I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask

I want to exorcize the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Undisclosed Desires- Muse

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Kyungsoo’s maid tightened his bow tie and smoothed out the slight creases in his tuxedo jacket. She examined his shoes, bending down with a rag ready in hand.

Kyungsoo stopped her, holding out his palm lazily, running his fingers through his carefully blown dried and styled hair. “It’s fine. Don’t bother. It’s not as if one speck of dust will stand out significantly.”

“Kyungsoo, darling, I am afraid you are wrong.” Kyungsoo’s mother entered the room, closing her Chinese paper fan with a snap of her hand. The faux fox that wrapped around her neck made Kyungsoo gag, and her glittery dress trailed on the velvet carpet behind her. 

“Appearance is everything. A small thing such as a speck of dust may not seem important to you, but to a woman you are to be betrothed to, that is something quite particular. Everyone in high-class society must look the part.”

She stood before Kyungsoo, examining him for a moment or two. She pulled on the bow tie a bit. “You look very handsome, Kyungsoo, darling.” She smiled and kissed his cheek. 

“Now hurry on downstairs,” Kyungsoo’s mother ushered him out of the room. “The car is waiting. I will give you your mask at the party.”

Kyungsoo did as he was told, descending the grand staircase quickly, sighing as he reached the bottom. 

This was the life of the wealthy elite, huh? 

He stepped outside into the familiar Rolls-Royce, the door being held open by the chauffeur. His father was already waiting in the car, and Kyungsoo bowed his head as he entered.

“Good evening, Father," Kyungsoo greeted, his voice monotone. 

Kyungsoo’s father grunted in response, flipping a page in the newspaper he was reading. Kyungsoo fidgeted with his thumbs as his mother entered the car, the chauffeur closing the door behind them.

They began to drive. Kyungsoo peered outside as the scenery rolled by. He was dreading tonight, and the night hadn’t even started yet.

Today was the birthday of one of his father’s associates - Hoo Chaewon, owner of an allied electronics company. The banquet was going to be the most eloquent of the year. Everybody who was anybody would be there tonight, and he had to be as fake as he possibly could with every single person he met. The good thing was that the party was still in Seoul, and he did not have to do any extra traveling. 

Though, Kyungsoo chuckled under his breath, he wouldn’t mind if the party was to be hosted in Australia.

Kyungsoo satisfied himself the rest of the car ride with thoughts of his conversations with Jongin.

They arrived at the venue in less than an hour. The place was immensely elegant, with Grecian architecture and towering pillars made of white marble decorating the building. Ancient Greek statues posed from within fountains all around the courtyard.

Kyungsoo and his parents were escorted out of the car and were ushered down the red carpet that led into the ballroom. 

The ballroom was grand; golden spirals were embedded in the walls and in the floor. A grand marble staircase curved around the ballroom. The walls were decorated with ornate, golden artifacts, and in the air were suspended golden candelabras.

The atmosphere of the place was stifling, the amount of wealth in one room was just absolutely hard to imagine. Greed seemed to infiltrate Kyungsoo and weighed him down, negativity occupying every part of him. 

The theme of the banquet was a masquerade ball, and Kyungsoo was reminded of this as women swept past him in enormous ball gowns, all wearing some type of mask. 

Kyungsoo’s mother handed him his mask as they entered the hall. “Put in on, Kyungsoo, darling.” She coaxed him near his ear as she held her own mask to her face with a rod. Her mask was stretched into a permanent laugh, colored vividly in bright paints.

Kyungsoo eyed his own. His mask was a deep emerald, made to match the handkerchief in his tuxedo pocket. He slipped the elastic over his head and let the mask sit over the upper half of his face.  

Women gossiped, their eyes hidden as they snickered behind gloved hands holding glasses full of champagne. Men fixed their suits and huffed cigars as they discussed the stock market. 

Kyungsoo and his family found their seats at a table and began to dine with another old couple sitting across from them. Kyungsoo’s father engaged in idle political chatter with the husband, and his mother spoke to the wife about the latest trends in the fashion industry.

Kyungsoo poked at his quarter sized portion of food. It was simply a bite of meat with a drizzle of sauce and a sprig of parsley.

“It’s French cuisine,” Kyungsoo’s mother whispered in his ear. “Act as if you enjoy it.”

Kyungsoo bit the piece and set his fork down gently beside his plate.

