Jiyong was spending his last day in Seoul before departing to Japan for his next schedule. And at the moment, Youngbae was pouring another shot for him, as well as celebrating his birthday. It’d been a while for them, to actually sit down and pour some drink together though (the last time should be at his place).

“So… how was it so far?” Youngbae lowered his tone, and Jiyong already knew what he was implying.

“I talked to Hyunsuk hyung.” That made Youngbae rose his body. “He asked me if I wanted to expose it or not.”

Youngbae was waiting for his answer, but half of his mind wished that he didn’t have to listen to the answer. Because, either if it was a yes or no, it already gave him a headache. Either way would make them hurt, and Youngbae knew it so much because he was already there.

“I…”

Jiyong stopped and gulped down the liquor; his throat was burned with both his fury and the intoxicant, but then he slowly turned exhausted.

“I couldn’t answer. I don’t know, Youngbae ah.” His voice were shaking, and Youngbae already comprehended the situation because this was not his first time seeing Jiyong like this.

“What if… she wants to but I don’t want to? What if… she doesn’t want to but I want to? What if… we both want to but no one wants to? What if… we both want to but we just can’t…? Youngbae ah, what should I do?”

Jiyong started to mumble like a crazy man, and Youngbae just let him be. Because, Youngbae knew enough how Jiyong wanted to handle it alone, and even if he told Jiyong to do anything, he would never listen anyway. Jiyong was stubborn.

“I couldn’t… bring myself to tell her. She would worry, and you know what… she would always do something without telling me. And something, I mean she would run away from me… And you know maybe I should…”

“Know what Jiyong? I know too much Jiyong ah, that you should do something first right? Because you would do the same thing if you were her right? And then, you will claim that it’s for her sake? No, Ji. That’s SELFISH. And now, you’re just being selfish again if she has ever wanted to do that.” Youngbae’s furious voice became louder. “You need to tell her, and tell her how you feel so you could know how she feels and how you guys should handle together. This is not the solution Jiyong ah. Did you see what had happened to you and Ki…”

“DON’T ING MENTION HER.” Jiyong suddenly slapped the table, and Youngbae should know he was not being an to his friend; it was just Jiyong being irritated.

“You saw what had happened before, Ji. You can’t make another mistake, Ji. You don’t want to lose her this time again, right?” Youngbae sighed hoping that Jiyong knew his friend had always made sense.

“I’m in tired of dis, Jiyong ah.”

When she spoke in her broken-Korean that only Jiyong understood because he had been listening to this sentence for many times, she had no idea how ing tired he had felt too. So when he left her alone in the room and headed back to Seoul, he never knew that was eventually the last time he would see her. Because when he chose to leave, he thought that they would go back together as they always did. But she just decided to give it up for real, in the end.

When Jiyong thought of that scenery, he just couldn’t hold himself together. Just the thinking of it already hypnotized him, and now Youngbae mentioned it again, Jiyong of course knew how scary it was. And he was irritating because every freaking thing Youngbae said was always right.

“I wish…” Jiyong bent his head upward, closed his eyes and laid back to the wall. “I could just be like you, Youngbae ah.”

Youngbae tapped on his shoulder and ended the conversation. Jiyong had no idea how hard it was for him too, but in the bottom of his heart, he hoped that Jiyong would make up his mind, be wise and do the right thing this time.

“Alright.”

Jiyong ended the call and inhaled a deep breath before comprehending the situation. So Hyunsuk wanted him to carry on another guesting performance, and somehow he could not say no when it came to Dara noona. She was his noona, and he of course cherished her a lot. But, this would mean he had to entirely dispatch a fan-service for people who loved them being together. Jiyong admitted that doing that “fake kiss” at the airport was definitely a wrong move, because all he could think in that situation was to tease the fans, not to stir them up and give them more hopes. Dara noona was nagging him a lot that day, for making the situation worse, and Jiyong knew that he was just being playful without thinking straight. And now, the situation came again, in different perspective that somehow told him to do the same way, but this time Jiyong had no desire to play with it.

Jiyong dialed his phone, hoping she would be fine with it.

“Noona…”

“Wae wae wae…?” Dara’s cheerful voice somehow lifted his mood up.

“What are you doing these days? How are you? Good?”

“Uhum. Good. How are you? How is the tour? Tired? You’re in Japan right now?”

“Oh. I’m heading to Osaka tomorrow.”

“Tired right? Fighting Jiyong ah. Anyway, why are you calling?”

“Noona…” Again, his voice was stuck.

“Wae…….?” She seemed confused and it made him more hesitant.

“Should we… do another performance together?”

“Huh???” She choked in a loud voice, before Jiyong could explain. “What do you mean?”

“I mean… noona… look… Hyunsuk hyung thinks that we should make another stage. I mean.. in my next concert in Manila… If you don’t mind… It’s the 1^st. You’re free right, noona…?” Jiyong felt guilty; words stuck in his tongue, ‘cause he felt like he was using her, for some reasons.

“Oh… why all of a sudden? I thought we know this is never a good idea…” Dara’s voice seemed more confused, but at the same time so considerate.

“Cause… noona… you know… lately…” He half wanted to tell her, but half thought this was not something he should tell her.

“Don’t tell me something comes up and Hyunsuk wants to manipulate the public?”

