Cause we are broken

What must we do to restore

Our innocence

And all the promise we adored?

Give us life again

Cause we just wanna be whole

We Are Broken- Paramore

chapter playlist

Friday rolled around quickly - faster than Baekhyun anticipated. After that day, Baekhyun hadn’t been to the rooftop again. Baekhyun sat in his bedroom, arms wrapped around his knees, rocking back and forth on the bed.

The clock read a blinking 6:30. 

The party started at 6.

Baekhyun sighed and went back to staring at the ceiling. Why did he agree to go? He would rather not go out. Ever since this whole thing had started, he preferred being alone and hissed when sunlight hit his skin. He had returned to his original introverted ways; to who he was before Chanyeol.

Baekhyun cringed at the thought of the possible embarrassing and humiliating moments that would ensue between Chanyeol and himself at the party. Another great reason not to go.

Baekhyun heard a slight buzzing. In a split second, he was on his feet, knees bent and hand on his pillow where he kept his knife while he slept.

Baekhyun’s eyes swept the room and rested upon the desk where his cellphone sat, lit up and vibrating with an incoming call.

Baekhyun let out a deep breath and stepped off the bed, tapping it and groaning when he realized it was Jongdae.

He answered it, pacing the room.

“Where are you, my incredibly aggravating male friend?"

Baekhyun sighed. “I can’t make it. Something came up. Sorry.” He moved to hang up the phone, but Jongdae cleared his throat.

“I happen to have ways, Baekhyun, of knowing your exact location at this moment. If you don’t bring your to this party, I will drag you here by the ears and throw you onto Chanyeol myself. Got it?”

Baekhyun sighed. “Fine. God, you’re so demanding.”

Jongdae snorted. “I know. Now, get over here! Chanyeol isn’t here yet. If you come and douse yourself in alcohol now, you won’t have to remember anything!”

“Great advice.” Baekhyun rolled his eyes and rummaged through his closet, trying to find an appropriate outfit for a “most lit” high school party.

Baekhyun put on a gray,loose-fitting tee and a blue denim jacket, pairing it with black ripped jeans and his black and white tennis shoes.

He left the dorm in a hurry, aware of the boys whispering behing him in the living room. He caught phrases that sounded a lot like “Baekhyun”, “school", and “investigate", but decided to ignore it. Their conspiracies were the least of his problems at the moment.

Baekhyun called up a driver and gave him the address of the house. As they approached the street, Baekhyun was astounded to find the block completely filled with parked cars. Loud music with throbbing bass blasted from the house, and Baekhyun debated about getting off or not. 

Regretting his decision, Baekhyun stepped out of the car and shuffled up the walkway, knocking on the door. He stuck his hands in his pockets, and the door opened before him.

He walked inside the big luxurious house, throngs of people with plastic cups full of amber liquid moving about. The air stank of alcohol and something funky. Smoke lingered in the air, making it hazy and hard to see through. They danced drunkenly to the music, laughing and talking. There were couples making out in the corners and people playing beer pong on nearby tables. Baekhyun stuck to the walls, reaching inside of his pocket for his cell phone.

“Baekhyun!” Jongdae slung his arm around Baekhyun. “There you are! I’ve been looking for you. Did you just get here?”

Baekhyun nodded.

Jongdae handed Baekhyun a plastic cup and massaged Baekhyun’s shoulders. “Let’s let loose!" Baekhyun sniffed the cup and gagged.

Jongdae pulled him through the crowds to the staircase where Kyungsoo and Chanyeol were waiting. Baekhyun averted his eyes, clutching his cup tightly.

“Look who showed up!”

The three of them were quiet.

“C’mon you guys! Let’s mingle!”

Jongdae was tapped on the shoulder by a shady looking man, and he whispered something in his ear. Jongdae’s face turned serious. “Hold up, I’ve got to take care of something.” Then he disappeared into the crowd, and the three were left alone.

Kyungsoo gulped his drink. “This is nasty.” 

The music was pounding, and everyone around them was moving. Baekhyun felt as if he was a sardine as he was squished closer and closer to Chanyeol.

