The World Doesn’t Deserve You
A FarewellThank you for this. I haven't gone through all of the letters here since I don't think I'm ready but really thank you.
And for Jonghyun, I'm sorry.
Shinee was one of my gateway groups to Kpop. I knew of them, I listened to their songs, I knew the members but that was because my best friend basically shoved her ear phones up my ears. However, I did like their songs. I wasn't just into the fandom as I am with other Kpop groups.
A few years later, I found Jonghyun's Blue Night and again to be honest, it was because one of my recent favorite groups were guested but I loved Jonghyun's voice. I liked his personality and I swore I'd go back to Shinee and watch everything all over again, follow them up until their latest updates.
I never actually did.
A few days ago, we had our Christmas break and for some reason I remembered that promise. And so I usually search for cracks and I ended up watching funny videos of Jonghyun.
The morning after that I woke up late, went through twitter and I was confused with all the RIPs and some people were denying that Jonghyun was dead. Jonghyun died? I just watch a video of him laughing and very happy awhile ago. It felt surreal.
I don't know. I didn't cry out of shock, I just stared on my screen. I don't want to believe it. I don't really know how I feel. Maybe it's a mixture of sadness and regret, I didn't get to know him better. It's really suffocating whenever I think of Jonghyun, like he just left a big empty space and it was scary.
Up to now I still keep on listening and replaying his songs, his voice, everything. I can't cry, I'm not a crier, I'm mad at myself for not taking the time to really know Jonghyun. He was hurting. I'm sorry for not noticing.
Jonghyun, your songs were wonderful. You've helped so many people. You've done so much more than just well.
I'm sorry I'm late. You're a wonderful person and I'm sorry you were hurting. The world doesn't deserve you. May you be happy wherever you are. May you rest in peace.
I know I just got to know you but thank you so much Jonghyun. We love you and you will always be in our hearts.
You shined and you will keep on shining. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so so much for everything.
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