Dear Jonghyun,

I remembered you from before I fully knew you. You were Jonghyun from SHINee, the blonde-haired boy, with the powerful voice who sang Breath with Taeyeon. But that was it. I never really knew you beyond that. And then two months ago, on December 19th, the day after it happened, so suddenly and randomly, I heard the news in a conversation my sister was having with my cousin during dinner. They didn't say your name, and I remembered thinking "Who's in SHINee? There's Jonghyun, but it can't be him. He doesn't seem like the kind to do something like that." And when I searched it up, it was you. I was so shocked, I could not believe it, and I could not stop thinking about it. Two nights later, I was watching your livestream from months ago. You were dressed in black, your hair was black, your eyes were black, everything about you was black. When you said "Fans, please leave a comment," I really want to tell them "Come on guys, leave a good comment for him. Don't let him be disappointed." Throughout the whole livestream, I couldn't help but think, you look so tired, your eyes are sad, even your voice sounds sad. When you said and waved goodbye, I suddenly want to tell you, don't go, don't go. And I broke down among the orange Christmas lights in my room, crying for you, who I barely knew at that time but somehow care about. I just think that you don't deserve the pain, that you are worth saving. I wish I could pat your back, embrace you, and tell you it will be alright, that there's still hope, it's never too late, and that I want to save you. All around were your songs, your words. So many of them you were speaking from a different view about your broken and lonely self. It hurts me and breaks my heart to know that you had wanted to be saved, and no one noticed. I want to save you, but if you're hurting, then it'll be cruel of me to tell you to hold on, when all you want is to let go. You were always smiling and being obnoxious, it was impossible to tell that you were in pain. It hurts, when I know now, to see you pretend to be happy when you're really not. I want to tell you that it's okay you've lost the battle and let go. Everyone all falls and break in the end. I want to say thank you for creating so many happy moments for us. I know that you were a perfectionist and it gave you a lot of pressure. I want to tell you that you don't have to be perfect. It's okay to have flaws, Jonghyun. Everyone have flaws. You're wonderful and beautiful just the way you are, and even if you have flaws, there's still someone in this world who will love you with all their heart. Because it's you, who wouldn't love you? There will be people who are cruel and mean, who will judge and criticize. But those who love you will love you for you. Did you know that some fans have chose the same path as you. Please don't be angry or blame yourself. It's not your fault, it's never your fault. They chose to do what they did was because they love you, they love you so much. I remembered thinking at that time that they're so stupid yet so brave. They did it because of love. Jonghyun, you must be singing with the angels right now. How beautiful must that sound, I wish I can hear it. Your final album was like a gift to us. It was like you're here again, you're alive again. It was like a gift. Thank you. Jonghyun, how I wish we can save you. You were so precious and good. But if you're happy now, then we love you and care for you enough to let you go. You have to remember that there's people in this who still loves you. You were always loved. You were meant to shine, you were meant to be loved. You were an angel and now you truly became an angel. I know you are at peace now and the thought makes me happy even though my heart is still sad. Like Key said, do everything you want to do. Be happy, Jonghyun. I won't ever forget you and I will be thinking of you for a long time. Thank you.