“Happy birth day, Kwon Jiyong.” She said with much confident.

Jiyong took a second before answer her hand for casual handshaking. “Thank you, Kiko.”

Oh, uninvited visitor came to ruin it up. But I won’t let her do that.

I moves closer to Jiyong and catch all her attention by making fake choke. She put her eyes on me, smile on her face like she really don’t know what the meaning of what ashame is. I want to bark on her right away to ruin up such a precious moment of mine with Jiyong. The more days of pregnancy bring me be more possesive about so many things. And the most thing I possesive about is Jiyong. So to saw such a scene between him and this Kiko makes my nerve work voluntarily. So.. this is your first maneuver?

“Hi, Kiko. Long time no see.” I greet her, act all nicest to her.

She smiles even wider to me. “Yes. Hi! Oh, right. Kim Taeyeon.. are you going well, Taeyeon?” she made such a cringy sound with .

She has a face to ask me that kind of question. “So damn well, thank you. We’re just knowing that our baby is a girl, right Jiyong? You happy right to found it out be a girl? That’s your dream to have a daughter.” I smirk.

Her face went dark for seconds but she put her poker face on me again when Jiyong take a glance at her for less than a second. Jiyong clear his throat and nod awkwardly. God, he still this awkward when stand in front of her?! I linking my hand with Jiyong’s and move my body even closer to him. He didn’t response it at first but then he take my hand away and put his hand around my shoulder. Good, that’s even better!

“A girl?! Really? Wow... Congratulation!” she said with much effort. “How long is it already? Your pregnancy?”

“Sixteen weeks already.”

“Ya, ya.. it’s been sixteen weeks, I didn’t count.”

I’m about to start the war when I heard she said that, I mean that’s not her bussiness to count on my pregnancy, but Jiyong squeeze my shoulder and move his body further from her. “Alright. Thank you for coming and enjoy the party, Kiko-ssi.”

“Oh.” I startle to hear Jiyong pull it out first. I thought he just can’t stand longer since his heart aching like crazy by the moment when their eyes met. I glance at him and her twice before finally chuckle. “Right, we have to go, right? We need to talk more about so many thing, Ji, since we found out it’s a girl, we have to talk about the preparation.”

I smile evilly to Kiko. She sure saw the witch inside me just now.

“Beside, Ji...” I laid my head on his shoulder. “I think I can’t stand up more longer, it’s.. it’s hard to stand up since the baby...”

“Okay, let’s find a seat.” Jiyong cut me out then grab my hand, ready to leave.

I pull myself away from him only to back to Kiko’s face.

“I’m so sorry, Kiko-ssi. Something like this happen when you’re pregnant. I’m so sorry...” I’m make sure her to see my fake apology.

“Oh, it’s really okay. Don’t worry.”

“Okay.” I said, smile widely then leave her in sorrow.

Jiyong moves closer to my ear. “Weather you jealous or you don’t like her, admit it.”

I turn my face to see him cleare. He help me to take a sit.

“Well, seems like both.” I said bluntly. “I don’t know how could you ended up in love with her with all her act. No offense. I mean, she just.. living with no ashame like all this world is hers.”

He stare at me for seconds that make me afraid I just cut her heart by saying those words toward his ex-girlfriend. But then he laugh that make me confused but I just let him be.

= = =

“Jung Sooyeon!”

She laugh. “Hello, mom.” She tease me by winking her eyes in a kind of dirty way then give me a warm hug.

“How could you find my new place? Are you coming alone? Wait, aren’t you suppose to be in china now?” I attack her with question while drag our feet to get in.

“Easy, Taeyeon.” She chuckle. Right when we arrive at the living room, we take a seat with my hands that never leave hers. “Yes I came alone, and I suppose to be in china next week and I do know your place from Jiyong sunbaenim.”

“You met him?”

“He was in china like two weeks ago when I and Tyler came to a friend’s party. Oh, and for you to know that my boyfriend and your husband are in the same circle. So yeah, we met. He greeted me first then say thanks to me for the wedding gift and then.. I asked him about your condition. He told me that you haven’t seen our members since the wedding day, you just contact some of them.” I see her made a bitter smile.

