"Being deeply loved by someone gives strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Unknown

~~~

“The day he broke up with you, he almost killed himself.” Sooyoung said as she handed Sooyeon a mug of steaming hot coffee which she gladly accept.  

Sooyeon winced upon hearing Sooyoung’s words. How is that even possible?

“You should know that he had been drinking a lot that day, something that he knows he is prohibited to do. He must be hurting so much Sooyeon-sshi.” Sooyoung stated.

“Hurting? I think you get the wrong picture here, Sooyoung-sshi. I believe that you are aware of the fact that I’m not the one breaking up with him. If there is anyone that was hurt, it was me. He is the one hurting me. And besides Sooyoung-sshi, Kyuhyun is a strong drinker, a bottle of alcohol or so won’t hurt him.” Sooyeon stated, almost defensively because she is clearly not comfortable with the way Sooyoung talked to her.

It seems like she was blaming Sooyeon for everything that is happening to Kyuhyun when that fact is far beyond the truth. She is the one with the broken heart, she is the one suffering and she is the one who spent countless night crying and thinking about what is exactly had gone wrong with their relationship.

“Why do you think he suddenly collapsed like that?” Sooyoung asked her with her gaze fixed on Sooyeon.

“How should I know? Maybe he was tired or something. We broke up, remember?” Sooyeon said with a cold mocking tone obvious in her voice.

Sooyeon doesn’t mean to sound indifferent about Kyuhyun, but she was angry and deep inside of her heart she still can’t accept the fact that he had left her without any valid reason. The wound in her heart is still fresh and bleeding. Sooyeon is not ready to receive another catastrophe of emotion.

Sooyoung chuckled lightly.

“He was so right when he said that you can be so cold and strong headed sometimes Sooyeon-sshi.”

“I’m not interested to know about whatever he had told you about me. We are over, and there is nothing bounding us anymore. He wanted it that way. I should move on, shouldn’t I?” Sooyeon is annoyed; annoyed because Sooyoung is somehow forcing her to remember the memories of Kyuhyun when clearly she has been trying to it erased from her mind.

Sooyoung sighed softly before she continues to speak again.

“Did you know that people with heart failure shouldn’t consume any alcohol? And in Kyuhyun’s condition even a glass of wine can threaten his life.”

Sooyeon frowns upon hearing Sooyoung’s statement, trying to trace any sort of lie behind her words, but the look on her face says nothing but the truth; the truth that Sooyeon has been searching for all this while.

“Wh... What?” Sooyeon said her voice cracking.

“Emphysema.” Sooyoung added.

Sooyeon feels that the sky is falling and the whole world has collapsed. Chill is running down her spine and her hands suddenly turned so cold. She wrapped both of her hands around her coffee mug, trying to warm herself up. Unconsciously, she lifts the mug to her lips, forcing herself to swallow the black and bitter liquid down to calm her raging nerves.

“Impossible. He didn’t even smoke.” She muttered shakily.

Emphysema is a lung destructive disease where the alveoli that promote oxygen exchange between air and bloodstreams are destroyed. Sooyeon have heard and read about emphysema before, but to know that Kyuhyun is suffering from it sounded so ridiculous to her. It is a disease as a result of excessive smoking, and it sounds impossible for a non-smoker like Kyuhyun to suffer from one, Sooyeon thought silently.

“That’s true, but not in his case. He suffers from the lack of alpha-1 antitrypsin. It is a genetic deficiency. He had it since birth, but it deteriorated slowly and can go unnoticed until it has worsened his health.” Sooyoung explained as she studied Sooyeon’s face carefully. The look of utter shock is evident on her face.

“How... worse?” Sooyeon asked as she can feel hot tears started to brim down her face, but she wipes it quickly with the back of her hand not wanting to look so weak in front of Sooyoung.

Sooyoung on the other hand can almost feel her pain; in fact she can feel both Sooyeon and Kyuhyun agony. She knows that Kyuhyun had warned her to not say a word about his condition to Sooyeon or anyone in that matter, but it’s so unfair for both of them. So, that is why when she received a call from the hospital about Kyuhyun, she decided that it is only appropriate and right for Sooyeon to know about the truth. Being secretive about it any longer will not bring any good to anyone.

“I know how hard this is for you Sooyoen-sshi, but you deserve to know the truth.” She paused for a while.

“It is just the matter of time before his heart will stop... beating.” She said almost silently but Sooyeon catches every single syllable of her words.

“You are lying.”

She bit her lips hard, hoping that it will make her stronger but she is attempting in vain as she can’t hold her tears anymore. Sooyeon buried her face in her hands, crying so hard until her breath hitched and ignoring the look that she might have received from people around her.

“I wish I can lie to you Sooyeon-sshi. How I wish I can. Kyuhyun is not only my patient, he is my friend. The thing with emphysema is, as more of the lung is destroyed, the body will compensate... By gradually increasing the breathing rate and after a while the heart has to work harder to push the blood. Over time, the extra work requirement causes the heart muscle to enlarge and can cause heart failure. His heart gets weaker every day Sooyeon-sshi. He is struggling just to keep his heart beating.” Sooyoung pauses for a brief moment.

“That’s why he broke up with you. He didn’t want you to suffer with him. He said that he can bear his pain alone, but he can’t bear to see you in pain. He is suffering, and I just can’t bear seeing him like that anymore. He had figured every single method available to cure his disease. Remember his trip to Japan?” Sooyoung said while she offers a silk handkerchief to wipe her tears.

Sooyeon nodded weakly as she wipes her tears.

“He was there for a treatment, everything that he told you were a bluff for the sake of covering the truth from you.”

“Is... is it curable?” Sooyeon stuttered.

“Despite of the advancement of modern medicine, so far there is none. He had fought to cure himself Sooyeon-sshi, but when he was meeting with the dead end, he gave up his love for you. He believed that the only way for him to protect you is by letting you go. ”

