A Shawol Of 8 Years
A FarewellI know I should be over this by now and I thought I was but apparently I'm not.
I was re-watching SHINee's old videos and where they always argued with themselves and even with the MCs of the show, and couldn't help but smile, remembering Jjong's character in the variety world. But today, I watched the video of his coffin getting carried into the car and I couldn't stop crying. They all looked so broken and empty; SHINee, SNSD, SuJu and I think I even spotted Yeri. But really, the most painful thing to see was Key crying so hard when he watched Jonghyun's coffin enter the car and when our Dubu leader was comforting him. I don't know if others noticed this but my heart started aching when Onew comforted Jonghyun's omma too as the doors were closing. Our leader always has to put up such a strong front for others when he too has symptoms of depression, when he too is suffering a lot from public criticism and when he too is in one of his worst states in his idol career.
I think what hurts the most is that Jonghyun gave us signs that he was suicidal and unhappy: his radio interview, his instagram posts and even through his songs. His voice was what sparked my interest in KPOP; my first music video being Ring Ding Dong. Even though I started stanning many different groups, SHINee was always #1 in my heart. I never forgot to brag about their talents such as their stable live singing, their variety skills and even their goofy personalities. Every time they won an award, my heart soared and I pointed out to people how much SHINee deserved each and every one of those awards.
I just hope that more people, not only korean netizens, will be more aware of the severity of mental illnesses. It would be helpful when topics like government corruption, suicide, mental illnesses and LGBT are more publicly discussed in the country.
SHINee will always be five in my heart; 4 beautiful talented young men and an angel. I will miss you a lot Kim Jonghyun. It would be selfish of me to say that I wish you stayed a bit longer but your death will certainly be a loss to the world. Thank you for always brightening up our days. Thank you for blessing us with your amazing voice and composition of songs. Thank you for being a wonderful idol to me, to Shawols and even to others. 고인의 명복을 빔니다... We'll always keep you alive in our hearts and our minds, through prayers and through singing your songs. You have done well, our Jonghyun.
사랑해,
a Shawol of 8 years.
Comments