I could follow you to the beginning

And just to relive the start

And maybe then we'll remember to slow down

At all of our favorite parts

All I wanted was you

All I Wanted- Paramore

chapter playlist 

The plane ride back to Seoul was extremely tense. The atmosphere was heavy, and it was incredibly hard to breathe. 

Everyone sat far away from one another in an attempt to cool off. Tao, of course, didn't have a choice. He was ostracized by the team even more after this assignment. Xiumin sat apart from everyone else because he was known to have a bad temper, so for the sake of everyone else he sat by himself and cooled off. The rest of the members just decided it would be best to be alone, and think about the events and what happened.

Baekhyun stared out the window. Being alone didn't really bother him that much. He didn't want to talk to anyone anyway.

He tapped his foot impatiently and blew a strand of hair out of his face. This mission being over meant he got to see Chanyeol, and he was very excited.


In about an hour or two, the plane landed and Baekhyun was the first one off of the plane. Without an explanation, he tore off the scene, ignoring the stares, and called for a driver.


He jumped into the backseat of the nearest car with a chauffeur. Baekhyun gave him directions and they began to drive.


Baekhyun checked his watch. It read 7:30. "I've got time," He thought. "I think I can catch him before he gets to school."


Baekhyun ordered for the driver to drop him off a block away from the orphanage. He jumped out of the car, shouting a thank you and throwing some pocket change into the car.

Baekhyun ran as fast as he could, heart racing.

He rounded the corner and caught sight of the familiar iron gates. Baekhyun ran even faster, his feet hitting the pavement hard.

"Please," Baekhyun prayed. "Let me catch him!"

As Baekhyun got closer, he could see the iron gates swing open. His heart leaped in his chest as he saw the epitome of his dreams exit the through the gates.

Baekhyun's face broke into a smile. 


"Chanyeol!" He called, running after him.


The familiar figure turned around, his face surprised. Baekhyun slowed down and nearly jumped into Chanyeol's arms. He wrapped his arms around Chanyeol, embracing him tightly.


"B-Baekhyun...!" Chanyeol was stiff for a moment, then he seemed to come to his senses and hugged Baekhyun back with mightier force.

"Baekhyun!" Chanyeol placed his hands on Baekhyun's shoulders. "Where have you been? I've been worried sick!"


Baekhyun took a step back to view Chanyeol's face and his stomach fell.

Chanyeol was a wreck. The dark circles under his eyes stood out against his pale face, and his lips were chapped and peeling.

"I'm so sorry," Baekhyun lied, heavy with guilt. "My grandma who lives in Japan fell ill. It was so sudden, and I couldn't even stop by to tell you. We had to go visit and take care of her as soon as we could."


Chanyeol cradled Baekhyun to his chest. "I'm so glad that you're okay. I don't know what I would do without you. I nearly killed myself in suspense wondering where you were. How is your grandma?"


"She's doing better," Baekhyun said, melting into Chanyeol's chest. "I'm so sorry I made you worry so much."

Baekhyun could feel Chanyeol smile as he rubbed his back. "Don't be sorry. I understand. Just please...don't do that again."

Baekhyun patted Chanyeol's back. "I won't. I promise. But first, why don't we give each other a way to contact each other?"

Chanyeol laughed. "That would be very convenient!"

Laughing, they exchanged their phone numbers.

Baekhyun grinned the sight of Chanyeol. Chanyeol's eyes, before dark and cloudy now shone like they way Baekhyun remembered them. He was slightly pleased of the effect he had on Chanyeol.

Hand in hand, the two walked to school, Chanyeol explaining the things that had occurred while Baekhyun had been gone, and Baekhyun warmly relishing the touch of Chanyeol.

*

Kyungsoo waited on the rooftop for Chanyeol to arrive, ready to talk to him about all of the things he had on his mind. He set his books aside, beaming st the thought of having Chanyeol sitting beside him and paying attention to him.

But when the door burst open, that was not what he got.

Chanyeol walked in of course, but in tow with him was a person Kyungsoo dreaded to see: Baekhyun.

They laughed and sat down, joking around as if they were truly close friends.

They didn't acknowledge Kyungsoo's presence, and Kyungsoo fought the urge to make them remember he existed.

He cleared his throat. "Baekhyun. Welcome back."

Baekhyun smiled at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo hated the way he immediately felt warmed. "Thank you, Soo. I've missed you all."

"Please, don't call me Soo." Kyungsoo blurted irritatedly.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Baekhyun bowed his head. "Chanyeol calls you that, so I thought I would be able to also. I'm sorry."

