20.

There comes a time in your life when you just want to give up.

When you’ve had enough of other people’s bull, of the pain, the heartache, the sorrow and the hardships you’re constantly facing.

When you’ve had enough of life itself.

And that’s okay. (It is.)

It happens,

To you,

To me,

To everyone.

But the thing that matters the most is, not giving in to the pressure.

And to always,

Always,

Have hope,

Since it’ll guide you through this dark tunnel called life.

A young girl could be seen lying in bed, eyes closed, breathing calm. An empty bottle of sleeping pills fell from her outstretched hand, causing a slight thud as it hid the cold hard ground. The sound went unnoticed. Darkness surrounded the girl’s body, prompting her into a deep slumber. One she had hoped never to wake up from ever again.

That was the young girl’s first suicide attempt.

Thankfully someone found her in time. Her stomach was pumped. Her life was saved (much to her dismay). The girl couldn’t fathom the idea of living in a world without her parents. She was alone. She was scared. She was breaking apart. She wanted the pain to go away and death was her only salvation, her only hope.

She was seventeen years old back then. When the accident had happened, when her parents had died. She was then given to her aunt, forced to stay with her until she was of age (until she turned eighteen). Her aunt was a nice lady. She treated her well. Her aunt’s boyfriend however was a different story.

The girl had always wondered; why do nice people choose the wrong people to date? (So far, she had never gotten a clear answer to that question).

She hated the way her aunt’s boyfriend looked at her, the more than friendly touches he’d give her when her aunt wasn’t looking. She hated it. All of it.

She was in her room the night it happened. The night that monster barged in, smelling of alcohol and cigarettes. The girl could never forget that crazed look in his eyes and his sinister smile. He was the predator and she was the prey.

(He was the predator and she was his prey.)

The girl trashed in bed, desperately trying to free herself from the man’s strong hold. He had forced a kiss on her lips and she had bitten him in return, making him yelp in pain and slap her for her disobedience. The man continued his assault, tearing off her shirt, leaving her in her bra and ping her pants. Tears flew from her eyes. She squeezed her thighs together, preventing him from getting the access he wanted but he only pushed them apart. She was weak and he was strong, and the strong always override the weak. Fear overtook her senses. She was alone. Her aunt had gone to the market and left her with this beast. She had no one. No one but herself. She had to do something. Taking note of his lazy reflexes, the girl raised her leg and kicked him in his private area, making him fall on the floor in agony. It was her chance to escape. Grabbing her coat she ran away. From her temporary home, the place that instead of making her feel safe made her feel all the more dirty and afraid, she ran away.

From everything, she ran away.

She ran away.

She tried to commit suicide a few months later. How? By slitting her wrists (she still has the marks, they never truly went away, nothing ever does). She felt disgusted with herself and was sick and tired of living.

As she laid in a pool of her own blood, many questions swirled in her mind; why do bad things happen to good people? Why did her parents have to die? What wrong did they do? If they hadn’t she wouldn’t have been as alone, she wouldn’t have been as lost, she wouldn’t have been forced to live with her aunt, she wouldn’t have been almost . None of this would have happened. How could a God who is all-knowing, all-good and all-powerful allow such things to happen? How?

How?

She was saved (yet again). The irony. She wanted to die. She desperately wanted to die. Yet, God has managed to keep her alive. Is it to torture her some more? Maybe. He was giving her chance after chance at life but why? Couldn’t he see how she wanted to end it?

She didn’t understand that she was being selfish, reckless and even stupid.

People always say that when something terrible happens, the sadness, loss and aching pain of the heart will lessen as time passes, but it isn’t true. (It’s not.)

Sorrow and loss are constant, but if we all had to go through our whole lives carrying them the whole time, we wouldn’t be able to stand it. The sadness would paralyze us. So in the end we just pack it into bags and find somewhere to leave it.

As soon as Emma turned eighteen she left, she packed her bags and left. Wanting nothing more than to leave the past behind and to start-over in a new country, in her mother’s home country. Things weren’t easy. She had to deal with her fair share of hatred. The reason? Her being different. She had been mocked for the color of her eyes (the color she had inherited from her late father) and her mixed race. She thought her mother’s homeland would welcome her with open arms. It didn’t. Her life was no roses and sunshine. And she was ashamed of the things she had to do in order to make ends meet, in order to pay her tuition and monthly rent.

The girl wandered around the busy streets of Seoul, desperately trying to look for a job. For some reason no one was hiring, then again maybe they just didn’t want to hire her. In order to pay her rent and costly tuition, a loan shark had loaned her the money she needed and was demanding to be reimbursed (in two weeks’ time). The girl had a debt to settle, a Seven Million Won debt to be exact. How would she be able to gather the mon