I unbuckle myself easily and run inside the house before he catch me, but I always lose in the last minute. So when I’m about to enter my room, he prevent the door to be closed by one of his leg. I want to crack that leg so he’ll give up and let me be alone this time but I’m afraid to not only sprained his ankle but also broke the bone. He slam the door behind us and grab my wrist then turn my body to him. I glare at him with my teary eyes. I can see all his anger, guilty, disappointment and hurt are already there.

“Kim Taeyeon.” He speak out his teeth, hold his anger up. “How can you show up there? Who said you can be there huh?!”

I only let my eyes see him through my tears. I don’t know why I’m crying though. His grip on my wrist feel a little bit tigher and that’s hurt, but I hold it up. He grip my wrist even tigher and I grimace in pain but still that don’t make him let go of my hand. He stare at me with his bloody red eyes, try to intimidating me but fail. I keep my mouth shut for two reason, to annoy him and to think about what’s next move should I take. I’m so tired with all the drama, I just think that we are succeed on the first step of our really really new life. Just before I saw him kissing Kiko back so that make me think I have to knock him down in one go.

No more stupid move. No more regret. No more pain.

“Why don’t you answer me?! You’re so talkactive back then, why I can’t hear your voice now?”

I smirk and take my hand away from his palm. Push him away with every might I have. My back is on the door and he is a step further off from me now.

“Because my voice is worthy only for those who can afford to be honest. And you are not that person, so you don’t have any right to hear it more than I allowed.”

He laugh and walk to the other side of the room, making a distance further. He back to me again, this time with a scarier look in his eyes. I keep my head up, don’t want to lose.

“You know what?” I speak again with a higher tone. “You have to push her like how I push you before! You have to push her harder and not kissing her back!” I scream.

“So you finally think that style fits on you?” he chuckle.

“What style?” I mutter.

“You’re wrong! Totally wrong, Tae! You never turn your head when I’m kissing you, you never hit me back even after you found me lie to you, you... you just save me before, with the word... what did you said? My pride? I’m your husband and you’re my wife? Don’t you think it’s go beyond just friend now?” he’s fixing his eyes on mine.

He put both of his hands to each of my shoulders, sandwiches me between his body and the door behind my back.

“You like it right? The way I kiss you, all the time we’re together.. you wish for more, you want for more! Now you act like you’re everything just make me feel disgusted.”

I swear I’ll win today, winning over Kiko and winning over Jiyong. These two cold hatred soul should know who I am. Jiyong just fine, I know he is a great man, warm and decent and lovely, but what he just said before hurt my heart. Did he just bring all those times when I couldn’t control my heart and falling for him? Not for him exactly, only for the moment. I think I’m finally can accept the fact that I am falling in love with the man who I slept with to finally lead me to all this circumstances. Now, after hearing him talk like that, I’m regreting myself for thinking as it.

“Don’t you think you already fallen for me?” he speak again, burning the fire that I try not to get bigger hardly. “Don’t worry, speak only the truth because we promised to speak honestly about or feeling. I won’t be a bad guy if you are not a bad girl too.” He say, bring the hair from my face to behind my ear. Tickle me with a little touch there.

I smile to hear his question.

Look, who’s the one who act crazy this time!

“Keep your imagination bigger, Ji. For you to know that I’m not saving you from Kiko before. I save myself and the baby inside me because I have to do that. Not because I love you or fallen for you already. Well, I think I am at first but not now. You know I’m selfish, that all my ego control me to save myself because I saw you don’t have any power to fight back even for yourself. You can lose, I don’t care, but I’m not and will not.” I’m so calm to response his anger. I’m so surprise too to see myself could manage it very well.

“What?! What are you saying?”

“Listen. If I didn’t save you before, Kiko would win over two things, me and you. I won’t let that happen. You know why? Because if you lose, everything will be just fine as it is but if I am lose, I can’t promise the baby will be jus fine. My first child deserve a better life, the peaceful and beautiful life. The life you promise me before I agree to marry you. I see it now that you can’t provide it for my baby, so I have to handle it. You know, every woman choices aren’t easy, I told you before. People could judge me, badmouthing me, send their hates toward me, but not to my baby. Because she is innocent, Jiyong. She doesn’t deserve to know this cruel world this early. It’s her mom who’s so stupid to sleep and got pregnant by the jerk like you and also her dad who’s so weak that can’t do much to defense her and fight for her.”

“I give you my faith since you said ‘we’re in this together’. I feel so emotional that time to know that there’s someone I could rely on, and to know that the person is none than the father of my child. But you break that faith many times and now I think I should to give it up. I mean, I’m done, Ji. I’m done with you and all those lies.” I take a deep breath. I feel my body is shaking now. I look at him and his condition is not better than me too. “I’m not planning to divorce you or what, but it seems better for us to be apart for awhile, Jiyong.” I add to make it clear for both of us.