I nod and give her the exact same bitter smile like hers. “I’m not in the good term with Tiffany, but the rest are good.”

Because Jessica came around lunch time and I was all alone because Jiyong out for his schedule since early morning, I took Sica out to somewhere place. It’s been a bit longer for me to always stay at home like this. I was a homebody but never this much, so I think I need to come out since the weather is good and I have an accompany too. Sica voluntarily reserve a table for us at the restaurant she know good about privacy and of course food and she drove one of Jiyong’s car to that place. The place she choose is a good place that won’t regret anyone. It’s cozy and quite, the classic theme match well with her current style. I run to the menu on the list and ended up for mushroom soup and grilled chicken while Sica get enough with baked potato and vegetable salad.

“Are you still on diet?” I roll my eyes, “Get a life, Sica.” I advise her.

She chuckle and pull back her head. “Alright, you have an excuse because you are pregnant, but me? Hell yeah, I wish I could eat as many as I can but still as tiny and slim like Sooyoung.”

I laugh. “Yeah, every woman envy her.”

So we delay the talk when the food arrived on the table. We clean up the plate easily. Right after that we started the conversation with something light and fresh, like each other conditions. I even asked her about Krystal’s condition too, we even gossiped her with her boyfriend for no reason. After like enough pretending, Sica took her body up and smiled to me gently. Oh, I love the way she look at me because she just like told me she do understand me with her heart beat even before I tell her anywords. So, I smiled to her and made a joke to break the stare. I don’t want her to know much than she should while read through my eyes.

“I thought that I won’t ever regret the decision I made. I’m so wrong about that.” I’m starting with such a confession.

“You’ll get use to it.” She know what exactly I talk about. Smart Sica. “Maybe taking much time but that day will come when you finally let it all go.”

“Have you ever think about turning back the time, Jes? Or maybe just going back to SNSD these days?”

She laugh. “I do miss the old days too. None of the days I don’t thinking about us, well just the good memory though. But life’s changing, Tae, yours too, so keep it up. You’ve made it good so far.”

I nods, can’t bet her words because if I do so I could ended up about the friendship after marriage that I have with Jiyong. We might succeed fooling out the public by saying we met and fell to each others and recklessly convinced the baby so we ended up married just to learn how to love each others properly. But for my family and closest friends, they know the truth that even if we said we’ll try to love each others in the process, the love won’t come easily for us both. Only the chance and the faith they put on us that let us keep going until now. Same on me, only the chance and faith that I put on Jiyong too that let myself to keep fulfilling his dream about a daughter he wanted so much until now.

“I know you and Tiffany will be okay again. Maybe it will take more times than other fights you had in the past, because this one is the biggest one, Tae. Her career, SNSD and the members are the thing she had here when she left her family years ago. You risking her career, SNSD and our friendship by decided leaving the group and get married. After me leaving you guys, you know very well the situation, right? Even the last comeback was success, but people keep questioning you. By the decision you made, it makes everything harder than before. Tiffany must be worried, you know her so well so I know you aware about that reason too. So I think it’s right for her to be mad like that. Please, do understand her, there’s no ones who could truly understand her than you as you are her best friend, Tae.” She squeeze my palm.

I nod and my tears fall down. “I do understand her, Sooyeon-ah, but it’s more than a month since the last time we met and talk.. when will she come to her sense and understand me too? She has her own condition, me too...” I whined in protest.

Sica moves to beside me and hug my shoulder while patting it. “It’s okay, everything will be alright, Taeyeon. Let’s focus on yourself and the baby for now. Tiffany will be back soon and also the rest.”

After the meeting with Jessica I feel more lonely than before. We spent the day together and I found it’s been so long since I have an accompany by my side. After went to london last time with Jiyong, I never really have a friend to talk. Jiyong usually went out from early morning and cameback late, even if he stay at home longer, like at the weekend, we used the time to do our own thing. If we talk, the topic must be something so important like my condition or the baby or something so general like how’s the day or what’s the latest news for each others. My mom and sister came to our place twice, brought me food and talk to me about so many things, mostly about the marriage life of mine, but I couldn’t be 100% honest about that. Beside that, we communicated by phone at least once a week. His mom and dad used to call me every morning at the first month after the wedding but now they just call me sometimes. The best thing I have now is his sister who usually text me or made a short video call through his cellphone on the weekend. Since she was busy we couldn’t met and that somehow disappoint me.

