“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” - Laurell K. Hamilton, Mistral’s Kiss.

~~~

Kyuhyun was tuning his guitar when the door of his home studio cracked open and Sooyeon’s figure greeted him. She leaned against the door frame, a small smile plastered on her face as she looked at Kyuhyun, waiting to be invited in. “Hey, come in.” He said as he took a quick glance at the large clock attached to his studio wall. “You’re early.”

Instead of a verbal answer, Sooyeon just nodded weakly and made her way across the room to sit on the leather armchair placed next to Kyuhyun. A brief silence filled the room and Kyuhyun decided that he knew something is very wrong with his lover. “Is everything okay?”

“Yup, just don’t feel like working.” She mumbled softly with her eyes tightly closed. After her occurrence with Han Geng, Sooyeon found her energy draining, as if something was being snatched away from her. What Han Geng had said taunts her, and somehow it made her anxious. What if Han Geng knew? She sensed a threat behind Han Geng’s words, and she can’t shake the bubbling uneasiness that has slowly started to build up inside her. It can’t be that again.

Kyuhyun chuckled upon hearing her answer. He observed her as if he wanted to engrave every single trait of her in his memory. She was still dressed in her dark working attire with her long brown hair pulled back neatly. It was one of her professional facades that she has been trained to put up in order for her to meet up with the expectations that were placed on her.

“So you decided to come here and disturb me working instead?” He stated with a teasing voice and he received an eye roll as an answer. Kyuhyun watched her with tentative eyes as she rested her elbows on the table where music sheets and papers were scattered, then slowly leaning on it with her hand supporting her head.

“Have you taken your medicine Oppa?” She asked softly.

Kyuhyun muttered a response that he hoped Sooyeon will take as a yes. He hated it when anything that was related to his health was being presented to him, especially when it came from Sooyeon. He felt like a burden to her somehow, like some kind of liability that she had to oblige to. Kyuhyun then reached a hand, brushing the hair from her face and her cheek gently.

“What’s the matter?” He asked, eyes soft as he studied the look on her face, trying to find a reason, because he knew, he knew that something was very wrong with his lover.

“Nothing.” She mumbled softly, then slipped a hand under her head as a makeshift pillow and slowly closing her eyes.

“But you look like you’ve been thinking about something to me.” Kyuhyun argued.

“Really, nothing.” 

Kyuhyun sighed, knowing that Sooyeon can be very hard to persuade sometimes, but he was not one to back out easily either. “Come one, spill it.”

But he received no answer in return. If there was one thing that he can hate about Sooyeon was the walls that she had built high around her. She was not one to parade her emotions and she’d rather pent up everything to herself. And that had become Kyuhyun’s biggest concern. What if one day all of it will become too much for her? She might burst open in defeat and he might not be there for her. 

“Play me something nice.” She demanded instead.

Kyuhyun obliged without muttering a single word, knowing that it was a better decision to make rather than arguing with her. He started to strum his guitar string gently, and the soft and melodic tune started to fill the air.

For Sooyeon, it was a pleasant moment; being able to sit alone with Kyuhyun and put a pause on her demanding world. His presence was more than enough to wind her down. The tune that he was playing was comforting, but there was a hint of glum behind the melodic notes. Somehow, it triggered the emotion that she had been controlling to stir and unconsciously warm tears started to roll down her face.

It didn’t go unnoticed to Kyuhyun. He had seen it all the very moment she had set foot in his studio. First the unspoken pain, the fear that was evident in her eyes and now the tears. His heart clenched with piercing agony when he saw how hard she fought to blink the tears that were threatening to fall. But instead of wiping those tears away, he chose to do nothing to stop her from crying. So he did what he knew he did best. Music.

He channeled his emotion through the tune and the melody of  his guitar and pretended that he didn’t see her crying, even though every single being of his existence wanted to reach out to her, and kiss her misery away. Because if he did that, he will be giving a false assurance to her that he will be there for her, when the truth was he won’t. He can’t. He can’t give her a promise that he knew he will not be able to fulfill. He cursed himself for that, he was hopeless and it will stay that way.

So he let her cry. He let her be because he wanted her to know that he won’t be there for much longer.  

~~~

It was a long and frustrating day for Siwon. Endless meetings and business conferences drained him at times. He spent hours of time and thousands of dollars pursuing countless business deals, faking smiles here and there to appear pleasing to the eyes of potentials investors and customers. He loved his job and Siwon can’t imagine himself doing something else. He had too much in his professional hands and the tense from his personal life was not as tranquil either.

So he decided to go with the flow. He wanted to see how far this rough tide of life will float him before he started to drown. He rubbed his face roughly, leaning his head against the couch hoping the silence of his apartment will somehow lessen the pressing tense in his nerves. He had been restless since he received a call from Kyuhyun earlier that day. How long had it been since they last talked? He knew that they’ve been avoiding each other and the tension between them was getting worse. He wished they were kids once again, where a dispute can be magically solved with a simple word of apology.

The ringing of his doorbell shook him off from his wandering thoughts.

“Hey Hyung.” Kyuhyun greeted him with a small smile when he opened the door. He shuffled his way past Siwon into the living room. “I bought you some beers.” The younger announced before he plopped down the couch.

It was quite a relief in Siwon’s part, seeing Kyuhyun acting like his usual self, like nothing had ever gotten in between their lifetime friendship. He knew that Kyuhyun was not one that will make things awkward and Siwon was thankful for it. He crossed the room and made his way to stand next to the couch, studying the younger features and the recognition made him furrowed his brows in concern.

