You're automatic and your heart's like an engine,

I die with every beat.

You're automatic and your voice is electric,

Why do I still believe?

It's automatic, every word in your letter.

A lie that makes me bleed.

It's automatic when you say things get better.

But they never...

Automatic- Tokio hotel

 chapter playlist

Baekhyun got home and enclosed himself in his bed room, a safe haven for him in times of need. The light filtering in through the stained glass window was crimson. Baekhyun sat at his desk and with a heavy heart inserted the CD into his CD player and listened to Chanyeol’s voice.

“Hey, Baekhyun? Are you listening?”

If you are, I just want to let you know I love you. “

Chanyeol strummed his guitar and hummed. “This is a song named “My hope.” I hope you like it.”

Chanyeol’s voice crept in softly. He was a beautiful tenor, silky and smooth. Baekhyun cried at the sound of his voice, and how he longed to listen to it for all eternity.

“Baekhyun…” Chanyeol sang. “Without you I feel scared and lonely. Don’t ever leave my side again, I don’t think I can bear it. I can’t stand it when we’re apart. 

Please stay forever with me.”

Chanyeol ended the song with one longlasting strum. 

“Baekhyun,” He breathed. “My love.”

Baekhyun listened to the tape over and over again. The sun set and rose and Baekhyun still sat at his desk, eyes heavy and heart pounding.

Baekhyun laid his head on the desk and let the words Chanyeol sang fill him. It hurt him so much to think about Chanyeol. Looking at him today at school would surely bring tears to his eyes. He couldn’t tear Chanyeol apart again. No. He couldn’t end things like this for Chanyeol. He would smile and laugh and love Chanyeol until it was time.

Baekhyun stared through the stained glass window and saw a dove sitting at his windowsill. The dove nursed her young and Baekhyun turned his eyes away.

Until it was time for Chanyeol to die.

*

Kyungsoo hadn’t been able to sleep lately. His mind would be busy thinking about Jongin. He couldn’t forget about the way his lips felt on his, and the way he had simply walked away. Kyungsoo racked his mind trying to find any explanation, but could find no reason. 

Kyungsoo laid in his bed, rubbing his eyes and running his fingers through his hair. Today was another day, another day at school, and another day without seeing Jongin. 

They hadn’t talked since that day at the concert, and Kyungsoo didn’t know what to do. He knew Jongin was toying with him. He knew as soon as he even tried to text Jongin that he would immediately respond, no that would be falling into his trap.

Kyungsoo would have to wait until Jongin texted him. He frowned at his phone and his empty inbox. Which could take forever. 

As soon as Kyungsoo thought that, his phone rung as he got a notification from Jongin. Kyungsoo smirked and tapped on the message happily. Finally, Kyungsoo didn’t fall into a trap for once.

From:  @jupiterjin

Hey kyung! R u ok?

Kyungsoo typed back quickly.

From: @saturnsuga

Ayyee. Yeah im doing good wbu?

From: @jupiterjin

Oh ok I didn’t hear back from u and I got worried : (

From: @saturnsuga

Oh no im good

From: @jupiterjin

Oh ok so let’s go out today! I’ll pick u up from school. Then we can talk ; )

Kyungsoo stared at his phone in disbelief. He chuckled to himself and typed back a simple “ok.” He held his pillow to himself.

Was Kyungsoo going to finally get the boy for once?

*

Kyungsoo dressed as best as he could and couldn’t wait for the end of the school day. He was let out of class early and was surprised to find Jongin already waiting for him.

Jongin waved his hand in a greeting and Kyungsoo smiled. Jongin opened the door for Kyungsoo like a gentleman then slid in after him.

“Hey, so what have you been up to?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo shrugged. “Nothing much. Just school stuff. How has your stay in Korea been?”

“Great.” Jongin smiled. “I feel like I’ve seen everything there is to see here in Seoul.”

“I bet not.” Kyungsoo smirked. “There is a special place where you can see the Han river, and I’m the only person that seems to know about it.”

“really?” Jongin said. “Well that just means you have to take me there.”

Kyungsoo grinned and gave the directions to the driver. 

It took them about half an hour to get there but they made it. The driver parked the car under a bridge and the space seemed to be isolated. From this point the water sparkled and the skyline of Seoul complemented the horizon.

“Wow, this is spectacular.” Jongin breathed. “How did you discover this?”

“Let’s just say I got a bit lost when I was younger and ended up here. Every now and then when I need to clear my head I come here and stare at the water.”

Jongin nodded. “Do you need to clear your head at the moment?”

Kyungsoo blushed. “A bit. This stupid guy kissed me and then didn’t talk to me for three days straight. I think that’s pretty confusing don’t you think?”

Jongin blushed. “Well, the stupid guy didn’t know what to do because he is actually really awkward and shy and doesn’t know how to cope with his feelings. It actually took him a lot to actually text you today.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but beam. A guy was actually smitten over him? He couldn’t believe it. This seemed like a dream. 