Chanyeol held his drink far away from him, looking at Baekhyun.

Baekhyun turned around and sighed, watching the party.

Kyungsoo swayed to the music as he threw his empty cup to the floor and grabbed the cup from the Chanyeol’s hand. “I think this is BTS playing. I like BTS. Is this BTS, Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol didn’t respond.

Baekhyun let the crowd move him away from the two. He felt empty as he passed by the high school students. He ventured to the kitchen, where he saw a refrigerator. He scavenged through it and found a bottle of water. He sipped it, wiping the sweat on his forehead. The house was stuffy, full of pulsing, hot bodies.

Baekhyun ventured through the crowd. The music switched, and Sweet Dreams blasted on the stereo, but something didn't feel right. He gripped his water bottle tightly as he skittishly scanned the crowd.

The door opened, and Baekhyun felt something cold crawling down his spine. 

Sweet dreams are made of this…

A tall boy entered the house, his black steel toed combat boots sounding against the tile.

Who am I to disagree?

The chains that draped from his pocket swung and clanked against his tight black leather pants.

I travel the world and the seven seas.

His leather gloved hands tightened as he walked.

Everybody’s looking for something

The boy ran his fingers through his black hair and shook it so it fell perfectly against his face. 

Some of them want to use you

His dark, piercing eyes were smudged with kohl, standing out against his pale, gaunt features.

Some of them want to get used by you.

The boy stood in the middle of room, straightening his leather jacket. He stared tauntingly at Baekhyun, his dark eyes piercing him.

Some of them want to abuse you.

Baekhyun narrowed his eyes at the boy, the feeling of hatred growing deep in his chest.

Some of them want to be abused.

Oh Sehun

*

Chanyeol watched as Baekhyun disappeared from the stairs and into the crowd. He followed him into the crowd but didn’t get far when he felt a tugging on his sleeve. 

“Yeol~” Kyungsoo held his cup high in the air and wiggled his hips, dancing. “I love this song!”

Chanyeol smiled slightly. “I like the way you dance, Kyung.”

Kyungsoo pulled on his hand. “Let’s dance, Yeol~”

Chanyeol was pulled into the crowd, and he moved his body next to Kyungsoo’s, letting the rhthym through him.

He decided to distract himself, his mind fading as Kyungsoo giggled and clung to him.

*

Baekhyun felt himself magnetically attracted to Sehun, and he moved slowly, pushing past the crowd. Sehun walked closer to him as well, his eyes glinting. Baekhyun didn’t want to get any closer, but he couldn’t help it. He stood in front of him now, feeling immensely small as his blood curdled.

Up close, Sehun didn’t look any different than he did far away: perfect features, flawless skin and an impeccable jawline.

Baekhyun’s lip trembled as Sehun leaned over, his lips incredibly close to his ear. He brushed his hand against Baekhyun’s. “Let’s get out of here.” 

He didn’t wait for a response, and his cold hand wrapped around Baekhyun’s as he lead him through the crowd and outside into the patio area. Baekhyun tried to turn and get a glimpse of Chanyeol, but he couldn’t catch sight of him anywhere.

The patio was full of smoke, even more so than inside. Baekhyun met Sehun’s eyes, and his eyes flashed red. Before Baekhyun could react, Sehun had Baekhyun pinned against the wall, his knee in between Baekhyun’s legs.

Baekhyun struggled against Sehun’s grip, his face flushing as he realized he had allowed himself to be transfixed by Sehun.

Sehun pressed Baekhyun against the wall, his hand tight around his wrist, lips close to Baekhyun's ear. His cologne invaded Baekhyun’s senses, and he could feel himself getting drowsy by the alluring scent.

"You're not human," Baekhyun spoke between gritted teeth, attempting to maintain his composure.

"Of course I am," Sehun said, his breath tickling Baekhyun’s neck.

"B-But your eyes…you drink blood..." 

"I have ocular albinism, and I just happen to relish in the different varieties of liquid in the world."

"You're sick," Baekhyun spat.

