How Important You Were To Me
A FarewellJonghyun you were the first. There came seconds and thirds - only separated by years or mere months - but you were the first. The seconds were boys whose faces shone bright with soft effeminate features. The thirds were girls who danced cutely and evoked laughter and happiness from within. But Jonghyun, you were and will always be the first. I've loved many, cherished many, cried with many, yet I won't forget how IMPORTANT you were to me when I first stumbled into this crazy Kpop world. Your voice pulled me in while your face made me stay. My heart tugged towards you while my mind held it in place. I remember having only one thought, 'Wow. This guy's amazing.' My thoughts couldn't have been more true than they already were. For years I stayed with you and found solace in your voice and lone existence. Admittedly, I was of course more smitten with you than Minho, who I considered my bias wrecker. The years stretched out until I could no longer stay in this bubble, this bubble of you and only you. I turned to new groups, new styles and a new book in kpop. You became a distant memory as I got too caught up with my seconds. Then, you were forgotten as I stayed with my thirds. I regret kicking you to the curb as I followed the crowd and what they preferred instead of what I preferred. I shouldn't have disregarded that spark that we once shared in favor of fitting in and gaining new friends - for that I am sorry. You're gone but it's never too late. It's never too late for anything. I believe that you are up there looking down on us with long whites cascading down your back- said whites blended in a perfect symphony. So I am sorry jonghyun. You were suffering while I relished in the selfish happiness I crafted myself. I should've noticed signs or at least stayed. I know I am merely a young fan (a single one in the majority) yet I know that you cherished every single one of us. GODS I MISS YOU. I can’t just ask for you back though. You're FREE from the pains you worked so hard to cover up, from the taunts of those who truly did not know you. You were so precious. YOU WERE A GIFT. Gods. I feel like crying again even after draining so much of my tears. I love you Jonghyun. We all love you.
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