Like a heartbeat... drives you mad

In the stillness of remembering what you had

And what you lost...

And what you had...

And what you lost

Dreams- Fleetwood Mac

Chanyeol got home an utter mess. He dropped off the groceries with Chef Eunice and ignored her worried questions. 

He plodded past his room and directly to the bathroom - luckily, it was empty.

Chanyeol undressed and the hot water for the shower. He bent his head under the nozzle of the shower, which was unfortunately built for young children and not awkward 6-foot-tall teenage boys. Chanyeol rested his head against the shower wall, letting the water drip down his body.

Chanyeol let his tears mix with the water pouring down his face.

What did he do to make Baekhyun fall out of love with him?

He had done all that he could, hadn’t he? He held him, he kissed him…he loved him like he had never loved anybody before…

Baekhyun had loved him more than anybody had ever before…

Chanyeol couldn’t control himself as his tears mixed with the water, a cold stream running down his face.

His sobs ricocheted off the shower walls, and they echoed in the empty bathroom.

He pounded the wall, letting out all of his pent-up frustrations in his cries, slipping onto his knees and curling against the wall.

What had he done wrong…?

*

Baekhyun climbed into the back of the car, biting his lip as he closed the door quickly.

“Step on it," He ordered the driver, his voice trembling. 

Baekhyun turned and watched Chanyeol as he sped off. He was suddenly so aware of the breaking of his heart and the pain in his chest.

Baekhyun couldn’t even respond anymore. His tears came freely, but without a feeling in his chest. All he felt was…numbness. At the sight of Chanyeol looking so ruined at the edge of the curb, calling his name and reaching out for him, he had completely broken.

*

Xiumin walked into the coffee shop early that morning. The more he could leave the house, the better. He hated seeing that blonde kid around at home, so he tried to stay out as much as possible.

He sat at his usual place, resting his head on the table. Xiumin sighed. He regretted getting up so early, actually.

“Minseok, you’re here so early!” Xiumin lifted his head to find Luhan smiling at him, writing on a cup with a sharpie. 

Xiumin smiled. “Yeah, actually regretting it though. My dark circles will get worse if I continue with his odd behavior.” He cupped his face and smiled cutely. “Am I still pretty, Lu?”

Luhan threw his towel at him. “Shut up!"

Xiumin laughed, and Luhan left to make a cup of coffee. He returned to Xiumin a moment later, bringing books in his hands.

“Ew, what are those.” Xiumin made a disgusted face. “Go put those back, please.”

“No,” Luhan said, dropping them on the table. “Can you help me study? I’ve got a chemistry test later today.”

Xiumin internally sweat. He hoped he could remember the vague chemistry from his childhood. “Yeah, let me take a look.” Xiumin took out his round glasses from his case in his coat pocket

He leafed through the textbook at Luhan’s request. “What are you doing, balancing equations?”

Luhan nodded. “Yeah.”

Xiumin brought out a piece of paper. “Okay. So basically, when you balance equations, you are trying to reach equilibrium.”

 He continued to explain to Luhan with impressive fluidity.

Xiumin became aware of the sudden coldness on the opposite side of the table. Xiumin looked up to find Luhan shifting his feet under the table, his eyes trained on the floor. 

Xiumin his lips nervously. “Luhan, are you following?”

Luhan jumped and responded weakly. “A-Ah, yes. I’m sorry.”

Xiumin sat up and tried to reach his eyes. “Luhan, what’s wrong?”

Luhan’s eyes wouldn’t leave the floor. “I-I’m sorry Professor Kim- I mean…Minseok.”

He fidgeted awkwardly and diverted his eyes, staring out the window to the ceiling and back again.

He met Xiumin’s eyes with a stare of uncertainty. “I-I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

Xiumin’ eyes widened. “What do you mean? What are you talking about, Luhan?”

Luhan stood up abruptly, gathering his books into his arms, his chair scraping loudly against the floor. “I’m sorry, M-Minseok. I’ve been trying to see past the fact that you were my professor, but I don’t think I can. I really do like you,” He hiccupped, “but I can’t do this.”

Luhan stuttered. “I-I don’t think you should come back here anymore.”

Luhan bowed his head slightly, rubbing at his wet eyes with the back of his hand. “I’m sorry. Goodbye, Minseok.”

Xiumin stood dumbfounded at the table, his mouth opening and closing stupidly as he tried to form words. “Luhan, please! Wait!”

Luhan stopped in his tracks, his head hanging low. They were attracting attention now. The café was silent, and everyone inside seemed to watch as Luhan turned guiltily to stare at Xiumin.