"No no," Sehun said, brushing his lips dangerously close to Baekhyun's cheek. "Just a bit different."

 Baekhyun managed to throw Sehun off of him. “What are you doing? What are you trying to accomplish by killing those people?"

Sehun cocked his head and his lips. “Absolutely nothing.” He tilted his head back. “Just pure satisfaction.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes and shuddered. “What do you want from me, anyway, you disgusting nut? Why are you harassing me?”

Sehun reached forward and caressed Baekhyun's cheek with the back of his gloved hand. “I want you.”

Baekhyun flinched and caught Sehun’s hand before it traveled any further. Sehun smiled as he ripped his hand from Baekhyun’s grip. “You fascinate me, Byun Baekhyun.”

He leaned toward Baekhyun’s ear again. “When your lover boy’s gone, I’ll be here.” 

With one last teasing smirk, Baekhyun blinked and Sehun had disappeared.

Baekhyun shivered and rubbed furiously at the patches of skin Sehun had touched. Baekhyun walked back inside feeling extremely dirty and violated.

He walked into the room to see the crowd parted. His eyes stung with smoke. He squinted to find Kyungsoo in the middle of the crowd with his fist in Chanyeol’s shirt, kissing him.

*

Chanyeol let his mind fade away. He came to this party to forget about his problems, so that was what he was going to do.

Chanyeol lifted his hand and ran his fingers through his sweaty hair, panting heavily. He watched as Baekhyun, the person he wasn’t supposed to be thinking about, weaved through the crowd toward him. Chanyeol’s heart skipped a beat, and he moved closer to him. A smile spread on his face. Was Baekhyun coming to his senses? Was Baekhyun coming back to him?

Chanyeol’s heart fell as Baekhyun pushed past him and toward a mysterious, handsome man clad in black. 

Chanyeol watched as the man seemed to seduce him by whispering in his ear, then took him by the hand outside.

Chanyeol gulped and clenched his stomach. He grabbed the nearest cup of alcohol he could find and downed it. 

The liquid burned down his esophagus and made him cough. Chanyeol liked the pain and grabbed another cup. He gave another stare outside the patio door, then took another drink.

He was drinking the pain away and was going to get wasted.

Chanyeol let the alcohol consume him, and he dived into the crowd, screaming. He let the alcohol control his movements sensually. 

He was finally letting himself and his thoughts of Baekhyun go without any regrets.

Kyungsoo danced beside Chanyeol, equally drunk. He leaned on Chanyeol, his breath laced with the stench of beer. 

“Chanyeol, you’re really hot.” Kyungsoo’s words slurred together, and he patted Chanyeol’s shoulder.

“Thanks,” Chanyeol answered, the world spinning.

“You’re really stupid, though.”

“I know,” Chanyeol replied, grabbing another cup. Kyungsoo took it away from Chanyeol and sipped it instead.

“Stupid Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo blinked as he drank. “Stupid stupid stupid.”

Chanyeol swayed. “I know."

“Chanyeol, you’re stupid.” Kyungsoo threw the cup on the floor. “I’ve been in love with you for 5 years and you never noticed. Stupid Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol didn’t understand anything that was going on. The bright lights and the smoke were getting to him. He squinted at Kyungsoo. “What did you say, Soo?”

“I said you, stupid oaf,” Kyungsoo tapped Chanyeol’s chest menacingly. “I’ve had a stupid crush on you for 5 years. What do you have to say about that, huh?”

Kyungsoo giggled and clung to Chanyeol as his knees wobbled. “I love you, Chanyeol.”

Before Chanyeol couldn’t understand what was happening, Kyungsoo had balled up his shirt in his fist and had pulled him down, pressing his lips sloppily and forcefully on his.

Kyungsoo tasted like alcohol, and Chanyeol was overwhelmed, but he was too overwhelmed. When Kyungsoo had let go, Chanyeol saw someone in the corner.

He turned to find Baekhyun staring at him. The expression on his face was one of utter agony.

Suddenly, all of Chanyeol’s senses came back in one rush, and Chanyeol realized what had just happened.