“Well, I think the stupid boy should ask this stupid boy to be his boyfriend. And maybe kiss him. Just a little hint.”

Jongin laughed and put his hands in the pockets of his leather coat and faced Kyungsoo. “Okay. Kyungsoo, would you like to be my boyfriend?”

Kyungsoo blushed and nodded. “Yes.”

Jongin stared at his feet. “Good.” He leaned over and pecked Kyungsoo on the lips. “Now what do boyfriends do?”

“Well,” Kyungsoo said, snaking his arm around Kai’s waist. “They hold each other, and do other cliché things.”

Kai wrapped his arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “Well that sounds wonderful.”

They stood there in each other’s arms and watched the water sparkle.

*

The minute Baekhyun saw Chanyeol, he embraced him tightly. 

Chanyeol was startled. “Hey, Baek. What’s up?”

Baekhyun squeezd him tighter. “Nothing. I just wanted to hug you.”

Chanyeol hugged him back. “You listened to my song?”

“Yes, I really loved it. Thank you so much, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun tried his best to contain the shakiness in his voice. Bakehyun felt so safe in Chanyeol’s arms, and he smelled perfect. 

“No problem, Baek.” Chanyeol patted him. “Not that I mind, but how long are you going to hug me?”

“I’m never letting you go.” Baekhyun said and fixed his hold on the taller boy.

Chanyeol laughed. “Well, I like that idea.”

Chanyeol hugged him back, and Baekhyun bit his lip as his eyes stung.

Baekhyun had to hold onto Chanyeol for as long as he could and make him happy as long as he could…before it was too late.

*

Baekhyun decided that he loved Chanyeol too much. Baekhyun loved Chanyeol too much to let him go by the hands of someone else. 

Baekhyun loved Chanyeol so much that he had to take Chanyeol’s life himself. 

Chanyeol was no one else’s but his, and he wouldn’t let anyone hurt him other than himself. If it had to be anyone, he was glad that it was him. He felt a bit of pleasure, in that terrible heartless side of him, that he had Chanyeol trapped in his hands; powerful with Chanyeol’s life dangling from a thread.

Chanyeol’s life, so short, yet so sweet. Baekhyun was going to lose the closest person he had ever had, and watch the life drain out of him.

Baekhyun was going to suffer the rest of his life, with his hands forever dirtied with the blood of his one and only love, Chanyeol.

*

Kris got a call from his father early in the morning. 

He looked at the caller ID and his heart skipped a beat. He hadn’t talked to his father since the last meeting they had to discuss the serial killings. What did he want from him now?

He answered the call and was met with the voice of his secretary.

“Hello, Kris, Mr. Lee is requesting your presence as soon as possible.”

Kris hung up and sighed. He wasn’t ready to see his father again. Couldn’t he just leave him alone for once?

He drove to his father’s workplace and waited in the lobby impatiently. After about an hour or so the secretary told Kris his father was ready to see him.

Kris opened the door and walked inside to find his father sitting at his desk with his arms crossed. His face was rather sallow and he looked a bit weaker than usual. His hair was a bit disheveled, which was odd for his father. 

“Hello, Kris. Long time no see. Take a seat.”

Kris did as he told and sat with his feet firmly planted on the ground.

“Good morning, Father.” Kris replied dryly.

“How was your Christmas?” His father asked disinterestedly.

Kris rolled his eyes and didn’t answer. 

“I guess you’re not as chatty as you used to be when you were younger.” His father said.

“Well, I certainly didn’t know you were a terrible father when I was younger, now did I?”  Kris spat.

Mr. Lee sat back in his seat and sighed. He took out a thin piece of paper and handed it to Kris. “Here. Take it.”

Kris stared at the paper in confusion. “What is it?”

“It’s what you want. It’s the information about your mother.”

Kris paled. “W-What?”

“Isn’t this what you wanted?” His father shook the paper in his hand. “Everything you need to know about where to find her is here. I’m feeling merciless today. You’ve suffered enough. I won’t bother you anymore. This will be the last time you’ll see me. Just hurry up and take it before I change my mind.”

Kris stood up with, his knees wobbling and took the paper gratefully.

He turned for the door and turned his head back in disbelief.

Kris’s father stared back at him and Kris found something in his eyes he had never seen before: guilt.

“Wu Yi Fan,” He said. “Goodbye.”

Kris turned around and left, leaving his father alone in his office for the last time. 

Kris opened the paper to find an address. He raced for the door of the building, his heart soaring. All of these years of searching, and he finally had a clue. Kris was going to find his mother after all of these years, once and for all! 

Kris reached the door but stopped short of opening it. He stared at the piece of paper again, a peculiar feeling in his chest, a sudden thought spurring in his head.

