Jonghyun ah I never actually met you, never saw you and I never will but you will forever be with me.

When I got to know Shinee i was six year old it was 2009. My mother listened to your songs telling me each one of your names like they were the most beautiful thing a person can ever say. I actually didn’t get it then but later on as I grew up I found something for me in your songs that gives me peace. My mother used to tell me that even though she listened to groups as Beatles, Jonghyun’s voice is the most amazing she ever heard.

Later my sister was also born, she is now eight but i remember my mother singing Diamond sky to her when she was little. Then when I was eight my mother went to a shinee concert and she returned like a different person. She was happier.

At that time my parents travelled a lot and didn’t have much time for us I was really sad and depressed as I grew up alone with my sister. When they returned from one of their big travellings to Japan they brought me an ipod with headphones. It had all of Shinee’s songs there. I was eleven at that time. Everytime, when I was feeling sad, I listened to the music, when I couldn’t make friends in school because I was sick and didn’t came very often.

I get sick really easily, it’s a problem with my immune system. I listened to Shinee songs and I felt better. I grew up like this. When I turned 13 I started listening to other kpop groups like exo and bigbang but shinee was always my number one. My mother wasn’t with me most of the time but she was always there watching new shinee comebacks with me.

Moments like this made me the happiest. When we travelled we really liked to listen to shinee songs and Y Si Fuera Ella was always part of the tracklist. It was my mother’s favourite song together with replay and diamond sky. When I passed my exams at the age of 14 I went to high school where I made friends as I started to grow over my health problems, that was april last year. Jonghyun’s Lonely was my favourite song at that time. My life was becoming happier and in December it was the first time my parents brought me with them on a trip to Vienna.

I was really happy. The 18th of December was our last day and we were having a walk in the center buying souvenirs. I couldn’t be happier. I was finally spending time with my family and I wasn’t lonely anymore so I thanked Shinee that day for helping me in the hard times with their songs. But then my mother called me saying that I needed to go with her somewhere immediately. I obeyed.

When I met her she was with red puffy eyes from crying. I asked her what has happened but she just grabbed me by the hand and brought me into St. Stefan’s cathedral we sat there and she told me that Jonghyun was in hospital dying. I was shocked.

I started crying and I couldn’t stop. I stayed there with my fingers crossed praying for my biggest idol and savior, after all he has saved me so many times, but i didn’t do anything for him. After 20 minutes we went out and we didn’t want to check our phone notifications. But we did. I screamed even though there were so many people on the street but I screamed with my voice my mother fell on the ground crying and I followed her hugging her.

It was the saddest memory in my life. God doesn’t always answer our prayers I thought. After that day my mother became sadder and I became more depressed. We were like this till my father didn’t come saying that we are going to Japan, I was of course happy since it was my dream and then he told me the dates it was Jonghyun’s birthday. I cried. When we went there I was really sad and even though it’s been almost four months I was still sad.

It was the 8th of April and we went to have a morning walk, we went on Shibuya and crossed the street. Kibum’s message was just posted and I was really emotional but then all the buildings lit up in turquoise and I thought it was just a coincidence but then from one of the buildings a Jonghyun photo showed up and Shinee’s From now on begun playing and I stayed there sobbing as my mother hugged me and we both cried. I was really happy.

I believed that miracles actually could happen. It was a sad and really emotional day. Having my 15th birthday the same day was just a happy coincidence. My life is happier now. I started again. Life is for living. Death is part of it. But it’s actually only a new beginning.

This is my last message for you.

Farewell Jonghyun. Thank you.