With one glance of torment, Baekhyun was gone, running out the door.

“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol called, swearing under his breath. He tore off Kyungsoo’s hand, pushed past him, and ran after Baekhyun.

*

Baekhyun’s mouth parted in surprise, and he took a few steps backward, trying to breathe. He hit the wall, and his chest swelled. Tears came to his eyes and blurred his vision, and he couldn’t stop shaking.

Kyungsoo and Chanyeol parted and they came to stare at Baekhyun, who watched from the corner. Baekhyun couldn’t take it and ran for the door, flinging it open and running into the night.

Baekhyun heard Chanyeol call his name, but he couldn’t bear to turn around. He ran outside the house and tripped on the lawn. The night air was cold, and he breathed it in in an angry rush, screaming as it singed his lungs. His body was trembling uncontrollably, and he lost feeling in his legs as he tripped again, skidding across the pavement and scraping his hands.

Baekhyun could feel Chanyeol’s big warm hands on him, but he didn’t want to see him. He could feel him lift him to his feet, but Baekhyun rubbed at his eyes, gasping for air.

“Stop it!” Baekhyun pushed Chanyeol off of him. “Don’t touch me.”

Chanyeol stared at him with a face of complete anguish. “Baekhyun, I’m sorry... it was just a misunderstanding.”

“Misunderstanding my !” Baekhyun yelled. 

Baekhyun could feel Chanyeol’s emotions change, and his sadness turned into extreme anger.

“I don’t even know why I even tried explaining.” Chanyeol clenched his fists, spitting absolute fire now. “You don’t deserve an explanation. You have no excuse to get upset if things like this happen when all you’ve been doing is stringing me along!”

Baekhyun’s lip quivered. “I-I’m…” He didn’t want Chanyeol to end up being hurt, but here he was, suffering either way.

Chanyeol took a step closer, his voice completely steady. “I’m tired of waiting for you. All I have been doing is chasing you and loving you when all you’ve done is toss me around. I can’t waste my whole life waiting for you to want me.” 

Chanyeol took another step forward, and Baekhyun could feel the heat emitting from his body. “You think you can get away with manipulating me this way! Do you find satisfaction in toying with me like this?”

Baekhyun hung his head and bit his lip, the taste of blood metallic against his tongue. God…

 Chanyeol’s voice wavered. “You’re the only person I ever loved, Baekhyun, and you threw away my feelings away like trash. Do you know how much you’ve hurt me over the past couple of weeks? Do you even care?”

Chanyeol shook his head furiously. “I’m sick and tired of this cruel game you call your love. I’m sick and tired of feeling like every day because you decided you just want to play with my feelings. I’m sick and tired of your bull, Baekhyun.”

Chanyeol’s eyes narrowed and hardened. “I’m sick and tired of you, Baekhyun. We’re through. I don’t want to see your face ever again.”

Baekhyun’s eyes glazed in pain, and he shook his head. This isn’t what he wanted. 

“N-No…please...” He whimpered.

“I don’t want to hear your lousy excuses.” An angry tear slid down Chanyeol’s cheek. “Go home, Byun Baekhyun.”

Chanyeol walked off, his angry figure fading over the horizon. 

Baekhyun wept, wiping at his tears with his sleeve, hiccupping in the cold, dark night. 

God, this had turned into a grand mess, and he had no idea how to fix it.

*

Chanyeol walked away from Baekhyun, fuming. Despite wanting to prove that it had been a misunderstanding, everything Chanyeol had pent-up inside of him had just kind of let loose. Chanyeol walked briskly, still trying to cool down.

Kyungsoo ran out of the house and spotted Chanyeol. “Chanyeol!” He was out of breath. It seemed he had sobered up. Kyungsoo grabbed Chanyeol’s arm, eyes wide and face flushed with embarrassment “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me-“

Chanyeol shook his arm and glared at Kyungsoo, his patience with everyone gone. “Kyungsoo…please. You've done enough.”

Kyungsoo seemed to get the message and dropped his hand. He rubbed his face and babbled incoherent words. Chanyeol left him and his blubbering mess behind.