Kyungsoo’s mother ate her portion and sighed in delight. “Ah, how delectable. The chef has really outdone himself this time.” She turned to Kyungsoo, her eyes wide and pleading.“Don’t you think so, Kyungsoo, darling?”

Kyungso took a sip of the wine in his glass. “Absolutely divine,” he said, forcing the wretched words out of .

His parents continued their brainless conversations, and Kyungsoo found himself consumed in his own thoughts. He let his eyes wander the ballroom, observing the people. He found his eyes attracted to the doorway, where more people were arriving.

Suddenly, something in Kyungsoo’s heart sparked. There in the doorway stood a boy, tall and dressed in a black tuxedo. His dark black hair was styled fashionably, an ornate silver mask covering his eyes. He stood with his hands in his pockets nonchalantly, slouching slightly. Kyungsoo watched him in curiosity, unable to tear his eyes off of him. He entered with a party but stuck close to the wall. Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes in suspicion as the boy wove in through the shadows, and before Kyungsoo’s eyes, he vanished. 

Kyungsoo rubbed his eyes as best as he could with the mask, but it was true. 

The boy in the silver mask was gone without a trace.

Kyungsoo observed the people around him or at the doorway close to him. Nobody had noticed or even bothered to care.

Kyungsoo stared at the blood red napkin on his lip thoughtfully.

What had just happened?

Kyungsoo was then forced to join the conversation again. He was caught within it, discussing his future and schooling with the table. This continued for a while as they finished the tasteless five-course meal.

A bell rung - the cue for the conductor in the orchestra pit to begin to conduct. A ballad began to play, and everyone stood up. 

“Ah, it seems our daughter has arrived!” The couple Kyungsoo’s family had been dining with greeted their daughter with a peck to the cheek.

“Excuse my absence,” the girl bowed. “I had a meeting to attend. I apologize for my tardiness.”

“Kyungsoo,” Kyungsoo’s father grabbed his shoulder forcefully. “Han Jinah will be your dancing partner.”

“And we are absolutely delighted.” The girl’s parents expressed. “We could not think of anybody more qualified to lead our daughter in tonight’s dance.”

Kyungsoo inwardly rolled his eyes. “What a load of bull," He thought as he shot his partner a glance.

The girl was small and petite; her ivory skin contrasted against her dark burgundy dress. Her ball gown flowed and her waist was abnormally small, her collarbones jutting harshly out of her skin. Tactless gems hung from her neck against the sweetheart neckline of her dress, and it seemed to be weighing her head down. Her eyes were hidden by a black mask with a peacock feather flourishing the edge.

Kyungsoo held her sweaty palm in his and fought the urge to cringe. 

In unison, all of the males led their female partners to a space on the ballroom floor.

The music began and Jinah curtseyed; Kyungso bowing. They began to dance; the whole ballroom was filled with women in fluffy dresses spinning.

It was at that moment Kyungsoo caught sight of the boy in the silver mask.

The boy stood beside him, dancing with a partner of his own. Up close, he appeared to be even more regal. All of the girls must have thought so as well (including Jinah), for they all seemed to fawn over him, even as they danced with their own partners.

Kyungsoo couldn’t stop staring. It was as if it was a dream. The boy beside him was hypnotizing. Every move he made was incredibly graceful; everything about him was completely transfixing. Kyungsoo spun his partner around, secretly admiring the boy as he did so.

It was time to switch partners, and Kyungsoo moved briskly and precisely, his eyes never leaving the boy. The boy caught his stare and returned it, his dark brooding eyes piercing Kyungsoo’s. Kyungsoo felt something sinister crawl up his spine, and he liked it. He felt something swell in his chest as he spun his new partner, a tall girl in a revealing pink dress and a gold mask with a hooked nose.

The music continued, and Kyungsoo lost sight of the boy, caught up in the spinning partners. Once the orchestra finished their piece with one last long fermata, Kyungsoo needed to catch some air.

The atmosphere in the ballroom was completely stuffy; the heavy scent of avarice and gluttony was unbearable to him. Kyungsoo found himself wandering out of the ballroom and down an adjacent empty corridor. He caught sight of a glass door that led outside and decided to take his chances.

Kyungsoo entered the nighttime sky and let out a sigh of relief. Outside, the air was clean; it filled his lungs and cleansed him.

