(W) This Feeling is Alien to Me.
A Farewell
I don't know why am I writing this but Idk where else to talk.
I mean, I don't wanna bother my friends they already have enough to worry about.
I don't know what I am doing.... Where am I supposed to go.
Am I depressed? Sick? Idk.
This feeling is alien to me, I can't bring myself to eat even when I am.hungry., my appetite just dies.
I thought I was getting better day by day and this feeling might go away ....but it isn't, it's been weeks, probs a month.
I don't even know what's wrong with me, is it love I hate now? I feel triggered over romantic fics. T_T I have a thing of getting deadly sick when I worry about someone or miss someone.... I don't wanna be so pathetic.... I feel like umm..whatever.
Maybe my best friend irl was suicidal over something like this, but I don't even know if I feel the same.
I don't know what's it’s like when we are depressed, I have been in state too but not for a long time.... What am I doing? Maybe I can now understand what's it’s like to feel to stop existing. But I don't wanna feel like that, I have some responsibilities and I feel trapped, Idk what am I searching for. I exhaust myself everyday because I want to stop thinking about the feeling.
And recently it's been a year over, Chester- Linkin Park's singer, he was my music inspiration... I feel so helpless idk why....
Sometimes I feel I should ya know give up, but that only makes me bang my head on wall. I stop others from doing that but why am I feeling this... This feels really sick.
I can't help but puke everyday, and my blood count is alarmingly low (im taking prescriptions for that) but how I bring myself to eat again.
I don't know who to talk about it, I don't wanna lean on my friends and be a burden to them.
Sorry for writing this I feel better letting this all out ;-; skkekde you can ignore this.
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