Chanyeol walked home, the fury in his step turned unstable. His angry tears turned into those of sadness and longing very quickly.

He walked slowly, biting his lip as he fell apart.

“I hate you Byun Baekhyun,” He cursed in his thoughts. “I hate you.”

“I hate the way you smile. I hate the way you look at me. I hate your soft pink lips and your adorable face. I hate your small body and the way it fits perfectly in my arms. I hate my longing to hear your voice every morning, and I hate your stupid, cute laugh. I hate the way you make me feel. I hate how much you made me love you. 

But most of all, I hate that I can’t hate you.

Even after all you’ve done to me, I can’t, for the love of God, hate you.

Even after all this time…”

Chanyeol sobbed, covering his face with his hands.

“I’m still stupidly in love with you.”

Chanyeol stumbled, clutching his chest as he cried, finding it extremely difficult to breathe. He was hyperventilating, his sobs leaving him short of breath. He wheezed, his chest squeezing tightly, taking a few steps before his legs gave out from under him and he fell to his knees.

Chanye heaved for air, the world around him spinning dizzily. He collapsed on the side of the road, the world crumbling under him.

*

Baekhyun walked home dejectedly, incredibly numb. He smiled to himself, cruelly trying to hide and limit the effect of Chanyeol’s words on him. Killing Chanyeol would be easy now; he’ll think I can’t contend to the thought of us being separated and I’ve gone psycho. Baekhyun chuckled, gripping his chest as it throbbed.

Baekhyun lifted his head to the sky and took a deep breath, covered his face with hands, and screamed in frustration.

God, he was so stupid. He had lost Chanyeol forever, the only person he had ever loved. Chanyeol was gone, and Baekhyun didn’t know how to cope. Baekhyun stood up and tried to regain his composure when he noticed a shadow move by the streetlight.

Baekhyun, at this point fed up with everything, rolled his eyes and took a step forward. “Who’s there?” He shouted.

The shadow shifted again, and Baekhyun planted his hands on his hips. “Sehun? Is that you?”

A person stepped out of the darkness from behind the streetlight.

Tao stood in the middle of the sidewalk, hand on the streetlight. Dark circles of skin enclosed his black, venomous eyes. He gave Baekhyun a killer stare.

Baekhyun sighed. “Tao, what are you doing here? I thought you weren’t allowed out of the house. Have you been spying on me? My mission is none of your business. Go home.”

Baekhyun turned to leave in the opposite direction, but Tao stepped in front of him. “I’m afraid I can’t let you leave.”

Baekhyun tensed and took a step backward, feeling his pockets. “I’m not in the mood for your silly games, Tao. “

Tao took a step toward Baekhyun. “I’m afraid you won’t be going home today - or anytime soon.” Tao struck Baekhyun with his fist but Baekhyun crouched, sticking out his leg to trip him.

Baekhyun stood back up quickly, dropping his hands. “I don’t want to fight you.”

Tao kicked Baekhyun into the streetlight. Baekhyun fell and had the wind knocked out of him. He scrambled to stand, but Tao had his collar in his fist. “You’re vulnerable right now, Baekhyun.”

Tao punched Baekhyun’s face. Baekhyun hit his head against the streetlamp, and his vision laced with black. “Golly, you can tell?!” He spat blood in Tao’s face, then kneed him in the groin. 

Tao doubled over in pain, and Baekhyun made a run for it across the street. Baekhyun was faced with dizzyingly bright headlights, and the car ahead of him screeched to a halt, knocking Baekhyun off his feet and onto the asphalt with a sickening crunch. 

Baekhyun groaned and struggled to stand, gripping his side. He looked over his shoulder to find Tao following him, a glint of silver in his grip.

Baekhyun staggered away, attempting to make a getaway. Tao caught up with him fast, standing in his way.

Baekhyun fell to his knees, palms sweaty on the pavement below him. It was all blurring, and the only thing he was aware of was Tao whispering, “Good night, Baekhyun." A blow to his head sent him spiraling into a pitch-black darkness.