh yung said as he pull me up and sit me on the chair

I was looking at the emergency door as doctors running and entering their including Dr. Han as he look at me with those eyes and closing the door..

Why is it happening right now? He was ok back then.. he said he was ok.. he said that everything was ok.. why is that I feel alone..

I still didn’t utter a single word as I look at the close door and tears continue to fall even if I’m tired of this kind of scene.. Waiting for him to come back and hurting at the same time seeing him suffer.. why it’s not me and him who is suffering?

Minutes or hours after I don’t know since it feels like times goes by so fast footsteps are like coming towards us and that time leeteuk hyung finally talk..

“kangin.. siwon..” he said and I only glance at them and proceed on looking at the still close door

“still didn’t come out?” kangin hyung said and I can see at the corner of my eye as leeteuk hyung nodded

Siwon sit beside me as he pat my shoulder and I just expressionless look at him and tears flow non-stop again

“hyungs.. siwon-ah..” I said finally as I found my voice again

As I called them they look at me in those worried eyes

“why it should be kyu?” I ask and they look at me with pity

“this time.. I feel like it was the end.. like he will be gone.. he will never come back to me.. why should it be him?? Why not me?? I can die right now.. I’m willing to if only kyu will live.. I’m willing to die.. but not kyu..” I said as tears fall down on my face

“hyuk.. don’t say that.. kyu don’t want to hear those things coming from you.. you know that..” leeteuk hyung said as he pat my shoulder

I really wish it was me and not kyu.. I don’t want him to die.. I don’t want him to suffer.. I don’t wnt him to feel the pain.. I want him to live and guide hyunnie as he grow up..

Times fly by still the emergency light was on and kyu was inside.. I still wait and wait until the light went off and Dr. Han came out and remove his mask.. we immediately stood up and I run towards him holding him firmly..

“how’s kyu?” I ask as I hold him tightly

“hyuk.. calm down” siwon said as he hold me

“he was safe now.. but we prefer him staying here and having an oxygen mask since it will take a risk if we don’t put it to him.. to tell the truth his life if running out of time” he said as he bow down and left

At that simple moment my knees feel jelly as I didn’t found my balance and fall on the ground as I saw the bed coming out from the room with kyu lying motionless with hose oxygen in his mouth.. I cried with my heart out as leeteuk hyung hug me as he worried about my condition

leeteuk hyung help me went to kyu’s room seeing kyu’s ide awake looking at us when we enter.. kangin hyung left since he phoned kibum and told everything and I know they will rush going here.. siwon on the other hand left and buy food for us since he think we need it..

“hyukie” kyu murmured as I walk and take a sit beside him

“are you ok?” I ask and he nodded

“sorry..” he said as he look at me with those sad eyes

“wae?” I ask him

“the vacation we are planning ruined by me.. mianhe.. and that I don’t have the courage to tell you my true condition” he said as he hold my hands and at that motion I can sense the sting in my eyes and the tears started forming

“mianhe.. mianhe hyuk” he said and I can hear him sniff and as I look at him he was crying

I hug him tightly and brush the tears away.. I don’t want him to cry.. to fell burden on what happen.. all I think know is that I want him to feel happy.. feel happy on the days he left..

“shhh.. it’s ok.. it’s not your fault” I said as I kiss his forehead

I sat back on my sit and look at him and he just look at the open space the room got.. he was thinking..

“hyuk..” he called me and I look at him but he don’t look at me back

“how many days I have left?” he said and that tore my heart away as I can feel the pain given by the words he said

“I know I don’t have time left right.. please don’t lie hyuk..” he said as he look at me with those pleading eyes

I look at him and I don’t know what to say.. how to start.. how tell that the person you love is dying and only left days to live without crying and showing that your strong.. how can I do that?

I tried to open my mouth but nothing came still he look at me and wait for my answer.. I look at him as tears started to fall as pain started on my heart as I see him in this state..

“kyu.. uhmmm.. you need to rest.. ask later..” leeteuk hyung said as he stood up and help kyu to get ready for his rest kyu nodded but still his gaze are on mine.. I cried and I don’t have the courage to see him so I run towards the door as I close it I lean on it and started crying while sitting on the floor covering my mouth so that kyu will not hear me..

I don’t want to tell him that I don’t have time left to be with him.. that he will soon leave me and never come back.. I don’t want him to see the pain in my face to feel the pain in my heart to burden soo much pain when I know he has his own pain in him..