“This information,” Kris thought. “Suho couldn’t have possibly known this, right? Suho, with the world’s database at his fingertips and his father’s slave…He couldn’t possibly have known this information the entire time knowing Kris was forced to stay here for it, right?”

Kris let out a deep breath, a knot tying in his stomach. He stuck the piece of paper in his coat pocket, called a cab and rode to the Research Lab, hoping his fears were terribly, terribly wrong.

*

Kris slammed the door, leaving Mr. Lee in his office by himself. Mr. Lee snorted. He stood up, wincing as his bones ached. He stood by the side of his desk and opened the filing cabinet and searched through his files.

Mr. Lee took out a picture of a young baby, smiling as he was held in his mother’s arms. He caressed the picture, smiling as he relived feelings of sadness. 

He hadn’t wanted to hurt her. He hadn’t wanted to kill her, but he had to bury the secret of his affair from the public eye, even if it meant burying it with his mistress’s body.

He had left the boy motherless and in an orphanage, but it was better than living as a mistake. He had made that mistake once with Yi Fan, but he couldn’t do it again with Chanyeol.

Mr. Lee sighed and stuck the picture back in the folder and closed the cabinet softly. Now that Chanyeol had grown and he was dying, he couldn’t have it possible for him to live. No, that would mean he would be in line for the empire, and he couldn’t have allegations of his affair resurface once he was gone. Someone would eventually find Chanyeol and realize he had an equal opportunity for the throne as did Yi Fan. 

No, that couldn’t happen. No matter how much it would hurt for his son to die, it had to be done. There was no feelings in business. Emotions hinders one’s abilities, and Mr. Lee needed to be at his very best.

But even then Mr. Lee couldn’t stop thinking about his sons.

“God, Chanyeol would have loved Kris,” He thought ashamedly. “They both have the same fierce, free spirit. Chanyeol a bit more in tune with his feelings than Kris. They would have been great brothers to each other.”

Suddenly, Mr. Lee could feel himself growing lightheaded. He clutched the edge of his desk as the world swayed beneath his feet. He could feel the tug of many years’ of restraint within him.

If only he hadn’t made these mistakes…

Maybe his boys, in another life, would have been in happy…

Mr. Lee snorted.

Kris was going to hate him once he knew the truth.

He rummaged through his desk, panting as his mouth grew dry. He found his bottle of medications and opened it quickly, only to find it empty.

Mr. Lee laughed and wheezed. He lost his balance and clutched the velvet curtain as he attempted to stay upright.

It was no use; he collapsed, bringing the curtain down with him. The red brick wall that had been covered the by the curtains was exposed, a symbol of the secrets he managed to hide impressively.

Mr. Lee closed his eyes a final time, wishing he had just a little more time to say goodbye…

*

Lay was in the kitchen making his fourth pot of tea in a row. Tea usually calmed him, but at the moment he couldn’t help but still be unnerved. He set the kettle full of water on the stovetop and sat down at the table and held his empty mug in between his palms. He traced the rim of the cup and bit his lip in concentration.

Lay didn’t know what to anymore. His family was an entire mess. Baekhyun had changed from his usual cold self to a happy, normal teenager, but now he wasn’t even cold anymore, just completely broken. He had disappeared into his room last night and Lay knew he hadn’t gotten any sleep. The soul seemed to have left him, and Lay didn’t know how he could help him.

Kai sneaks out at night. Lay can hear his footsteps creak on the floorboards and he doesn’t return until early morning. Lay doesn’t know where he goes, but he doesn’t know how to keep him from doing harm to himself. 

Xiumin is never home and doesn’t talk to anyone. He disappears during the day and returns just to daydream on the couch, practice the piano, and sleep.

Lay’s chest heaved with tension as he was overwhelmed with hopelessness. His grip on his mug tightened. Lay’s family was falling apart and he didn’t know how to save it. He could only watch as Kai, Xiumin, and Baekhyun ruined themselves. They were moving farther and farther apart from each other, and Lay was lost as he watched them walk away from him on separate paths. He wanted to fix them and repair the relationship they once had, but it was no use. Lay could only watch as his family was ripped by the seams, slowly.

Lay took a deep breath, and closed his eyes tightly shut. “I wish my family was back together again.”

The house creaked and then was still.

Suddenly the pressure within his body seemed to reach a peak. The kettle was whistling viciously now, and the mug seemed to be breaking between his hands. All Lay could see was blood, and behind him the kettle exploded. Boiling water sprayed all over the kitchen, and the mug’s broken pieces were scattered all over the kitchen table. The water singed Lay’s skin and he screamed in pain as his skin and face burned.

Lay’s vision laced with black and he was aware of the prickling of the hairs at the back of his neck. All of his nerves were frazzled and his adrenaline spiked. Every part of his body was reacting, and there was something other than him in the house.

