Jiyong stared at Youngbae. He could not say anything. He would not. Why did he not say anything? He could have said no. It was easy though. But somehow, he would not figure out the reason why. Still, he would never say yes. It was risky for him. He knew it would be a trap. The moment he said yes would be another trap for him, he would think that way. Somehow it was a fight between his brain and his heart, a yes and a no. That was why he just did not say anything at all.

Youngbae was still waiting for his response, though he knew it already. Youngbae had known Jiyong for so long, that he must know what Jiyong was thinking.

“You can’t admit it, huh?” Youngbae put his glass down and pointed at Jiyong. “You’re in trouble, boy.”

Jiyong continued to stare. Why did he feel like he was caught by his best friend? He himself knew for sure that he was still in a puzzling relationship with someone else, yet he felt like he was getting caught with Jieun. He always standardized Jieun as a best friend, no more than that; he would not figure out the fact that he just did not want to lose her. He knew he needed her existence in his life. Jiyong knew it all. He knew that if there was a start, there would be an end. Deeply in his heart, he just did not want to start anything, just because he never wanted it to end.

“No… We’re just… friends.” Jiyong spoke heavily. He was trying to word against his mind.

“Friends? You never told me that you were friends with her.” Youngbae found holes in his line. “Jiyong ah, I’ve been friends with you long enough to know that you’ve never been good at lying.”

“I… I don’t know man. We’re… just friends?” Jiyong ended up asking himself if they were just friends. “Aishhhh. I don’t know.”

“It’s ok Ji ah. Just accept it.” Youngbae looked serious. “I had a feeling before that this was going to happen.”

“Huh?”

“Remember the time you asked me about her?”

“Oh… But at that time, I was only curious. I swear.” No, he was lying. Jiyong partly felt deep down inside him that it was the start; or else, he hoped it might be not.

“But it was a seed Jiyong ah. You would never ask me such a question like that if it was somebody else.”

“Seed?”

“Yes, it was a seed of something will bloom. A seed will blossom into a beautiful flower when you give it water. Your seed will blossom into a beautiful feeling when you give it hope. And from what I read through your eyes that time, I saw hope Jiyong ah.”

“Hope?” Jiyong startled. “You’re talking nonsense, right? I was with that girl at that time, for reminding.”

“Yes you were. But that relationship of yours is a crap, don’t you know it? I never really know why could you not just get out of that.” Youngbae no longer smiled; instead, he started to turn it into a real man talk.

“You’re right. I don’t even know why I kept being dragged into that either.” Jiyong pitifully laughed at himself. It was sarcastic.

“You know what happened Ji? When you were so f***ing tired with those things and someone else started to give you hope. Something that you felt like you should have had instead of weariness and exhaustion. That’s what happened. She gave you hope, in a better person, a better love.”

Jiyong looked at Youngbae and realized what his friend said could not ever be wrong, but Jiyong still could not accept that. He was afraid, whether of losing her or whether of being in another trap, he just could not figure it out.

“What about the other girl? You know that I’m still in contact with her, even now?” Jiyong defended himself. He could not lose it.

“Jiyong ah. Are you trying to hide your feelings from your own self?” Youngbae would have a sad look in his eyes. “You know that you and that girl were never together. You guys did not even have anything real. You were just… playing.”

Jiyong could not say a word. His best friend knew everything about him, and he just could not deny it. He was speechless.

“Jiyong ah, why can’t you just accept it? It’s for your sake.” Youngbae still looked sad. “Ok buddy. Tell me the truth. How long have you guys been contacted? I know you have her number since IC festival but don’t you say that it’s been since that time…”

“No. It’s not that time.” Jiyong just shouted, honestly.

“Ok.” Youngbae grinned. Jiyong finally spoke in honesty. “So tell me, when?”

“To be honest…”

Jiyong would stop, then started to flood out all the stories about Jieun. He never realized that as Youngbae was listening, Youngbae also witnessed his feelings were flooding out also.

“Woah… You’re really daebak…” Youngbae kept making surprised faces and never stopped thumbing up his fingers.

“What? Are you crazy?” Jiyong glared at his friend.

“You’ve been hiding from me. You’re good, Kwon Jiyong. I admit.” Youngbae can’t stop him from laughing.

“It’s not that I want to hide from you. I just think that it’s not something that I should tell you.”

“Why? Have I ever said you cannot date her?” Youngbae was being witty.

“What? No dude. You will find it weird when I just talk regularly to someone who used to have a big crush on you, you know that right? And all of this. I know when you know it, it’s going to be like this.”

“Like this?”

“You. Your silly jokes. Your teasing faces. ALL OF THIS!!” Jiyong frowned.

Youngbae would laugh forever while Jiyong started to get annoyed.

“Ok ok. Sorry friend. I was just having so much fun.” Youngbae patted Jiyong’s shoulder.

“Why is it so funny? Nothing is funny, dude.”

“Our Jiyong is growing up. Finally.” Youngbae happily smiled. He felt grateful somehow.

“You just act like it was the first time. I’ve been dating many girls, fellow.” Jiyong glared.

“But it was your first time acting this way. I always know Kwon Jiyong with many girls fallen for him, but not this confusing and shy Kwon Jiyong with this special girl.” Youngbae smiled with his smiley eyes, which killed thousands of fangirls.

“Special girl? You mean Jieun?” Jiyong would wonder if she was that special. She was, he just never realized it.

“See? You always call her Jieun. I never call her Jieun even we were rumoured for dating. That’s the weirdest thing.”

“It’s just because we’ve been calling each other’s real name.”

“But she is special, don’t you admit?” Youngbae kept asking questions.

“Why are you so big-mouthed today? You’re so annoyed.” Jiyong started shouting and standing up. “Ok. Stop. This should end. It causes me headache. I want to sleep. Thanks for your food. Bye dude.”

Just then, the two would end up jokingly fighting each other for a while and Youngbae ended up giving in to Jiyong.

“I’ll be back someday.” Then, Youngbae would do the famous signal of “I’ll be back” and disappear.

“That stupid bro.” Jiyong grinned and went back to his bed.

Jiyong would try to answer the previous question Youngbae had asked.

“Is she special?”

Jiyong would reminisce all the nights with conversations and calls of him and Jieun. Then, he found himself smiling over little details. He was surprised with how he could remember those small fragments of their talk, those small seconds of her expression. Then, he found himself always wishing to talk to her whenever he was free or bored. He also found himself clinging to the feeling of having someone to talk to everynight. He realized that most of the calls, he would be the first one to start. Was she that priority to him, that he would do all those things?

“She is special.”