As I buried my head on my knees and cry I feel a cold thing on my cheeks and seeing siwon sitting beside me and putting an cold drinks on my face and gave me a sad smile..

“why are you sitting here crying??” he ask as he sip on his own drink

“I don’t want kyu see me cry.. it will just cause him more pain..” I answered back staring on the drink I was holding

“kyu.. ever since he was a child he will cry but show he was strong.. even if he was in pain he will make sure that others will never see it.. being like that it applies right now.. he don’t want you to see him in pain hyuk.. he don’t want you to feel pain also.. kyu is a kind of person who is very caring in his own way.. he want to protect you.. from the pain he might live when he’s gone” siwon said as he stare on the floor

“a while ago he ask me how many time he left.. and I don’t know what to say.. it just pain almost killed me hearing those words coming from him” I said telling him what’s on my heart

“and that’s the reason you’re here?” he said as he look at me and I nodded

“crying is one way of showing you’re in pain that you’re hurt.. but it will never solve things the way you want.. it will never help you to make things in the right place.. just making it as an excuse to release your pain and to show how weak a person are..” siwon said as he sip again and I look at him

“I just… don’t know what to do” I said

“just show you’re in his side.. that you will never leave his side..that you’re ready to share the burden he was carrying and make it to the point that he will cherish every moment that you have.. that you will soon have.. just don’t show the weak side of yours.. it will make him fell more pain and feel the loneliness his sickness gave” siwon said and stood up looking down to me as I still sit on the floor thinking

“I know you can do it to my brother.. ever since I know and everybody knows how you love each other so much and I know you will take care of my brother.. I know here in my heart it hurts letting you go.. but I know I’m not the one for you and I know my brother is the one that inside our heart.. so make some memory and don’t waste time..” siwon said as he walk inside as I look at him and think on what everything he told me

I sip the remaining liquid on my drinks and nod as I stand up brush the remaining tears and walk inside seeing the sleeping kyu and leeteuk hyung looking at me as I walk inside

“hyuk.. are you ok? You run away” leeteuk hyung said as he stood up and hug me

“I know it hurt hyuk.. but be strong.. not for yourself but for kyu.. he needs you at this time.. so don’t run away like that” leetuek hyung said and release me on his hug and look at me with those worried eyes

“ne hyung.. mianhe.. I was scared and don’t know what to do so I run away..” I said as I bow my head felling ashamed on what I’ve done

“nah.. it’s ok.. just stay now on his side” leeteuk hyung smiled and mess my hair as he walk back on his seat and same as me beside the sleeping kyu

Minutes later the door open revealing the panting people names wookie, sungmin, kibum, hae and hyunnie with kangin hyung

“ummmaaa!!!” as soon as hyunnie saw me he run towards me and buried his face n me as I hug him

“hyunnie..” I murmured and saw everyone walking inside the room as he look at kyu and to us

I can feel wet tears in my clothes as I know hyunnie was crying and soon his crying was getting louder and louder as I calm him down

“shhh.. hyunnie.. stop crying.. umma is here now.. shhh”  I said as I draw circles on his back

“hush now baby.. appa might get awake..” I said but still hyunnie continued to cry

At this point.. I don’t know what to do as I see my baby crying non-stop I cried also.. I stop crying when I hear a voice

“baby… why are you crying??” a voice beside me came and we all look at the person talk

“a…a..appa” hyunnie release me on his hug as he look at kyu who talk a moment ago

“ne? why are you crying??” kyu ask as he smiled at hyunnie

Seeing him smiled and showing hyunnie that he was ok.. I feel like I should be like him too.. showing strength that I can show everyone that we will surpass everything.. that everything will be alright..

“appa!! gwenchana?” hyunnie walk beside kyu and hold his face

“of course baby.. wae?? Look you make umma cried” kyu said even though he was having a hard time to talk in his oxygen mas he still try to communicate on hyunnie

Hyunnie look at me as trace of tears are visible on my face he go down on the bed and walk towards me and hold my face and kiss my cheeks

“mianhe umma” he said and smiled I just nod making sure that everything is ok to hyunnie

“hyunnie baby” kyu said even though it was not a bit loud I we can still hear it

“come here” he said

Hyunnie walks toward kyu and sat beside him on the bed

“why are you crying??” he ask

“kangin appa told us something happen to you.. and I’m not allowed to go here.. and I want to see you..” hyunnie said and kyu nodded