I can feel the warm tears on my cheeks and the tears form on his eyes too as he can’t fight to hold it. For the first time I see another form of sincerity from Jiyong, beside his words and his gaze, that... his tears. But that don’t move me much because I’m so tired for all of these! I need a time to be free again, to think about so many think and comeback with a clear decision. Doctor said the baby can only feel the love and happiness at this stage, but this passed month all I got was only stress. I’m about to shine and be happy again but now I’m back to the start line.

Since I know that the baby is all I had, I have to treasure it well. I have to keep it and take care of it like what I do for myself. I have to surround her with the love and happiness. I can find love and happiness from the previous life, they will accept me back. I have my family and my friends so I don’t have to be worry. I just... want to find the happiness for my baby.

“I’ll go.” I say and leave him alone.

= = =

“Fany-ah! Tiffany?!” I knock Tiffany’s door without any second thought.

“Taeyeon?” her jaw drop open as she see me standing over her door.

“Yeah, it’s me. I’ll stay here tonight.” I casually say, pass through her stunning body without further ado.

“What?!” she say in her perfect american accent while I welcome myself and plop comfortably on her couch. She slam the door then walk toward me. She don’t let herself take a seat, standing there in front of me like a grumpy old woman with both hands on her waist. Manager Hwang mode on, I guess....

“What?” I act fool only to ignite the fire in her beautiful eyes.

“How could you suddenly coming here and said you’ll stay? You’re no longer single, Mrs. Kwon. You are a wife and you have a husband. It isn’t right to get sleep over like this. Do I have to remind you that it’s almost midnight now?”

“Chill out, Tiff. I told my husband and he didn’t said any words so I take it as a yes, beside it’s not really that necessary to talk about his authority about my whereabout. I’ve been locked up in that place for more than three months while he can meet tha... I mean what if I take a step out to hang out with my friends now? He did that almost everyday tho.”

Eyes narrowed, arm crossed, forehead furrowed are the thing that welcoming me and my eyes.

“You two fights?”

I stare at her eyes. I can’t believe it, is it really that easy for her to read me?

“Yeah, it’s over anyway.” I say as I roll my eyes and make myself comfortable with the couch and the pillow.

“What do you mean it’s over?”

She sits beside me, too close to be true, make a tiny space for my size body. I push her body with an annoying look on my face but she keep insist to cut the space between us. She is linking her arm with mine and pulling my body closer, get my ear to hear mouth exactly. I push her again because it’s not comfortable for me to be in this limited space. My now size body need larger room and the baby inside me make it a little bit harder for me to breath properly. A larger room not only to fits my now size body but also an enough air for me to breath easier as it is hard like always.

“I need a room, Tiff.” I remind her. “To breath.”

“Oh, right. Sorry.” She say and pull her body apart from mine. “Much better now?”

I nods.

“You fight with him? Why? How? Who’s the one start it? Is it okay to say... well, okay... are you win it?”

I sigh. Tiffany and her obsessive and competitive mind. She like the challenge, she wish she can take all the challenges because she believe that by facing the challenge people can finally change. Good challenge could effect bad and good for people who take it, but challenge always bring something different in the next time. She challange herself years ago when she run away from home to Seoul only to make her dream to be a singer come true. It bring a great effect on her also the differences before and after not only for debut time but for her life before she know where exactly Seoul is and after she know it very well too.

“Let me answer it one by one and do not interupt me, okay?”

“Okay.” She answer, can’t be patient anymore.

“Yes, we fight but it’s over now. I think.... And the reason is... because the third person? I don’t really like to explain how it started because I don’t know for sure how. And there’s no winner and loser in this kind of fight, Tiff. The only matter is are we succeed to solve the problem then make the thing between us up or we keep adamant for the seek of our not-so-high-pride? That’s it.”

“Why is it sound like you lose?”

“God, Hwang Miyoung!”

She laugh then leave me to kitchen. I follow her behind like a kid follow her mom.

“You know what, just before you sound like a lover who fight and depress by the fact that maybe, just maybe, you two can’t reconcile for good.”

She open the refrigenerator and bring out an apple juice also some cakes. I stare at the cake hungrily, she just shake her head as she see me take of those cakes. One good thing about Tiffany’s place is there’s always food for everyone, different from Sooyoung who always serve her guest with ordered food or go out to get some food like to the new cafe near the neighborhood or recommended family restaurant from her cousin. Tiffany always make her self sure that there’s something inside her refrigenerator. At least.. fruits.

“You better prepare more food, Tiff. I can’t handle my starving state, this baby makes me feel hungry all the time.”

“Right, Boss!” she answer.

I look so much fine the moment I arrive at Tiffany’s place. Tiffany let me sleep on her bed but I know something might come up in the late night so I hate to bother her. I take her sofa as my best buddy tonight. I said I want to keep close with the refrigenerator, I usually starving the most at night. Even after glance at me in suspicious way, she still take that permission and give her pillows and blanket for me.

I’m totally right about something that might come up to me. It’s near 1 am when I know I can’t sleep. I moves around the sofa, looking for the most