~~~

“Why don’t you tell me?” Sooyeon looked at the sleeping figure of Kyuhyun.

The aching pain in her heart is unbearable when she knows that the Kyuhyun that is lying on the hospital bed is not the same Kyuhyun anymore. She missed the snarky and the playful Kyuhyun. The Kyuhyun that never get tired of teasing and making fun of her, the Kyuhyun that was filled with dreams and passions, the Kyuhyun that promised her love and happiness.

She hated the oxygen mask on his face. She wanted to pull that damn mask away, because that mask is a painful reminder to Sooyeon about Kyuhyun’s illness. Just the mere thought of it brings hot tears b down her face.

How is it even possible? Why Kyuhyun? Why it has to be her Kyuhyun? She just tasted the sheer pleasure of happiness and suddenly her world is null again. Why does it feel like everyone that she loves and loved her back are taken away from her. First her parents and her brother... and now Kyuhyun? Doesn’t she deserve to be happy like anyone else in this world?

Sooyeon raises her hand to touch Kyuhyun’s face. She hesitates before she let her hand to touch the pale skin carefully running her fingertips across his face. It has been quite a while since she was this close to Kyuhyun.

“I can’t believe I didn’t see what was going on with you. You can push me away, but I’ll never let you go Cho Kyuhyun.” Sooyeon whispered softly, before she leans closer and presses their lips together.

“I love you, and nothing that happened changes that.”

~~~

 Siwon handed the hospital admission form to the nurse with a small smile.

“Kyuhyun-sshi is at room 407, at the left wing of this floor.” The nurse informed Siwon and he nodded briefly, before he mouthed a thank you to her.

He walked slowly to the said room with so many questions filling his mind. Kyuhyun looked so fine, except that the younger did look like he had lost some weight or so. But apart from that, everything seems fine with him.

He had met with the doctor attending Kyuhyun earlier, and according to him Kyuhyun collapsed due to dehydration, and there is nothing for them to worry about. Siwon is glad to know that; Kyuhyun has been always so reckless when it comes to the matter of his health, and he made a quick mental note to give the younger a good lecture about the importance of taking care of his well-being.

Siwon sighed softly. There is too much happening around them, and Siwon knows that he’s stuck in the middle. 

He stopped for a while when he is standing in front of Kyuhyun’s room.

Guilt; guilt is ghosting Siwon. He knows what he had done earlier in Sooyeon’s apartment, and he is not in any way proud of his action.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door making a move to step into the room but the sight that greeted him literally ripped his heart out.

Because there was Sooyeon, leaning down as she kiss the sleeping Kyuhyun. Siwon closed the door slowly, not wanting to intrude.

But it hurts, despite of the countless times he had dealt with the pain same pain, it stills hurts. Siwon leans against the white wall of the hospital, shutting his eyes tight, patching the same pain again.

