Jieun: Kwon Jiyong

Jieun: (insert a photo)

Jieun: Is this you?

Jiyong: What’s that?

Jieun: Ya

Jieun: Don’t pretend Kwon Jiyong

Jieun: You sent me slimes, right?

Jieun: Those are from yours, right?

Jiyong: kkkkkkkkk

Jiyong: Like it?

Jiyong: You want a purple slime but I guess more slimes will be more fun.

Jiyong: Play well Jieunie

Jieun: Oppa jinjja kkkkkk

Jieun: Gomawo (Thankyou) Jiyongie ~

Jiyong: That’s it?

Jieun: Mwo? (What?)

Jiyong: I want more

Jieun: More what?

Jiyong: You

Jiyong: I want you

Jiyong: Lee Jigeum

Jiyong: Jigeum (Right now)

Jieun would smile along with his tease. She definitely missed him too. She missed him too much that when she received those slimes from him, she was almost crying. She would not need all of these, and somehow she just needed him here instead. She wished it was him instead of those slimes in the box.

Jiyong was doing fine with his US tour so far. He also had so much fun around the States, meeting and playing with his fans and also his friends. Jieun felt glad for him, but in the same time she would feel so lonely.

Jieun: Mohae? (What are you doing?)

Jiyong: I’m on my way to the rehearsal

Jiyong: Are you still reading books?

Jiyong: Did you finish that one?

Jieun: Almost oppa

Jieun: You know I like rereading again

Jiyong: Uri Jiji ~

It was recently like that, him being busy with his concerts and she staying at home reading books. Somehow, Jieun felt like this relationship was just so wrong and she should just leave it alone. Somehow, Jieun felt like she should not go forward but she knew she could not turn around either. She never wanted to leave him, her heart would not either. But somehow, she felt like she was being a wretch when she wanted to abandon this relationship, just because she felt like she should put herself beyond anything else before it hurt her eventually. Jieun would let Jiyong hurt her, but she just did not really like these feelings: loneliness and worrisome.

Jiyong had been skinnier, drousier, and lesser in sleep. He looked so exhausted and worn out that it hurt Jieun much. That was why Jieun would always nag Jiyong for his eating routines, and sometimes it just became a fight that they would always do their best to avoid.

“You should at least eat something. Please Kwon Jiyong.” Jieun started her naggings again, and it made Jiyong somehow annoyed.

He could not respond to anything she said. Jiyong was just really weary from his tours from San Jose because he would have to leave for Los Angeles the next day. He could not have enough time to even think about what to eat. Jiyong was stressful as hell that he would feel so sick everytime he smelt food. Though, he knew he should eat something and he tried as much as he could.

“Are you listening to me Jiyong?” Jieun still could not give up on her worriness. She was worried for him anyway, it was just her way of being worried.

“I am.” Jiyong sighed heavily.  “I know Jieun ah. Can’t you just stop saying about that?”

“You know? Are you sure you know? I never see you eating a proper meal. All you eat is instant noodle and it’s killing you…”

“At least I ate something Jieun. It’s not that I did not eat anything.” Jiyong made a loud voice though he tried to manage his anger, and it would somehow stagger Jieun.

Suddenly, he felt regretful. She was being quiet and it made Jiyong scared. He never wanted to hurt her; he made a promise to himself not to hurt her and there he was again. He could not do the same mistake he had been doing in the past.

“I’m sorry Jieun. I don’t mean to do that to you. Jieun ah, I’m really sorry. Are you alright Jieun ah.” He tried to find her eyes but she was looking at another direction. “Jieun ah, I’m really sorry. It’s just… I’m really stressed out these days. I cannot eat, I don’t have appetite at all. I feel like throwing up everytime I see food…”

She was silent for a while.

“It’s alright oppa. I know.” She finally spoke up. “I’m sorry for mumbling things too much…”

“No Jieun ah. It’s not your fault Jieun. It’s just because…” Jiyong felt his heart almost exploding.

“No oppa. I did not think that you’re stressful. I should know that before complaining…” Jieun sobbed. He knew she tried to hold back her tears. “I’m sorry…”

Jieun felt bad for nagging him. He was having a hard time though. She should have known that instead of complaining all days. And again, she blamed herself that she would just ruin another relationship because of her over-intention. That was why she was about to cry. She just did not want to lose him.

“No Jieun ah. I’m the one who’s sorry. Please Jieun ah don’t do this to me.” He felt so bad just because he once again made someone cry, someone that was so precious to him right now.

“Do what?”

“I… don’t know… but just don’t say sorry to me. I don’t like that word coming from your mouth.”

“Why?”

“It feels like… you’re going to abandon me after that. It feels like you’re going to leave me because you feel sorry. It feels like… you will stop caring about me, stop missing me and stop loving me.” Jiyong gasped quickly, put one of his hand on his forehead.

Everyone who left him would always say sorry and take their faults. He had heard it enough just to have an obsession about that. He was scared of the word "sorry" from everyone he loved, because eventually he would be left alone. Everyone he loved would leave after saying "sorry" and all he had left was regrets. This time, he just did not want to lose her again. He could not lose her, this particular her, Lee Jieun.

“Oppa.” Jieun sounded serious.

Jiyong grabbed his phone to look at Jieun. She was looking at him, seriously. It made Jiyong scared, but he still trusted her. He widened his eyes as a response.

“Do you remember our promise?” She inhaled and exhaled before continuing. “That we will just break up only if one of us changes.”

“Of course I do.”

“I’m not going to leave you oppa. I’m not going to abandon you oppa. I’m not going to stop caring about you, missing you and loving you oppa. So please don’t think that way.”

She looked like she was going to cry. Jiyong wanted to hug her as much as he could. He wished that he could just pull her through the phone and had her right beside him.

“Jieun ah.. Can I have you right here right now?” Jiyong spoke unconsciously while closing his eyes.

“I wish I could be there too.” Jieun smiled. "If only..."

A fight would only make them stronger, not tear them apart. They were not fire and water, but more like water and ice. Everytime they were connected, one would melt the other one down no matter how hard the ice was. Jiyong knew he loved his fans that much, but after all he knew he only needed to go back to his home, where Jieun was there. She was his home, after all.

“Jieun ah…”

“Huh?”

“I love you.”

“Kwon Jiyong.”

“Hm?”

“I love you too.”