Jiyong closed his eyes, and he almost wanted to shut the phone down because he was so irritated of all of this. He didn’t want to bring his noona in this mess, because she had been suffering so much. He just didn’t know what to do no more. For a second, he wished he could disappear for a while.

“Jiyong? You’re still there?”

“Yea… noona. I’m really sorry. If you really don’t want to do it, I could tell Hyunsuk about that. You don’t have to worry about that…”

“No. It’s okay. I will do it. I miss the stages too.” Dara, in the opposite, sounded cheerful that Jiyong almost thought he was mishearing it.

“Really, noona?”

“Oh. It’s really okay. So the 1^st? Okay. Let me put it in my schedule.”

“Noona…”

“Wae to? (What is it this time?)” She grinned through her breath.

“Gomawo… (Thank you.)”

“It’s ok Jiyong ah.”

He guessed, that everything would be fine. But, he didn’t want anyone to get hurt because of him. But, it already stressed him out again.

Jiyong: Jiji ah~

Jiyong: Where are you?

Jiyong: What you doing now?

Jiyong: I miss you~

Jieun briefly looked at the message on her phone, then turned the screen off because right now she was sitting in front of the dead-silent Junghyun with his serious face that somehow scared Jieun really much. She should not say something, but she knew at the same time she should say something, but she could not think of anything to say. Jieun wished he could say something, instead of being so quiet and keeping his eyes on the phones without looking at her.

When her phone vibrated that caught the table shaking, Junghyun looked up at her then glared quietly at the phone before Jieun could turn the screen off again. But, he knew that he didn’t have to look for the name of the caller, somehow he did have a feeling who that was.

“Why didn’t you pick it up?” Junghyun suddenly spoke while still looking at his phone.

“We… Aren’t we having a meeting?” Jieun hesitated. “Oppa… didn’t you have something to talk to me?”

“Oh. I thought you know what we’re gonna talk about?” He still looked at his phone and it somehow annoyed Jieun; she hated him being like this all the time.

“What… is it? You’re the one who wants to talk.” Jieun scratched her fingers on each other while her eyes were moving around the room, finding a safe place to keep her eyes on instead of the man in front of her.

Junghyun’s chair made a sound causing Jieun to guess that he could have stopped using his phones and changed the position to look at her so she was stoned and afraid. Jieun told herself that she should know she couldn’t hide him from this. Because, they used to be like this last time when she confessed she was dating for a while. And he made a big fuss about that, although she knew he was being over protective.

She supposed this kind of thing should make her feel easier but the fact that this time still made her feel so anxious caused her not to dare to look at his eyes again, because Junghyun could be very playful at times, but when he turned the opposite way, Jieun knew it was totally nerve-cracking.

“Jieun ah, why… no, I mean… is there anything you’re hiding from me?” Junghyun’s soft voice suddenly surprised Jieun that made her look at him.

He did not look that furious, but more of uncertain feelings. Somehow, Jieun felt sorry.

“I…” Jieun continued to scratch her fingers and lowered her head.

“Jieun ah…” Junghyun did not give up; he wanted her to say what was on her mind. “Am I not good enough so you couldn’t at least tell me?”

“No, it’s not that, oppa.” Jieun shook her head, her voice was mixed by the urge to cry and the attempt not to cry. “I’m… sorry.”

“Sorry? Why are you sorry? I’m just asking.” Junghyun stared at the space behind her back.

“I’m sorry, oppa.” Her voice was weak, and broken down.

“But Jieun ah, why… why him?” Jieun could feel his voice shaking after a long silence, but she was not sure why, whether if he was angry or… he was sentimental.

“What… do you mean?”

“G-Dragon? Why does it have to be G-Dragon, Jieun ah?”

That name caused Jieun to spend three seconds to gasp back in her body, because she almost forgot that was the title of Jiyong. She started to think of the first time she met Jiyong in his studio to rehearse the song for the festival, and she insisted Junghyun not to worry about any scandal that could be blown off between them because she never thought of getting a chance to have something with him. All she wondered when Junghyun kept telling her to be careful in every act was that, what was wrong with making friends with somebody like him? Was she… not granted the ability to be his friends, or was she never supposed to be his friends? But she kept silent until she parted way from the van, and all she remembered what she was doing in his studio was to not say anything nor to do anything; she was just sitting there, hearing the clock ticking in dead silent despite she knew that he was sitting on his chair in the other corner and was looking at her. Until he spoke something, until he spoke something that somehow stereotyped Jieun to the fact that unless he said something first, she would never say anything first. She was fine with the fact that it was alright if he was the start. But until now, she realized that maybe she was the start, she was the one who’d thought of everything first; she’d thought before he was saying anything.

And because she never thought that he was that G-Dragon. No, because in that moment she’d forgot that he was G-Dragon, and because he became Jiyong to her, that she’d allowed herself to go for it. And she’d been neglecting the fact that he was G-Dragon, the public face, the most successful idol and the untouchable man in this industry.

Jieun realized, maybe she was not supposed to have anything with him.

When the sky turned dark at night, Jieun was not scared of anything more than herself, because she started to look at her tiny little finger, to long for the warmth of the promise that they’d made, to wish that only moment could stop and last forever.