The words, "Exactly. Chanyeol is only one who can call me that." were on the edge of Kyungsoo's lips. He decided not to speak them and just accepted Baekhyun's apology.

Kyungsoo stayed silent and started st the ground intently.

"Plan ruined, huh?"

Kyungsoo jumped nearly a mile high from the words whispered in his ear by Jongdae.

"Jesus! Where did you come from?"

"You're not the only one ignored."

Kyungsoo nodded.

Jongdae sat beside Kyungsoo, following his line of sight to the two dumb lovebirds, in their own little world.

"Maybe it just wasn't meant to be, Kyung. He looks really happy. That's what you want at least, right?"

Kyungsoo felt anger building in his chest. He said nothing.

"I want him happy," Kyungsoo said at last.

"But with me, not Baekhyun."

*

After school, Kyungsoo was furious. He was ready to have a mental breakdown and throw things. He entered his bedroom taking deep breaths.

"No," He muttered to himself. "I'm not smashing my window again."

As a way to calm down, Kyungsoo logged onto his Tumblr account. He was pleased to find Jongin online also.

He sent Jongin a message.

from: jupiterjin

hey! it's been some time right?

Kyungsoo got an immediate response.

from: saturnsuga

Kyung~~ I know, I'm sorry about that. I've been super busy >.<

from: jupiterjin

hey, don't worry about it lmao! I've got news!!

from: saturnsuga

oOh what is it?? is it about your love life?? I'm interested~

from: jupiterjin

hah not really. I GOT FRONT ROW TICKETS TO THE BTS CONCERT IN SEOUL

from: saturnsuga

wAAAHHH ARE YOU SERIOUS???

from: jupiterjin

TOTALLY

from: saturnsuga

NICE!! now I really wished I lived in Korea I'm like TT!!

from: jupiterjin

I have an extra ticket!! I offered one to Chanyeol, but he didn't want to go. :"( Come visit!

Kyungsoo' heart pounded at the thought of meeting Jongin in real life. He knew Jongin wasn't a serial killer; he couldn't be. He was too sincere for that. Jongin listened to him, and actually cared like no one else did.

from: saturnsuga

only in our dreams~ T^T

Kyungsoo sighed. "Only in our dreams is right," He muttered.

He got a second message from Jongin.

from: saturnsuga

how's your love life going?? ~

from: jupiterjin

Actually...a lot's been going on...

Kyungsoo proceeded to tell Jongin all of his problems: about Chanyeol's odd behavior, the disappearance of Baekhyun, and his uneasiness.

from: saturnsuga

wow, sounds pretty tough. I don't know what to tell you. Just...don't give up on Chanyeol if you truly love him.

Kyungsoo smiled. It made his heart warm knowing Jongin was on his side and supported him, although a pit his stomach was beginning to form, and he didn't know why.

from: jupiterjin

thanks, Jongin! I know I can always count on you <3

from: saturnsuga

sure. I've gotta go now, I'll talk to you later, okay?

from: jupiterjin

okay, bye! have a good day! <3

Kyungsoo wasn't expecting a reply and was surprised to see another notification.

from: saturnsuga

don't use <3s you don't mean

Kyungsoo was taken aback. What did Jongin mean? Why was he acting like this all of a sudden?

Kyungsoo was confused. Dejectedly, he slid his laptop away and decided not to answer.

He plugged in his headphones and put on one of his favorite BTS songs, Just One More Day.

He listened to it in silence.

He was doing so many things wrong and he didn't know what.

*

Once lunch was over they left the roof and into the crowded hallway. Chanyeol stopped the three of them from leaving, attempting to tell them a funny joke he had thought of.

Baekhyun laughed, accidentally tuning out.

His gaze drifted away from Chanyeol to the moving student body, his peripheral vision fixing to one person in particular.

Baekhyun's his breath still and his blood curdled but he couldn't figure out why.

A boy stood at the opposite wall, his eyes completely trained on Baekhyun. They taunted him, red-rimmed, dark and piercing. His black hair was cut in a short undercut, his bangs parted to reveal his face. He wore big, thick clear glasses and with long plaid sleeves pinned to a teal graphic T-shirt and white jeans.

The boy smirked slightly, turning to reveal his sharp jawline. Baekhyun nearly choked as he thought he saw a glint of red behind his glasses. The boy floated away and down the corner, leaving Baekhyun speechless.

