I remember waking up and thinking that this is going to be another ordinary Monday for me. I was tired from the weekend and I didn't want to go to school of course. I got dressed in my uniform and brushed my teeth. While brushing my teeth, I went on my iPad to go on Instagram. A notification from my friend that says 'wtf?' with a shared post. "BREAKING: Jonghyun found dead in an apartment." Right away I took it as a joke, but one side of me was speechless. It was making me want to believe it. Knowing how I can be gullible sometimes, I couldn't let this go. I searched through Instagram to find answers and everyone reacted the same way as I did. "It's a joke!", "How can we believe this?", "Is this true? It's too early for jokes and this is seriously too far." The more I searched, the more it was becoming true. People updating left and right confirming a possible suicide and fans updating at the hospital. All was unbelievable. In my head I didn't want to fall for such a thing. How can someone that I love from the moment I got into K-Pop fall into such a state? I remember sitting at the computer and scrolling through Facebook. Allkpop confirmed he was dead. I remember my exact reaction. I lowered my phone, rested my head on my seat, and sighed while crying out a silent 'no.' The familiar feeling crawled up in my chest. The feeling I always feel when I can't hold my feelings back. I told my mom what had happened and she immediately told me to not waste my time on this matter. I didn't listen. How could I? I sat there and cried silently. For the first time, I've cried hard. It was uncontrollable. My hands were shaking and fat tears stained my face. The truth was something I cannot digest. As I went to school, I tried my best not to cry. I told my friend and she was in disbelief. "Don't ing play with me!" She said in similarity.

There was some hope flying around. "He's still alive!", "Some are saying he's going to live!" I doubted. There was no way. I didn't want to believe. At the moment, I was uncovering what he was suffering from. From his last message to his sister to the expression he had at his last concert, I was devastated. The person who I love in SHINee, who made me smile when I stanned them, who made me happy, and who made me who I am as a fan of other groups today, has his soul snatched up by depression. All day I've kept my tears in and held my head high with a smile. At the end of the day I played his songs, specifically The End of the Day and Lonely, I broke down. This time pouring everything out of me. I've cried that whole week. Three times the day he committed, twice the next day, Wednesday I was calm, Thursday I cried. Can you believe I broke down right before my first period? I couldn't hold it in. His funeral just happened and I witnessed it. It's hard for me. It's hard for others as well. I know I'm not alone in this. The thing that breaks me down the most is that depression can come at anyone and could easily take their life. If this is ever posted, I just want to say that you are needed in this world. Yes, the world is cruel, and yes there will be problems, but please you can make it out. There is still goodness in this world. Everyone is here for each other. If you are bothered, find someone who is willing to help you stay here. My heart hurts when I know someone is trying to die as I type. Remember that someone is going to stand by your side PLEASE. As you may see the title says You, the Brightest in the Night. Let me explain it. Everyone knows that one article that says something like "he's the star among the skies" right? Well, I want to look at the sky searching for that bright one. The one that stands out to me. Like a child searching for one. I haven't tried it yet, but I do look outside sometimes. I'm searching for him. I'm looking for him. Why? Because I miss him. After so much impact, this is pretty much how I will meet him instead. So, my message to Jonghyun is: You did well. You may not have seen it, but many of us did. Whether we've been with you since debut or been with you since an era, we saw you succeed. I'm sorry for not being there to witness great accomplishments, but I thank you for the joy you've given me in the beginning. From Ring Ding Dong, Hello Baby, etc., you've made me happy. I love you so much, and I'll look out for you in the night. You'll be seen in the night because you, the brightest in the night, is my star. Thank you.