“Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?” ― James Patterson, The Angel Experiment

~~~

Kyuhyun was staring at the blank paper in front of him. His mind was empty; it feels like everything that was once his passion has been totally swept off his feet. He was currently stuck in the safe of his studio with no motivation to work at all. Life was taking a toll on him and it was so selfish of him to drag Sooyeon along. It’s not fair for her to be trapped in his miserable life. Sooner or later, he knew that he must let her go from his life. That’s his only choice.

But he had no courage. Sooyeon had been his strength, picking him up when he was flat on the ground, holding his hands when the pain was too excoriating to bear. Despite of the treatments that he had been getting Kyuhyun was perfectly aware of his condition. His health was deteriorating. He knew it, and he can tell that Sooyeon was aware of it too.

It pained him. Why was life being so unfair? His life was at its peak before; everything was going his way until he was being bombarded with such cruel reality. He was so close to breaking down but at the same time he didn’t want to be a disappointment to Sooyeon. If there’s something that he will leave her with, it’s the image of him as someone strong, someone who doesn’t put off a fight. But he’s afraid; afraid of leaving Sooyeon, afraid of someone else replacing his place in Sooyeon’s heart, afraid that one day he’ll be nothing but a memory to her. But he had to make a move. Something or rather someone that he knew will save Sooyeon from the pain. He let out a heavy sigh as he reached for his phone, swallowing the lump in his throat and letting out the breath that he wasn’t aware he was holding when a familiar voice greeted him on the other end of the line.

“Hyung… can we meet?”

~~~

Sooyeon was about to ask for her secretary to grab for a her quick lunch when Han Geng came to her room and offered her for a lunch together. She was prepared to deny him with the excuse of having to finalize a very important report but Han Geng apparently was good at persuasion.

“You need to eat a good meal so later you can work better. There’s this one nice café that I’m sure you’ll like.” Han Geng stated with a firm tone masking his accented voice.

There was no point to argue so Sooyeon nodded softly and she stood up, feeling her muscles aching during the process: the aftermath of spending too much time working behind her computer. Work was pressing lately, she had to keep up with the deadlines or else she can watch the project she’s currently working slipped from her grasp, and she can’t afford that to happen.

Looking up from his menu, Han Geng took a quick glance at Sooyeon who was intently skimming through the options. Something inside of him stirred heavily upon seeing her up close, away from the formality of work. He once thought that she was just like the typical pampered heiress he had come to know but he knew he was wrong as he got to know her better. She was strong despite her delicate features, her eyes held a story that he wanted to reveal, her smile was soft but he can see the sternness behind it. He yearned the urge to be closer to her, to unveil to her deepest self.

The waiter came and took their order. Han Geng straightened his back and he watched Sooyeon checking on her cell phone and a small frown painted her expression.

“Is everything okay?” He asked, obviously not liking the sudden gloom that seemed to cloud the air. He can’t put what exactly was it that seemed to bother Sooyeon, but he can tell that something was not right.

“Yeah.” She nodded then directing her gaze towards the scene taking part on the outside of the café’s window.

People were rushing, cars honking loudly, teenagers wandering around the city, and the sun never fails to shine brightly; basically life taking place on its fast moving pace. Sooyeon let out a small sigh, wondering what was it exactly that people were looking for in life? Because at this point, she still can figure what was it that she was looking for.

“Don’t you think that life’s weird? Every day, we’re rushing here and there filling our life with uncertain things. We’re trapped despite of claiming to be free. I often heard people saying that life is all about finding happiness, but how exactly happy is happy?”

Han Geng flashed her a weak but a warm smile. He had always been so fond of this side of her when she observed and talked about the things that one don’t usually paid much attention to.

“I’m afraid I don’t have the answer for that, since I’m still searching for mine too. But I guess… being with your love ones will give you the sheer pleasure of happiness. It makes you feel appreciated, making you look forward to what tomorrow will bring about, the future.”