My members, I keep in contact with Sunny, Hyoyeon, Yoona and Seohyun. The rest, sometimes they sent me text only to remind me that they are alive and going damn well even without me. Only Tiffany the one who never tried to know how’s my life, am I still alive or death or what since the confession time at our practice room. The reality hit me hard just now, wake me up from the moment when I thought everything went okay with my life without them. I know I need a friend to talk with, to share my thought with, to learn to my jokes, to be a shoulder for me to lean on while I’m crying, but I never felt such a needed more than this before. After the marriage I never felt so lonely like this, even if Jiyong was not home I never felt like this. I mostly spent my time alone at home because I’m a homebody type of person. But even so, I’m usually have a friend to talk... place to share my thoughts. But not now.

It’s nine pm but I think that it would be fine to call someone at this time. I give my first chance to call Heechul, the one I admit as my own oppa, but after seconds he didn’t answered and I went to mailbox. The second chance I give to our stylist unnie, but her phone was off. And the last chance I give to Tiffany, purposely place her as the last one. Her contact is on speed dial number 3 after my mom and I dial her easily. Her hit single from mini album I Just Wanna Dance with the same title playing and I’m waiting. I almost give up until she finally pick my call up. I’m so happy and about to cry because of that but I do manage to greet her properly.

“Yoboseyo? Tiffany-ah?” I call her name but silent on the other line. “Fany-ah? Are you there? Hello?”

She let a heavy sigh. “What?” she speaks coldly. Even she act so I’m still really that happy to finally hear her voice again. The fact that she answered my call is such a gloriuous gift for me now.

“Fany-ah, you really answer my call?” I can’t hide my happiness. “I’m so happy. I miss you so much, you know.”

“What do you want?”

I shake my head and my tears fall down from my eyes to the floor where I stood. I don’t know for sure if that tears is because I’m so happy or so sad.

“Nothing.. nothing really matter. I, I.. just want to t-talk.. I miss you so much, Tiffany.”

She take three seconds before finally speak up again. “Fine. But I don’t have time to talk, especially to you because I’m practicing now. Like recently someone ruin up my group and the rest members should pay for that.. so yeah, we don’t really have time because we busy cover up that mess.”

It feels like you’ve got hit by the knife right on your heart by the one you love the most. Her words makes me jump from the cliff to the vast and deep ocean. The cold air kill my sense, the salt water burn my throat to the lung, and the depth pull my petite body far from the surface. I know that she wouldn’t forgive me this easily, rather than the desire to hear my voice again, her answer is more like a direct warn from her to me. She wants to warn me directly. I expected her harsh words but not this harsh, like I know my fault but was it really that big? I mean, the mess I made is huge but not unforgiveable right?

The foolest thing I said is sorry with much sincerity as an answer to her harsh words. I wonder, do Tiffany feel sorry to me after said that? Only if she really hate me now to make her feel nothing toward me after said that. She know me best and surely she know her words hurt me the most. Maybe Sica was right, just let the time heal it for us both and we’ll back again in the future. Hopefully could be a bit faster because I do miss her even after accepted all her tantrum.

Around eleven Jiyong came home but he seems drunk. He don’t stink even if he dead drunk, he never stink, but I could smell the alchohol from when he greeted me before. He walk straight to his room and I watch his back in worry. I don’t know for sure what I did but I brought a warm water to his room after like ten minutes and I heard nothing from there. He usually went to kitchen to get some water and went to wash up before bed. So I knock his door and he let me in, his voice was as cracked as the door when I open it. He sit there on the edge of his bed, his head bow down. His clothes still on his body completely, he even did not yet took his cellphone out from his pocket.

“Hey, you drunk?” I ask. He look up, stare at me. “I bring you warm water, here..” I handed him the glass.

He take it and drink it all in one shoot.

I lend a hand for the glass but he grabb my hand and pull me to him. To my shock, my body ended up stand between his thight. With his one hand on my wrist and the other hold the glass, he lift his head and eyes on me. We stay in that awkward position for a minute. I clear my throat and look away, he then release my hand