Baekhyun grabbed Jongdae's shoulder roughly to grab his attention and also for support. "J-Jongdae," He stuttered. "Who was that who just passed by?"

Jongdae followed Baekhyun's gaze. "The guy with the glasses? That's Oh Sehun, some weird kid. Why?" He gave Baekhyun a curious, almost suspicious glance.

Baekhyun shook his head. "A-Ah it's nothing."

Jongdae shrugged and left Baekhyun behind to go to class, Kyungsoo following.

Baekhyun stood dumbfounded, his mind swirling.

Oh Sehun...?

Who is Oh Sehun...?

Baekhyun bit his lip. Whatever Jongdae said, he didn't think that was some weird kid. Unable to shake his mind from it, he heard his name being called.

"Baekhyun!"

Baekhyun swirled around and found Chanyeol staring hopefully at him. "You'll walk me home today, right?"

Baekhyun nodded dutifully. "Of course. I'll meet you in the front okay?"

At last, they parted, Baekhyun walking to class alone, with the eerie sensation that he was being watched.

"I'm just traumatized from last night, that's it. It's just my imagination," Baekhyun thought, shaking his head.

"People's imaginations are wild."

*

Baekhyun waited outside of the school for Chanyeol, shoving his hands deep into his sweater pockets. It was beginning to feel a bit chilly, and Baekhyun made a mental note to put in his thicker jacket the next morning.

"Baekhyun!" Chanyeol came trotting up to Baekhyun. "Hey, you've got any plans right now?"

"No, not really." Baekhyun said, "Why?"

Chanyeol smiled sheepishly. "I don't know, I was thinking we could go window shopping."

"Window shopping?" Baekhyun chuckled. "Don't you have homework?"

"Yeah, but it's not as if I'm going to do it!"

"Fair enough," Baekhyun began to walk. "Let's go."

They walked into the downtown center of town. It was the beginning of December, and the stores were already beginning to display Christmas decorations and presents.

Chanyeol squeezed his hand around Baekhyun's and they admired the displays of Christmas trees and Santa statues.

"Let's spend this Christmas together." Chanyeol declared.

Baekhyun smiled, "Yeah, I'd like that."

"What would you like for Christmas?" Chanyeol asked.

Baekhyun blushed. "I don't know, it's still too early. You'd get me something?"

"Of course" Chanyeol laughed."Why wouldn't I?"

Baekhyun was not accustomed to the idea of Christmas. As a child they never really celebrated it and he'd only seen what happened on television shows.

Baekhyun felt warm and didn't reply, only pressing his head on Chanyeol's shoulder.

Once about an hour had gone by, they decided it was getting late and they should be heading home. Baekhyun walked Chanyeol to the orphanage, slipping his hand away from his as they approached the gates.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Baekhyun said.

"Wait," Chanyeol said, grabbing Baekhyun's sweater sleeve. "What about my goodbye kiss?"

Embarrassedly, Baekhyun moved to give Chanyeol a quick peck on the cheek.

Slyly, Chanyeol moved his face quickly and caught Baekhyun's lips full on.

Baekhyun flushed and pushed Chanyeol away. Chanyeol laughed and bid Bakehyun goodbye as he disappeared through the gates, winking.

Baekhyun shook his head and smiled, walking down the block and turning on his cell phone to call for a driver.

*

Baekhyun returned home and found Xiumin in the music room of their dorm, a relatively small room filled with their musical instruments.

Xiumin shuffled through the music in filing cabinets lining the wall. "Hey, I was just getting ready to play Vocalize No. 14 by Rachmaninov, want to join me?"

Baekhyun nodded enthusiastically, "Sure."

He opened his violin case lying in the corner, rosining his bow thoroughly, and plucking the strings to see if they were in tune.

"It's been some time, hasn't it?" Baekhyun muttered to his instrument. He polished the fingerboard and the wood affectionately with a cloth, Xiumin watching perplexed in the corner.

Xiumin sat at the grand piano overlooking the window and rolled up his shirt sleeves, placing his fingers on the keys and playing a few scales.

Baekhyun did the same, pressing his jaw into the chin rest and letting his fingers play with the utmost dexterity.

After a pause of silence, Xiumin's eyes met contact, they gestured and began to play.

Baekhyun ran the bow over the strings easily, a beautiful sound reverberating in the room. Baekhyun let the music consume him, a happy tune coming from his instrument. He vibrated, his notes perfectly in tune, lasting long and clear. He closed his eyes and let the feelings within him overtake him. He let his emotions control his fingers and his sound.

