The sound of machines beeping grew louder as she became increasingly conscious. Ha Jin’s eyelids felt heavy as she tried to pry them open. When she finally did, the bright light blinded her and she immediately closed them shut again. Why was everything so bright? And what were those beeps? What time of day was it now? 

She heard a shuffle and the squeak of a chair from the side, before a familiar scent she hadn’t smelled in what seemed a very long time waft over her.

“Ha Jin? Sweetie, are you awake?”

Ha Jin? That was her name, wasn’t it? Was that her mother’s voice calling her name? Ha Jin pried open her eyes again, and tried to keep them open despite the bright lights. Eventually they grew accustomed to the glare, and she blinked several times before looking around, her eyes finally zeroing onto that of her mother. Her mother gasped in response, and reached out to hold Ha Jin’s hands.

“I’m so glad you’re awake! Give me a moment, all right? I’ll go get the doctor and be right back.”

She leaned down to place a chase kiss on Ha Jin’s forehead before rushing out the door. Ha Jin stared at the door, and tried to process everything: where was she? Why was her mother here, and why was she so worried? She said something about the doctor, so was she in a hospital? Ha Jin shifted slightly and lifted her head to see the telltale hospital gown, as well as the IV lines that were hooked up to her. Dropping her head back down, she sighed at the confirmation.

But what she couldn’t remember was why she was here in the first place. The last thing she remembered was drinking soju at the lake near her home and talking to a homeless man….

Ha Jin then sat up with a start, the IV lines pulling slightly at her skin. Why was she drinking soju at a lake during the daytime, of all things? Darting her eyes around the room, she tried to keep herself calm as the beeping of the machine to her right slowly increased along with her heart rate.

She remembered now: she was drinking soju at the lake after she found her boyfriend cheating on her with her best friend. He had also left a huge debt under her name. She was drinking soju at the lake before she saw a little boy fall over into the water. His parents had yet to see, and no one else had seen so she quickly dove into the water to save him. After reaching him, she helped him climb into the paddle boat his father was rowing, and then reached up to climb in herself.

Only that never happened. She remembered feeling an invisible force draw her below the waters, and despite the original panic in addition to the fearful looks on the father and son’s faces, she eventually allowed herself to kept sinking down deep into the lake, until the darkness overtook her.

Ha Jin felt her head spin and saw the site of the white wall blur in front of her. The last thing she saw was the door opening and her mother coming into the room before she passed out.

-----

When she awoke again, it was darker, but there were still some remnants of sunlight through the windows. Turning her head over to the right, she saw a nurse checking her vitals and blinked. The nurse saw that she was awake, and quickly paged the doctor to come to the floor.

“Miss Go, the doctor will be coming shortly. Do you think you could stay awake until then?”

Ha Jin nodded wearily. The nurse saw her struggle to sit up and reached over to press a button on the side of the bed, allowing for the head of the bed to rise until Ha Jin was able to sit comfortably. She smiled at the nurse in thanks, who returned the gesture. Within a few minutes, the doctor arrived through the doors, and thanked the nurse for calling him. After a few looks at the tablet in his hand, he looked up and met Ha Jin’s eyes.

“Miss Go, how are you feeling?”

“I...to be honest, I’m not sure,” she said, looking around the room and at the lines coming from her body.

“I surmise that you must feel very disoriented right now.”

Ha Jin doubted he had ever been in her exact situation, but then again, who was she to judge?

The doctor continued: “Do you remember anything before waking up?”

“A lake, rescuing a boy, and then blackness.”

The doctor nodded, and wrote something down on his tablet. 

“Anything else?”

Ha Jin shook her head no. She really couldn’t think of anything else. But there was something she was curious about.

“How long have I been here?”

She saw the doctor hesitate but she looked at him earnestly.

“Please tell me. I have the right to know.”

He wrote one last thing on his tablet before he locked the screen and held it at his side.

“You’ve been in a coma for 3 months.”

That didn’t seem like such a long time, but why couldn't she remember anything else?  Why was something still nagging in the back of her mind?

“Did this happen after I nearly drowned in the lake?”

The doctor nodded in affirmation.

