How Can I Leave You Behind?

Hi.. Jonghyun oppa. I'm sorry I didn't show this earlier, even though I already posted this in Amino, I still want people to see my letter to you. It gives me comfort that.. I'm not alone feeling remorse about the situation. I don't know what to say. I still can't believe that you're gone. I want to move on. I really do. But.. How can I leave you behind like that? I want you to always be here, I know, I'm being selfish and that I want you to stay. But.. I'm still suffering.. oppa. I miss you. I want to pour my heart to you right now.

Jonghyun oppa, have you been well? How is it up there? Are you having fun? Do you know that we miss you? I am a fan of SHINee, but I wasn't a stan. I regret not watching your variety shows, your performances, your interviews, I regret all of it. If only.. I could've been watching you before you left.. I feel sad, regretful, and full of sadness writing this. I'm literally crying as I type this.

I miss you, so, so much. I want to run up to you and hug you. Asking if you ate well, slept well, and just asking how your day was. But I can't even do that. I feel.. Remorse. When I read the article when it came out, I thought it was a bad joke, I was in denial. But.. Writing this has proved that I have accepted (50/50) our, SHINee's, SM's dreadful lost.

Oppa, did you know that I didn't even know SHINee in their own variety show? Oppa, hear me out! haha, I was watching SNSD at the time. When I was still new to Kpop. I watched Star Golden Bell with the intention on watching SNSD. However, I noticed a person at the back seemingly not able to answer the questions. It was you. I laughed at you, but in a good way.

I regret not being there. As of right now, I'm not old enough to travel legally onto another country, So I just admired you from afar. I couldn't talk to you in fanmeets, couldn't cheer for you in live stages, all I did was watch behind a screen pretending to talk to you and cheer for you. Literally screaming at a screen. I feel bad for that screen now. haha.

And oppa, please do know that.. I'm still here, holding onto your hand when you aren't gripping mine anymore, when people who used to be behind me gave up. I will always love you, Jonghyun oppa. What happened has proven that idols are human too. I love you, oh so dearly. Happy Birthday, Jonghyun oppa. Rest well, and be happy when you couldn't here. You did well, Jonghyun oppa.

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Redofthedawn #1 Aug 7, 2023 07:53:21

I'm aware that it isn't December but I just thought of this post. December will never be easy for a lot of us. I'm more aware of my depression around that time. I just became an adult and the realization that a lot can change has finally hit me. I'm not sure how to feel. People within my family have died or are dying and it seems like the only thing I'm allowed to do is move on. I'm no longer given the luxury of grieving the way I had with Jonghyun. There are so many fond memories that I can go back to with Jjong but for them I only have memories. So much has happened these past few years and while I'm not completely okay I can say there's plenty of room where I've healed.

As year 6 approaches I want my fellow Shawols to know that healing is hardly a linear task. It's okay to not be ready but where you are there's always going to be SHINee.

And Dear Author thank you for keeping this space for all of us.

luv_kero ^{2445 streak} #2 Dec 18, 2022 09:15:11

Thank you for keeping this space for us for so many years <3 This milestone hit me a lot harder than expected, but seeing this brought so much comfort. Miss you to the moon and back, Jonghyun <3

Viola_Ella #3 Dec 18, 2022 03:56:50

Chapter 818: When I saw in newfeed I just realised today is the day. He is a sweet,kind and precious soul. I miss him.

Evelyn_64 #4 Dec 18, 2022 00:55:41

It’s been five years today and just a few days ago I turned 27, the age Jonghyun-ah was when we had to say goodbye to him. I have long since had to “become an adult” and learn what growing up means; yet every year I come back to this little space, and read some of the messages that people wrote for him, and think back to the letter I wrote at 22 and never shared with anyone. I think back to a memory of me looking at the full moon and talking to him for hours, telling him I missed him terribly. We still miss you, friend. I still remember you fondly. I still remember me at 17 dancing to Replay in my room. I’ll always cherish those memories of our Spring.

Author, I hope you have been doing well. Thank you so much for keeping this space running for so long, it brings comfort to some more than you’ll ever know.

OdetteSwan ^{930 streak} #5 Dec 18, 2022 00:11:36

I'm so glad you won the bid. I will start collecting karma points again.
Good work.

OdetteSwan ^{930 streak} #6 Dec 18, 2021 15:31:45

Chapter 818: I just really paid attention to SHINee this August. Yet, when Jonghyun passed away four years ago, I felt sad that another beautiful and caring person chose to leave this place. In fact, I didn't want to listen to any SHINee songs then.
Now, watching SHINee's MVs, I feel like I have accepted what happened and hope that he is really happy now.

Redofthedawn #7 Dec 18, 2021 15:23:33

Time keeps moving on and I wonder why I can't just go back and fix things to when it was so peaceful. So much has happened in the last four years and it feels as though there's only SHINee left to comfort me. Jonghyun for so long I've written my letters to you and I couldn't this year because I couldn't find the strength or will to when I was feeling down. I haven't cried this much since I was a baby. I promised last year that I would tread the new year with caution and that didn't work out so great. There's more I wanna say but I just wish you knew how much I love you. Thank you for being born and sharing your light with the world. Sincerely I love you. 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 ❤️

lovelyfeisty #8 Dec 18, 2021 05:29:15

It’s been 4 years now and so it’s hard to believe that you left us, but I still do remember you as SHINee’s Blingbling Angel and as the brightest star that shines in the sky.

I used to feel so lonely after knowing that you left us, that I was listening to Lonely everyday for about a year, but now I just remind myself that you’re still with us, as the bright shining star watching over us from the night sky. ❤️
I will always love you.

wonpokemon #9 Dec 17, 2021 22:21:02

i was InMemoryOfJonghyun!
just thought i'll let you know so you don't add this username again~ =]
anyways, good luck with the add and for all those who come here and are thinking of Jjong and of others and themselves.

aseulmonsta #10 Jul 21, 2021 15:41:11

❤️