“arasso.. so you’re worried to appa?” kyu ask and hyunnie nodded

We all watch how hyunnie and kyu talk to each other and listen on everything they said

“hyunnie..you see appa will go somewhere so you need to take care of umma arasso?” kyu said and we all look at him and kyu look at me with those sad eyes

“going where appa? can’t we come with you? Umma and me.. so that we will never seperated” hyunnie said as he holding kyu’s hand and playing with it

“no hyunnie.. umma and you can’t come with me.. it’s a very far place only me can go there” kyu said

At this time tears are now forming but I make sure that I will hold on to that.. so that they will not get worried at me.. leeteuk hyung hold my shouders and squeeze it to show encouragement on me and to hold the tears that about to fall anytime

“how long will you be there?? Umma will get lonely gain since you’re not in his side.. when will you come back?” hyunnie ask

“I don’t know baby.. that’s why I’m telling you to take care of umma.. make sure he will not cry or feel sad.. he should be always feel happy..” kyu said while looking at me I just motion a sad smile and he smiled back

“but appa..” hyunnie said I know hyunnie don’t like the idea of kyu leaving I can feel it

“baby listen to appa.. appa need to do this.. he will leave so when appa is away make sure to take care of umma.. you’re the most precious one to umma beside me so you’re the one incharge of taking care of him.. arasso?? Baby will do it to appa right?” kyu said as he look at hyunnie and hyunnie just nodded

“arasso” he said as he pouted and continue playing on kyu’s hand

“but appa.. I will wait for you to come back” hyunnie said without looking at everyone

My tears that time started to fall and I can see that kyu was crying as he suddenly hug hyunnie tightly

“appa?? wae?? Crying??” hyunnie said as he hug kyu back

“no baby..” kyu said as he quickly brush his tears and release hyunnie and smiled

Hyunnie look at him and smiled back

“oh! Sungmin is still here.. I will visit him.. I will come back later appa.. umma..” he said as he remember the friend he gain when I was admitted in the hospital before

“be careful ok?” I said as I kiss him on the cheeks and he run away

As he go out of the room silence eaten up and awkwardness are really running inside the room as we don’t know how to start up

“so..” kyu said as he look at me with those eyes I really love

“hyuk.. can you tell me how much time I left?” he ask again those painful question I don’t want to hear

“kyu” I said as I look at him

“come here” he said as I stood up walk beside me

“don’t be afraid to lose me.. I know you love me so much but we need to accept the fact I will be gone soon.. that I will leave you.. so please don’t be sad.. don’t feel the pain I was feeling..” he said as he cup my face and tears are flowing in my eyes

“hush now hyukkie.. don’t cry.. we will make memories while I’m still here arasso??” he said and I just motioned a nod

“now smile for me hyukie” I said and I show him a smile

He just sigh and hug me

“I won’t leave your side no matter what arasso? So don’t be afraid and be sad” he said and I just nodded

He release the hug and look at the others

“why are you all sad?” he said as he look at them and laugh

“aish!!” kangin said as he brush the tears away

“waah!! Kangin hyung.. you’re crying?! Bwoyah?!” kyu laugh as he saw kangin hyung crying

“stop that teasing cho kyuhyun..” leeteuk said and kyu just laugh at it

“hyungs.. always take care of everyone specially my hyukie and hyunnie.. siwon hyung I know your always taking care of my family.. please do it forever.. don’t be tired on it.. hae stay as you are.. I’m not your originally your friend since your hyukie friend but always make the mood happy.. so that they will never feel the sadness when I’m gone.. sungmin and wookie.. you’re a great couple.. you two look good to each other.. always cherish one another.. also cook for hyukie.. hyukie at cooking he might burn the house.. kibummie.. my best friend.. always thinking about the things that best for others.. think on yourself and take care of dognhae.. guide hyukie also” he said as he look at the others wookie and sungmin where smiling at him leeteuk hyung crying siwon just looking at him and so did the other

“and for my hyukie.. my lover.. my first love and the last… please don’t be sad.. don’t mourn for my death.. move on and take care of hyunnie.. you have a life after this.. so go on with it.. don’t make things like it was the end of the world.. just move on but don’t forget about me.. always think that I love you with all my heart and I will never want to leave you but it is not what happened to us.. I love you hyukie.. I love you lee hyukjae” as he said to me and kiss my eyes

“I love you.. we will make memories” I said as I smiled and kiss his forehead thinking on the days and the future with or without him