~~~

“Does it break my heart? Of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of...” – Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

~~~

“You love her Hyung, don’t deny it.”

Siwon stared at the younger man with a huge amount of mix and shock obvious on his face. He can feel his body turned stiff upon hearing Kyuhyun sudden declaration.

“What are you talking about?” Siwon replied with a slight shake in his voice. Kyuhyun sudden confrontation drained Siwon’s soul. He is struggling with his inner self to stay composed and calm; not wanting to give away any sign that might show off his emotions and eventually prove Kyuhyun right.

~~~

Earlier that night, Siwon had hammered at the front of Kyuhyun’s studio after he had made sure that Sooyeon was sleeping soundly after her emotional burst, and with the help of her medicine Siwon is sure that she won’t notice his absence. With heavy steps, Siwon leave her hospital room as he drive through the dark pitched night of Seoul to find Kyuhyun. Siwon is thankful because luck seemed to be on his side when his random guessing hit the bull's eye as he found Kyuhyun at his studio; currently still working when he arrived at his door.

But his joy and apparently his luck are short-lived because Kyuhyun had sternly acted like the biggest jerk Siwon had ever met in his whole life. And somehow, along the heated conversation and pent up anger that Siwon trying so hard to keep at bay, Kyuhyun had mentioned something that dread his soul. Something that he knows he will never ever declare to anyone. It is something that he kept for himself; a secret that he kept deep down inside of his heart.

“Don’t deny it anymore Hyung.”

Kyuhyun’s face is as cold as his word. His gaze is dark as he narrowed the heated gaze to Siwon, and Siwon can feel it pierce open his heart and dig through it, digging at the inmost part that Siwon had tried so hard to keep invisible.

“This is not a joke Kyuhyun. I don’t know what scheme are you trying to pull, but this is not funny. She is in pain because of you, and I can’t watch her torment herself any longer.” Siwon said as he is studying Kyuhyun’s familiar features, raking his brain out as he tried his best to guess what exactly is wrong with the younger male.

Kyuhyun chuckled lightly.

“It is all over your face Hyung. No matter how hard you try to hide it, it is just so obvious that you love her.”

Siwon doesn’t know what exactly had possessed Kyuhyun to say such thing, and Siwon is gathering every single piece of self control to dodge his statement away and he chooses to ignore him as he has to focus on his main reason for coming to meet him so late at night.

“Don’t push it Kyuhyun. I’m not here to listen to all this crap coming from you. I just want to know what exactly had happened between you two. I need to know the truth, so I can help to fix this.” Siwon warned the younger, as he struggles to hold his anger but Siwon knows that everything that Kyuhyun had blurted out is nothing but the truth.

“Why are you trying to keep us back together, Hyung? What for? Shouldn’t you be glad that I will no longer stand in your way?” Kyuhyun said mockingly with a smirk on his face. The look on Kyuhyun’s face is so familiar and yet so alien to Siwon.

“I said don’t push it Kyuhyun.” Siwon can feel his breath getting harsher with Kyuhyun’s provocation.

“I’m just saying the truth. No matter how hard you are trying to hide it, you can never lie to me. I can see it through your eyes. We’ve been friends since forever remember? You can never hide anything from me. I’ve always been better than you when it comes to lying Hyung.”

Siwon clenched his jaw hard. Everything that comes from Kyuhyun’s mouth pained him to the deepest core of his heart. Kyuhyun is mocking his feelings, and Siwon struggles to restrain himself from losing to Kyuhyun’s aggravation.

“I have this little advice for you Hyung. Why don’t you play her prince in shining armor? This is such a good opportunity Hyung. I seriously don’t mind if you badmouth about me to her even. You know, I had my fun already.” Kyuhyun said while shrugging his shoulders as if he was talking about the weather.

And that is more than enough to pull the trigger of pent-up anger inside of Siwon, and then the only thing that he realized is Kyuhyun growling in pain. He unconsciously had slammed his fist hard into Kyuhyun’s jaw. Kyuhyun staggered back upon receiving the hard impact on his left side of the face.

“What the hell Hyung?” Kyuhyun shouted, holding his jaw clearly taken aback by Siwon sudden and unpredictable act. But he suddenly chuckled lightly and he narrowed his eyes to the Siwon stiff figure in front of him.

“Well, thank you Hyung. You just proved to me that everything that I just said is right! You can-”

“That’s enough Kyuhyun. Don’t say things that you don’t even know.” Siwon snapped him off, his but his tone softening. He is sorry for what he had done, but it seems to him that it was the only way for him to stop Kyuhyun from further tearing his heart apart.

“I’m well aware of everything that I said Hyung. You can fool everyone, even Sooyeon, but not me. Why don’t you just give up pretending and be a man for once?”

Siwon glared at the younger man standing in front of him. Kyuhyun is testing and challenging his patience, and it seems like the younger had succeeded in doing so, because Siwon is now clenching his fist tight and it feels like every single nerve inside of him is burning with anger and pain.

“Be a man you said? I’m being a man Kyuhyun. I’m freaking be a man, and admit my defeat to you. Yes, you are right. I love her, more than you will ever do. But I let her choose her own path of happiness with you. You know why? Because I know that she can never be happy with me. You’ll never understand how it hurt me seeing her in your arms when it has always been my dream to embrace her.” Siwon said with gritted teeth, eyes fixed on the younger daring him to stop him from blurting his emotion.

“It’s you. She loves you. No matter what I do, or what I say, I can never win over you. So that’s why, I was doing this! I can’t bear seeing her in pain. So stop saying things that you don’t even know. And I beg you Kyuhyun, stop torturing her.”

Kyuhyun was clearly shocked upon hearing Siwon’s sudden confession, and he turned his face away from Siwon, he can’t face him anymore; not when the pain and agony clearly plastered on Siwon usually calm and composed features.

“Get back to her, will you?”

“I can’t do that Hyung. I’m sorry.” Kyuhyun choked on a sob on the back of his throat as he takes his cue to leave his own studio, leaving Siwon standing alone in confusion, Kyuhyun knows that he  is not strong enough to keep on pretending anymore.

~~~

Sooyeon stared out at the heavy pouring rain sliding down the window of her room. It has been raining a lot lately. Sooyeon woke up that morning finding that she was alone in her room, no Siwon accompanying her like he used to the previous night. The doctor had come to her for her usual check up routine and Sooyeon almost jumped out of her bed as the doctor had given her permission to leave the hospital today, and it was clearly earlier that she had expected. She grinned happily as she thanked the young doctor because she can’t stand being inside of the white walls of her hospital room any longer. Sooyeon had quickly grabbed for her cell phone and dialled for Siwon’s number with a smile plastered on her face, and she was glad that Siwon had promised to pick her up later.

Sooyeon looked at his cell phone and sighed softly. She had already changed into her clothes and had paced around her room over and over again while waiting for Siwon to come. She had called and even texted him for the past hours and the said man still hadn’t showed up to pick her up. Something that is very antonymous to Siwon, because everyone that knows Choi Siwon knows that he is a man of his word. Sooyeon wondered what had actually had kept Siwon from picking her up at the promised time. A soft knock on her hospital room bring Sooyeon back from her wandering thought.

“Oppa?” Sooyeon spun around, ready to greet the expected male, but she her step stopped abruptly as she was greeted by a figure that is clearly doesn’t belong to Siwon.

~~~

TBC

A/N: I’m very sorry for the late updates, my brain refused to work with me, and to be honest this chapter is very hard to write. I hope this will do for the moment, even though I’m really not satisfied with the outcome. Sigh. I hope everyone is still with me. <3