Xiumin gulped, a pain in his chest. He didn’t know what to say. There was so much to say.

When Xiumin didn’t speak, Luhan briskly left, leaving Xiumin gaping alone at the table by the corner window.

Xiumin sat down, unable to fully comprehend anything that was going on. He took a sharp breath and blinked away burning tears. 

He left the coffee shop abruptly, trying his best to regain his composure.

He ventured out and sat on a bench in the park across the street - the same bench he and Luhan had shared their first kiss and many more after it when Xiumin lingered after Luhan’s shift and took him out.

Xiumin cried. He ran his fingers through his hair and bawled.

He wanted Luhan so desperately, but to no avail.

Luhan couldn’t see past Professor Kim, and Xiumin didn’t know how to cope.

*

Kyungsoo stayed up late, unable to sleep with the thought of Chanyeol crying deeply ingrained in his mind. 

He immediately texted Jongin, the only person he could trust with his feelings.

From: saturnsuga

Hey jongin…you up?

Kyungsoo got a pretty fast reply.

From: jupiterjin

Yeah kyung : )) what’s up??

From: saturnsuga

It’s pretty tough mate. How much time would I have to do in prison if I strangled someone??

From: jupiterjin

Depends if you killed him or not lmao

From: saturnsuga

*sigh* idk if I can do this anymore. I’m up to HERE with all of this b.s.

From: jupiterjin

Is it chanyeol again??

From: saturnsuga

Yup, an idiot as usual

Kyungsoo wrote a long, meaty paragraph about the mess that was the lives of everyone around him.

From: saturnsuga

So yeah, that’s that. I’m so done oml

From: jupiterjin

No offense but everyone around you sounds like an idiot. Except for jongdae. He cool

Kyungsoo sent a laughing emoji.

From: saturnsuga

So true xD I wanna kms sometimes…

From: jupiterjin

Hey, you can’t kill yourself yet. You still have to go to the concert!! Wish I could go with yooouu

Kyungsoo laughed. He had almost forgotten. The best night of his life was coming up soon. He glanced at the calendar on his wall with the big red circle around the date. What was it…about two weeks away?

From: saturnsuga

That’s so true lmao. The one thing I am living for tbh. Oh and you of course <3

From: jupiterjin

Lol. I wanna get to bed, ttyl k??

From: saturnsgua

Night jongin. Thank you for always being there for me. I appreciate it

From: jupiterin

No problem, get some rest kiddo :^)))

Kyungsoo shut off his computer, laid back on his bed, and sighed. Only two more weeks and he could end it, right? He smirked. Not if he was able to bribe one of the BTS members into kidnapping him. Yeah, there was still that possibility.

Kyungsoo chuckled to himself and closed his eyes.

Tomorrow would be another day. Maybe it would be the day that things worked out right?

Kyungsoo squeezed his eyes shut.

Hopefully.

*

The bell rang for lunch. Jongdae left his classroom in a hurry, throwing his backpacks over his shoulder and running down the hallway. 

Jongdae was sick and tired of watching two of his idiot friends be mopey all of the time. Not anymore! Today, Jongdae had a plan.

Jongdae raced down another hallway or two. Let’s just say he had done a bit of research (not including threatening the secretary at the front desk, who do you think he is? *insert nervous laughter*) and he knew where Baekhyun was at this moment.

Jongdae spotted Baekhyun’s brown hair amidst the crowd. Jongdae shoved past everyone and elbowed a few kids in their faces as he tried to catch Baekhyun before he went and hid himself from everyone.

Stealthily, Jongdae grabbed the hood of Baekhyun’s jacket and swiped it over his head, tying the strings. Baekhyun gasped and struggled under Jongdae’s grip, but Jongdae had him in a headlock. “Hey!’ Baekhyun yelled. Jongdae ignored him and dragged him away from the crowd toward the staircase. Baekhyun clawed at Jongdae’s hands, but Jongdae wasn’t giving in.

“Jongdae! Let me go!” Baekhyun screamed, his voice muffled.

“How could you tell it was me?” 

“Nobody else smells like cheese this early in the morning.”

“Fair enough.”

Jongdae threw Baekhyun into the stairwell. Baekhyun hit the stairs and flew back up, removing the hood from his face.

Jongdae stood in front of the doors, arms crossed. Baekhyun’s eyes turned wild and he made a dash for the door, but Jongdae stopped him with a tackle to the floor. They wrestled, but Jongdae had the advantage. Since Baekhyun was so weak, it seemed all of his abnormal strength had left him.