Kyungsoo found himself in a garden. Stone pathways led the way through many beds of flowers, trees, and shrubberies. There were multiple benches and streetlights lined against the building. In the center of it all was a gazebo, beside it a sycamore tree with hanging moss.

Kyungsoo took in the beauty with awe. He smiled and leaned against the building behind him, thinking to himself, “I wish Jongin was here to see this with me.”

Kyungsoo quickly corrected himself. “No, that’s not right. I should be wishing Chanyeol was here to be enjoying this with me. I do love him, after all…”

Kyungsoo pondered this until a glint of silver caught his eye. He stood up slowly as he saw the boy in the silver mask weave through the colorful flowerbeds.

Kyungsoo could hear his heart beat rhythmically in his ears as the boy approached him, his gloved hands trailing the leaves of the shrubs. He tightened his fists and released a breath of air he wasn’t even aware he was holding. He slowly slid down the wall again and resumed his sitting position from before, his heart beating loudly in his chest.

The boy sat down beside him, leaning against the wall also. Kyungsoo’s eyes traced his defined jawline and lips, looking all the way down to his built chest.

“You don’t like it in there either, do you?” The boy spoke, his voice hushed and deep. Kyungsoo liked the sound of it.

“N-No,” Kyungsoo stammered. He let go another deep breath, calming himself. 

“No.” He said with more confidence. “No, I dislike it. Everything in this society we live in is held precariously over all of our heads. Everything you say, do, or even wear must be coldly calculated. One bad move and you’re cut out of it entirely. Everything’s a scandal here. The only thing anybody cares about is money. Everything is artificial; nothing is real.” Kyungsoo found himself blabbing. “Not even love.” 

Kyungsoo snickered to himself, but he couldn’t find why. “Artificial love.”

The boy wrapped his arms around his knees and caught a glance at Kyungsoo. “It seems you know a lot about this topic.”

Kyungsoo scoffed. “Do I… I was born and raised in this type of atmosphere. Nothing is genuine here. You kinda get used to it after a while.”

“I see.” The boy was quiet. “Do you have this kind of drama embedded in your life as well?”

Kyungsoo sighed. “Yes. You see, my father is the owner of the Do. Conglomerate. I’m his son, and I am expected to follow in his footsteps. That means I must be a perfect son with the perfect grades and perfect abilities. I can’t be expected to be someone I’m not. Everything about this world is completely stifling, and I don’t want to be a part of it.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but tell the mysterious boy about himself and all of his problems. The company of this boy was comforting, and he felt…safe. Kyungsoo found himself sitting cross-legged, facing the boy who nodded in time with Kyungsoo’s ranting. Kyungsoo talked for a while, moving his hands animatedly in support of his cause. 

“And I don’t understand, what is the difference between a 4.0. and a 4.1? Absolutely nothing. It just makes universities look at you differently, of course, but at this point, does it really matter what university will take me if I’ll just end up majoring in business and following my father’s footsteps?”

Kyungsoo sighed again, feeling like a deflated balloon after releasing all of his pent up emotions.

“You do know one thing, though.” The boy smiled. “The one thing I like about this high society is the food.” He chuckled softly. “Not tonight’s dinner though. That .”

Kyungsoo doubled over in laughter. “It was literally just a bite of meat. French cuisine, my !”

The boy rubbed his stomach, groaning. “Ah, I’d kill for a baguette right now.”

“We should go to Paris.” Kyungsoo smiled, chuckling. “I’d buy you thousands of baguettes. “

“Thanks for the offer.” The boy smiled. “A baguette is true French cuisine.”

Music filled the air once more, and the boys were startled at the sound.

“Ah, it seems as if the dance has started again.” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and rested his head in his hands. “God, they’re probably looking all over for me now.” 

Kyungsoo stood up, brushing off his slacks. “I-I’m sorry, I think I should really get going. My mother and father will freak if I don’t go back. I’m probably already in enough trouble as it is.”

Kyungsoo hung his head and went for the door from which he had come into the garden. Suddenly, he was stopped when the boy tugged on his shoulder. “Wait!”

The boy’s touch made color rise to Kyungsoo’s cheeks. He turned around slowly to find the boy’s face hopeful. He let go of Kyungsoo’s shoulder and bowed, offering his hand to Kyungsoo. 

“May I have this dance?”