Lay breathed heavily and grabbed a knife behind him from the drawer and held it out before him as a weapon as he tried to pinpoint his enemy. 

“Who’s there?” He yelled, his arms shaking.

The room was eerily still.

Then a voice rang out. The voice wasn’t a voice at all, but incoherent noises, venomous and reptilian sounding that hissed in Lay’s ears. Lay understood every word perfectly. 

“Do you want your family back together again?”

Lay’s breath caught in his throat. “W-Who are you?”

“I asked, do you want your family back together again?”

Lay didn’t know how to respond. He could feel something deep within him, throbbing painfully.  He closed his eyes. What was the worst that could happen by saying yes?

Lay nodded his head, exhaling a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. “Y-Yes.”

“Your wish will be fulfilled. Just follow my simple instructions, and your deepest desire will be yours.”

Lay gasped in disbelief. “Really? Are you sure?”

The voice laughed, but in Lay’s ears it sounded like a cackle.

“Of course, do you doubt me?”

Lay shook his head vigorously. “No.”

“Good.” 

Suddenly, Lay was transported to a dark wooden cabin with dirt floors. It was midnight. The moon filtered in through the curtained windows, blood red.

 Lay heard the voice boom from the shadows of the room.

“Cut yourself with the dagger and draw a pentagram in the center of the room.”

Lay looked around for the dagger but was surprised to find the dagger was already in his hand. Its blade was pure black and was the lightest dagger Lay had ever held. Its hilt was bejeweled with ginormous ruby stones and engraved with gold lettering in a language that Lay couldn’t read.

Lay did as he was told, completely entranced. He cut his palm in one clean and rubbed it against the dirt floor in the shape of a pentagram that he seemed to know by heart.

“Light the three candles in front of you.”

Lay blinked his eyes to find three white candles placed at the top and both side of the pentagram and a lighter inside of the pentagram. Lay took the lighter and set fire to the three candles. The flames flickered and cast ghastly shadows across the walls.

Suddenly the pentagram began to glow. 

Thick, black, putrid smoke filled the room, making it difficult for Lay to breathe. He covered his mouth with the collar of his shirt, his eyes watering. 

 The voice rang out, eerily unhuman. Cold and death enveloped the room like a smothering blanket.

“Lay, I will reunite you with your family as you desperately desire for one small price. Together, reunited and happy you will live forever beside each other.”

“What do you need from me?” Lay asked, finding a surprising amount of strength within himself, although his entire body was shaking.

“All I need from you, is, simply…

Your soul.”

Lay’s eyes widened and his lip trembled. “M-My soul?”

“Yes. Picture it: a beautiful world with you and your loved ones, without the constant fear and pain that has plagued your lives since the very beginning.”

Lay could see it when he closed his eyes. The four of them, Baekhyun, Kai, and Xiumin laughing and enjoying a picnic by the shoreline, tossing around a Frisbee and playing in the gentle waves, not a care in the world.

Lay craved the security of his family more than anything else in the world.

“Is this what you want?” 

Lay hesitated. 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

It was just a small sacrifice for all of them to achieve true happiness.

After a moment, he spoke. 

“Yes.” 

With a flash and one last roaring cackle, the voice was gone and the darkness was gone as fast as it had come.

Lay stood alone in the room, the sun filtering in through the curtains. The only remnants of what had just occurred was the melted candle stubs and the dried pentagram he was standing in.

Lay looked outside the window to see a bird tending to its babies in its nest on a branch in the tree outside. He smiled. Lay stared back inside the cabin. Everything seemed normal, but Lay couldn’t help but feel just a bit unsettled…

Lay turned around to find a mirror standing in front of him and his breath froze. Staring back at him was himself, but extremely unfamiliar. Lay’s dark brown eyes had turned into a deep crimson and his complexion had completely paled. 

Lay blinked his eyes and touched his skin. Though he couldn’t feel a thing, he knew his skin was ice cold. He watched as blood pooled in his eyes and cascaded down his face, his pale skin crumbling underneath his touch.

Lay shrieked and the mirror shattered. Tendrils of shadows swirled around the room and Lay collapsed, his breathing ragged. He was completely paralyzed in fear and cried out for help, but no sound came from his lungs.

The shadows gripped him in their clutches and he could feel his skin melting. The pain was indescribable and Lay could feel his soul being ripped out of his body. He was blind; he could only see the blood mixed with tears in his eyes. Lay was suffering, the heat was so unbearable it felt as if he was freezing to death instead. His limbs were tearing apart now, the shadows gnawing at his insides and turning him completely raw.

Lay took a deep breath, the agony was so torturous that he couldn’t feel a thing anymore.

“At least my family will be together in the end,” He thought, painfully grinning.

Lay decided not to struggle anymore. He let the darkness overwhelm him, and then he was gone.