“But what if there’s no… future?” She paused, somehow not trusting her own voice to speak, eyes still fixed on the scene that took place before her. The world that was only separated by the transparent glass window. Sooyeon can’t shake the nerve that seemed to engulf her being when the prospect of the future was presented to her. What if the future will only bring more ache and pain for her? Her stomach churned as her mind pondered about it. At what point the reality will snap and ripped it all away from her?

“There’s always future Sooyeon, a second chance. A chance for us to fix our past, our mistakes.” He said and watching her with tentative and observing eyes as she stared at him with an empty gaze.

“I guess so.”

They talked about things over lunch but Han Geng decided that he can’t tame his curiosity any longer.

“Hey… do you remember the day of our contract signing?”

Sooyeon nodded softly even though she actually don’t want to be reminded of that day, because it only will lead to one person. Siwon.

“You looked… shocked when Victoria announced about the engagement. I’m sorry if this touches your personal matters, which I know I shouldn’t be meddling, but… aren’t you close with Siwon-sshi?”

“Well, we grew up together. He was like a….” Sooyeon stopped as her thoughts cut her off. What was Siwon to her exactly? A friend? A brother-like figure? Someone that he can turn to whenever she wanted?  Was he just someone who just happened to grow up together with her, or was he more than that?

Han Geng shot her with a questioning gaze. “Like what?”

“I told you. We grew up together.”

“Maybe I’m imagining it, but I can sense a tense going around with you and him. And he looked a  bit too distraught for a man who’s getting engaged. You don’t look happy about this whole engagement deal too. I’m not wrong, am I?”

“You see Sooyeon, I clearly saw how shocked you were. Aren’t you supposed to be happy for him? The engagement will bring such a tremendous luck to the Choi’s. If the Han and the Choi unite, they’ll be invincible. They’ll definitely make one of the biggest business empire in Asia. This is something to be celebrated, because from the way I see it, you too will get a slice of the cake.”

“Whatever you’re trying to imply….” Her gaze was hard. Sooyeon knew that she can never escape this kind of stigma but that doesn’t mean she was okay with it.

“I'm not implying anything. Just my small observation seeing how close you’re with Siwon.”

Something inside of Sooyeon snapped as Han Geng made his inference. She put her fork down, suddenly losing her appetite as anger seemed to seep through her being. Who was he to speak about her and Siwon like that?

“I’m full. So if you can excuse me, I need to get back to the office.”

But Han Geng was quick when he grabbed her thin wrist to stop her from leaving.

“I said too much, didn’t I?”

Sooyeon took a deep breath, trying to form a coherent wording. “Yes you did. Whether I’m happy or not, it’s none of your business Han Geng-sshi. It’s not wise of you to make such judgment solely based on your observation. I admit, there’s between some unresolved misunderstanding going on between us, and that’s that. I can settle this without any outside help. And just so you know, I’m not one that’ll take advantage, or pity when I’m making my way.” Her gaze was sharp as she spoke, a hint of pent up anger was obvious behind her words and Han Geng knew that he had pushed the limit between them.

“I just care Sooyeon. I want to care about you.”

“Yeah, you did act like you care. Listen, you don’t know a thing about me, Han Geng-sshi. It should stay that way.” She said as she broke free from his grasp and made her way to leave the café before Han Geng said something that froze her, made Sooyeon to stop dead in her tracks.  

“What if I actually know you. What if all along, I’ve known you Sooyeon?”

~~~

TBC

a/n: Finally!!! I’m so sorry for the long delay. I’ve been so occupied with life and along the way, I lost my momentum. Honestly, I’ve been debating with myself whether I should continue writing this or not because

1) I think I dragged this story too long already

2) I want to re-write this because during the earlier chapters, the story was so out of line. There’s no consistency in the plot. L

But then, I was struck with the urge to continue writing this because KyuSica (aren’t they perfect together)!!!!

And the comments also keep me going. Thanks!! I really appreciate the nice words. I will continue updating this. Promise. Xx

Any comments/feedback are highly appreciated.