An arrow seemed to strike Kyungsoo’s heart. He stood there, paralyzed, unable to control his erratic breathing. “S-Sure.”

Kyungsoo mentally slapped himself. “God, I sound so stupid.”

Kyungsoo hesitantly placed his hand in the boy’s palm, their fingers interlocking perfectly. The boy’s hand was warm, his hand rough with callouses. Kyungsoo didn’t mind though - he found it interesting. 

“After this dance,” Kyungsoo promised himself, placing a shaky hand on the boy’s shoulder. “I’ll make sure to ask the boy where he got them from.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t meet the boy’s eyes as they began to dance. “Ah, this is so embarrassing.” Kyungsoo bit his lip. “Why am I like this?” Kyungsoo was so close to this boy and he couldn’t help but feel flustered.

“Hey,” the boy breathed into Kyungsoo’s ear. Kyungsoo’s head perked up. “I won’t spin you around - I hope you don’t mind.” The boy winked, sending Kyungsoo’s face aflame.

“No, please don’t.” Kyungsoo laughed. “I’d like to keep my dignity and my masculinity after tonight, please.”

The boy laughed, Kyungsoo feeling it shake through his chest. ”Hey, boys can spin too!”

“I’m sure they can,” Kyungsoo said, smiling.

The boy moved Kyungsoo around expertly, their eyes never losing contact.

“Wow, you’re very good at dancing,” Kyungsoo said, looking up to the boy. “Are you a dancer?”

“Dancing is my passion, actually.” The boy’s face lit up and Kyungsoo felt pleased. “I love it. I love being able to move my body to any kind of rhythm.”

“I’ve traveled around the world,” The boy continued, their coats twirling. “And dance is the one thing anybody can do. Despite language or country, anybody can dance, and I think that’s beautiful.”

“Wow,” Kyungsoo smiled, happiness spreading throughout his body. “That’s amazing.”

“You’re experienced, also.” The boy said. “That makes you the perfect dance partner.”

Kyungsoo blushed and the music inside the ballroom reached its . They moved faster now, twirling in tandem with the music. The boy pressed Kyungsoo tighter to his body, and Kyungsoo nearly squeaked out of excitement.

As the music finished, the boy dipped Kyungsoo, and their faces were nearly centimeters apart. Eyes wide, Kyungsoo’s heart beat out of his chest. After a moment, the boy helped Kyungsoo right himself.

The large clock that overlooked the garden chimed 12 times, signaling the amount of time that had passed. The boy’s fingers lingered, interlocked loosely between Kyungsoo’s.

“I’m afraid I have to leave,” the boy spoke softly, his voice strained.

“Really?” Kyungsoo blurted. “Are you sure?”

Kyungsoo, upset, bit his lip. The boy couldn’t just leave now! Not after what was happening…Kyungsoo lowered his head in shame.

The boy nodded. “I’ll see you again one day, I promise.” The boy’s hand left his but reappeared underneath his chin, lifting his head back up.

Before Kyungsoo could protest again, the boy slowly leaned down and pressed his lips against Kyungsoo’s. Kyungsoo made a startled noise, eyes as wide as an owl’s, but he sunk into the boy, kissing him back. The boy’s lips were soft against Kyungsoo’s, and they tasted like champagne. A pleasant warmth spread through him, tingling within him from the tips of his fingers to his toes. The boy’s fingers hovered over Kyungsoo’s cheek, cupping it as they kissed in the moonlight. 

They broke away, and Kyungsoo held his hand over his lips, eyes wide with shock, blushing furiously.

“Did that just happen?” Kyungsoo asked himself, his brain unable to process everything. “Did I just have my first kiss?”

“Goodbye.” The boy’s eyes met his one last time before he disappeared into the shadows.

“Wait!” Kyungsoo called out, hand outreached. “I never got your...” 

By the time Kyungsoo had turned around, the boy was gone. “Name…”

Kyungsoo dropped his outstretched hand, dejected.

Kyungsoo, his heart confused and torn, stood in the garden alone. Abruptly, a voice screamed out.

“Someone help! Hoo Chaewon is dead!

Kyungsoo’s hand quivered against his lip for a moment more, then dropped his hand, chaos ensuing inside the ballroom. People spilled into the garden, screaming, but Kyungsoo stood there, rock still, wondering what on earth had just happened.