“Are you okay Kyu? You look kind of awful.” He stated in a teasing tone even though he can’t shake the bubbling worry seeing the younger looked thinner than he already was, with dark circles prominent under his eyes and his skin paler than usual.

“Geez, thanks Hyung. I wouldn’t know if you don’t tell me.”

He smiled softly and made his way to sit beside Kyuhyun, hand pressing a button on the television remote, flickering through the channels before he settled on the news just for the sake of killing the silence that engulfed the air. They had been through so many occasions like this one, where they sit next to each other, bottles of beer scattered on the coffee table, just talking randomly. But somehow, it didn’t feel quite right anymore. He tried to act casual; eyes took a glance at Kyuhyun before he started to initiate a conversation.

“So… how have you been?”

“Good, I guess. What about you Hyung? Everything’s been good with you?”

“I’m… surviving.” Siwon stated. There was a hint of frustration in his tone, even though he didn’t mean to let it apparent. He wanted to fix everything so things will fall back to the way it used to be and saving them all from heartache and pain. But the outcome was inevitable as long as they were in love with the same woman. Siwon hated himself for betraying their friendship, but who was he to deny his feelings. He was not as strong as he made himself appear to be. He’s just like any other man who longed to love and loved back.

“I heard that you’re getting engaged.” Kyuhyun said. “Congratulations Hyung.”

“Thanks, I suppose.” Siwon said almost whispering because the upcoming engagement was the last thing that he wanted to talk about. His heart ached to the point of no return every time he came to think about it. How he wished he could yell to the world that he didn’t want this engagement to happen but his hands were tied.

“Isn’t she the lucky one? Getting engaged to the alpha of the corporate world Choi Siwon.” Kyuhyun made an exaggerated hand gesture to emphasize his point that earned a chuckle from Siwon before he nudged the younger that resulted in the younger letting out an exaggerated yelp in return.

“But… I don’t think she’s the one Hyung.” Kyuhyun said, his teasing tone gone in a matter of second. “Why are you doing this?” He questioned.

“What do you mean?” said Siwon, raising an eyebrow as he watched Kyuhyun moved to grab the beer that he had dumped on the coffee table earlier. Knowing Kyuhyun, Siwon knew that the younger had always had the tendency to turn the table around when you least predicted it. So Siwon was not a little bit surprised when he was being bombarded with Kyuhyun’s questions

“You know what I mean Hyung. You don’t love her.” Kyuhyun  took a sip of his beer, even though there’s a voice inside of him telling him that he shouldn’t; not with his current level of health but he chose to ignore it. He needed the burning liquid to numb his senses before he can speak the word that he knew he can’t bring himself to utter in his conscious state.

“Where are we heading with this conversation Kyuhyun?”

Kyuhyun just shrugged nonchalantly. A brief silence filled the air as Kyuhyun racked his brain on how exactly he was going to verbalize the whole thing and from the corner of his eyes he can see that Siwon had fixed his gaze on him.

“Love is a complex thing Kyuhyun. There is no wrong or right when it comes to defining what love is. All my life I’ve been searching for a meaning behind it. But all I ever get in return was heartache. So I decided to stop searching and just grab whatever life throws at me.”

“So life throws you an arranged engagement and you are just going to go along with it?

“I’m the one who brought and agreed to this whole engagement thing Kyuhyun, so it’s not exactly an arranged thing.” Siwon said, pausing. “It’s for the best.”

“Since when you’re this bitter Hyung?” Kyuhyun asked as he studied Siwon’s expression; looking for the non-verbal answer from him.

“Bitter? Not bitter Kyuhyun. It’s the reality talking.” He patted Kyuhyun’s shoulder softly.

“Why can’t you be honest Hyung and saves us all from the pain?”

“What are you talking about Kyuhyun? Saves who from the pain? Like I said, this is for the best. Love or not is not the main issue here. My engagement with Victoria will promise a multi-billion merging and if that’s not for the best, I don’t know what is.”

“Wow Hyung. Did you hear yourself? You sound completely ignorant, and selfish… and don’t take it personally Hyung but I think you’re turning into those s in suits who thinks about nothing but money.” Kyuhyun said, looking straight into the older man with a challenging gaze that dare Siwon to retort his words back.

“You don’t have any right to say that. You don’t know a damn thing about being me being selfish, so just drop it. Like I said, I’m facing reality Kyuhyun and I can’t make you understand and I don’t expect you to but I have my reasons, and just for the record my personal interests never made the list. My reality is different from yours Kyuhyun and I hope that’s enough of an explanation.” Siwon paused, looking exhausted than before. “Let’s stop this okay.”

Kyuhyun was laughing when Siwon finished talking and his action left Siwon puzzled.

“Oh, stop with all the reality talk, will you Hyung?” Kyuhyun can feel anger pouring from his senses. Since when Siwon was so egoistic? He can’t almost not recognized the man sitting next to him anymore.

“Want to know about my reality Hyung? Everything in my life has been perfect, I do what I want with my life and the woman that I love, loved me back, but then reality hits me in the face with an incurable disease that literally rips off everything from me. But unlike you, I am selfish, I want to be selfish, but then again reality kicks in and denies even the right for me to be selfish. I am coward Hyung, I don’t have the guts to face my reality like you.” He stopped to swallow the sob that threatened to spill.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m dying Hyung.” And right at the moment when he said it, Kyuhyun can’t stop the tears from falling and the pang of incurable pain stung his heart was like a reminder for himself too. This was his reality, and he wasn’t ready to face it, but his clock was ticking.

TBC (for real this time)

a/n: sorry for the longgggggg hiatus.