“Is there anything else I should know? Can I leave soon?”

“Luckily we were able to rescue you in time but your body was in shock. We’ll have to run a few tests to make sure everything is okay since you’ve woken up. Because you have been in a coma for so long, you will need some physical therapy to be able to walk again.”

She looked out the window seeing the darkening evening sky before turning her gaze back to the doctor.

“I see.”

“Do you have any other questions?”

Ha Jin shook her head.

“No, that will be all. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Let the nurse know if you need anything.”

And with a small smile, the doctor left.

Ha Jin ended up having to go through a week of physical therapy before the doctors deemed it clear for her to head home. The doctors mentioned that she would have to continue her therapy until she could finally walk independently, but they didn’t know how long it would take, as it varied from person to person. However, because she was doing well otherwise, they saw no reason to keep her at the hospital, and her physical therapy lessons could continue outpatient. Since Ha Jin was unable to walk properly, she was wheeled out to the car where her parents were waiting when they picked her upon her discharge.

All during this time, her parents had made sure not to bombard her with questions as she made a slow recovery. She could tell her parents were bursting to ask her questions on the drive home. Why was she at the lake in the first place? Why did she have alcohol in her system when they fished her out of the lake, and a million other questions.

Despite knowing this, she didn’t feel like talking. She felt so tired, despite basically sleeping for three months straight. Even though the doctor asked her additional questions pertaining to details before the accident, and she was told she answered correctly, it still felt like a large part of her memory was gone. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t remember what it was exactly. The more she tried, the worse her headache got. When her head started throbbing, she gave up and just stared out of the car window listlessly.

Her parents were able to hire the help of lawyers regarding the debt under her name, and they discovered her ex had forged her signature when he took out the loans. Needless to say, when he tried to visit to beg for forgiveness, she refused to meet him; whatever happened after the lawyers were done with him, she could care less. 

And her former best friend? Ha Jin also declined to meet her as well, blocking her number after the wench couldn’t take the hint following one phone call; nothing would have changed if they met and she couldn’t be bothered anymore. She was only thankful her family was well off enough to help her during this time, both with the debt and her hospital stay.

She still kept to herself, not really wanting to talk. What could she really say? She just felt restless, but also tired; this wasn’t abnormal per say given her circumstances, but her feelings ran much deeper than what she could verbally explain. 

Ha Jin felt like there was no purpose in her life anymore. She was 23 before she went into a coma, but her job at one of the corporate companies was long gone. Now nearing 24, her parents insisted that she could apply again, but if she was honest, Ha Jin didn’t want to go back to that office life. When she came back to her room from the hospital, she found drawers full of make-up and a beautician license, and remembered she had gotten it just for fun. However, she wasn’t sure if that would help her get a job now.

After some discussion, her parents decided it would be best for her to rest completely, physically and mentally, before going back into the job search. They would be more than able to support her until then. Ha Jin was thankful to such understanding parents and thus became more serious about making efforts to recover.

The months that followed passed by uneventfully for Ha Jin. She practiced walking again and had many sessions of physical therapy until she was able to walk by herself. She would eventually take daily walks to the said lake she fell into before her coma. Her parents worried over her, thinking she might fall in again, but she eventually convinced them that she wouldn’t make any rash choices of jumping in anymore. Besides, it wasn’t like she was trying to do anything the first time before, just trying to rescue a child in a dangerous situation.

Surprisingly, the lake provided a sense of tranquility to her for some reason, despite it being the site of what landed her into the hospital. Walking to the lake and staring out into the water felt like a daily ritual that she had been doing for years upon years, despite never doing so before, even before her accident.

As she looked out onto the water from the docks, which was relatively empty today aside from the usual ducks and geese that floated upon the water, Ha Jin wondered if she would ever feel ‘normal’ again.

She figured that as soon as she could remember what she had forgotten…if she really had forgotten something, then she would be able to move on. The only issue was that she had no idea how to get rid of these feelings of nostalgia and melancholy, as if she lived an entire life and left something, or someone, behind.

Unbeknownst to her, a man who had been standing some distance away gave her a long look before turning around to leave. By the time Ha Jin decided to head home from the lake, he was long gone.