~~~

“Oppa...” Sooyeon crouches down as she places a gentle hand on Siwon’s shoulder before she shakes him a little.

“Oppa... Wake up. Why are you sleeping here? I thought you’d left.” Sooyeon said softly.

Siwon stirred lightly, regaining his wakefulness. He looked around and he realized that he had fallen asleep on the chair outside of Kyuhyun’s room.

“Hey. Let me take you home Sooyeon-ah. Look at the time now. You need a rest.” Siwon looked at Sooyeon with concern filling his eyes as he placed both of his hands on her shoulders.

“But I want to stay.”

Sooyeon is a type of girl that is always so stern with her decisions. Despite of her soft and demeanour exterior, she can be so tough and firm on the inside. That trait is what makes her so special, and so different from other girls, but at times like this Siwon just wished her to be a little bit more lenient.

“Listen, we’ll come again tomorrow okay. But as for now, we should go home first. You just barely recovered. I don’t want you to get sick again. The doctor and nurses here will take good care of Kyuhyun.” Siwon said with his usual soft but there is a command in his voice.

She pushes Siwon’s hands lightly and indication that she is refusing to follow Siwon’s word. It pains Siwon to be treated like that, and he wonders if he was in Kyuhyun’s condition, will Sooyeon react the same way she is reacting now?

“I’m staying.” Sooyeon said again, her tone firmer than before.

“Please Sooyeon. Let’s go home. We’ll come tomorrow, first thing in the morning.” Siwon exclaimed and he can feel the tense raising in the air, and for the first time he feels like he can’t take it anymore.

Siwon grabs her hand but she is pushing Siwon away.

For the first time, he is tired of be the one giving and scarifying himself for the sake of other people. What about him? What about his feelings? Doesn’t it ever matter to Sooyeon? Everything that Victoria had said comes clouding at his mind once again, and it brings anger in Siwon.

“No!” Sooyeon cries.

“I’m not taking that as an answer Jung Sooyeon. Can’t you see that I’m doing this for your sake? You like to think that you know what you are doing, but the truth is you never did. Don’t you know how tiring this for me? Have you ever thought of that?!” Siwon snapped.

“You don’t understand Oppa.” Sooyeon said her voice clearly shows that she was taken aback by Siwon’s sudden change of attitude.

“Then make me. Make me understand Sooyeon. The last thing I remember is he broke up with you. What happened to your so-called pride huh?” Siwon asked, and even though he didn’t mean to say such cruel word to her he just can’t bring himself to shut his mouth up. He need it out, he needs the raging pain inside of her out even when that means he is hurting the last person that he would ever hurt.

Sooyeon looked at Siwon with disbelief evident in her eyes; she was shocked. After knowing him for so long, this is the first time Siwon had ever raised his voice to her. Maybe it was her fault to make the always calm Siwon to lose his patience, but the only thing that is matter to her for now is Kyuhyun.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, and I’m thankful for everything that you had done for me Oppa, I really am, but tonight not even you can make me leave him.” Sooyeon said sternly as she walked to leave Siwon alone, and wiping her tears that she had been holding from pouring in front of Siwon.

“Damn, what have I done?” Siwon cursed under his breath.

~~~

TBC

A/N: Everything that I wrote about Emphysema is solely based on my reading, and I didn’t mean to provide you guys with the wrong information. If you guys detected any flaw on the information about this disease, I really hope that you guys can lighten me up yeah. Thank you for reading and commenting. <3  

Goes to hug Siwon.