Xiumin rested his fingers on the keys gracefully, perfect chords ringing in the air.

Baekhyun had been taught to play the violin at a young age as a part of his training because learning how to play an instrument is the best form of discipline.
Baekhyun had mastered the skill of music; he played everything perfectly in tune with the correct rhythm. Baekhyun was so good that music had become dull to him. There became no point in practicing or playing if he was perfect at it anyway.

But now as he played, Baekhyun felt different. He felt his soul was open, ringing and vibrant. It was allowing the music inside of him, taking him by the hand.

Baekhyun had never felt a passion for the art of music before.

Xiumin caught his eyes, closing them and pressing down on the pedal with his foot.

Though they were both musically inclined, Xiumin enjoyed playing his instrument more than Baekhyun. He leaned his body over the instrument, the music overwhelming him. They both played from memory, their fingers moving of their own accord.

With one last dying note and chord, they ended the piece. Xiumin ran his fingers on the keyboard and turned around, stunned. "Wow, Baek. Your style is different now. What's going on?"

Baekhyun shrugged nonchalantly. "What's so different about it? My ability to play hasn't changed "

"Yeah, but you play with a different...feeling."

Baekhyun thought about this, and his only explanation was Chanyeol.

"You are always the reason, aren't you," Baekhyun thought, snorting softly. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, plucking his things in a familiar, happy tune.

Xiumin turned around completely on the piano bench, sitting like a school kid. "Oh yeah, Baek, I've been meaning to ask you...How's your mission going along?"

Baekhyun stopped. "My mission...?"

A sudden cold wave of dread came over Baekhyun.

"Yeah, you know, befriending a kid and having to kill him, how's that going?"

Baekhyun couldn't breathe. He swallowed, but every single part of him was paralyzed.

Mission.

Baekhyun's vision laced with black and his head pounded.

How could he have forgotten?

Baekhyun set his violin down and ran out of the room. He ignored Xiumin's calls of his name and tore up the ladder to his bedroom. He crawled into his bedroom, closed the door, stood up too fast and tripped. Baekhyun collapsed on the wooden floor, his body trembling. He clenched his fists and tried to stand back up but his limbs were weak and he failed each time.

Baekhyun let his cries echo over the walls, his body racked with sobs.

Mission

Chanyeol was his mission.

Chanyeol was his target.

Baekhyun had to kill Chanyeol.

Baekhyun...

was in love with Chanyeol.

Baekhyun let the tears run down his cheeks. His world was crumbling beneath him, a jagged crevice between him and Chanyeol.

How could he have ever thought this could work out between them? Love had blinded him. They were from different worlds: Chanyeol, a bright and hopeful future; Baekhyun, a cold and dark life of secrecy and sin.

How could this have happened? How did Baekhyun let himself get this far?

It hurt him, a swelling pain in his chest and heavy burden on his shoulders.

Why did Baekhyun ever think that feeling was a good thing?

Feelings led to situations like this, overwhelming pain with no sense of recovery.

How had Baekhyun let his morals go so easily?

Baekhyun went through all of the alternatives.

"I don't have to kill Chanyeol. We can run away." He thought. "I will do anything. Anything!"

But no matter how much he tore himself up over it...

There was no escaping the inevitable

Chanyeol would die by the hands of Baekhyun...and that was it.

Baekhyun cried.

He howled.

He sobbed.

Chanyeol would have to die.

Chanyeol...

Will die.

*

Baekhyun couldn't sleep. It was the first time in a long while that he had been so pressured and so anxious.

"I can't love Chanyeol knowing he will die in the end." Baekhyun thought, hanging his head.

Baekhyun had to avoid Chanyeol, no matter how much it hurt the both of them.

They needed to separate from each other. This was the only way.

So it wouldn't hurt so much when Baekhyun would have to...

Outside Baekhyun's stained glass window, the wind whistled.

"It's for the best... to eliminate the pain in the end." Baekhyun thought, trying to convince himself.

It was for the best.

Baekhyun let a tear escape his eyes.

It was the best...for Chanyeol.

Baekhyun couldn't keep the image of Chanyeol from his thoughts, a beautiful ray of sunshine with not a sense of knowledge of his short future.

Baekhyun gulped and hung his head, his insides shriveling.

His heart was tearing not for him, but for Chanyeol's.

Chanyeol...who had no clue.

"It was good while it lasted," Baekhyun thought, completely numb.

Chanyeol...

I loved you.