Jongdae stared Baekhyun down. “Now, Baekhyun, I don’t expect you to tell me what’s up with you, but I do expect you to climb these stairs and have lunch with us. Does that sound doable?”

Baekhyun squirmed, and Jongdae continued talking. “There is no escape from me. Unless you want to take a dive off the roof, which I highly advise against... seeing that it’s about a 30 foot drop and you most probably won’t survive that unless you land on a tall tree, but then you can get impaled-“

“Please let me go Jongdae,” Baekhyun muttered.

“What are you so afraid of, Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun went limp, and Jongdae smirked, lifting Baekhyun to his feet. Jongdae clasped Baekhyun’s shoulders and led him up the stairs. ”Just face your fears. You can’t run away forever.”

*

Baekhyun made the trek up the stairs, every step sending a ripple of pain through his body. His body was shaking, Jongdae’s hands burdens on his shoulders.

Baekhyun was being forced to face Chanyeol again, and he didn’t know what to do.

Jongdae opened the door slowly and pushed Baekhyun onto the roof gently. “Hey guys, it seems I’ve found a stray dog!”

Baekhyun stood in the middle of the roof, knees wobbling as he faced his demons. Chanyeol stood, arms resting on the rails, staring out into space. Kyungsoo sat on the ground, staring into space at well. At the sound of Jongdae’s announcement, they both perked up, their eyes widening in surprise.

Jongdae closed the door and slid down it, eying Baekhyun.

Chanyeol clutched the rail, knuckles white and mouth gaping. Baekhyun couldn’t meet his eyes, he stepped on a pebble and rolled it around the ground, his face flushing in embarrassment.

Kyungsoo shut his textbook and leaned forward with his chin resting on his fist. “Oh, to what do we owe the pleasure of your presence, oh mighty King Byun Baekhyun?”

“Kyungsoo, stop.” Jongdae narrowed his eyes. 

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes at Jongdae. “Why don’t you shut up, Jongdae? You’re irrelevant to this plot.”

Jongdae stood up angrily. “I’m not just comic relief, !!”

Baekhyun raised his head slowly as the two continued to bicker. All of that faded into a slight hum as he raised his eyes to look at Chanyeol, finding him already staring.

Baekhyun hated the way he looked - so defeated and tired. It was all of his fault, and he couldn’t take it. His eyes bore into Baekhyun's, and it was as if he could read Baekhyun’s mind, and all of his feelings.

The roof quieted as Kyungsoo and Jongdae ended their argument (this involved Kyungsoo throwing his textbook at Jongdae, Jongdae not ducking quick enough and getting hit in the nose. Now Jongdae was sniffling quietly as his nose bled, and Kyungsoo contemplated whether to apologize or not). 

Jongdae seemed to get ahold of his nose bleed and sat down in front of the door again. “C’mon y’all, why don’t we sit down.” He patted the spot next to him. “Over here, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun walked slowly and sunk into his seat next to Jongdae, Chanyeol’s eyes never leaving him.

Jongdae smirked, wiping at his face and leaving a faint streak of blood across his face. He fished through his backpack, his eyes watching everyone as he kept his cat-like smile plastered on his face.

“Hey, you guys.” He drawled, taking out four pieces of paper out of his backpack. “I know things have been tense lately, but I've got invited to the most lit party of the year-this Friday!" Jongdae flicked a few paper invitations between his fingers. "What do you guys say, let’s take a vacay from all of these negative feelings and just enjoy ourselves."

They were quiet. Kyungsoo was the first to speak.

"I'll go."

Baekhyun widened his eyes, his eyes trained on Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo kept his pokerface on. Jongdae laughed. “I knew I could count on you, Kyung.” He narrowed his eyes at Baekhyun and Chanyeol. “What about you two?”

Baekhyun didn’t know what to say. He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, finding the words, “Yes,” escaping his lips.

“Okay,” Jongdae jumped to his feet. “It’s decided! We’re all going to forget and party this Friday!” He handed out the invitations proudly, shoving the invitation down Chanyeol’s shirt and whispering in his ear. “You don’t have a say in this decision, . You’re going.”

Baekhyun stared at his invitation, the words blurring in his head. He couldn’t concentrate with Chanyeol staring at him.

“Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun lifted his head, shocked that Chanyeol had spoken. 

Chanyeol held his invitation tightly between his fingers. “Christmas…It’s next week.”

Baekhyun stared at him, his heart throbbing. It seemed by that wallowing in his depression, he had lost all track of time…

Christmas, already?

So soon….

Baekhyun didn’t reply. The ball rang and he bolted down the steps, missing the last one and nearly falling.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s dreams would never become a reality…